Part 4: Of Swords and Shields (Part 1)

Chapter 3: Of Swords and Shields (Part 1)




Let's go get that gear! Where to first?

Either King Sword or King Shield.

Shield's closer. Let's see if we get a better reception now that we have the armor.


















So much for that.

Is rude, what is.

Quite right.

Eh, screw 'em. Let's unload some of this gold. I predict we're doing something incredibly ill-advised in the future.










Ah, now here's a woman that looks like—

You're not Lonegan, and I'm not in the mood.

...right. Well, here's what we've got.

Much better.







I'll need some arrows. And one of those health drinks, while you're at it.

What this? Trog find in hole.

I... honestly have no idea. *sniffs*

*thud*

Elly! Are you okay?

_{I can't feel my nostrils. Are they still on my face?}

How did you find my stock?!

What stock?

*ahem*

Oh, I mean. Uh. The jig's up! How long have you been doing that thing you're doing?

I've been smuggling Snakesbane into town for a year now.

Snakesbane? As in, the artificial steroid? The one that they make from lizard blood and opiates? That snakesbane?

You have to understand, it's the only way can survive out here! We're under attack from monsters daily. We're not soldiers! What are we supposed to do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to take those vials, and...

*burp* Is tasty. Trog already have two. More?

...

Oh dear lord.




As previously indicated, humans level up via potions. Now that we've got the cash, the higher price Strong and Agility potions become available. They pretty much do what they say on the tin. Elly will be spamming agility from here on out; I've got a plan for her final loadout, and it doesn't involve much in the way of strength. Trog—well, Trog is Trog, and everything that goes with it. We'll only be using agility potions on him so he can actually hit monsters. Other than that, we're going to juice him to the gills.







Looks like we're storming the castle. Everyone ready?

SWOOOOORD! Is lying, low down, thieving pervert worm!

Yeah, we got this.

How many of those has he had?!







Wow, it's actually kind of pretty through here.

And tactically sound.

He's right, this whole place is one big ambush corridor. It's a good thing they're not expecting us.





What's the deal with this Sword guy, anyway? Why is so hostile to visitors?

The Sword bloodline has been obsessed with purity for several generations now.

Okay?

How should I put this? They refuse to let allow outsiders pollute their lineage.

Not following.

Rez, sweetie, he's saying they're inbred.

Oh. Oh, ew.

Several generations of marrying siblings has rendered the current king quite mad. We shan't receive a warm welcome, which is why I'm particularly curious as to why we're doing this.

Sword have sword. Need sword. Take sword from Sword, have sword.

I'm somehow less clear than before.





Alright. Look alive, and watch your six.

Trog not have six. Two at most.

...I don't even want to know.








Castle Shield isn't all that different from the Bandit's Lair; no treasure, three relatively straightforward floors, and a boss. The hallways are tight and guards like to hang out in choke points, but there's nothing that says you have to talk to them. You can even steamroll them to get past if it makes you feel like a big shot.








Wererats start showing up in the castle. They're tougher, but nothing we can't handle. Nobody's getting through Rezen's King Armor, but the others aren't really taking that much damage, either. Thankfully—and unlike in some games—were-creatures don't poison.







Is two staircases. Which?

Beats me. This one's closer.





Hey, I can see the king from here!

Protected by a gap, of course. I can't hit him from here. We'll have to find another way in.

*PUNCH*

ow ow ow ow







Ah, is real men! Fight natural!

Not to worry, I have a pla—

*KICK*



...Dente?

_{No, mother, I don't want to be a dentist. I want to cook. Blaghldag.}




Meet the Karateka. They do not like you. You will not like them.

Karateka usually come in large groups. They're equipped with martial arts skills, which we'll go into later, because the mechanics only become important to party members. They'll do 8-10 damage with punches and kicks, but since they're five of them, they can wreak a lot of havoc before you whittle them down.




That's the last of them. Is Dente okay? He doesn't sound too good.

_{Chutney with a hint of lemon. No onions! Look at the time. Whee.}

Not understanding words.

