Part 48: Episode XLIII: In Which Seere Just Can't Catch a Break

Episode XLIII: In Which Seere Just Can't Catch a Break

Verse 5: Journey


"Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen again, and again. Has to happen."



Yes, we cannot have anyone hurting the poor soulless abominations of stone. Better to just murder everyone involved to free these graceful, slow witted magical freaks of nature.


Seere's Prayer is jam packed with weapon unlocks and this stage is no exception. This is the first of several assholish requirements in the chapter. They lulled you into a false sense of comfort with that one freebie. Now it's time to pay up for the rest.

To unlock this stage's weapon, Caim must hunt down and slay each and everyone one of the 264 goblins roaming about this area. Not only that, but Caim must accomplish this massacre within six minutes. Now, since there are wizards and red dude goblins all over the area, Red is pretty much useless. Luckily, Arioch's nuking the shit out of the area magic attacks do not count as magic. So, she's free to destroy entire fields of the ankle biters with minimal fuss.


The primary enemy of this area is the ever dickheaded wizards. I don't think these guys are even affiliated with the Empire. It's just wizards hanging out in the wilderness being jerks to rock men. Typical.


Well, of course we know about Manah being in charge of the Empire and the avatar for some unseen pan-dimensional evil entities and all. But...why the fuck is Caim and the others wasting their time with this? Seere's sister has been missing for apparently a couple of weeks. The area is awash with murderous goblins armed with daggers stabbing anything that moves, giant stone golems jumping on any child that passes by, and wizards being assholes for the sake of being assholes. All signs point to Seere's sister as being very, very dead.


"I always feared one day she might figure out I'd just been blaming everything bad I did on Manah. Mother was always gullible like that and Manah would just start crying when she yelled. I'd just sit there and smile innocently and watch as the scene unfolded. Hah. Suckers."


Leader of the most powerful military organization in the known world, apparently. Drakengard: where suffering child abuse is the fastest way to make it to the top.


"Stab them, Caim! Stab them over and over and over! I want to see what their insides look like, Caim. I must see it. It's so beautiful. The blood glistening in the warm morning sun like wet dew on blades of grass... Perfect."


Err... I ain't much on magic but isn't the only reason these golem things are alive cuz of the wizards?
"Well, some like Seere's Golem are unique and came about naturally. But, in general...that is usually how it works."
"Burn them, Caim! The way they writhe around on the ground - it's like they're dancing! It makes me laugh. Mother used to dance like that. I am fine. I have Golem. Golem can dance too. He can dance over the ones you leave behind, Caim. Dance and turn them into jam. Mother used to make jam. It tasted so warm and delicious."
I like that kid. He's growing on me.


"Now all is silent and still. Like mother. Silent for all eternity."



Wing at Moondown...? Did that one just get the Babelfish translation treatment?


The one who wrote this pretentious crap was then brained using this very staff.

Verse 6: A Silent Place


My name is The Dark Id.

The events of this verse are extremely stupid. Even for Drakengard.


There's yet another weapon hidden in this barren realm.



By running to the west for a few seconds Caim will run into a canyon wall. He then has to follow this north for about a solid minute until it curves to the east. The treasure chest containing the bounty is nestled behind a rogue rock trying its best to fit in with the rest of the world's most dull color palette (voted most popular 2004-2009!)


Yeah, where the shit is this Cult of the Walters or whatever? Killing wizards and goblins is great fun, don't get me wrong. But, not seeing the whole promised Imperial cultish intrigue.
"Golem...?"
"Golem say cult was there. Golem no remember too good when Golem see that. But they cult me thinks. They watch me. No good."
Terrific.


I see Red isn't a big fan of Lithuania.


"Seere, please take care. Enemies may still lie in wait."
"It's okay! I've got Golem. Nothing is going to get me wh-"


GRYPHON OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!!


I had the exact same reaction to this event.


"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
Dragon, did a gryphon just swoop down and eat the kid? Did I see something that retarded or is all just a bad fever dream as I bleed out back at the castle?
"I often wish that were the case, Caim..."


Fairy is clearly the best character in all of Drakengard.



Alright, this story had better have some violence in it. You cannot name a trident "Battlelust" and its magic be called "Sin's Weight" and not have some bloodsoaked tale. Like, I'm expecting something akin to Kratos from God of War wielding this thing.


Motherfucker!

Verse 7: Gone Without a Trace


Wait wait wait! Hold up... The coliseum? Did I miss a verse somewhere? What coliseum? WHAT IS GOING ON?!


This stage is shockingly enough filler with nothing much to talk about gameplay wise. Bizarro Lithuania has a remarkable amount of gigantic flying bats.


"I'll keep him safe and warm and tuck him away to grow. Should I preheat the oven to 350° or 400°? I always forget."


"You?! Save him? Ahaha! We're trying to save him from imprisonment, aren't we? Being stuck with you would be like all the 'perks' of cell life without the view. Aha! Hahaha!"

Ten minutes of killing giant bats later...



Huh... So there really is a coliseum out in the middle of nowhere. How...utterly random.

Verse 8: Pursuit


Angelus immediately ditches Caim and goes to get a good seat at the big game. Maybe she'll pick up some popcorn and Milk Duds at the concession stand on the way. Even ancient dragons fall prey to overpriced theater snacks occasionally.


There are only two target guards in the area and killing them both will unlock the gates to the coliseum battleground. Granted, I don't know why the guy with the flying dragon pact partner needs to unlock the gate to an open air arena... Drakengard!


So, while there may only be two monsters total to slay in order to end the mission, the weapon unlock of course demands Caim kills each and every single minor goblin on the playing field. Why do I get the feeling Verdelet is behind these weapon stipulations in this chapter?


"Just stand still and let the dagger sink into your heart. Go ahead and cry when it happens. Hahaha. I bet it'll be funny. I bet old Leonard will cry too. Hehehe. Hey, Leonard! Maybe they'll use arrows! Wouldn't that be fun? Oh yes, oh yes! Blot out the sky with 'em. Stick him like a cactus! Aha! Heeeeeeey. A boy stuck full of arrows and bolts. Kinda reminds me of something... Now what was it...?"
<frown>
"Oh yeeeeeaah! Your 'brothers'. Ahahaha! Kinda hard to show that 'brotherly love' all stuck full of pointy sticks, no? Hehehe. Not that you were intending to do anything involving sticking anyone with sticks. Hah! Get it? Bwahahaha!"

A load of dead goblins and a couple trolls later...


Dragon, what are you talking about? I help people just all the time with this sword?
"Caim, helping people die does not count..."
Oh great! Just go ahead and ruin the joke!
"Caim, I am the only one who can hear you. I can also read your thoughts. Your lame punchline is just a tad bit lost upon me."
Doesn't mean you've got to ruin it for me! Sheesh. Damned dragons.



You'd think just one long blade would make more sense than a pair of shorter ones, wouldn't you? Hell, even the weapon itself seems to feel that way by the end.


That has to be the worst method of a Drakengard deity making a point since that one god that made the pirate fighting monk's mace into an icon for the god's own greatness.

BONUS CONTENT:

Movies -
Seere Can't Catch a Break

Artwork -

Seere and Golem Official Art