Part 251: Rin's treatment

Music: Ever-present Feeling



Back then, Kiritsugu didn't leave the house often.
Not going outside, he would just laze around the house carelessly.
…I regret it even now, thinking back to it.
Why didn't I notice that it was like the actions of an animal that knows its time of death?

"I wanted to be a superhero when I was a child."
Suddenly.
That man, himself a superhero in my child's eyes, said that as if yearning for it.

"What? What do you mean by 'wanted'? Did you give up?"
I became angry and asked him.
Kiritsugu laughed apologetically and looked up at the sky.

"Yes, unfortunately. Being a hero is a time-limited thing, and it becomes hard to call yourself that when you grow up. I wish I'd found that out earlier."
I agreed with that.
I didn't know why, but I thought it couldn't be wrong if Kiritsugu said it.

"I see. Then I guess it couldn't be helped."
"Yeah. It really couldn't be helped."
Kiritsugu answers.
So of course, my response was determined.

"Yeah, it can't be helped, so I'll take your place.
It's impossible since you're an adult, but it should be all right for me. Let me take on your dream."

"I'll make it come true."

Before I could finish, my father laughed.
He made a face like he didn't even need to hear the rest.
After breathing in, Emiya Kiritsugu said…
"YeahI'm relieved."
He quietly closed his eyes and ended his life.



There were no sounds of insects in the garden. All was silent.
In the bright night, I remember only my eyes burning.
I did not cry out, nor did I feel sad.
But I could not stop my tears until the moon sank.



Perhaps I cried ten years worth of tears, since after that, there was nothing.

Fuji-Nee's father planned the funeral, and I started living in this house by myself.
Even though Kiritsugu was gone, nothing changed.
Emiya Shirou would become a superhero like Emiya Kiritsugu, so there was no time to be playing around.

Yes.
I never said it, but I clearly remember it.
The figure of the man who saved a lone boy from an inferno.
Emiya Kiritsugu held up the dying child and said "thank you".

Since then, he was the subject of my admiration.
No one saved me.
I couldn't save anyone.
In it all, I was saved, and a person was there to save me.
That's why I decided to become like him.

Become a superhero, so that I could save people and let no one be killed… just like him.
Kiritsugu died peacefully, leaving me his dream of becoming a superhero himself.

It's only natural for a child to succeed his father.
Emiya Shirou must become a superhero and save someone just like the old me.

I swore that oath as a child.
To fulfill the dream of the man I admired most.

…But honestly, I don't get it.
What this superhero thing is supposed to be, how to become one, how to make everyone happy like Kiritsugu always said… and I became this thing called a Master and things like the blond-haired girl following me around is confusing my head and really

Music: Stop



""
I'm not sure why I feel like this.
I feel really sick to my stomach, so I want to go to the bathroom and wash my face.

"All right."
I get up.



I feel dizzy.
I almost fall and support myself by putting a hand against the wall.
"…Ugh."
The nausea increases when I move.
…No, this is more like pain than nausea.

My body is heavy and it feels like my stomach is turning every time I move. Maybe someone would feel like this if they had burning lead poured into their stomach.
"…Ugh… Imagining that gives me a headache."
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and wobble out of my room.



"Wow, those are some wicked bandages. Wonder why those are there. Ah well, it's probably nothing."

"…I'm hungry. I wonder if there are any leftovers…"
Even though my stomach feels terrible, it seems my body wants energy.



Music: In the Sunlight



Music: Stop


"Good morning. I'm afraid I came in without asking you, Emiya-kun."
No, it's not.

Music: Gentle Everyday

"Wha!?"
Tohsaka Rin is sitting on a cushion.
Her calmness makes me think I'm the guest in this house and not her.
Yeah, that's why I'm even more surprised.

"……"
I don't know how to answer her, so I sit down.
And then, I take a deep breath and ask,

"Tohsaka, why…"


"Hold on. Could you apologize first? I can't calm down until I hear an apology for last night."
I don't even have time to ask her why she's here.

Tohsaka is glaring at me like she's really mad.
It seems she's really angry about last night, but what happened?

