Part 188: Orangesoda: Update 3
The song finished and once again it was like all the energy had left my body. I nearly passed out on the stage floor, the other band members did.
Stumbling to my feet, I wandered into the halls, which were now filled with panic. Guards fled, workers screamed and cowered, people fought over hiding spots and supplies, punching, kicking and even biting each other over food, ale, clothes and coins.
Syurpleaf worked. That's what I told myself yesterday. Syrupleaf worked. In the span of a day, the fortress I saw as invincible, this bright new place of might and industry, was bloodsoaked warzone of fleeing dwarves and angry giants. I barely avoided one as it fell towards me, riddled with crossbow bolts mid charge the giant had fallen over, sliding forward and head first into a stone wall, leaving a trail of thick blood.
It seems our unexpected performance had, coincidentally, whipped one of the forttress guards into a frenzy. His name was "Viking of Rock" after all. I was sure he would die instantly as he ran out the front doors into a group of four giants shouting and screaming, yet he held his own, smashing and mangling their limbs and organs.
"Where the hell is tehsid and his men!?" I yelled to one of the guards, who shook his head and frowned.
"Tehsid's dead, so is most of his squad. The only ones left are two wounded guys. One's got a broken leg n' the other is missing a leg."
Tehsid, the dwarf i'd heard all those stories about, the unstoppable champion who rended guts, spines and skulls with his bare hands was dead?
"How the hell did he die!?" I shouted, in a mixture of anger and surprise, waiting for whatever insane answer the dwarf would give me. He motioned for me to wait, before shooting an approaching giant in the throat, killing it near instantly.
"It's the damnedest thing lad, he killed too much."
I felt like my brain just literally broke in two as I tried to piece together what he ment, did he become so destructive that he had to be removed from the world via divine intervention? Did his slaughter become so great that Hollistic herself opened the ground and pulled him through for a duel? Before I could ask, the guard caught my confused expression and answered my unasked question.
"He was killin' so many giants all by himself that he grew overexerted and tired, the scouts say. He tried to run n' catch his breath, then he got in another fight. He got so tired that he just passed out right on the ice n' the other giants came over and killed him."
It was true, then. He literally had killed himself to death.
"Is the guard holding them back?" I asked, barely able to form a sentence right now. I was afraid. I was more afraid than I had ever been.
"Barely lad. We're thinkin' of wallin' off the entrance if we can push them back enough..."
I saw Viking come back, he was covered in blood, but not a bit of it was his. At least i didn't have to worry about leaving him outside now. "Do it, then!" I shouted over the rioting dwarves "Wall off the damn entrance and carve fortifications into the sides! We'll hole up here and shoot at them when they draw close!"
"That won't be necessary sir!" Viking shouted
"And why not?!" I replied, eager to get the masons together and wall off the outside world before more of the damned blue-skinned bastards make their way inside.
"Because they're retreating."
Everyone went silent. The riots stopped, the masons carrying bricks to the entrance stopped, I stopped. Then, I laughed. Oh did I ever fucking laugh. I fell over, cackling with relieved glee. Soon, the guard i'd been speaking to, Uncle Jam, began laughing, then Viking, then the entire hall was full of roaring cheers and laughter. We'd lost Tehsid but damnit, we had our fortress!
"Forget the damn walls! Don't bother with the fortifications either! Let's put our bricks and manpower towards something worth a damn! Let's build Tehsid a big memorial! Hell, let's build one for ALL the champions who died here! If you've got anyone in mind, build it for them!"
Suddenly, I found myself getting into this overseer job! It all made sense now, it all felt right, the gears were clicking, whatever you want to call it!
Syrupleaf fucking WORKED!
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Yes, a sort of mini-update. I expected the siege to last longer, but Viking of rock's sudden killing spree scared them all off and I didn't wanna leave you guys hanging. Wopoo was killed in the fortress and tons of frost giants died, mainly due to Tehsid, who really DID collapse from killing too much. I didn't see the other siege leaders retreat but I did see the spearmaster who's been around since the dawn of time get away.
Screaming Idiot wrote :-
This is pretty much the most epic thread on the forums right now. Nothing tops it.
Also, welcome to Dorfhalla, Tehsid! Sirocco's been waiting for his buddy to come back!
markus_cz wrote :-
Leperflesh posted:
Woah. Wait, when did I get the name "rimcover"? That's not been my last name during the normal running of the fortress...
