Part 68: Bad Breath

Chapter 67 - Bad Breath






Last time Tifa was exercising her video game breath-holding technique.



It's pretty much no use though, we still can't save her.



This is where you start to wonder how many protagonists FF7 is gonna kill.



I mean, between Tifa being publicly executed and Cloud MIA, we're in the lowest so far.



Not to mention...



Our only hope right now is a stuffed toy robot who happens to be a traitor.



We should have a count on how many times Barret does the "pulling door" animation.



But yea -



We're fucked.



Cait Sith: "Trust me, trust me. We gotta take a chance."



Welp, off we go!



Oh woe is me.



Anyway, as we leave the main building we see some movement going on. There's a reporter hanging around.





A gentleman and a scholar.



I particularly like this entire sequence, but I really, really wanted to know how the hell everyone got out and they only had Barret and Tifa being held.



Barret is being a flower as usual...



...but they're abruptly interrupted by, you know, the gigantic Godzilla-like monster who's been terrorizing the world.







That thing is huge.



I don't think Barret needs any convincing now.



To keep the flow going this "version" of Junon is pretty abridged. You don't have to go through the standard screens to get to the airport.



In a way this is a pretty sad place. Aeris wanted Cloud to take her in one of these airships someday.



Oh for fuck's sake.



So, yea, if you haven't played the game but you're not stupid as Barret...



You realize that Cait Sith is pretty much trolling Barret's stupidity in this sentence.







Look, I have no idea either.



I know this game is the Bollywood of J-RPGs and it has more mini-games in it than a lot of megabundles nowadays.



But I'm not sure "Gas Chamber Death Sentence Simulator 2000" should have been included.

It does sound like a pretty neat Metalocalypse song name though.



What you do here is combine the... limb movements in order to:

1) Get the key with your feet.



2) Grab it with your mouth.



3) Unlock the left arm.



4) Use it to unlock the right arm.



I just can't wait to play this again at Gold Saucer.



There you go. There's actually something interesting in this scene.



It's not easy to see but Tifa's posture is a bit curved and she doesn't walk straight, as if, well, she's just been through shit.



There's also this custom animation to match this door, which is different from Barret's pulling animation. I love these little details.



I mean, she tries really hard.


















Meanwhile, right outside...







Holy shit.



Hipster Weapon doing retarded Internet memes way before it was cool.



Oh lord look at his face.



Tifa nooo.












Oh.



Oh.



Well I suppose that's one less problem to worry about.



One good thing came out of it though. The Weapon's gigantic laser opened a convenient breach on Tifa's chamber.



And with that, we conclude this update.


NEXT TIME:

Women fighting! Scripted pursuits! An awesome turnaround for our characters!




Did you know?

The Weapon featured in today's update never had its name - Sapphire Weapon - mentioned in the game script, only later on in merchandise and then later on again in guide books.

Sapphire Weapon is also the one staring at us in the Northern Crater. Apparently he really likes to stare at our soul.