Music: Stop





"…Ugh."
The nausea returns.
I feel a chill, remembering the feeling of having a hole in my body.
Something in my stomach moves.
It makes me feel sick.
It makes me feel sick, but that proves I'm still alive.

Music: Gentle Everyday



"That's strange. Why the hell am I alive?"


"Do you remember? The stupid thing you did last night? If you do, then please reflect upon your actions."



…Huh, that's really annoying.
My head, which was frozen by the fact that Tohsaka is here, finally resumes activity again.

What little of it there is.

"What are you saying? There was nothing else to do at the time! Oh… well, it does look stupid if you just look at the results, but I was going to do it better.
So it wasn't a mistake."
I protest, glaring at her.




"Didn't I tell you Servants disappear if their Master is killed? It's crazy to try to protect your Servant."


"Look, Saber will disappear if you're killed. If you want to save Saber, think of a way to do so from a safe place.
…Geez, don't you understand that protecting your Servant with your life is just meaningless?"



"It's not that I protected her with my life. I tried to save her, and it just happened to work out like that. I didn't think things would end up like that either."
I did think I would be killed if I went near that monster, but that's a different matter.



As if she's read my mind, she sulks even more.


"Look, Emiya-kun. I'll come out and say it. I didn't take you to the church to help you win.
I was trying to help you stay alive even if you were left on your own. It seems you didn't understand that part of it."

"Help me stay alive…?"


"That's right. You shouldn't take risks if you realize that a loss equals your death. You seem to be someone who would walk out at night by yourself even in a situation like this.
If I threatened you, I thought you wouldn't take risks and you might get through this."

"I see. I didn't notice that."
So that's why she's complaining to me about not realizing that and running at Berserker.

"…? So why are you mad, Tohsaka? It shouldn't bother you if I'm the one that made the mistake."





Honestly, I'm happy she's worrying about me.
Looking at the situation, it seems Tohsaka was the one who treated my injuries.

"I see. I guess you helped me out. Thank you."
I bow my head to show my thanks and apologize.


""


"Heh, if you undersand, then we'll let it slide. If you've learned from this, then think before acting next time."

Tohsaka looks away.
Her gesture is snappy, but it seems she's in a good mood again.



I'll move on to the main topic, but which do you want to talk about? Last night or something serious?"

Music: Stop

"…?"
Tohsaka starts a conversation as if it's natural to do so.
Her straight-forwardness surprises me, but thinking about it, she came here for a reason.

If she didn't have business with me, she would have gone home already.
What is it that Tohsaka, my enemy, wants to discuss in her enemy's territory?

I'm interested in that, and I also want to know what happened last night.
It's stupid not to ask, so I

"I want to know what happened yesterday first."


"That's right. Knowing the current situation comes first. Wow, you're pretty smart."
Smiling in satisfaction, Tohsaka describes yesterday's events.

Music: Whirlpool of Fate 2

It seems that Berserker left after I lost consciousness.
She tells me that my body started to heal itself, and that it looked fine after about ten minutes.
And she says she brought me here since I didn't regain consciousness even after my wound healed, and that's where we are right now.


"The important thing is you survived on your own. I did help, but it was your own power that healed you. Don't mistake that part."
"It seems that way from what you told me. So you didn't heal it?"


"Of course not. I can't do anything like revive a dying person any more. Emiya Shirou himself healed his own wounds."

"Hm."
What can I do, now that she said that?
My stomach is certainly healed, but I have doubts about Tohsaka's story.
I can't use healing magic, let alone revival magic.



Your Servant must be really powerful, or something went wrong during the summoning. …Well, I think it's both, but I think some kind of line formed between you two."

"A line? You mean like the karmic line connecting a familiar and a magus?"



Then this should be easy to explain. In other words, Emiya-kun and Saber's relationship is not a normal relationship like the one between a normal master and their familiar.


"It looks like Saber has natural healing powers, so some of that may be flowing into you.
Normally, the magus's power flows into the familiar, but in your case, the familiar's power is flowing into you and helping you out."

"…Hmmm. So putting it simply, it's like a river flowing upstream?"


"That's a good way to put it. It is not naturally possible, but I bet Saber's magical energy is so great that it can even change the flow of a river. That's the only reason she is able to go against Berserker with her small size."

