Part 40

Chapter 34



Today we're finishing up Porom's Tale. Told you it was a quick one.





We start off in Mysidia, where Porom is praying for the gods to grant her a personality.

Her wishes fall on deaf ears.



(Palom... I guess you've arrived in Troia by now.)




Then the only other relevant person in Mysidia shows up.



Oh, no worries. I feel fine today.
That's wonderful...



Nothing.
You wanted to travel to Troia instead of Palom, am I right?
I don't know anymore...

To be fair, Mysidia does seem pretty boring for a small town full of idiots, especially compared to a region as huge and geographically diverse as Troia.



Well...



Elder?
Palom is a rare talent, there's little denying that. But he is still young. That's why I sent him on this business. There is much for Palom to learn through teaching others.
I see...

So basically, Porom can't go on the big trip because she's smarter, more mature and better-behaved.



Perhaps.
You two have been together your entire lives. As siblings, as friends, and as rivals... But more importantly, when you look at each other, you see yourselves.
Yes. You are right.

Considering how wordy Porom usually is, I'm assuming she's just sick and tired of this shit and is just hoping he shuts up soon.

Of course, he won't.



Yes, Elder!
There is no need to panic.

Oh, beautiful foreshadowing. Of course, the very next line...



What is it, Elder?
The dragon... It's crying!
What!?







I guess there is need to panic.



Time for a scene change.



The Lunar Whale has risen, setting off in the direction of the moon. With Palom absent, I would like to call upon the powers of the dragoon.
The dragoon! You mean Kain?
The one and only. If the rumors are to be believed, we can find him on Mount Ordeals.
But...
But what?



Elder! Certainly, this is a serious matter that requires swift response.
But surely Mysidia's army of mages would be sufficient for its protection!
Even if those dreadful events of the past were to visit us again?




There's Tsukinowa the stalker, creeping up to spy on Porom.



But it certainly helps. I didn't see you nuking enemies left and right those past two segments.

Have you forgotten what the Elder taught us?
B-but...
How else should we respond to the moon's return?
Elder...
...



But...

Hey, it's your idea. "We're missing a black mage, so let's send the guy who can jump at the thing! At the very least, we can all hide in the back row while he takes all the hits!"

Don't worry. I won't do anything rash.
Be careful out there. Whatever you do, remember to stay out of harm's way.
Yes, Elder!

I don't know what the Elder's so worried about. Mt. Ordeals is probably the only place a White Mage is any good offensively before they learn Holy. Maybe the Elder's been stuck at Mysidia for so long that he doesn't realize not every enemy is undead and that White Magic is horrible offensively. I mean, as awesome as Slow is, you can get the same effect just throwing spiderwebs on enemies.




So the princess and the frog leave to Mt. Ordeals.



Yes, Elder.



Yes, Elder.






So the White and Black Mages from Ceodore's Tale are tagging along, but this time they can actually gain levels. Not that you'll actually gain that many, but hey. The White Mage is still a dick and won't show his/her face. Jerk.



And now he's all excited to push us to the mountain. The Elder is a dick.



This crystal certainly won't be stolen!



This is a dick move by the game, as there's one in a chest in Mt. Ordeals. It's still awesome to use for a free Confuse spell, though. Maybe Porom will use the other in the Challenge Dungeon or something.



Surely he didn't leave before we did, so who knows where he's hiding.

So let's hit the road.






Yeah, the enemies don't have shit on us.






Now we scale the mountain. It's short, and the enemies can be annoying but aren't difficult. It's probably easier than when Tsukinowa scaled the place (and these two are climbing at the same time yet facing different monsters). This is also the final dungeon of this Tale, which shows just what a joke this Tale is.



There's a lot of undead here. White Magic works, but it's not going to be as effective as a good ol' Fira in the face.




Do not confuse Liliths, as they will just spam Entice, which confuses your characters. Clever dick move.



Oh yeah, Porom doesn't know Esuna yet. Lovely.



Good thing she learns it a few battles later, then.



New arrows for the Great Bow Porom bought in Mysidia. We're still carrying all that stuff Porom was trucking around 10-15 years ago. And yes, I stripped Palom and Rydia of their stuff.

There really isn't much to say here, so let's skip to the end.



I don't feel anything.




(It's fading fast, like it could disappear at any moment... It's a voice...one I feel I've known before!)




Well, this room has seen better days.

What...!?
Where are we?



Wait... Could this be the place where King Cecil or Baron became a paladin?
...And the place where Tellah the sage used the forbidden Meteor magic, as well.





Wait, are you talking to Porom or the generic one?








Cecil's father...




And we go back outside.

That was KluYa, father of Cecil and Golbez, and the person who guided Cecil to become a paladin. And from context, I assume he's the one responsible for introducing magic to this world. Of course, the timeline seems weird considering KluYa stayed on the planet because of a woman, and that Cecil's pretty young at the time of the first game, to the point where I'm pretty sure people like Tellah were practicing magic before Cecil was even born. Plus considering all the talk of Palom being a complete bad-ass Black Mage unrivaled by anyone, he must have quite a line before him to be compared to.

So yeah, I have no clue what "Father of all mages" means here, but feel free to fill in the blanks.



