Part 19: King of Monsters '89 (Part 1)
Chapter 15: King of Monsters '89 (Part 1)
Ehn ehn ehn, doot doot doo, deet deedledeedledee~
Oh my God, that is the most obnoxious thing I've ever heard. I know! I can't get it out of my head!
Where did you even hear that in the first place? I don't knowOnce more into the
I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying these are the very last floors inside the tower. With all four fiends defeated, we're officially in the endgame. You know all that empty space in the earlier worlds? Yeah, here's where the content ended up. We'll get to all of it in due course, but in the meantime, here's a little something to pump you up. It's technically from the last world, but it's pretty badassed all the same.
If you do not get hype after listening to this then I just don't know
Strap yourselves in, folks. Shit's about to get real.
Oh, come on. There's no reason to have these here except spite! I sincerely doubt whoever built this tower was concerned with convenience and accessibility.
If only friend Elly took shoe. Spikes would not hurt! Unless those are steel-toed, I doubt it.
ow ow ow ow ow Quickly! The sphere!
Ugh. If we ever make it to Paradise, I'm not going to miss those spikes. Assuming paradise not made of spikes. I hadn't even considered that until you said something and now I wish you hadn't.
Wow. It's somehow even more high tech than before. Lotsa stairs, too. Guess we'll see what's up this o—
*thud*
Caution. The moving staircase is ending. Caution. Oof. Thanks for nothing.
Well, this is the only one left! About time, too. After all these stairs, my feet are killing me. If only you had taken those shoes... Will you guys shut up about shoes already! They were on sale. Ugh. And now I've stepped in something because you goobers were distracting me. All more reason! Seriously, what is with your obsession with oh my God it's got my leg get it off get it off
This floor is almost exclusively gummies, which are a high level slime monster. (In fact, Dente's one right now!) Like all slimes, they have Bother, Melt, O-Physical, and X-Fire. They only attack one at a time, so they're easy enough to pick off. Their Melt hurts like hell, though, so you'll want to keep some healing on hand.
It's worth nothing that monster difficulty doesn't take a gigantic jump here like last time. Excepting gummies and a few of the more powerful Rhino types, we're taking 25-55 damage whenever we get hit, which is not really that noteworthy. Furthermore, monsters don't get a chance to attack half the time; we either beat them into submission first or Rez turns them into statues. Nevertheless, the worst challenges are ahead, and we'll need more than just brute-force Mana to get through it.
Ew. That was disgusting. You're not the one that stepped in it. How's that combat knife holding up, by the way? Okay, I guess. I don't see why I can't use my psi knife! You evolve in response to physical challenges, Rezen, and you're easily the most powerful of us in combat. If we are to survive, we need your reaction time to match Elly's. Sometimes I wish I could just take some of those steroids and be done with it. Trust me, it's not worth it. Why? I haven't seen any side eff— I SAID IT'S NOT OKAY DON'T QUESTION IT Oh. Well, since you put it that way.
How many times do you think we've seen this exact layout? Way too many. Look! Is box that makes friend Rezen happy!
I appreciate the thought, Trog. But, after all we've seen and done, I think it's time to grow up and stop being so obsessed with treasure all the time. Is serious? Hell no, gimme dat loot!
O... kay. Let's ignore the fact it shouldn't even fit in there. What the heck is a door doing in a treasure chest?
Hmm. This panel in the center is strange—almost exactly the same size as a hand. I wonder, if I... *beep* *hum* Aha! There we are.
Dimensional Omnichronal Omnibus Return System online. IS GHOST! *punch*
*wham* Ah. I see I'm dealing with a more primitive culture. Screw you too, buddy. Yeah! What's your deal, anyway? I am the DOORS holographic interface. I provide operational assistance for this equipment in lieu of an experienced pilot. How is move through? Has shiny man learned to counter fist? What you are seeing is merely a light-based projection of my AI. I have no solid form to harm. Trog not understand single word. I suspect this isn't the first time. What do you even do, anyway? Go through walls? Potentially, though my true usage is far wider in scope. I can return you to any known coordinates within the space-time continuum—providing they intersect with this tower. Astonishing! Unfortunately, I only hold enough charge for three such trips. Why just three? It was determined to be the optimum balance between available space for power cells and getting people to buy more of me. Is honest. Trog respect. Sooo, are we gonna go somewhere now, or...? I would recommend against it. This is an incredibly powerful artifact—one with the potential to change the past. If used carelessly, the downstream repercussions could be catastrophic. Again, not word is understood. Hmm, how to put this in Trog terms... "Change past. Could break future. Whole world collapse." OK. But why is talking funny? 
Alright, Dente. If you're that worried, we'll stash it for now. Suit yourself. *byooooo*
Oh man. I forgot just how much I hate these things. Ehn. What're they going to throw at us that we haven't already seen?
Did not expect science room. I'm actually kind of shocked this is the first lab we've seen. Let's see what's going on.
Seriously, it's been one project after another for a couple of years now. Is lucky. Hard finding work in current economy. Wait, something's fishy about this. Why would a lab this far up the tower be so busy? There's another moving staircase over there. Maybe we should see what's downstairs. Sure, why not.
... Well, that does explain a few things.
It's great. They would've never given me access to this stuff back home! How can you be okay with this? Well, I used to lie awake at night pondering the moral and legal ramifications of our actions. Then I got my first paycheck and bought my own personalized glider. It's been pretty smooth sailing since! Ugh. You guys are every bit as bad as Innovative Defense Corporation. Eh? You mean Mark finally found some investors? Hot dang! How'd that end up? His company kinda blew up the world. Wow! We always knew he'd make it big. ...
