Part 7: The Elder Updates VII - I Can't Believe It's Not Hell!®

I Can't Believe It's Not Hell!®


Today, we're going to delve into this game's eponymous feature.


...so. This is Oblivion, huh?
Yeah so Oblivion is basically the token Hell environment. Lava? Check. Red sky? Check. Heads on pikes? Check. Grimdark architecture? Check. Grimdark runes? Check!


Gah!



Rotten little creatures!
Tiny little imp guys? Check! These are scamps, and surprisingly enough, they may be the strongest thing we've fought so far. I mean, look at what just one did to our health.


Oblivion take y- ...wait.
Oh, right, and I picked up a steel shield in the first portion of Goblin Jim's Cave to try and squeeze more endurance out of the heavy armor skill.


It's not safe here. Get back to Kvatch, and help your comrades hold the line.
I graciously decline the offered NPC help for this section, which I totally won't end up regretting.


Hmm...not every day you get a chance to sample the flora of Oblivion.
As the loading screen at the beginning of the update says, there are three plants that grow only in planes of Oblivion. Bloodgrass is pretty cool, but it's certainly not the ingredient I like best.


Have at you!


Shiver and die!


Augh!


Damned scamps.
Damned scamps.


There's no end to them!
Bonus video: Wherein we realize that some things never change.


...well, that resolved itself.
Oblivion's Not That Bad Points: -4 +


What is THIS?


Even gooey, warm coins are still coins.


What have we here?


Yikes. Guess I should be careful around these things.
Harrada Roots actually try to lash out and hit you. A bit annoying at times, but it fits with the "everything wants to kill you" vibe a Hell environment should have. I didn't manage to get one here, but it's one of the ingredients I like,



Nnngh.
along with Spiddal Sticks. Spiddal Sticks will release a speed-draining gas if you get too close, but the debuff doesn't last very long, making it a non-issue.


Got it!



And that's why I love these plants: they come with Damage Health, and frankly, poisons can be a life-saver. ...ironically.


Anyway, more of these guys. I'm not going to leave every scamp in. Just assume that I fight a scamp between every screenshot and you won't be too far off.


Huh. What's that, I wonder?



Oblivion hurts.






Hmmm...a cave?


Yup, a cave! Also, oh no, we leveled up! This might take some explaining: in Elder Scrolls games, you're able to level up once you gain any combination of ten skill points from your seven selected major skills. When you level up, you select stats, and the available stat bonuses depend on what skills you've raised, thus my grinding Conjuration and Mysticism for intelligence. In Morrowind, you could raise skills even once you get the "Hey, go level up" notification to get bigger stat bonuses, this being quite lucrative for all protagonists involved. Understandably enough, Bethesda must've wanted to rein this in and make things more balanced, so in Oblivion, once you get that notification, your stat bonuses are locked in. Of course, people (including myself) love meaty stat bonuses, so the "optimal" way to play the game involves putting off leveling as long as possible and making sure very few of the skills you plan to specialize in are actually your major skills.









It's stupid.

Oblivion's Not That Bad Points: -5 +


Hang on...are...are these people?


The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Where doors are called caves.


FUUUUUUUU


UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


AUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH


ALWAYS


WITH


THE


SCAMPS!


UP THIS FUCKIN' ELEVATOR


KILL ANOTHER WHY NOT


WORTH IT


EDIFICATION
Skills in Oblivion now have special benefits at the 25, 50, 75 and 100 milestones. The whole identification of alchemy ingredient effects existed back in Morrowind, though.

Oblivion's Not That Bad Points: -4 +


INTO THE TOWER


EVER MORE SCAMPS


DREMORA BESIEGE ME


YES


LICKING MY WOUNDS


WIZARDS


WHICH DOOR IS NOT LOCKED


YES OKAY


ACROSS THE BRIDGE


NO


A KEY, YES


BACK AND ONWARD



TELEPORT


UP I GO


THIS WAY



CLIMB THE BONES


YOU DIE




RIP YOU OUT


DONE


Ugh. What an infuriating ordeal.


This stone...it has power. I could use this.


But first, I rest.


Not our finest hour stat-wise, but it'll do.


Also, we've got a Sigil Stone! For the hassle of clearing out an Oblivion gate, you get a free enchantment-in-a-can. There are two effects listed; we'll get the fire damage if we choose to apply it to a weapon, or fire resistance if we choose to apply it to armor, clothing or jewelry. I'm not going to use it until I get better weapons or armor, but when I do, should I make a fire weapon or fire armor?

Cat Stats

Class skills
Block: 27
Blunt: 25
Destruction: 31
Acrobatics: 42
Light Armor: 45
Marksman: 35
Speechcraft: 30

Not class skills
Armorer: 13
Athletics: 17 (due to lack of arena raiment)
Blade: 19
Hand To Hand: 41 (with Bands of Kwang Lao)
Heavy Armor: 15
Alchemy: 27
Alteration: 13
Conjuration: 12
Illusion: 7
Mysticism: 15
Restoration: 14
Mercantile: 13
Security: 20
Sneak: 24

Those little bars in the corner of the screen
Health: 82
Magicka: 110
Fatigue: 178