"Not naturally possible… then is the relationship between you and Archer that of a normal magus and familiar?"


"Yes. He doesn't listen to much of what I say, but we do still have such a relationship."


"The connection between a Servant and a Master is like that of gasoline and an engine. We provide the magical energy, and the Servant uses it.
……Well, I guess there have been some Masters who shared their physical bodies with their Servants to obtain false immortality. Not dying until their Servants are dead, something like that… hey, are you listening, Emiya-kun?"



Then, are you saying most wounds on my body will heal even if I don't do anything?"


"Using your Servant's magical energy. I don't know how, but I'm sure the cause is in Saber's materialization. I know you haven't learned the curse of self-healing."
"Of course not. My father never taught me anything that difficult."


"No, I mean that if that's the case, I've nothing to worry about. Don't worry about it, it has nothing to do with you."

Music: Stop

"…?"
What is it?
Tohsaka's words are indirect and hard to follow.

Music: Tender Scenery



It's good that you survived this time, but you won't survive if you get hurt like that again. You shouldn't get optimistic and think that you'll survive any major injury."

"I understand. I feel bad about getting hurt and having Saber helping me."


"Idiot, that's not the reason. I'm sure you're not just using Saber's magical energy to heal your wounds.


You're definitely using something.
I don't know what it is… your life span, your luck, or your savings account, but you're definitely using something up."
Tohsaka gives a "hmph" once again.
I feel the same way, but…

"Tohsaka, isn't my savings account completely unrelated?"


"Of course it's related! Magic uses up your money, so it's something that drains your money the more you use it!
I won't allow myself to be wrong!"



Tohsaka Rin erupts with the fire of a personal grudge.

It's strange.
The more I talk with her, the more I understand this is the real Tohsaka Rin, and that the Tohsaka at school is just a mask she puts on.
…No, it's something I realized already yesterday.

Music: Stop





Is it okay if I ask you a serious question, Emiya-kun?"
"That's why you stayed here, right? All right, I'll listen."

Music: Whirlpool of Fate 2



She confronts me with the one question I don't want to be asked.

…No, that's not it.
It's not that I don't want her to ask me, but I haven't made my mind up yet.
I'm the one who wants to ask what I should do now.

"…Honestly, I don't know. You say I should fight for the Holy Grail, but I've never been in a fight between magi.
First of all, I"
I want to try to avoid killing people, and most of all

"I'm not interested in something mysterious like the Holy Grail.
I'm not too sure about risking my life for something I don't want."


"I knew you'd say that. You'll be killed by your Servant with an attitude like that."

"Wha… Why would I!?"


"Because the Servant's goal is also the Holy Grail.
They can be summoned by the Masters because obtaining the Holy Grail is a condition of their summoning."

"The most important thing for a Servant is to obtain the Holy Grail.
They obey their Master and risk their life for their Master, because they have a chance of obtaining it.
So just try saying that you don't want the Holy Grail. You can't complain even if they kill you and call you a traitor."

"…What? That's weird. Servants are summoned by the Masters, right?
So"



The Holy Grail grants the wish of whoever obtains it. The Servant of the Master who obtains it is no exception.
Even Servants have their own wishes. That is why they respond to the otherwise impossible summoning."


"It's not that Masters summon Servants to obtain the Holy Grail.
Servants answer the Masters' call so they can obtain it."

""
Servants have their own desires…?
Then, does that mean Saber has a wish she wants the Holy Grail to grant?


"That's why the Servants try to eliminate other Servants even without orders from their Masters. Only one can obtain the Holy Grail. They cannot accept other Masters obtaining it.
Unlike their Masters, they don't have the power to take away the Command Spells. So the only way they can disarm other Masters is to kill them."



A Master who is attacked by a Servant must fight it off with their own Servant. You heard enough from Kirei to know that this is the nature of the Holy Grail War, right?"

"Yeah, he told me that last night.
But"

That means allowing your Servant to try to kill other Servants.
I thought it would be over if I reached a compromise with other Masters, but if Servants are summoned to obtain the Holy Grail and they will not give it up, then a battle between the Servants is inevitable.
…Then…
The girl who fought to protect me is also ready to kill or be killed to obtain the Holy Grail?

