Part 32: Primo Ladro, or A Thieving Obsession

Update 32: Primo Ladro, or A Thieving Obsession

This week on CSI: Ivalice:
- Arms dealers!
- Blackmailers!
- Towel snatchers?

---


It seems a crime wave has struck Ivalice! Who could be behind it? The Zedlei Consortium? Camoa Braves? Perhaps even Khamja?!

Also, the first five missions take place before the Bonga Bugle updates. I'll explain why later -- just don't be surprised that the clan is lower level than before.


Let's start by investigating in Camoa.




I have no idea what happens after four rounds. I guess the thieves escape by then?


It makes sense that Vaan is the best person for catching a thief, right? Since he's a professional thief?

Nah, I'm sending him and the rest of this group because they need some XP.




: Over there! That's about as suspicious-looking as you get.


But we do not fight alone!

: You made a dire mistake when you presumed to thieve in Camoa Braves territory!

: ...Clan Sawyer! We're not here to match blades with you today. We come on another matter. We're rather fond of this here Camoa, you see... and anyone who messes with our town answers to us! This...isn't our usual style, but certain problems require what you might call..."extreme" solutions, savvy? What I mean to say is...



: Right... Well, I'm not about to argue! Let's drive these bandits off with the aid of the Braves!


This battle is somewhat unusual in one particular way:


Our guests are actually pretty useful!


They're matching us for damage, which is surprising and pretty awesome.


That's one down already. 7v4 isn't really fair though.


The large treasure chest has a surprisingly apropos reward.


Of course, they aren't perfect.


But I can forgive the White Monk for waking up the Baknamy, since he did 100 damage.


The Baknamy are a bit obsessed with Magick Hammer. It doesn't help them, none of our units rely on MP.


And even when they do attack, they get a critical counter attack back.


The last two fall pretty quickly. The poor thieves didn't really stand a chance.



: Set a foot in Camoa again and we'll cut it off! Nyeh heh... Thanks are in order, Clan Sawyer! We're the only ones with a claim to causing trouble in this town! Hrah!

: No, thank you for your help.

: Hey! It looks like the thieves dropped something when they ran off.





: "Do a arm"...? "Arm" could mean arms! What if they're selling weapons? This could be bigger... and more sinister than simple burglary.

Maybe the other Nightwatch quests will give the evidence we need to uncover this grand conspiracy!



---


Our next crime scene is in Graszton.


As before, it's a 4v4 with some NPC guests.


What an annoying law.


In response, I have authorized use of Mirror X-Potion.



: Huh? Now they look suspicious. I'll be we've found our burglars!


And here's our help for the mission: Chita's Weaponers, lead by Chita himself. We've seen this group of craftsmen before on the auction circuit, and we've done a quest or two with them.

: We poured our lifeblood into them weapons, so we did! You can't just take 'em! The heavens may forgive you someday, but I can promise the Chita's Weaponers won't!

: Hey you! Young 'un! Yes, you! If you've time to stand there twiddling your thumbs, you've time enough to help us fight!

: Okay, let's help Chita's Weaponers drive off these bandits!




Chita can teleport! That's pretty awesome. And like the Camoa Braves, our guests do appreciable damage. Bangaa, man, they're awesome.


There's two Baknamy down by our starting position, and it looks like they're just close enough...


Back up north, Chita shows why Gladiator's abilities aren't that great...


...and then teleports onto someone's roof.


Oh man, that felt good!


First one down thanks to Mirror X-Potion.


And then Lian takes the other one out with a lucky Break.


A nice Opportunity Command from Vaan knocks the enemy down to 7 HP.


And then the guest squanders it. As cool as it is to have local NPCs helping us defend their cities, it would be nice if they were actually good at their jobs!


Alright, well, sometimes they do just fine.


The last enemy dodges three attacks before finally succumbing to Tsing's blade.



: Thanks, there. Our stolen weapons are all 'counted for. You're young, but you do good work. Eh heh heh... What say you come and work at our forge, eh?

: Ah, er, thanks, but no thanks.

: Hey! It looks like the thieves dropped something when they ran off.



: "On a photograph"? Could they have been recording something? Something...secret?

Blackmail? Covert surveillance?!



---


Maybe Moorabella will have clearer answers.




Oh great, my favorite law.


A good mix of ranged damage and mobility makes this battle a lot easier -- the enemies start on the rooftops. Appropriate, since they're burglars, but annoying to fight against.


