Part 38: by Cross Quantum

While I'm working (sleeping) on my turn, here's a map of the fortress as it currently stands:

22nd Obsidian, 1058
Well Diary, it happened again. The RA found the rat weed stashed in my dorm room during the winter break festivities. The cretin (I mean, I know beards are the norm in our society, but could you at least wash it once in a while?) muttered something about 3 strikes or straights or something. I dunno, I don't know anything about bowling or poker. On the plus side I found some wonderful imported Elven curtains that perfectly complement the lilac accents I painted on the windowsill, they're simply to die for!

24 Obsidian, 1058
OH MY GOD!!! The RA came back and said I was going to be expelled from the University! This is so unfair. I'm going down to the dean's office at once! There's no way someone of my caliber will be expelled for something so trifling as this.

24 Obsidian, 1058
The dean said there was nothing he could do! Let me tell you, I gave him a piece of my mind! I reminded him of who it was that had the idea for the performance of 'School Fountain has Water Turned Into Pudding Topped with Human, Dwarven, and Elven Feces in the Shapes of Angels' that got so much press last year. About how much publicity the University of Glazedloins got for that, and how it pushed off those philistine ingrate donors, you know, the ones who might have a lot of money, but no taste, you know? I think refreshing his memory worked, because he smiled at me and said he did remember something about a job opening at one of the newer settlements. He said that I'd be perfect for it, that I deserved it! He said he'd get in touch with me tomorrow.

25 Obsidian, 1058
I found a note in my mailbox this morning from the dean. Apparently this place is a town called Boatmurdered. God, I hate how all these suburban developers give their stupid little towns such boring, faux-pastoral names. Anyway, apparently the place is in some need of sprucing up. Something about how all the local interior decorators are fixated on elephants for some reason, and they need some new blood to come and reinvigorate their living spaces! I'm so excited, my first real world job and I'm in charge of a whole town's interior design needs! I bought tickets for the next caravan right away, and we leave in an hour. If all goes well I'll arrive by the first!

1 Granite, 1059
Well, I'm here Diary! I've taken a survey of the fortress' state, and let me tell you, it's pitiful. We all know our people like to engrave historical events, so I've included a few charcoal rubbings of some typical engravings here:

Apparently the 2 most significant historical events here in Boatmurdered are elephants and cheese. Take a close look at the cheese ones actually, they aren't even carvings of cheese, but renditions of some other image of a cheese. They're freaking homages!

Intrigued, I investigated the art history of the settlement further. I discovered this artifact which I can only presume was the inspiration for all the imitators:

Having viewed it for myself, I must agree that this image of a cheese speaks to the dwarven spirit, and will be a cultural treasure for generations to come.

Anyway, I have a few ideas already for adding some pizazz to this dreary settlement. For starters this place needs more openness, so I've placed an order for windows to be made and installed to improve the ambience. I've gotten the ball rolling on some other projects as well, but you'll just have to wait to see about those!

P.S. Apparently this job comes with some sort of clerical duties or something, I dunno. When I got here the people kept asking me questions about farming and fighting demons and stuff. Hello, do I look like I know anything about that?!