Can we please stop going through those doors now? You know the drill, Rez. We have to keep searching. Besides, it wasn't all terrible. Yeah, but you can only watch Trog punch someone in the face for so long before it's not funny anymore. Saying you!
ow ow ow ow ow
Ooh, what's in this one?!
All yours, Ell! Oh man. I can't wait to try this out. Far be it from me to spoil your enthusiasm, but the weapons we purchased in Sayaka's world were impressively powerful. Are we certain this new one merits a replacement?
Pretty sure, yeah!The Magnum is one of the last guns you get for free, and it's pretty rad. Trog and Rezen have been setting the standard at 300 damage a pop, and with the Magnum, Elly is suddenly right up there with them. We only get 30 shots, though, and it's single target, so the good ol' Balkin is still going to see some action.
Also, after the fight, this happens.
Daaang, Dente. I don't know what you did to that dragon meat, but it smells great.
Would you like some? I'm trying a new rub. The secret ingredient is a dash of paprika. Sounds good to HOLY CRAP IT'S AN ABOMINATION FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME ITSELF
Ah. Yes. I suppose I should've warned you about that. You think?!The Scylla is also pretty rad, and not just because it's named after a monster from Greek myth. It's crammed full of powerful attacks, including 4Heads, Ice, Fire, Gaze, and Whirl. The latter is one of the rare multi-group attacks in the game; the only other ones I can think of are Acid, Flare, and the top tier of heavy ordinance. On top of that, the Scylla's stats are ridiculous. Seriously, look at this:
We're now hitting the part of the game where Dente is coming into his own. With Sei-Ryu, we lucked into the best possible form at the best possible time. Here, though, the monsters are all powerful enough to keep Dente in great shape. I'd like to see one of four certain forms before we get to the last fight in the game, but I'm guessing the luck-of-the-draw nature of this challenge is going to keep me from getting there. Oh well!
I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk~ You're going to fall off if you keep doing that. On the catwalk, yeah, I plummet to my death on the catwalk~
Who's ready to have their day ruined? Last door not so bad. Maybe Trog punch more?
Maybe not.
Unbelievable. Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, we discover a room full of dead children. This entire tower is a goddamn horror show, and I'll be glad when we're done with it. We should search the area for survivors. I'm... not hopeful, but it's the right thing to do.
Doesn't look like anyone made it. Is not surprised. Makes Trog sad. This one has a diary. Let's see if we can piece together what happened...quote:
Ashura Labs knows we've defected by now.
The diary ends with a strange series of symbols. I imagine he was interrupted by his murderer. *rip* Elly? Grab that gizmo by his feet, Dente. We'll need it later. If you say so...If you're not paying close enough attention, you won't realize the diary quietly slips something into your inventory when read. We'll see what it is next update.
Late Edit: chiasaur11 points out that Higanjima was made four years after Final Fantasy Legend. This is quite a bit more mysterious. Maybe the character names are tropes in Japan. Or, maybe SquareSoft is actually operated out of the tower itself and time and space has no meaning to them.
Wow, they're really laying it on thick. I imagine so, as we're nearing a dramatic confrontation. Are you guys still going on about this whole thing being a game? It's just a harmless theory. If nothing else, it helps pass the time. Less talky, more openy!
Oh what is this crap. Perhaps use as distraction. Throw! Hit opponent in head. Sure. And maybe we can also paint it red and blue with a big white star in the middle because that would be equally as stupid. *toss*(P.S. Shields are still terrible. I don't care if it is the Aegis, we're not using this one, either.)
Please no please no please no Oh, get in there you big baby.
See? It's just a library. A library... of death! Actually is no monster here. Quiet. I can certainly appreciate the solitude. I'm sure a library this far up the tower contains many secrets. Secrets... of death! ...indeed.
Who the hell writes books with just one word in them? Perhaps they're meant to leave the rest to the reader's imagination. That's dumb. Don't make me do all the work 'cause you couldn't figure out what to write! Speaking of unfinished stories, when you were telling us about the Christmas party, I couldn't help but wonder if— I told you to never talk about that
by... the... By the what? Looks like that's all we're getting. This one has a page ripped out, I can't read the final...
Is mystery! Trog and friends solve? I fear it's a mystery that will solve itself, and soon.
Mysteries of the Unknown. ...hmm. Dente? This book is... conspicuously placed. What happens if I remove it? *rumble*
Ah! As I suspected. You'd think it'd be less obvious. The best place to conceal things is often in plain sight. Now, what's so important here that someone felt a need to hide it?
"History of the World, Vols. I through MCDII." Boooooring. "True Natures of Garland and Chaos." "The Chrysler Building and You." "Tokyo Rhythm Dragon Throwdown." Woah, check out that last one. I thumbed through the first chapter, it's like it was written by a schizophrenic child-hating hobo! ! Friend Dente is OK? This... This book... The Eater of the World ... Dente. ... Go on. Read it. I... I can't. I fear what's inside. It's just like these doors. It may be awful, but you have to know. I know you mean well, but the comparison is of little comfort. Ah well. We'll soon be meeting Ashura himself, I suppose it behooves me to know now. *read* *read read read* ? ...ha. Ha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Dente?! Are you okay? Look at this! "The best eater will tend to be of humble origins. Little by little, he samples the world, until there's nothing left to try. Then, he returns home." I don't get it. Isn't that the prophecy you told us about back on Cloud World? It's a mistranslation! The whole sodding prophecy was a silly mistranslation! Eh? Don't you see? It's not the "World-Eater." It's the worldly eater! Trog is not see. What is getting? This is no prophecy of the apocalypse! It's a story about the perfect chef!Next Time: King of Monsters '89, Part 2