So we hooked up with KluYa, but still no Kain. Guess we'll just go home and-






Oh shit.



They'll all get their digs in. These guys hit pretty hard, but they're not that scary considering we have Fira.



Still, Porom's scared shitless by their sheer numbers, so there's only one way this battle is going to end.








RANDOM PERSON JUMPING IN OUT OF NOWHERE TO DESTROY THE THREATS!



What?
The dragoon from Baron. The one that Cecil and his group trusted!

Usually to disasterous results!



To be fair, Kain and Porom have probably never really met. Sure, you can bring Kain to Baron with the petrified twins, and later visit Mysidia and talk to all the formerly dead party members, but it's not like they chatted in the ending or anything since Kain exiles himself immediately after the game ends.



A white mage?
Do you remember me? I've been ordered by the elder to search for you.
For me? What for?




At this rate, Baron could be in danger soon as well.

All these people know right now is that the Lunar Whale randomly took off for no reason. For all they know, this may have nothing to do with anything bad.



What?
Baron ceased to be a part of my life a very long time ago.
That's not true...
Pardon?



That's right, Porom's trying to argue compassion with the guy who betrayed his friends more often than his friends blew themselves up.

...
Am I wrong?
No...
Then, please!







Kain is in another league. He'll nearly double the mages in speed, and he's pretty damn awesome offense-wise. Where have you been for this entire tale, Kain?

We can't teleport away, so we backtrack just so we can view a hamfisted scene that we've already seen before. For such a boring tale, Porom's Tale sure pops up all over the place in the game.





We need to go.
(I know I heard his voice...)





Yeah, Kain's pretty awesome.



So let's go visit Mysidia and flaunt Kain to the stupid mages.





Or Mysidia could be randomly overrun by monsters. Sure, why not?



Kain!
we're too late.
We have to find the elder! Quickly!



Actually, we're going to take our sweet time fighting the monsters here.



They're pushovers, but hey, free EXP and all.



The only mandatory battle before the boss is this guy, who hits really hard but otherwise is a wimp.



It doesn't hurt that you can use his own offense against him.



You can even go to the inn during the attack. Just sleep it off!







The Blood Eye... I don't even remember what this guy does.




I guess he hits hards and inflicts random status effects like paralysis.





He also can't survive four or so Jumps. A complete joke.





Elder...
The monsters... They appeared from the Devil's Road.
Then Baron's already been overrun!
I fear...it is already too late...
No, it can't be...



Right here.
We stand below a pair of moons once more... As we speak, your homeland of Baron is falling into the hands of monsters. And then...Mysidia is next...
They're after the Crystal...
So it appears...
Who could be sending them here?
I cannot say...



Elder, I too will go to Baron!
Don't.
Kain!



Baron is my homeland.



Then he proceeds to walk directly to the crystal room. Yeah, I've got a good feeling about this.



He just proceeds to stand there, staring at the crystal.



Outside, things get worse.



Hey, it's everyone favorite antagonist! Get ready for an intense bland-off that could shake the cosmos with pure apathy!





Even if I told you, you wouldn't comprehend it.
You're the one who unsealed the Devil's Road, aren't you?
Yes, to retrieve the Crystal.
Retrieve?
Yes.




Unfortunately, the Elder comes in and ruins this intense intellectual battle between two of the greatest personalities in video game history.

Elder...!









So here we are fighting the Mysterious Girl. Again. It will go as well as you expect it to.

The big thing here is that this is the only battle where you'll actually control the Elder. That's right, the leader of Mysidia and all the mages is joining up with us.




He's pretty much an experienced White Mage. His HP is laughable, but he's got a pretty hefty MP pool and a ton of White Magic. Weirdly, though, he doesn't have Holy. He's probably missing a couple of other spells, but Holy is the main offender, so you're doing a battle with two white mages with no real offensive capabilities.

Wonderful.



After spending a few terms applying unnecessary buffs and dealing bow attacks for double-digit damage, the Mysterious Girl gets bored and summons a monster.



Ramuh! Why are you doing this!?

Yeah, this time we face Ramuh. As usual, you just kill time while you wait for Ramuh to do his thing.









In the battle of the geezer-off, Ramuh reigns victorious.



How meaningless.
You...!!!



Don't tell me that's the Elder again.






This is it--the real thing.
It's yours.



Welp. It's official. Kain is the biggest dick in the Final Fantasy universe.



A wise choice.
On one condition, though.
What?
I'll give it to you only after I finish what I set out to do.
And what is that?
An audience with the king of Baron.
And for what?



!
Understood. Bring the Crystal with you.







...
...Palom...






That's it. That's the whole Tale. The Elder's left for dead, the crystal's taken, and Kain manages to betray us yet again. And to think, Porom can't be interesting even when Palom's not there to hog the spotlight. Fucking Kain had to steal the spotlight this time.

Thankfully, the next Tale isn't nearly this horrible or useless. Tune in next time while I catch up with some stuff, and then soon we'll get to Edward's Tale. Thankfully, Edward's Tale ranks with the awesomeness of Palom and Edge's Tales, just with a tad more tedium, so at least we have something to look forward to.