Part 345: Sakura's absence / Check on Sakura

It all happened ten years ago.
I kept pursuing the responsibility for being the only survivor in the fire.

'Are you going to ?'

I never forgot about it.
I survived, so I…







I know fully well.
But you…









"Ah"
Remember. What have you lived for until now?
You have approved of yourself because you save innocent people, because you save people who ask for help.
But if you are going to deny it just for one girl…

'If you are going to betray it…'







""
My body feels heavy.
My limbs feel numb.
My dull head can't remember who I am.

"Oh. What do you want for breakfast, Sakura?"
I pat Sakura, sleeping beside me.
For a strange reason, I remember why she's there next to me.
The fact that the girl I love is sleeping next to me is probably more important than my identity.

"It's morning, Sakura. We have to get up, or breakfast and Tohsaka"
I tap her shoulder.
…Sakura's cold.
Not her attitude, but her sensation is cold, and she's also hard.

"……Sakura?"
I raise my body and look around the room.

""
She's not here.
We slept together and I held on to her hand, but Sakura is nowhere in the room.







My body doesn't move well. I hit my foot on the table.

It didn't bother me when Shirou got disemboweled, but this makes me wince.

I fall, pull myself up using the wall, and head to the hallway.



I can't think?
Or does my brain not recognize what I'm thinking?
Blood won't flow to my head, so I can't even tell.



"……Um, her shoes are not there, so…"

"Yeah. Tohsaka's the only one outside, so it means Sakura's in the house."
Oh, so that's why I feel relieved.
Sakura hasn't gone anywhere.
All right, I'm getting sharper.
So yeah, Sakura just woke up before me, so she's probably doing something like washing her face, preparing breakfast, training in the dojo, or doing the laundry in the yard.

"Man, I got worked up over nothing."
I sigh and head back to the living room.


"Eh, Shirou!?"
Tohsaka comes running inside.

"What, Tohsaka? Are you taking a walk?"



"I'm not that easygoingno, we can talk later!
Sakura's collapsed outside, so carry her in! I'll prepare the treatment!"



It must take them a really long time to brew coffee.


"Have you calmed down, Shirou?"
"Yeah, I'm fine now. I'm sorry for worrying you, Ilya. I don't remember what happened the last two hours, so I don't remember what kind of stupid things I may have done."


"Hmm, you didn't do anything. You carried Sakura inside, then held her hand while Rin treated her. She didn't have any external wounds, and you just sat down once you found out it was only a high fever."

"I see. Where's Tohsaka? I think she took Sakura to her room."


"Rin was checking out the closet earlier.


Oh, she must've been looking for Sakura's clothes. She was dirty and sweaty, so you have to change her clothes before you can put her to bed."

""
I see.
It makes sense, now that she says it.
…Then I must still be in the living room because…



"Hey. Why are you following us when I'm about to change her clothes?"

Tohsaka probably said something like that to me.



"So I've been waiting for two hours, huh? I might've been in a panic, but…"
I feel very stupid.

I'm sure it isn't the first time. Or the last.

What's going on?
There are many things I have to think about.
Sakura's well-being.
The big meal the enemy had last night.

…No, that can come later.
I should be thinking about why Sakura was collapsed outside when we went to sleep together





You didn't forget it, but it went away. There's only pain even if you try to find what's not there."
"EhIlya?"


"…It's nothing. I was just talking to myself, so forget it."
Ilya looks away and shuts her mouth.

Being the token loli didn't work out so well, so she now strives to occupy the "creepy little girl" slot.

A few minutes after that.
When the clock is about to strike ten…


"Thanks for waiting. Sakura's awake now."
Tohsaka enters, acting like nothing's happened.

"…Tohsaka. Is Sakura all right?"


"I don't know. You should go ask her yourself. There's nothing for me to say."
"…All right. I'm going."
I get up.
I leave Ilya and Tohsaka in the living room and head to Sakura's room.

Music: In the Sunlight





"Good. You're here, Senpai."
Sakura is breathing hard.
But she speaks the instant she sees me.

"Of course I'll come, you idiot. I'll go anywhere for you if you collapse. Tohsaka got the job this time, but it's me that should be treating you."

I get the chair and sit down.
I try to sit level with Sakura, who's lying on the bed.

"So, how are you doing? Tohsaka didn't tell me anything."
"Oh, I see. So Nee-san is keeping quiet."

"No. She said I should ask you. She's being considerate, huh?"
"Oh, you seem happy, Senpai. I thought so for a while, but you like the strict part of Nee-san, right?"

"Y-Y-Y-Y-You idiot, that's not true!
Tohsaka's a steady girl, but I don't want to deal with that all the time. First of all, we can't manage unless she's considerate at times like these."

Sakura nods, smiling.
Her satisfied expression dispels my uneasiness somewhat.



""
She's still breathing hard.
…Just lying there must be painful.
She's probably trying to breathe normally so she doesn't worry me.



""
Even though I'm the one that asked, I still blush.
…But this is something I have to know.

"Then you'll get well right away if you eat something good and nutritious. I'll put in my best efforts for today's lunch."
I roll up my sleeve in a show of confidence.
But…



…If I could just stand up, I could help you. I hate that I can't even do that."
…It seems my words hurt her.

""
…That's right.
Sakura is concerned about her role.
She knows she can't do anything, so she just tries to be the normal Matou Sakura.
But she can't even manage something as simple as that.

"Well, just bear it for now. A sick person has to rest like one. After all, I'm going to leave you in charge of breakfast, lunch, and dinner once you get well. You'll regret not resting more then."

I jokingly say what I plan to do.
…Yeah.
I can leave her in charge of cooking for about half a year if that'll please her.



"I'm serious. I won't do anything for at least half a year.
Well, I'd like to at least keep watch on the food on the gas burner when you need help."
I've been standing in the kitchen for eight years.
I don't feel at ease unless I'm holding a pan or something.



"Okay, then it's a promise. Please eat my meals once I get well."
"Yeah. I'll promise you all you want."



Music: Stop

"Then I'll see you later. I'll come here again during lunch, so sleep until then."
I step away from the bed.
Sakura nods silently.

"Oh yeah, Sakura."
I stop at the door and call out to her without turning around.

"Yes? What is it, Senpai?"
"Oh, I was wondering why you were collapsed in front of the house.
You were sleeping in my room, right?"
I try to ask as naturally as I can.
After a faint gasp…