Part 44

Chapter 37





Here we are at the Underground Waterway again. The only real noteable thing is that we're going backwards.



There's really not much to discuss. It's pretty easy with five characters, even if one of them is completely useless. The guards are mediocre to great, depending solely on the weapon they have equipped. Edward's pretty solid, hanging in there with damage and having the option to pseudo-heal with Bardsong if necessary. Harley contributes absolutely nothing, as you'd expect.




There's a new entrance to this secret area.



I forgot to get these earlier, but much like the Kokkol Ore in Rydia's Tale, there's a ton of Bronze Tails scattered around, as well as a couple of Silver Tails. I do backtrack to get the rest later, but for this update this is the only one I get.




And that's it. That's the way you climb back to the area where you'd normally jump down the falls. After that, it's progress as usual.



This is a nice upgrade. The guards aren't worth spending money on, but now the guy holding this can deal triple-digit damage.



Once we hit the save room, we have to stop because Harley's exhausted from excessive sucking.

What's the matter?
N-nothing... Nothing at all, my lord.
Your color does not look so well.



There's no need to overwork yourself. We'll turn back.



I just need a moment's rest. That will more than suffice.
Let's make camp here for now.



Oh boy, Harley's exhausted from wandering through the desert!

For fuck's sake, Harley, at the very least you could've waited until crossing a real fucking desert before getting Desert Fever. You freaking live in the Damcyan Desert, and you've been wandering waist-deep in water this entire time. How in the holy hell can you be sick already?



...Yes, my lord.
We will arrive at the Kaipo Desert shortly. Just hold on a little longer.






Bardsong + Gil Toss = Feast of the Land, where Edward and Harley use Damcyan's tax money to hold a great feast for the elite in the middle of the battle. At least it's a great method to heal, only really costing a bit of Gil since neither character really uses MP.



Great, a completely useless upgrade for Harley!




There's ten Bronze and two Silver Tails hidden. You trade the ten Bronze for two more Silver, giving a total of four. Since you need five silver for one gold, that means you have to grind five Bronze/one Silver from enemies to get a Gold Tail.

The funny part is, the item you trade the Gold Tail for is probably the most useless item you can get from tails. It's the Gil Band v2, which doubles Gil gained rather than a 50% increase. It has slightly better stats, but if you want good stats, there's a ton of better options than either Gil Band anyway.



Boom, Kaipo. We all know what's going to happen, so let's get this over with.





Oh no, Harley's got Desert Fever! Aren't you glad she brought herself?

Your...Your Highness...
That's desert fever, no doubt about it.



They give a half-assed explanation for why Harley had Desert Fever despite not being in a real desert when she started wearing down. I still think she's just plain pathetic. At least Rosa wandered through a real desert first.



Oh, you know about those? I've only heard about 'em from my grandfather's old tales.



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

Supposedly you can get sand pearls when it lays eggs. I've also heard that antlions only lay eggs during a full moon.

So right after we just exit the Underground Waterway, we now have to go back through it?

What the fuck!?



Of course! But you guys better call it a day for now. I don't want all of you getting desert fever, too.

I do.

That's true...

Time for a transition!



Perfect time for Edward to revisit old memories.

Anna... Tellah... It's been quite a while, hasn't it?







So of course Ghost Anna shows up again. I know this is a game with magic and all that, but having actual ghosts just seems a bit weird. Then again, Tellah's ghost cheered you on to kick Zeromus's ass, so yeah.

Anna...
...
Anna... Why must you be so sad?
...



(What are you trying to tell me, Anna?)

Seriously, I don't know why the hell Anna doesn't just tell Edward what's wrong.



Edward's done giving a shit, he has to go rescue his secretary or else he might accidentally hire someone with ethics.




Of course, nobody knows a woman's mind better than the ghost of Tellah.



Anna wants you to live, Edward.
What? What do you mean? I'm as alive as I've ever been.
Hah hah hah!
?
Try asking your own heart about that one.
What?
Got that?

No.



Tellah doesn't care, so he just disappears without actually helping Edward any. Speaking of which, it's been seventeen years. Why are Anna and Tellah's ghosts still snooping in Edward's business?




So basically Tellah just told Edward, "Bro, you should totally bang the secretary, man!" in the most indirect manner possible. I certainly hope that's what Anna wanted. It'd suck if she was all, "DON'T LOOK AT HER ASS I DIED FOR YOU DICKHEAD I'LL MAKE YOUR PENIS SHRIVEL UP AND FALL OFF IF YOU DO ANYTHING."



Harley...
The fever's getting worse. We need that sand pearl as soon as possible!



High...ness...



This...is all my fault...

As if to rub salt on the wound, Harley reminds you that the reason you have to backtrack is because she invited her useless ass along, contributing absolutely nothing to battles or the Baron storyline.



This wouldn't have happened...if I hadn't forced you to take me...
Enough talking. You need to conserve your strength.
Please... Be careful...
Harley!




...Yes.
Let us accompany you, Your Highness!



Hahaha! Surely you didn't think this game threw enough bullshit at you, did you? Backtracking past the dungeon you just did was bad enough, but now the game wants you to do it solo, with one of the infamously weakest characters to boot.



But, my lord...
Please. I'll be all right.

Do I even need to discuss how stupid an idea this is?

Yes, I do, as there's just so much wrong with this. First of all, Edward's the king. The king is clearly more important than the secretary. The royal guards' duty is to guard the royalty, in this case, King Edward. Edward's survival is much more important than Harley's.

Second, look at the situation. Edward's going off through two dungeons full of baddies, while Harley lies in bed doing nothing. The guards would be much more helpful assisting Edward through those dungeons than they would be standing there staring at Harley. What can they do for Harley that the NPC guy can't? Slay her inner demons? This isn't Cyan we're talking about, here.

Third, even if Edward must have someone guarding Harley, why not just leave behind one person? Why would you leave three people behind to protect a sick woman that absolutely nobody has any interest in? What in the hell does Harley need three guards for that one alone can't accomplish?




This is The After Years, so of course logic and reason have absolutely no involvement in any decision making. Three guards will stay to protect some random sick woman nobody gives a shit about while the King of Damcyan wanders through monster-infested dungeons alone.

Next time, we solo the next two dungeons as Edward. And then we have to go back through the Waterway to reach Kaipo.



 It's actually hilariously easy.