"…That's awful. I don't know about this heroic spirit thing, but Saber is human. She was bleeding badly yesterday too."


"Oh, don't worry about that. There's no life or death for Servants. Even if Servants are eliminated, they just go back to where they belong. Heroic spirits are a phenomenon, they can't be killed. The only ones that can be killed during a fight are Masters."

"No, but still…"
Even if it's a temporary death…
There's still the fact that something human-like has disappeared from this world.


"What? Are you saying it's murder? Are you still carrying such a sense of justice even though you're a magus?"
""



Her comment is only natural.
As a magus, death is always right beside me.
I understand it and I'm already prepared for that.
But stillI'm not strong enough to judge people's deaths as good or bad.

"Of course. I won't fight anyone to the death."


"Oh? So you're just going to wait for the others to kill you? You're ceding the victory to other Masters?"

"That's not it. The point is to survive to the end, right? I don't have any intention of killing others, but I'll have no mercy in a fight to protect myself.
…If the enemies are out to kill me, they can't complain if they are killed in return, right?"


"Oh, so you'll be staying on the defensive. Then you'll just be observing what other Masters are doing, right? So even if someone like yesterday goes around killing everyone, you're going to ignore it?"

Someone like yesterday…?



She must mean that inhuman monster.
""
Superhuman strength that allows the destruction of a house or two with a single blow…
…Certainly, if that thing wished it, this town could be in ruins in just one night.

And on top of that, the problem is that the Servants are normally in spirit form.
Humans can't see those in spirit form.
But since the Servants can affect the real world as spirits, you could call them the most powerful weapon.
With the technology we have now, there are no weapons that can affect spiritual beings.

Our attacks are useless against them, while theirs can still harm us.
It's more than just an unfair game.
Murder by a Servant is like natural death for normal people.
Death caused by an invisible killer will just be treated as an accident or suicide.



"What is that? Servantsno, Masters and Servants don't just attack other Masters? Don't other people have nothing to do with them?"


"Yeah, I really wish that was the case. But if it were, you wouldn't need a supervisor like Kirei, would you?"


"I should have said earlier. Servants are spirits. They are already complete, so they don't grow.
But magical energy used as fuel is different.
The more they have available, the more they can use the powers they had in life.
In that respect, they're just like us magi… Do you understand?"

"I do. So they can use magic repeatedly, right?"

You could say magical energy is the gunpowder to fill a gun, and the magus is the gun itself.
The type of gun depends on the abilities of the magus: pistol, rifle, machine gun, shotgun…
Continuing with that metaphor, Servants are cannons.
Using a large amount of gunpowder, they fire a large bullet.


"That's right. Servants aren't given their mana by nature. They act with the magical energy inside them.
We Masters support them, so Servants can only use their powers using their own magical energy plus the magical energy of their Masters.

"But that means an amateur Master like you would be no match for other Masters, right?
So there's a loophole… well, I guess you could call it an obvious answer. Servants can supplement their magical energy from other sources.
Servants are spirits, so they can get nourishment from eating things that are like them."

"Hm?"
Nourished by eating things that are like them…?
"Things like them? You mean other spirits? But what kind of spirits would they eat?"



So where do you think Servants, human spirits, get their power from?"
"Oh."
It is a simple answer.
Just as we humans eat meat, the human spirits



But it's obvious that one gets more magical energy from many people than from just one person, right?
So, to put it bluntly, a weak Master makes his Servant eat humans."
""


"Servants transform human emotions and souls into magical energy.
That is the most efficient way to make your Servant more powerful. There are many Masters who kill humans as sacrifices for their Servants."

"As sacrifices… so you're saying that if a Master didn't care about his methods, he would kill humans to make his Servant stronger?"


"Yes. But I don't think a smart Master would do such a thing."


"You see, even if Servants are powerful, there is a limit to their magical energy capacity. They can't store magical energy beyond it, so there is a limit to how much they can kill to collect magical energy.
The Association wouldn't ignore you if you went around killing people, and most of all, other Masters might figure out your Servant's abilities and identify them from the cause of death. Not to mention the identity of the Master as well.
It is highly advantageous in the Holy Grail War to keep your identity a secret, so most Masters should use their Servants sparingly."

