Part 49: Forbidden: Forbidden: Forbidden: Forbidden

Yeah, so the characters in this game are aware they have this HP thing and it is a value that represents their health.


The bill said "plains" but we're at the Aisenfield, not Giza Plains.


These officials are now twelve and will keep acting more and more immature.


Also hitting people is not fun.


Not fun at all.


Turns out DMG2:Animal was against the law and I totally ignored it because every other mission has no monsters in it, why should this one?




Y'know, it kinda is when it's my guys hitting your guys.


He mostly wastes my time.


The officials in these missions have this ability. I have never seen any of them use it.


Well, if he likes seeing others get hurt, lets hurt him and see if he likes it! For well over 200% of his HP!




Yeah, I thought so.








There are rumors about this stuff. The rumor board stays relevant for the entire game.


...I told you. They go from competent with that first guy who was taking weapons, to complete dimwits.


Dear captain, what do you captain? Uladon is kinda far inland.




Like I said, these guys have great equipment, but I don't care.




All the other jobs in Ivalice involve cooking, cleaning, blacksmithing, or deadly combat. Maybe this job pays well without endangering one's life.


Lini shoots a ninja in the head. There is nothing else to say about this picture.


Wait what


HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Actually, being a Beastmaster, the guy is really pitiful. Here's Seth's Gigaflare for comparison.




Ramza doesn't care that much anymore.


Then a cutscene happens, in the throne room of the honorable Judge Reinhold.


Wait, Cid has a plan ol' office and these guys get throne rooms?




Reinhold is your other type of devious villain. Mike was all "as long as it remains secret" while Reinhold...


...Is all "Why, I'm doing nothing wrong at all"




But if he didn't engage in underhanded deals, these missions wouldn't be fun. We'd have to dig up dirt on 'im or find that he's a tax evader or something.




He keeps a list of underhanded deals in his desk for us.


First, how did Clan Marble end up in Baguba? Second, they'll get themselves killed on Jagd clans.


Cid just saunters in. Ramza is nowhere to be seen.


"Dat's right bitches, it's CID all up in this HIZZ-OUSE! 1-2-123, YO! Chicky Chicky BABY!"
"Please stop, Cid."


"Make me go KABOOM! Can ya digit LADY!"
"Cid, please, just stop."






I like my villains to be insidious like Reinhold. Adds some tension when it isn't DARKMEGALKILL vs. the indisputably good guys. Bad guys should be more devious.


"Oh my Lovefire! Comin' to ya SOON!"
"Cid, please, now is not the time. Just stop for the love of God."


Of course, these villains shouldn't be defeated so quickly and by an unlocked filing cabinet.




"You just outta the crib, kid! Go suck yo' momma's milk!"


"Will you just SHUT! UP!"


Reinhold has some minions that teleport in.


Reinhold himself has a very, very boring equipment set-up.




No tricks like Mike had, so he falls almost instantly.


Blappo!




And it still isn't over!

NEXT TIME:

But this stuff gets so dumb you wish it were over!