Part 29: Principle of action - Tohsaka Rin (III)

Music: Ever-present Feeling



Back then, Kiritsugu didn't leave the house much.
Not going outside, he would just laze carelessly around the house.
…I regret it even now, thinking back to it.
Why didn't I notice that it was like the actions of an animal that knows its time of death?

"When I was a child, I wanted to be a superhero."
Suddenly.
That man, himself a superhero in my child's eyes, said that as if yearning for it.

"What? What do you mean by 'wanted'? Did you give up?"
I became angry and asked him.
Kiritsugu laughed apologetically and looked up at the sky.

"Yes, unfortunately. Being a hero is a time-limited thing, and it becomes hard to call yourself that when you grow up. I wish I'd found that out earlier."
I agreed with that.
I didn't know why, but I thought it couldn't be wrong because Kiritsugu said so.

"I see. Then I guess it couldn't be helped."
"Yeah. It really couldn't be helped."
Kiritsugu answers.
So of course, my response was determined.

"Yeah, it can't be helped, so I'll take your place.
It's impossible since you're an adult, but it should be all right for me. Let me take on your dream.

"I'll make it come true."





There were no sounds of insects in the garden as it was silent.
In the bright night, I remember only my eyes being hot.
I did not cry out nor did I feel sad.
But I could not stop my tears until the moon sunk.



Fuji-Nee's father planned the funeral, and I started living in this house by myself.
Nothing changed even though Kiritsugu was gone.
Emiya Shirou would become a superhero like Emiya Kiritsugu, so there was no time to be playing around.

That's right.
I didn't mention it, but I remember perfectly.
The figure of the man who saved me, who was left to the fire ten years ago.
He held up in his arms an unconscious child, about to die from burns. He became so happy that tears welled up in his eyes, and took the child outside.

From that time, he was the subject of my admiration.
No one saved me.
I couldn't save anyone.
In it all, I was saved, and a person was there to save me.
That's why I decided to become like him.

Become a superhero, so that I could save people and let no one be killed… just like him.
Kiritsugu died peacefully, leaving me his dream of becoming a superhero himself.

It's only natural for a child to succeed their father.
Emiya Shirou must become a superhero and save someone just like the old me.
I swore so as a child.
To fulfill the dream of the man I admired the most.

…But honestly, I don't get it.
What this superhero thing is supposed to be, how to become one, how to make everyone happy like Kiritsugu always said… and I became this thing called a Master and things like the blond-haired girl following me around is confusing my head and really

Music: Stop

That scene makes for a pretty good contrast with the anime version:

Video: Kiritsugu's Final Moment (mirror)



""
I'm not sure why I feel like this.
I feel really sick to my stomach, so I want to go to the bathroom and wash my face.



My body is heavy and it feels like my stomach is turning every time I move. Maybe someone would feel like this if someone poured burning lead into their stomach.
"…Ugh… Imagining that is giving me headaches."
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and wobble out of my room.



"Hmm, bandages? Eh, not important."

"…I'm hungry. I wonder if there are any leftovers…"
Even though my stomach feels terrible, it seems my body wants energy.



Music: In the Sunlight



Sakura and Fuji-Nee must be at school.
There's no breakfast prepared in the living room, and there's none of Fuji-Nee's loudness.
The quiet living room is like a typical Sunday

Music: Stop


"Good morning. I'm afraid I came in without asking you, Emiya-kun."
No, it's not.

Music: Gentle Everyday

"Wha!?"
Tohsaka Rin is sitting on a cushion.
Her calmness makes me think I'm the guest in this house and not her.
Yeah, that's why I'm even more surprised.

"……"
I don't know how to answer her, so first of all I sit down.
And then, I take a deep breath and ask,

"Tohsaka, why…"


"Hold on. Could you apologize first? I can't calm down until I hear an apology for last night."
I don't even have time to ask her why she's here.

Tohsaka is glaring at me like she's really mad.
It seems she's really angry about last night, but what happened last night?

So many people quit drinking after saying things like that. Especially when the opposite sex is involved.

Music: Stop



"Hold on."
I recall it now.
That's right, why am I so relaxed?
I tried to save Saber and… Berserker blew away my stomach.

"…Ugh."
The nausea returns.
I feel a chill, remembering the feeling of having a hole in my body.
Something in my stomach moves.
It feels really sick.
It feels really sick, but that's definite proof that I'm alive.

Music: Gentle Everyday



"That's strange. Why the hell am I alive?"


"Do you remember? The stupid thing you did last night? If you do, then please review your actions."


Tohsaka lets out a humph and criticizes me.
…Huh, that's really annoying.
My head, which was frozen by the fact that Tohsaka is here, finally resumes activity again.

It occasionally needs to be jump-started.

"What are you saying? There was nothing else to do at that time! Oh… well, it does look stupid if you just look at the results, but I was going to do it better.
So it wasn't a mistake."
I protest, glaring at her.

"I was gonna do it better."




"Didn't I tell you that Servants will disappear if their Master is killed? So it's crazy to try to protect your Servant.


"Look, Saber will disappear if you're killed. If you want to save Saber, think of a way to do so from a safe place.
…Geez, don't you understand that protecting your Servant with your life is just meaningless?"


"It's not that I protected her with my life. I tried to save her, and it just happened to work out like that. I didn't think things would end up like that either."
I did think I would be killed if I went near that monster, but that's a different matter.


"…I see. You seem to be misunderstanding."
As if she's read my mind, she sulks even more.


"Look Emiya-kun. I'll come out and say it, but I didn't take you to the church to help you win.
I was trying to help you stay alive even if you were left on your own. It seems you didn't understand that part of it."

"Help me stay alive…?"


"That's right. You shouldn't take risks if you realize that a loss equals your death. You seem to be someone who would walk out at night by yourself even in a situation like this.
If I threatened you, I thought you wouldn't take risks and you might get through this."

"I see. I didn't notice that."
So that's why she's complaining to me about not realizing that and running at Berserker.

"…? So why are you mad, Tohsaka? It shouldn't bother you if I'm the one that made the mistake."





It looks to me more like she's holding on to her temper.

…But I see.
I'm honestly happy she's worrying about me.
Looking at the situation, it seems Tohsaka was the one who treated my wound.

"I see. I guess you helped me out. Thank you."
I bow my head to show my thanks and apologize.


""


"Heh, it's fine if you understand. If you've learned from this, try to act smarter next time."

Tohsaka looks away.
Her gesture is snappy, but it seems she's in a good mood again.

Music: Stop


"Then we're done with what happened last night.
I'll go into the main topic, but which do you want to talk about? About last night or about something serious?"

Doesn't that imply that lastnight wasn't serious? Ooh...

"…?"
Tohsaka starts a conversation as if it's natural to do so.
Her straight-forwardness surprises me, but thinking about it, she's here because she has something to talk about.

If she didn't have business with me, she would have gone home already.
What is it that Tohsaka, my enemy, wants to discuss in her enemy's territory?