Part 68

Good to know. I'm becoming more and more and more concerned about my tomb though. It's constantly being updated. I'm going to look into seeing if I can't make self-sufficient and live out my final years in there.

I think I'll just use my own hosting; I don't think that anyone will think that SpookyLizard is stealing bandwidth from SpookyLizard.com.

I'm close to finishing my first part of the write up. It goes from the start of my turn, in the fall, to partway into winter, where there is a convenient cliffhanger.

Oh, is there some magic trick to turning the champions from "sit around holding your dick" mode to "Kiling some fucking goblins" mode? They're not interested in killing anything it seems.

Nevermind, figured it out. Time for


And now, for the update.

Okay, so these guys decided that I should lead them. I don't know why, but I'm not going to tell any of the murderous psychotic "Champions" no, so I'm stuck leading this place until I'm either able to escape, get killed by an angry dwarf, some freakish monster, or some pulling the wrong lever and flooding the entire place with lava, water or demons.

My first thoughts of this place is that it's a goddamned clusterfuck. I live here and I've got no fucking clue as to what's what or where to find it.

Since my death is pretty much pre-determined, I've ordered the construction of a suitable. One of the past leaders has their final resting place sticking out over the open land, and I think that being as far fucking away from this place as possible is a good idea, so I've copied, and only taken it farther. I'll be a good way out of the fortress, and then I'll be buried several layers down under the earth. I might let one of those crazy magma engineers build me a tamper-proof magma trap, but I'm not sure I like the idea of them being able to keep my body and worldly goods safe from lava-filled annihilation.

I've noticed that a small number of bedrooms has been flooded slightly. I've also noticed that it connects to a number of bedrooms, which have flood gates on the same side as the water, and levers outside the rooms. I believe this is part of some previous ruler's plan to put down those that disagreed with his rule. I'd use this to my own ends but I worry that it was not properly constructed and pulling any of the levers will lead to my death.



I'm going to install additional flood gates as a safety precaution.



While designing my tomb, I found upon some old tunnels that looks like they were going to be used to access the old Adamantine deposits. My first thought was to seal them, but I soon realised they could be used to protect my tomb from thieves and vandals. I'm going to re-open them, and have them routed towards my tomb. Then, one they're in range, I'm going to have screw pumps assembled to pump water from the brook into an area surrounding my tomb. My tomb itself will remain dry, but anyone trying to get inside will be free to enjoy a nice swim. I'll make sure the water won't be a danger to the fort, only to those who would desecrate my tomb.

The plan for any visitors is to have to walk down this long, narrow, and probably dangerously unsafe walkway,



Down several flights of stairs, to the tomb itself. Here I shall lie, protected by statues, traps, a giant pool of water. Oh, but that's not all. I plan to have enough water pumped in so I can run a continuous waterfall outside of my tomb. I don't want to rest in peace, I want to rest in style. I'd show it to you, but it's not complete yet.

Some dwarves carrying stuff to the depot were ambushed by Goblins. I dispatched a number of our champions to teach them why this is a bad idea.



(Note that I wasn't able to snag a screen shot of the actual "AMBUSH" screen; I'm not used to taking screenshots of everything.)

Oh no! One of the Dwarves, Shadow Gamer, a peasant, was carrying an infant dwarf with him! Run! Run as fast as your feet will carry you. Alas! Shadow Gamer has suffered a blow to the head. She's still running though, and we can only hope that the Champions will get there in time to fuck those goblin's shit up before they fuck Shadow Gamer up.



I really don't know what's been taking them so long. They've been dicking around in their barracks forever.



Oh no! Shadow gamer has been hit again.
This blow must have hit him off course because he just ran into two other goblins. I think this is the end for Shadow Gamer!



Wait, they're attacking the infant first! Bastards! Where are our champions?




Why, it seems they're sitting in the barracks doing nothing or sparring. Still. That poor, poor child. I don't think Shadowgamer and her baby is going to make it. Welp, the baby isn't.



And neither is ShadowGamer



Oh, there's lava leaking all over the place.



And it's getting close to the the trade depot.



This is far beyond my abilities to contain. I'm going to go find the source of this lava and cut it off. Hopefully a dwarf can build a screw pump at that nearby brook and we can kill the lava with water. Provided he doesn't burn to death getting there.

I've determined the source of the lava. A lot of the piping for TRIBUTEWEAPON doesn't have a ceiling, so it's been overflowing at certain places. I'm now going to try and find whatever is powering it and shutting it down there. It's far too dangerous to the fortress to keep it flowing. Once we've installed this ceiling, it can safely be renabled. At the moment, all it threatens is the trade depot.



Oh, wait. That's a door. To our farms. I've built a wall around it as a precaution.
but turned it off because it spewing water everywhere but the lava.




A bit into the fall brute_force, an Engraver, has been taken by a fey mood, and he quickly claimed a craftsdwarf shop. He soon begins construction on something.



A goblin snatcher appears. I promptly enlist two nearby dwarves to chase him down and beat the shit out of the pedophile. Jackard and Travbot are enforcing Headshoots "No pedophilia" laws. Skeletal Mountain Goat takes part in the justice.

Jackard suffers a blow to his left hand, and upper right leg. He is soon unconscious. The goblin is clearly angry at him as it continuously attacks him while he's down, and unconscious.



The mountain goat is also getting hurt.




....And now it's ambush. I've ordered the collective of our military might there. Hopefully the champions will take a break from sparring and actually kill something.



We've lost travbot! And Jackard!




As the ambushers run amok outside our champions continue to do nothing. One of them runs into Athelete's Footnote who is promptly drafted, and whom promptly slays him so hard he goes flying across the brook. Athelete's Footnote is my new favorite dwarf. He's now arming himself with platemail and is going to go on a goblin slaying spree.



brute_force has made Talugecast, "Languageskewer", a granite bracelet.



When i wasn't looking, Malius, one of our recruits stumbled across the goblin ambushers camping on the bottom of the map. He did not walk away alive. I've asked our champions to go kick their ass, but apparently dwarven vengeance is not high on their priority list.



And professor Bling, Scamp, has gone stark raving mad. I have no idea why. He wandered into a magma spill. You'll be missed, again, Bling. Bling was a child of Shadow Gamer. His mother's and sibling's deathes.



Phrog II started throwing a tantrum in his sleep.



Why? Shadow gamer was his wife and Prof. Bling his child, as was the other kid. He's also mad about there being no work, which is crazy talk because there is a perfectly good tower where he could develop some masonry skills. he continues to tantrum and calm down for quite some period time.



Hellioning Olintarmid, a Bowyer, gave birth to a girl.



And another!



And, a siege. Yay. Maybe the champions will fight now. Probably not though. This would be an awesome time to utilize  TRIBUTEWEAPON , but I don't know how.



And on that cliffhanger I'll end this update. That's from Fall to early winter. I'd have more written up but DF crashed a couple of times, and my previous saves were from a while ago. That's why a few bodies in the save don't match the screenshots. Comments? Questions? Too much stuff? Not enough?

I'll probably have up to summer written up tonight and posted tomorrow morning.