Part 100: Sirocco: Update 34
Sirocco's Year: Part Thirty-Four
I think there's some sort of curse on our royal guard. It's the only explanation.
I've replaced him with Pimpmust, the lye maker. Since we have no sand to make glass vials we can't build the laboratory needed to make soap - the only real use of lye that I'm aware of. I gave him a crossbow - at least that way we can be sure he won't die in a sparring accident.
Other than that sad happening, life has returned to normal here at Syrupleaf. The dogs bark, the children laugh, and everyone seems upbeat. Even Firos seems chipper, though she refuses to talk about the loss of TremendousMajestic and who can blame her? Jazzimus is up and walking again too. He seems a little disorientated but I think he'll pull through!
We didn't get any migrants this season... word of the siege must have spread when the merchants returned to the Gate of Climaxes. One of their guards had sadly been slaughtered during the assault and they were not best pleased with us raising the south bridge before the caravans could get in.
The moles I chained to the gatehouse destroyed their iron restraints and wandered around the fortress until we dragged them back into their cages. I assume they were destroyed anyway... only one mole remains tethered to the wall. Can't think what might have happened there. Maybe they ate them, ha ha ha!
Queen Sankis has been very upset lately. She told me she'd been visiting the tombs when she discovered to her disgust that Jazzimus had a statue of raw adamantine in his. I promised I'd deal with it immediately after she bopped me over the head with her handbag. I ordered the statue to be moved to Queen Sankis' tomb at once.
Jazzimus has been avoiding me all day. I've already offered to build him a new statue out of gold, but he just ignored me. C'est la vie, c'est la vie...
The mayor's not been too happy either. He stormed into my office one day demanding I order the immediate execution of Heliturtle.
'What's he done?!' I gasped.
'I'll show you what the bastard's done!' Bobthethurd roared. 'Follow me.'
He walked me to the bonepile where some of the dwarves had been engraving pictures on the walls.
'Look at this! LOOK AT THIS!' he shouted in my face, flecks of spit splattering everywhere.
'It's LIES! GODDAMN ODIOUS LIES! HANG THE BASTARD!'
We did eventually get him distracted from killing Heliturtle by showing him an engraving of a window. Poor chap.
The other soldiers have taken to calling me Sirocco Lareral Egaricum - or Sirocco Meetvessel The Old Virtue as it would be in the common tongue. I have noooo idea what it means but I kinda like it.
Life is good. Just the other day I saw That Guy Bob. 'Thanks for staying alive, man,' I said. He merely gave me a quizzical look and moved on.
Oh! And Mofeta has passed his training and become a legendary champion too, how did I forget, ha ha ha! Must have been all the ale we drank at the party afterwards!
The rest of autumn passed peacefully but I kept myself busy designing 64bitrobot the separate dining room he needed. Draceran also announced that he'd been struck by inspiration and has locked himself up in a carpenter's workshop. He's been hammering in there for a week now... what could he be building?
Of course this is all just a big distraction from the elephant in the room...
... Dare I?
Winter has broken over Syrupleaf. Armok looks over all.