Trog, do you know what irony is?

Yes! Is way keep clothes straight.

... Anyway, he's concussed. We need to keep him out of combat until we can get him to a doctor.

!

That may be a problem.




Hey, guess what happens if you take the wrong staircase in Castle Sword?




Cripes, these guys kick like mules. Literally.

Hey, you used "literally" right!

Wha—oh, guess I did.

Ah...

You know, that bugs the heck out of me. That and irony. No one understands irony.

Trog see bad. Hello?

I know, right? It's all, "Ooh blur hurr, it's so ironic bad things are happening to me." That's not at all what—

Is problem here

















Huh. Ironic.

Christ-punching fuck run




...You get buried under an army of karateka, that's what.

King Sword's personal guard hangs out on the top floor. If you take the wrong staircase, you'll be dropped into a zone where the encounter rate is jacked up and the fights always involve three to five karateka. For those of you thinking, "That's great, just grind there!", please find the nearest door frame and slam your face into it repeatedly. This is a simulation of how much fun grinding against karateka are.







Oh crap oh crap there's like a million of them

Rip and tear! Rip and tear!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa

_{ding dong, time for tea, ha ha}




Moral of this story: don't take the north staircase. It makes life easier.







*pant* *pant* Okay, we're safe.

King not look safe.

Well, can you blame him? We kind of invaded his castle.

Rez, he is trying to kill us. It's not like they asked a lot of questions first!

Well, maybe we shouldn't, y'know, just bust into his castle and start randomly killing guards.

Work before, will work again.

Nope, I've had it with all this violence. For once, we're going to do this diplomatically.





Your highness, please. We come from King Armor's court. I know we got off on the wrong foot, but let's put all this behind us. We come in peace.

GIT YER HANDS OFF MAH SWORD BLERGH







Diplomacy, huh?

Yeah okay let's kill him.




King Sword is a pumped up Asigaru equipped with his namesake.




HURF BLARR

Elly!

OW OW OW OW




And it really, really hurts.




Trog to rescue!

DON'T YOU TOUCH MAH SWORD IT'S MINE





_{Trog not feel so good, need lie down}

Oh no! Dente, wake up! I need your help!





_{wheedle poo! the lion and the unicorn, fighting for the crown}

Well, looks like it's up to me.




Obviously, the King Armor goes a long way towards helping here. Unfortunately, the King Armor will only protect one guy, and King Sword likes to spread the misery. But, this is Rezen we're talking about, and in case you've forgotten since last update...











Rezen is awesome.




Is everyone okay?

Ugh. Yeah, I'll live. Rezen, what did you do?

BLARGH YOU BLOCKIN MAH SWORD DURR

Well... remember how I did that thing with the bandit king? The one where I couldn't be hurt?

Yyyyyes?

Turns out I can do it for other people!

Trog no hurt anymore?

For a little while, anyway.





Is like Yulentide come early. Trog smash!




Rezen continues to be the best heroine ever by picking up Barrier. Barrier boosts defense by 10, which isn't as much as Armor but still a healthy amount. Better yet, it does it for everyone in the pary. And, best of all, it stacks. After two consecutive uses, King Sword can't hit anyone, full stop. At that point, the results are predictable.







Welp. Killed a monarch.

Yup.

It'll probably throw the area into chaos and war.

Probably.

The serfs'll suffer worst of all.

Usually how that works, yeah.

Did we do the right thing?





To victor, spoils!

That is one sweet-ass sword.

Good enough, I guess. Let's blow this popsicle stand!




There is nothing about the King Sword that isn't amazing. Nothing. It is straight up one of the most powerful weapons in the game, comes with unlimited uses, and will rock someone's face off regardless of your strength rating. The game happily gives it to you on the first level. Clearly, we will not be keeping it. But in the meantime,

Also, some unintentional humor if you talk to the corpse:




Well done, Elly







Honestly, it'll help them in the long run. Anyone's better than that inbred lunatic.

I hope so. Are you sure you're okay with me having the sword?

