Part 15: The best offense is not dying

Chapter 14 - The best offense is not dying

Sorry for the delay. Work's still a pain, plus I built a new computer and all that. First update with the thing, so let's hope it goes well. Well, besides the part where I get my ass kicked repeatedly in a bit.







I certainly didn't expect you to actually succeed after meeting you. I just sent you off to do busy work while Celes and I did the actual investigation.
I'd be more offended if people didn't do this to me all the time.



Not as bad as what we've done to your people.
But we murdered your citizens in rage?
Yeah, but we invaded your realm, kidnapped your people, tortured them, and infused their powers into our people. I think we win the "asshole" war.
Well, when you put it that way...







AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That is rich!











Having fun, you wet blanket!





Murder these pathetic creatures! Including yourselves if you feel so inclined.
Yes, sir!





We can't actually set things on fire with these machines, though.
All that time and money spend on those buckets of bolts, and you can't even use them to burn things down? Worthless! Whatever, just make flashes of light or whatever, I don't care. I'll burn everything down myself! Hehehehe!
I've had enough of this, Kefka! I request you cease immediately before I write a strongly-worded letter to the Emperor about my admonishment of your behavior!





Grrrr! You idiots can't do anything right!

And now we control Leo.





Leo, well, holy fucking shit. These stats would be awesome if not restricted to one plot fight.

I guess this is not the time for letters.



Excuse me, do you have a boot I could purchase? I plan to shove it up a clown's ass.



I will show you the error of your ways by bringing a painful-sounding metaphor to fruition!
Ooh, you kinky little boy!
...or maybe I'll just kill you.







Ack! Emperor Gestahl, help me!



Leo, I am very disappointed with you.
But, my liege! I followed every command you made while showing the utmost compassion to my enemies and comrades!
I know! That's why I'm so disappointed!





Ahahahahaha! That was me all along! You were soooooooo fooled!
Kefka! You bastard! Why?
For laughs, you nimrod! Look at me!



Pretty cool, huh? But not as cool as this sword I'm gonna kill you with!





Gotcha soul!





Oh baby!









If you want to party, you should know I hang with the best of them! And I've hanged the worst of them! Ahahaha, I slay myself, much like I'll slay you twits!



I'm tired of you idiots. Go away!





Hah! Is that it? I was hoping for a fight!







I have better things to do than flitting away gnats!



This is such a pathetic showing, there's no reason to even kill these rambunctious bunch of fools I keep running into!



This is pathetic! I'm too powerful for this world! Well, I better fix that, shouldn't I? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-----







I...don't think he was really that into you.
Wait, you heard all that?
I heard a few things in between dry heaves.



Aren't you fighting against a power-hungry emperor bent on ruling the world with an iron fist, with his first officer being a powerful magic-wielding psychopath killing for pleasure's sake?
Well, when you put it that way...





(If only I could talk their primitive language, I could tell them about the immense danger coming upon the world soon.)
Here, I'll bandage your wound.
(You've bound my mouth shut, you moron. I'd bite your leg if, you know.)



Wait, you have allies?
Yeah, the King of Figaro and the royal guard of Doma are in our ranks.
How wonderful!
Locke didn't mention the suplex-obsessed monk, the gambler who runs a casino airship, the random moogle we rescued from a pickpocket, and the teenage boy who was literally raised by monsters.
When you've adventured as long as I have, that's considered rather normal.

-----





No shit.



And speaking of tongues...
If you go any farther, your tongue won't be the only thing I chop off you.
...Nevermind.





Perhaps there could be a way to revive him?
You'd gotta wait in line for that.
At any rate, maybe we should go back to our original plan of kicking Gestahl and Kefka's asses.
I'm good. Let's go.



This place is boring as hell, and it's been awhile since I got to bust some heads. That last adventure was pretty fun, at least until that clown guy blew up my town.
Eh, I don't know.



And, again, we've got a kid raised by monsters.



Fine, whatever. At least this way I know you won't be burning the town down. Again.





Ahaha! I like this one!





I'm...not that ugly, am I?
Screw this. I'm going off to kill Kefka. Once you guys are done joking around, you can join me.



...No.



(And you should hope I never get this muzzle off me, because I do, you certainly won't live to see it).

-----



OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
So now I see where Relm gets her mouth.



Yesss! Ahahahaha!





(Your days are numbered, fool! Oh, the joy I'll experience once I stab your wretched body over and over and over and over and-)
Kefka!
Aagh! Coming, my liege!



Wait, you can hear the world now?
Yeah. That's why my parents named me Terra.
Could...you teach me how to do that? That sounds pretty cool.
Look out!













AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stop, you're making this too funny!
Kefka? What are you-
Never you mind! Enjoy the moment! Hehehehe...





Well, surely Gestahl wouldn't be crazy enough to do something like that right?
Gestahl? No. Kefka, on the other hand...
...Oh shit! We better hightail it to the floating continent!
Hold on a minute! I forgot my dentures back at Thamasa.
We don't have time for-
I'm not going to go off saving the world without my dentures! Turn this airship around this instant, sonny!
...Fine.

