Introduction
I hope all this drilling isn't boring!Let's get one thing straight: LPs of platformers and old games where the graphics are nothing more than a few sprites often call far too much attention to double entendres, vaguely sexual graphics, and every other slightly questionable aspect of a game. That's why I decided to play a game which cannot possibly be misunderstood in such an improper manner. Welcome, everyone, to Drill Dozer!
Click here for the full 1000x1001 image.
See? Innocent as can be. Drill Dozer is a GBA platformer released in '06 ('05 in Japan) by GameFreak, perhaps better known for the Pokemon series. Fortunately, this game acquired neither the following nor the stigma of Pokemon. In fact, in contrast to the many cameos of the Pokemon characters, the only reference to Drill Dozer I could find was a small role as an item in Smash Brothers. Remember that item? No? Well, here's a screen of it:
Yes, that's a girl in a tank with a drill coming from her crotch area. How could anything like that be taken sexually? Especially since it was first released in a nation like Japan, whose people are known for being straight-laced with no sort of sexual deviation to be found in their modern culture. After all, just look at the characters!
Characters we've met so far:
This is Jill, AKA 'Boss.' She's the leader of the Red Dozers and the mute pilot of the Drill Dozer. She's the character you control and the person around whom the game is centered. She is the alpha and the omega. Well, not that last part. Or that first part either since her dad, the real leader of the Red Dozers, is somewhat,
...yeah. He was playing a little rough.
Meet Grutch. He's the venerable old tactician who gives you general advice over the comm. He's also the one who seems to be looking out for Jill, because after all, if I was laid up in the hospital, I'd entrust the care of my teenage daughter to the greasiest old gray-haired dude I could find too, wouldn't you?
And here's Gearmo. He likes rubbing grease all over the inside of the drill dozer, especially between the legs. That's where the drill is, after all. He's the team's mechanic, and though he can't seem to figure out which nickname he wants to use for Jill, he sure loves messing with her Drill Dozer.
Drill baby drill! Oops. I already used that one in the video. Oh, well. Meet the drill dozer, seldom seen without either Jill riding him or him keeled over from exhaustion. He's a lean mean three-speed bipedal machine! Why am I calling Dozer a him? I just think it fits. After all, just look at that
smile!
Meet the Skullkers. Nothing more than a bunch of clowns that roughed up Jill's Dad Doug and swiped their red jewel. We'll drill them so hard they won't be able to sit down for a week!
Croog is the gentleman in the purple shorts and futuristic rascal hover-scooter, pictured with the family jewels he just can't seem to stop handling. Guess he just doesn't have any of his own. He's the evil megaboss of the Skullkers, but beyond that, nobody can tell what he's supposed to be.
Because we're not thieves but "thieves" thieves (as opposed to thieves, thieves, thieves! like the Skullkers) we have to buy everything we need to upgrade our drill dozer. This guy is our fence who we sell the chips we get to, or rather trade them in like ski ball tickets for upgrades. *Sigh* the things we have to do to keep up our habit.
Noriko "Detective" Carrie isn't really a member of the police force, but the daughter of a multi-millionaire robotics inventor. She enjoys riding large robots, and uses her online degree in criminal justice to fight crime. She considers herself a modern-day batman due to the fact that they are both children of rich families who use gadgets in their crime fighting. She is, however, somewhat lacking in batman's most powerful weapon: competence. Of course, none of this is stated in game, but it makes far more sense than just assuming she's actually a member of the police department.
Meet the Heck sisters. Their names? What and The. Don't let previous videos fool you: these two are the main villains of the game! Their crime: multiple violations of rule #1! We'll drill them for that!
Professor Hunchback von Katamari and police chief John "why am I not a sea captain? I mean, I already have the beard, and the uniform just screams 'aargh, matey!'" Fitzgerald are known for their exceptionally elaborate and really quite crafty plans. Let's see how they faire against the mettle of the Drill Dozer!
Videos
| Area 1-1 Next on "Stealthiest Insertions Ever" it's the Skullkers' hideout! | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus: Red Dozers' Training Course - Father of the Year | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 1-2: Sorry to bug you guys again, but I think we left some things standing after our last visit. | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 | Viddler |
| Bonus: I'm thankful for drillable walls and loose cash! (Areas 1-1 and 1-2 revisited.) | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 2-1: Shootin' outta holes and getting our drill teased. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus: Area 1-3: What, did they steal our lunch too? | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus: Area 2-3: What's the benefits package like? | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 2-2: Don't keep your feelings locked away from the Drill Dozer! | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 | Viddler |
| Bonus: 2-2: Breaking their stuff and taking their stuff. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 3-1: Raiding? Naah, we're destroying this lost ark! | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus: Area 3-3: Well there's an interesting treasure. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 3-2: Wet and wild! | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 | Viddler |
| Bonus: Areas 3-1 and 3-2: The water level's over! | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus: Christmas video! | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 4-1 part 1: It's a commute, but it's the most awesome commute in the world! and Area 4-1 part 2: A battle so awesome they should have had it... wait, they did! | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 | Viddler Part 1 Part 2 |
| Bonus Area 4-3: Leap of Faith! | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 4-2: Where the Red Dozers and Baron collide. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus 4-2: I believe I can fly; I believe I can drill the sky... | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 | Viddler |
| Area 5-1 part 1 (Real): We got some problems. and Area 5-1 part 2: Something inside of me (but not like that). and Bonus Gimmick Video! LPDD5/1p1/2 | Dailymotion Part 1 Part 2 Gimmick Video | Viddler Part 1 Part 2 Gimmick Video |
| Area 6-1: A slight detour. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Area 6-2: Doom Dozer. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Bonus 6-3: Cleaning the place out. | Dailymotion | Viddler |
| Finale | Dailymotion | Viddler |