Trog no trust weapon. Is held by bad man. Spirit may enter.

And you gave it to me?

Friend Rezen good! Is balance.

_{Oh my word, what happened...}

Dente! You're making sense now!

Told you that lizard meat would perk him right up.

My head. I remember being in Castle Sword, and then nothing.

Well, an army of hooded guys kicked you in the head really hard, and then you started babbling about tea time.

... seriously, though. What happened?



For the record, this isn't just a plot point. Dente actually ran out of Tusk uses before the boss fight, and we didn't get any meat on the walk up.







Okay, this time, we're not taking no for an answer.

Is get by any means?

I really don't want it to come to that...

Me either, but we already committed regicide once today. What's one more?

Wait, we did what?!









I can't wait to see the look on his face.

No kidding. We're gonna bust in there with you wearing that stuff and be like, "Behold the mighty heroine!"

And he's totally going to give us his shield.







I believe we may have miscalculated.







You halfwits are actually good for something. You're just in time.







You realize we're going to kill you for this.

I'd like to see you try. Guards! GUARDS!







I knew there was something wrong with these guards!

They have surprise!

Guess what they don't have?





The King Sword?

Give that monster a cigar.




Critical hits in FFL/SaGa are a pretty big deal. In most games, they're double damage. In SaGa, they instantly drop the target in its tracks. No damage report, no drama, just dead. Unless you're using a weapon that has a particular bonus against an enemy type, only the strongest weapons will crit on a regular basis. The King Sword is one of the strongest weapons. As you'd imagine, combining the King Sword with Rezen's agility and some under-leveled monsters results in hilarity.




Is like machine. Trog impressed.

That takes care of the guards, at least.

Yeah, but...





RIP King Shield, you seemed like you could've been a pretty cool dude




Speaking of which, where'd that rat-faced little weasel go?

Walk through wall! Is magician, maybe.

Highly unlikely. Where did you see him last?

Here.





I don't get it. How do you walk through solid brick?

The answer is simple. *click* He didn't.








A secret passage!

Quick! We can still catch him!








Blast! He was supposed to have a horse ready for me! Where could he—

Not so fast, steward!

GAH! How did you find me?!

Well, once we figured out you couldn't walk through walls, the rest was pretty easy.

Look, it wasn't me! It was him!

Him who?

I can't tell you, he'll kill me! Look, I'll give you anything! Do you...





Break vow to king. Cannot excuse, funny man.

Wait, no, just hear me out—

Are you prepared? Is time.







So, the Steward. He's got a rockin' photo, and you've managed to get the jump on him. You wouldn't think he'd be a tough fight, but...





Ahahahaha no seriously, he sucks. Any party member can one-shot the little twerp. You get 400GP and the King Shield, too! I wish more boss fights were like this.







Trog trample under heel. PTOO!

I don't think I've ever seen you this mad.

Is disloyal. Trog not like.

The more I learn about you, Trog, the more I appreciate you.

Trog friend with monster! Is trust! WE HUG!

hrk gkk can't breathe help




Later, back at the Town of Hero...




Well, that's it. We have all the King items.

Guess it's time to put it back on the statue.

Shame, I'm gonna miss this stuff. Oh well, it's not really mine to begin with.












And there we go!

Wait, what was that?

It appears a compartment has opened at the base.





Huh. That's it, then? No fanfare or anything? Just, "Hey, good job, here's your mystic orb."

Apparently.

You know, it baffles me. Why risk the peace and health of your people just for some stupid magic gear? What's it going to do for you in the long run? Win you a couple of extra fights?

Rezen... just saying that proves you don't know how rare you truly are.

Oh, you. Stop making me blush.







Well, I guess that's it, then. Time to head back to Base Town and—

Uh.

Elly?

Did you feel that?

Feel wha—









AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

OH CRAP OH CRAP WHAT'S GOING ON WHAT DID WE DOOOOOOOO

IS STILL NOT TROOOOOOOOOOOG



Tune in next time for Part 2 of The Final Fantasy Legend: Of Swords and Shields!