Now we're going to tie up some loose ends before tackling the last stage of the WoB.







Forgot this guy's original name, but here it's Leeroy. Same foreshadowing stuff about Hidon.



+10 Magic Block, boosts Magic and Stamina by 7, and of course still only equippable by Shadow and Relm.



Oh, and it's one of the few/only items in this hack that teaches a spell.



Charming.



I go back and buy Relm a DaVinci Brush, which has a chance of casting Remedy, healing even more HP and statuses. Nifty.





Nothing too exciting to talk about in the towns. Albrook's still dark while under the shadow of the continent. That freaked me out the first time I saw it as a kid, despite having beat the game once or twice already.



Only good find in Doma is a second Power Glove, in case you want Sabin and Cyan on the same team ripping monsters apart.



I also fight Intagir, which is dull, and pick up Holy Wind for Strago here, because why not. I also get more rages for Gau and grind up everybody's magic on the Veldt, except for the Memento Ring's Rerise for Relm because I forgot about it.



Alright, now for the part that gave me so much damn trouble. I considered putting this part up to a vote, but didn't mostly because of changing around what I planned to include in which update. Kinda glad I didn't, too.



My first party idea is Strago/Cyan/Sabin. The two big physical powerhouses and the big magical one.





"Let's give them a bloody lip" is one of my favorite Woolseyisms, and it's a tragedy it's gone now.



Sky Armor is pretty bulky with 2400 HP, and all sorts of nasty attacks.



Missile for 3/4's your HP, an attack that does 300-400 damage, even Tek Laser's kinda pesky.



I died a couple times just fighting these things.



Spitfires are much better. The worst they do is the seizure-inducing Fireball, but they're also weaker with only 1200HP. I much prefer this formation.

Cyan has Wind Slash to help with damage, and Strago has Aqua Rake and MP recovery.

After six waves of this...





Again, Grand Finale doesn't actually play here, but it's so criminally underused that why not?



Ultros is a pain, mainly due to Tentacle doing huge damage like so.



Though El Nino's also kinda pesky. It doesn't help that my healing options are Cyan's Cure 2, Strago's Holy Wind which heals the current HP of a characters whose max is less than half Cyan's, and Sabin's Mantra which doesn't actually heal Sabin himself.



I don't even get to the Chupon part of the fight with this team. I need better healing.



Healing-wise, Setzer's great multi-target, Relm's great single-target with some offense, and Cyan has Life.



Of course, Setzer and Relm aren't that great offense-wise, but hey.





Regen's handy due to it also restoring HP.



Zoneseek's nice for some stuff, though Tentacle's a physical attack and Ultros's most dangerous one.



And here's where the fight gets tough. Ultros is no longer a target, and Chupon himself isn't that dangerous. He gets a mediocre physical attack, and a pesky-but-not-dangerous Wind Slash.



What makes this fight a nightmare is Ultros still being able to attack. When combined with Chupon's attacks, it becomes a lot to handle, especially with Tentacle being so damaging. Once someone goes down, reviving them isn't an option since the two beasts will just kill them with their nasty multi-target attacks.



Generally, this fight comes down to Setzer waiting to die because of how much of a tank he is. Of course, he doesn't really have offense outside of Bio, so all he can do is hope Chupon's seizure takes him down, and as tanky as he is, he doesn't last that long.





I try Terra/Setzer/Gau a bit, but don't even make it to Ultros. Gau's way too fragile for that fight anyway.





Strago's too slow to be effective, plus he can't really exploit the bolt weaknesses of both foes without breaking rods. Granted, I didn't think of that and that probably would've made this fight easier, but I still don't know if Strago would be that effective on the Floating Continent, so whatever.



My final party is Terra/Cyan/Setzer. Terra's flexible as hell, great physically and magically, plus she's a solid healer in case of emergency.



Plus, Cyan and Terra have nice draining attacks if needed.



But even that team wasn't good enough. No, I needed a new strategy.



Everyone in back row with Guard Rings for auto-safe.



This is what Tentacle did after all that. Suck it, octopus. Even from back row, Cyan's Flurry (x4 attacks) and Terra's ElecSword with Bolt2 proc still did enough damage to cut through these guys. And Setzer made sure nobody ever died.



Then I finally win by having Chupon sneeze us off the ship.





IAF is a bit challenging, though not nearly as bad as Ultros/Chupon.





It can use Diffuser for 100-200 damage to everyone, and Launcher to reduce everyone HP to 3/4's or whatever it is.



Of course, my crew is pretty tanky, so even with all that it still wasn't a bad fight.





Eventually, Setzer's slots summons Siren, who misses, and then the IAF suddenly dies. Probably seizure triggering, but still, I thought it was funny.

Next time, we'll finish off the Floating Continent. Hopefully Atma's not that bad. Hopefully.