Part 56: A Look at Free Expedition: Part Vier
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Vier
All right, kiddies. It is time for the final round of Free Expedition! As you all know, the requirement to unlock the thirteenth and final chapter of Drakengard is obtaining all 65 hidden weapons stashed across the game. We've collected all 40 from the main plot and its bizarro alternate timelines. Now it's time for the last lingering six from the dearly departed Pact Partners' sub-chapters.
Let's jump right into it with the Forest of the Seal.
Free Expedition: Forest of the Seal Skies
"CAIM!!!!" 
This first one on the chopping block is another timed with no magic use aerial mission. Caim and Red have four minutes and ten seconds to clear the skies using no magic attacks whatsoever. Ho-hum.
Hey, Sleipnir is a name I actually know. It's Odin's eight-legged horse. Let's see if the accompanying story features a cumbersome amount of limbs.
How did he just "join the family"? They're clearly some small, tightly knit blacksmith family that kept to themselves. Not some big nobility court you can just get a gig as squire or janitor or the like. Was the soldier in the tale a fucking SNATCHER?
Free Expedition: The Imperial Garrison
"Caim! Oh Caiiiiiiim! Hey, mute man! Look! Below! Lookie look! Hehe. More of those little conscript urchins hiding amongst the trees. Heh. They're mocking you, Caim! They'll just go back to the Empire and come back big and better. You wouldn't want that, would you?! Nope nope nope! Go get, 'em! Hurry hurry! Ahahaha!"
"CAIM!!!!" 
Jesus Christ... TWENTY FIVE minutes of dicking around in this stage before the chest appears. I ended up killing everyone on the map but one horse-back target enemy and still had about eight minutes to spare.
The sword's speed and range in no way makes up for its lack of power. This is a patent lie.
What a waste. The curse of this blade clearly has no visible effect upon Caim.
Hurrying right along... Up next: The Ocean Temple
Free Expedition: Temple of the Ocean
I'm totally going to work coquettish into a sentence today.
The prerequisites keep on stacking up... This time it is: Destroy all enemies in less than eight minutes, using no magic, and having over 50% health.
Apparently "Bardiel" is a reference to the Japanese anime Neon Genesis Evangelion as far as I can tell.
If there is a real "Bardiel" it is buried under and insurmountable amount of anime, as Wikipedia dumps me on a page of bad guys from the show and the first fifty hits on Google all reference it as well.
Of all the shitty deus ex machinas, I think pulling a storm dragon out of your ass when defeat is at hand is pretty high up there. Unless this story was set in the same realm as Pokemon.
Welp, while Arioch's chapter had only one map, that prick Seere makes up for it with having three. I hate that friggin' kid.
Free Expedition: The Crimson Mountains Sky
You've got to give it to him...the man really does love his job.
This one is surprisingly easy for being the final aerial mission: the death of everything in the area within four minutes and ten seconds.
A love that crushes like a mace.
Wow villagers, way to be complete pricks.
"Hey thanks for saving our livelihood from that massive band of cutthroats that would have surely robbed us blind and raped our women."
"I was glad to be of service. Now, where is the fine young lass you promised, good sir?"
"Why right over in this alley, friend. She's a real shimmering beauty, I tell ya. I call her KNIFE TO THE SUCKER'S GUT!"
Free Expedition: The Impassable Valley
Really? The power behind the Empire was the dimwitted, slow, barely mobile rock men with knives for hands? Not the airship armada, naval superiority, flying mobile nuclear weapons platform, army of dragons, horde of subhumans, or overwhelming numbers back by dark powers? It was the golems all along.
Verdelet remains ever the vigilant racist old prick. I'm still disappointed he never gets an onscreen death.
Anyhow, this one is simple. There are five black ogres hiding in the area. They must all be slain to collect the new reward. I am now 100% convinced Verdelet came up with all the weapon requirements for Chapter 5 and Seere's Prayer.
How much do you want to bet someone will be killed/cursed/generally fucked up due to greed searching for say...a lost treasure? Maybe even this weapon itself.
I want to see Drakengard 3: Journey to the New World if only to see Cavia's take on western colonization and Native Americans culture along with the conflict between civilizations.
Free Expedition: The Coliseum
Is the coliseum in fucking space?! It's an open air arena with an audience. Anyone in the stands, back rooms, or hell just sitting outside the place having a smoke can probably hear screaming.
You see! There's friggin' useless Union jerks in the stands watching!
Well, this is it. The final weapon. And the requirement for it is a complete bitch. Caim must battle through nine waves of enemies in less than nine minutes. The thing is, they're all high end Imperial soldiers. Like, the type that can take five or six shots from Hymir's finger and still be standing. Even when spamming Arioch's magic attack, that will only help for maybe four rounds out of the nine rounds.
And of course, the weapon is nowhere near as useful as Hymir's Finger and it has an extremely fruity name to boot. Alright... Last fucking weapon story... Thank Xenu.
The Moral of Drakengard: Fuck Children!
The Moral of Drakengard's Weapon Tales: Gods are Assholes!
It was nice they managed to work one last child death in there. Stay classy, Cavia. Stay classy.
And so now the key turns and the final seal is unlocked. Chapter 13: Truth now lies before us... I again want to stress how much of a pain in the ass it is to collect all sixty-five weapons in this game. We're talking more than doubling the time spent playing this abysmal title. Like...6-8 man hours plus just to unlock this final chapter on top of the 10-13 hours the core game lasts. Christ, a good two hours is just leaving the game idle waiting for treasure chests to appear.
Will it be worth it...? Stay tuned to find out...