Yeah, I don't think anybody will go around draining people of their energy. It's a really bad idea.

…I see.
Certainly, if nobody knows that you are a Master, there's no danger of other Masters attacking you.
Conversely, if you know who the other Masters are, you could definitely pull a surprise attack on them.
By that theory, there won't be many Masters that would have their Servants attack humans and reveal their identity

"…I'm glad. Then there's no problem. That means Servants won't indiscriminately attack humans without orders from their Master."


"Right. They are heroes, right? Someone who would go out and kill people wouldn't be called a hero in the first placewell, no, I can't really say that for sure.
There are many examples of people becoming heroes just because they were mass murderers."

Music: Stop

""
Tohsaka makes an ominous comment.
As it seems to be her true feelings rather than just sarcasm, a bit of strain in her personality might be showing.

Music: Gentle Everyday



Since you don't want to kill people, you're just going to watch, is that right?"

Mustn't continue running joke…

…I take back what I said.
She really has a bad personality. She's a real bully, putting me on the spot and asking me that with a smile.

"I'll just have to stop them. The Masters will calm down once they lose their Servants, right?"


"Unbelievable. You say you won't go out and kill other Masters, but you also say you'll kill them if they do anything bad.


Emiya-kun, do you realize you're contradicting yourself?"

"Yeah, I know it's selfish, but I can't think of any other choices. I won't change my decision no matter how much you argue against it."





She's plotting something. With that face, she's definitely plotting something.
But as a man, I have to listen.

"O-Okay. What is it?"


"Do you remember the Master yesterday? The girl who was talking about killing you and me?"
""
How could I forget? They attacked us mercilessly.




""
I… see.
That girl is a Master too.

Since she knows Tohsaka and I are Masters, she will come and attack us sooner or later.
I don't know if it'll be today or tomorrow, but I do know it's a death sentence.
At least, I know I can't stop such a monster.


"Her Servant, Berserker, is on a different level.
You can't match it, being an inexperienced Master. You say you won't do anything except defend yourself, but you won't even be able to do that."

"Sorry. But you wouldn't be able to beat it either, right?"


"I wouldn't be able to beat it head on. It's the most powerful Servant in hand-to-hand combat. I don't think any previous Servant could match it. Even I wouldn't be able to escape if Berserker attacked me."

"…I feel the same way. I don't think I'll get another chance if they attack me again."

Unconsciously, I place my hand on my stomach.
The wound on my stomach is healed now.
No, you couldn't call it a wound. It was pretty much instant death.
My nausea returns just at the thought of taking another blow like that.


"That's right. Do you get it? You can't choose to wait until the Holy Grail War is over without doing anything."

"…Yeah, I get it. But what are you trying to say? I don't quite understand.
Or are you enjoying watching me be condemned to death?"



Geez, don't you get it after I've said so much? In short, I'm asking you if you want to join up with me."

"…?"
Hm? Hmmmm, hm?
Um, if I take that at face value, that's…

"Join up!? You mean, me and you!?"


"Yes. My Archer received a fatal wound and is healing right now. It will take a while for him to heal fully, but he should still be about half as useful.
And there are no problems with your Servant, but her Master is dragging her down, so she is half as useful as well. See, it adds up fine."

"Huh. I'm not that bad."


"Even though you've almost died three times from what I know of? I think you're the first person I've ever seen almost die three times in one day."

"Guhbut that's…"


"I'll make the alliance worthwhile. I'll forgive you for beating Archer and I'll teach you about being a Master. Oh, and if we have time, I can look at your skills as a magus. How about it?"

…Ugh.
That certainly is an attractive proposal.
As I don't know anything, Tohsaka would be a useful teacher.



Not because she's the girl I admired at school.
In fact, if I didn't know her like this, I wouldn't feel this much resistance.



…The Tohsaka Rin in front of me is so different from how people describe her as an honor student.
But talking to her, she is just Tohsaka and it seems she's just as she appears.
Wellin other words, I'm saying I find her so much more attractive this way that I'm wondering why I even have to tell myself this

Music: Stop



She urges me to respond.
I

…don't get a choice on this route.