Nah, I believe you've been Rimcover since the very beginning. Kids don't inherit names of their parents.
EDIT: Yeah, it's probably the translation thing.
By the way, I was looking for more info about the spawn that killed Leperfish, and found out one of our champions had this silly name:
You have to love the random name generator.
Freudian Slip wrote :-
I admired the tomb, strangely it did not lift my mood like most master pieces. I let my thoughts wander back to final conversation I had with Tehsid
"Tehsid, all the other champions are dead or wounded. You have to take the hammer now. For the good of the fortress. If you fall we all fall!"
"Its just not sporting lad"
"Sporting!" I exploded "Do you think those beasts care about sporting? You of all people know that all they care about is our destruction!"
"Its not just that. It's its shape"
I still don't believe it. I thought I would see granite blush before Tehsid - but there he was blushing like a new bride.
"It would make me look like I am trying to compensate for something" he said quietly. Stunned I said nothing as he turned and left
Laying a hand on the tomb and talking to the empty chamber
"Rest well Tehsid, I just hope your pride hasn't doomed us all"
markus_cz wrote :-
Dear mr. mayor Bobthethurd,
My name is Markus Cz. Clasplashes and I am 16 years old. But you probably already know that. For the past five years, I had been training Pump Operating under mr. Screaming Idiot, The Pump Operateur of Pumps PER EXCELLENCE!!! Now that the fortress is in a dire need of a skilled Operateur, I would like to volunteer my services. I would put the PROJECT back to operation, taking care of all the hatches, mechanicisms, and of course operating the Pumps, spewing hot magma at the enemies of dwarfkind, etcetera, etcetera... The only problem is that I'm not allowed to. When I asked Orange Soda, I was told that Operating is a work for adults only. But I am an adult! I am 16 years old!
Overseer Orange Soda didn't want to believe me, saying I can't possibly be an adult if I don't have a proper beard yet. Such a nonsense! It's not my fault that Mother Mountain created me beardless, or that she gifted my older brother Leperfish with a beard so mighty that he was declared an adult at the age of ten! Who are we to argue with Her? (Besides, I have been doing my best and I already have a decent mustache!) This is what I told Orange soda, and you know what the response was? That by saying Leperfish was older, I'm admitting I'm actually younger than ten. Moleshit! As if there were any connection between age, and being the younger brother. Hah!
And so, mr. Mayor, I'd like to ask you if you could possibly talk to our overseer and explain that I indeed am an adult? Everyone is bound to believe you! Or, if that fails, could you perhaps try to say that I'm actually a woman, and therefore I can't grow a proper beard?
If you help me, you won't find me ungrateful. Please accept this Jumbo pack of Skullbugy's Superior Smokables as a gift and a preliminary promise of things to come.
Thank you. Yours,
Markus Cz. Clasplashes
PS: Is there a Mrs. Thurd?
VikingofRock wrote :-
Diary of VikingofRock
Life was easier in the mountainhome, as a simple animal trainer.
But then, that's why I came to Syrupleaf.
I heard tales of its beginning, with dwarves being slain left and right by batmen, and I knew that I had to go. Training puppies is so boring, you know? So I packed up my bags and headed out. And after months I got there, and I seemed destined to avoid excitement of any kind. I was stuck training puppies again! And right as Eiba showed up and things started looking interesting, I was drafted into the guard. No training war moles, no fighting the spawn, nothing but making sure no one throws a punch at Her Royal Sankis. Ugh. Sure, I had my occasional moments of excitement, like fighting the Hellspawn that slew Sirocco and finishing off the frost giants during Globofglob's mad reign, but that's all it ever was. Getting in the last few hacks at some colossal threat. Pushed to the side, ignored. Bored.
But all that changed today.
When I first heard OrangeSoda's singing, I was entranced. And when he sang that Tehsid had died, I knew I had my shot at glory. So I threw on my armor and grabbed my hammer, and I went outside, alone. And I smashed those giants limb from limb.
And now everyone knows my name. As I returned from the cold, covered in the blood of my enemies, dwarves I had never spoken to cheered my name. They're talking about throwing me a banquet, engraving my picture forever into the walls of Syrupleaf. Is all this fame a little nerve-wracking? Yes.
But baby, I am riding it all the way to the top.