Part 16

Entry 63:

Today, I woke up in front of a library, with a girl sitting on my chest. Her name is Katja, apparently she's tagging along with me now. Oh, and I was flailing. That's why she was sitting on my chest.

During the time that I can not quite remember, I apparently agreed to help this green-haired chick with a nice rack destroy the Children Of The Cathedral. Aw, but they gave me that nice flower. Oh well. Apparently, they are evil, and have something to do with mutants. Their particular version is called 'Nightkin'. I'm gonna guess from the name that these are not the cuddly kitten breed of mutants.

Speaking of Mutants, I met one in the library. He told me some interesting things about mutants, and gave me a flame thrower. How nice of him! I think i'm gonna re-gift, though. I'm not a flamethrower person. Knowing my aptitude with heavy weapons, I'd set the Dog on fire.

Hi-ho. Hi-ho. Off to the Cathedral we go!

Entry 64:

The green haired chick was nice enough to set me up with a posse. Hi posse!

Met up with Laura, my contact in the Cathedral. She's got that 'cult addict zombie' look down perfectly, she's a pro at this spy stuff. But she's still bangable.

Apparently, in order to find 'the master', I gotta get the key off this dude Morpheus. When one such as myself is surrounded by a posse of spear-wielding killers, it's kinda obvious what needs to be done.

Imagine four floors of this. Stealthed super-mutants and crazy purple robed cultists. And dick jokes. We killed Morpheus, looted his corpse, and headed back downstairs.

And then had to kill more people. But in the end, I got a cool gun!

A very cool gun.

Quite possibly the coolest gun.

How many guns do you know of that saw people in half? Not many, my dear diary. Not many at all.

Entry 65:

Well, we went downstairs, and... Jesus shit, there's some weird stuff down here.

Fortunately, my pet is WAY better then The Master's. Go Dog! Kick some ass.

Speaking of which, I forgot to mention... Katja does not like dogs! What a jerk. Dogs are awesome, especially mine. I love you, Dog. please do not get gibbed into little pieces.

We fought past some mutants at the door. For some odd reason, both of them had a name tags that said 'Kyle'.

Once inside, I found an interesting computer covered in bits of gib. Lovely.

OMG HAX

Screw this"Master' stuff for now. I found out where the base is in the Northwest. I'll take a jaunt up there, scout it out, go back to the Brotherhood, re-arm, and reload. And maybe get some backup.

Entry 66:

Nice base. Stupid mutants. A good combination.

Unfortunately, the door is locked. Jeeze. I hate walking for like, a month to get somewhere, and only spend an hour there.

Did I mention that Katja is annoying? And a lesbian? Or at least, that's her excuse. Oh well. She stabs things pretty well, and is somewhat better conversation then Dog. Sorry Dog, I can only hold one-sided conversations about macroeconomics for so long. Even though you always look interested.

Entry 67:

Mole Rats? Again?

Rats. Come on. Let's be reasonable. I have a large gun. TWO large guns. And my favorite shotgun, which, let me tell you, is no slouch when it comes to doing critical damage to the eyes. Seriously. You know clay shooting? Where they throw the Frisbee rocks in the air for people to shoot at? Yeah. I can do that with like, really tiny rocks. Seriously.

They throw that shit, and I can, like, aim individual buckshot pieces directly in the path of other small flying rocks. It's like my buckshot has little tiny lasers guided lasers things.

That doesn't convince you to leave me alone? Okay, fine. I got another gun I'm not that good with it yet, but it's still a kick-ass gun. It melts people. Seriously, when you shoot them just right, the flesh melts off their very bones. I understand that it's very painful. Do you seriously want to fuck with that?

STILL not convinced? Look at my gatling gun. This is the kind of gun they used to put PLANES on. It wasn't a case of 'Oh, we got this jet fighter, it kinda needs something besides missiles and bombs and shit, let's strap this thing on'. NO. It was a case of a guy making a gun SO awesome, that he just stepped back, and said, "This shit needs to fly'. And everyone else is like, 'You cant make a gun fly!'. And the first guy is all like, 'Fuck you, yes I can. I will strap a PLANE to this GUN.' And everyone's like, 'You mean strap the gun to a plane?' And the first guy is like, 'No, man. I am strapping the plane to the gun. The plane is an ACCESORY.' And then everyone's minds were blown. Like, there was some serious mind blowing going on there. Ears were bleeding. Synapses just went an committed suicide because it was so awesome.

There's just no talking with you things. Seriously.

Entry 68:

Hi diary! I finally bit the bullet and went through with the Brotherhood surgeries. Or, two of them. Strength, and Intelligence. I'm still in recovery, so the old headbrain is still getting used to the whole 'thinking really well without being crazy-high on Mentats' thing. Speaking of which, I'm out of Mentats. Sad, but I don't really need them any more.

I do, on the other hand, have a shit-ton of Buffout and Psyco. I'm keeping it, just in case. Maybe I'll 'accidentally' poke Katja with some. Just to see what happens.

Ah, my sweet, sexy Vree. Before my operation, we had a chat about mutants. She had autopsied one, and gave me the data disk to look over while I was in recovery.

Haha, mutants are sterile. Take that, mutants.

She also came and visited me while I was in recovery. Aww, shucks. I thought she never left that library of hers. Unfortunately, I don't think it can ever come to be between us. She's devoted to that library of hers, and... Jesus. I'm supposed to destroy the mutants for the Vault. I almost forgot about that crap.

Yeah, The Vault. I guess I should get crackin' on that. Then I can go home and relax. But you know what? I don't think I'm gonna stay in the Vault. I mean, it's home and all, but there's just nothing there. What am I going to do, destroy the mutants, then slink back underground and hide until I die? Screw that. I might take up business as a trader. Or maybe get the Advisors and Overseers to open up that GECK thing we have tucked away in storage. It's supposed to have all the fixings for a prosperous civilization in it. Heh. With all my experience up here, they'd probably make me mayor. Mayor Smith Jaxon. That has a good ring to it.

First order of business: Set up trade relations with the Brotherhood to impress Vree. Second order of business: Start a friendly but mildly flirtatious chain of letters with Vree to entertain and keep me company through my days of running a town / herding little Ians. Third order of business: Print and publish memoirs to entertain and educate future generations.

That's what Ben Franklin did, and look at how highly everyone thinks of him.

Anyhoo, Once I got back to the Brotherhood, before getting surgery, I met up with Maxon. He seemed quite happy with my report.

Then I got to meet the Elders! They were indeed old, and took some convincing to get them to see my way. Which is that 'MUTANTS ARE BAD'. Most of them, at least.

Thats it for now, Diary. Gotta get my rest.