Are we catching them red-handed? I'm not sure.


Oh, good, we have some illustrious help.

: Fear not, dear Owner! I'll get your smelly...er... -special- undies back! I, Bonga Bugle Head Editor - and future owner - swear it!

: Oh, what's this? Is that a clan I spy? You, clan! Retrieve the Owner's undergarments, for his sake, and my career!



: A-All right. Let's get those bandits!


Here's how much the Owner and Head Editor will help:


Not at all.


Fortunately, we have a great team here. They can easily handle this as a 4v4.


Except Vaan. He's still lackluster.


Nice.


Anyway, a few rounds of beating up some goblins later...


Lian unleashes Ultima (the scion, not the ability) and Talf cleans them up with a Star Cross. Three KOs with one spell is great.



: The Owner's proprietary parts are once again his and his alo- What's this?

: Egads! They're quite ripped! I-I mean improved! Yes, yes. Very airy now. They're your undies, Mr. Owner, but better! Yes, I've always thought your undies possessed a certain... adventurousness of spirit! Returning as you last saw them just wouldn't be good enough for undies such as these! Ha ha...

: Thank you! Thank you all for your invaluable assistance! They're rather torn to... excellence! But they're back, and that's what matters. Ah ha. Ha. Ha ha... Please don't tell the Owner, hmm?

Never change, Head Editor.

: Oh... Uh, whatever you say. Hey! It looks like the thieves dropped something when they ran off.



: Huh? A "prim towel"...? Is that some kind of rare and valuable... towel?

Curiouser and curiouser! What kind of foul criminals are we chasing that would steal a towel?



---


Two cities left. How much more depraved can these criminals get?




Remember, they really mean you aren't allowed to end your turn in water.


Vaan was detained at customs, so Penelo is stepping in for the next quests.



: That lot over there... I believe we've found our burglars!



:Tweigel! Loa! Veis!

Bowen goes full Dumbledore for a minute there. Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!


Oh, wait, no, he was just summoning the rest of House Bowen.

: Time to go to work! Let not one of the curs escape!

: The headhunters, House Bowen!

: Hmm? Clan Sawyer, isn't it? You pick this up at the pub, or did the Sovereignty Society contact you as they did us?

: ...Either way, I expect you to pull your own weight or get our of our way! And don't come whining to me about friendly fire if you're standing where you shouldn't.




After the annoyance that was our last guests, House Bowen is a breath of fresh air. Stardust is the coolest Illusionist spell!


Seriously, we haven't had a chance to take a turn and one enemy is already almost dead.


Gotta remind Bowen which clan is really the strongest though.


Just fill in a few dozen images of Baknamy getting utterly trounced and you'll have the gist of this battle.


Talf gets one last Prominence to take out the last one.

I taught him Stardust after this battle, because how could I not?



: Our work is done. Time to collect our reward, eh? Thanks for the help, Clan Sawyer! Couldn't have done it so quick without you.

: Thanks to you as well. Good allies are few and far between. Hnn? Those thieves seem to have dropped something when they fled...



: "Pim nna klac"!? That rings of magick! Or...utter nonsense.


The scope of this crime wave is breathtaking!

---


I shudder to think of what crime we'll uncover in Goug.






Imino hasn't been on the battlefield in a while. Sorry, buddy.



: Ah, right on cue! There are our bandits!


So which group of NPCs will be our guests this time?


They're never formally introduced, but this could be the Eastwatch.

: Hmm? Looks like the town has hired a guard...sort of. Right. Let's help them drive off these bandits!




They're way faster than anyone else on the battlefield. The first seven or so turns are taken by our guests.


And they put those turns to good use.


Imino helps the Eastwatch with the enemies in the middle, while Penelo takes care of the one on the south west side of the battlefield.


Seriously, these guys work fast. And the Ninja doesn't even have Dual Wield!


Their competency is only a problem if you want to get this treasure chest.


Quick aside: Strike Back is an R-Ability I don't think we've seen before. It's similar to Counter, but only activates for basic attacks and negates all damage.


The chest might not be worth the delay.


The last two fall, eventually.



: Ah. My work is done. Thank you. It went much swifter with your aid.

I've just now realized the picture I've been using for generic Parivirs is actually Ghi from Frimelda's side quest.

: Thanks to you too! Huh? It looks like the thieves dropped something when they ran off.



Well. Um. It's a, uh, precious hairpin...?

: Well, let's look at what we got and see if there's any pattern here.
"..... Do..a arm..."
"........on.a photograph"
"Prim........towel"
"P.im...nna....klac."
And the last one? "Prima D..na hairpin" Huh.
I think I get what they were up to... Sinister indeed. *sigh*


I suppose we have a fair idea what the thieves were after now.

---


Time to apprehend these criminals! You may remember the Devotees: they're the seeq and moogle who follow Prima Donna everywhere.


This quest is the catalyst for the last 4 updates. See, I wanted to do the whole Nightwatch quest chain in one update, the five cities plus this Wanted quest.


But "Wanted: Devotees" takes place in the area unlocked by completing The Stone With No Name. That quest is locked until you complete The Sun Seal, which is located in the area unlocked by Bonga Bugle - Silversun. And of course I wasn't going to separate the Bonga Bugle quests, so it took four updates to unlock this area.




No ranged weapons is annoying. This is one long hallway, and being able to shoot over everyone's head would really help. Fortunately, magick does pretty well instead.


Also, I finally remembered to give Lenolia her Chameleon Robe back.


Not that I brought her here. Imino is in charge, because you have to set a thief to catch a thief.


We interrupt the Devotees right as they're receiving more stolen goods.

: Another error...

: Straighten up, kupo! What we want are Prima Donna collectables! Why do you bring us all this junk? Kupo-po!



: Ah, no, no, I'm sorry, kupo. Maybe I was too harsh. You did try your best, after all, kupo. Better luck next time, kupo!



: Those two are the Prima Donna devotees, kupo.

: Kupo! Sorry to intrude on your meeting! You're the burglars everyone's looking for, if I'm not mistaken!

: Eh?! Us? Burglars!? Nonsense! Poppycock! On what basis do you make these wild claims!?

: Kupo-po. You want proof?


This is a little mini-game, where we translate what each note is supposed to be.


The right answer should be obvious!


Choose the wrong answer and the Devotees will be confused.


But that just sends you back to the same choice. You can't lose.




When did Squenix start giving goblins gas masks? I know the ones in FFXIV have them, and I assume FFXII has the same design.



: Zoik!


_{The correct answer is still the second one, in case that isn't clear.}

: Kupo-po!!!

: I believe the evidence points conclusively to one suspect, or suspects, kupo. The biggest Prima Donna enthusiasts every, kupo. You, the Prima Donna devotees!

: ... H-How...? How'd you find out!?

: We're sorry, kupo!


Apologies don't count, buddy! Only violence matters now.


The Devotees won't fight you, but the Baknamy will.


Finally! I've been trying to get Slow Dance to work for ages now.


Also, be careful of traps.


Cid's rocking two Mirage Shields now, giving him ridiculously high Evasion.


I had no idea this could happen! The poor guy really can't catch a break.


The Devotees just hang out down here. They never move forward and won't attack.


Cid will probably dodge this, right?


Sorry, buddy.


Poor Cid, knocked down to a third of his HP by traps and his teammates.


Let's fast forward a bit, the Baknamy are too busy using Magick Hammer to actually stop us.


Bishop: still my favorite job of this run.


Oh hey, you can examine the pot!


The Owner is better at throwing pots than the Head Editor. That has to sting.


The Devotees are still only level 1, so they fall quickly.


Trophy Hunt is a Sky Pirate ability that deals less damage than a normal attack, but on a successful KO yields the best possible loot from the target. Two pieces of loot for one attack is pretty good!

In this case, we got Birch and a Gimble Stalk. Not bad.

---



: Ku-Kupooooo!

: Well, looks like you've learned your lesson, kupo. Incidentally, did you know you're wanted, kupo? By the Jylland Sovereignty Society!

: ... Whaaaaaaaaa-!? U-Us? Wanted!?

: Oh no! Whatever will we do!?

: Kupo-po... everything you did actually steal was junk, kupo. I guess we could tell the Society we apprehended you. But you have to promise there'll be no more theft, kupo!

: Oooh, thank you! We promise to be less enthusiastic in our support of Prima Donna! Woooo!

: That's right, kupo!!!



: Why am I not convinced, kupo?



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And that's the end of Jylland's greatest crime spree. Good work, Clan Sawyer!