Introduction
This is a Video Let's Play. The game is played blind. There is no editing. There is talking over cutscenes. The game is Final Fantasy Thirteen Two.
That's about all the stuff I can think of to shoo out the good kind of people. Welcome to my trap, idiot morons. Because you find none of the things above offensive and perhaps are even intrigued enough to stick around and watch, you will be treated to a most boring and tedious set of videos calculated to inflict maximum stupidity. But before you mash your mouse on the video link, read some history:
Final Fantasy XIII was the followup to the tediously idiosyncratic 12 and the first one on a next-gen console. Ever since Square made FF7 in the late '90s, they seem to be under the impression that they have a reputation for good graphics. And not just from a technical perspective, but an artistic one as well. What they quickly realized was that their plan to create a game of certain length with graphics of a certain quality was possible, but that's really all they could do. The story writers were not running shop at Square-Enix for this release.
So 13 was a pretty, hollow moving sidewalk through an amazing variety of locales. No interaction with real people, no interesting or sensical plot, just a series of facades covering a barren desert of intrigue. And it did not do as well as it needed to.
So they decided to address some of the complaints and try again with most of the same components. Lots of recycled art and character models here. New environments though, and plenty of original art as well. The game was squeezed down to a single DVD on the 360 from 3 or 4 (I forget) for its predecessor. And what we got was...
This.
Okay so I'm going to play, and I've got some extra-special friends who want to watch too!
pokecapn - my co-pilot and chief information-witholder
medibot - whimsy and something i can't quite identify. citrus maybe? grapefruit?
kaz - quick wit and the bewilderment of a series' veteran experiencing nirvana
wug/renleve/walker - wtf is this guy's deal? how do i address him?
dreamsower - not strong on the internet personal branding, loves to laugh
This is a rotating cast since not everyone was available every week. Yeah, we've been playing since launch on some weekends. At this point we haven't beaten the game yet, but we're at the end of episode 4 for those of you who have played it (and you still clicked and watched???). What this means is that the game and all my actions in it are not a series of foregone conclusions. I am still open to suggestions or deception at this point and I treasure both.
Oh, you're still here. Well, prepare to be bored and confused!
| Episode 0 - A Kiss | YouTube |
| Episode 1 - In Which Noel Falls Down | YouTube |
| Episode 2 - In Which We Receive Some Bad News | YouTube |
| Episode 3 - In Which Time Is Traveled | YouTube |
| Episode 4 - In Which We Find A Stray Cat | YouTube |
| Episode 5 - In Which Atlas Falls | YouTube |
| Episode 6 - In Which Our Heroes Learn Defeat | YouTube |
| Episode 7 - In Which We Fight A Friend | YouTube |
| Episode 8 - In Which We Go To Town | YouTube |
| Episode 9 - In Which Caius Lays A Beating | YouTube |
| Episode 10 - In Which Yeul Be Sorry | YouTube |
| Episode 11 - In Which We Download Danger | YouTube |
| Episode 12 - In Which We Play With Monsters | YouTube |
| Episode 13 - In Which We Move An Elephant And Fight A Dragon | YouTube |
| Episode 14 - In Which We Quest Sideways | YouTube |
| Episode 15 - In Which A Flan Melts | YouTube |
| Episode 16 - In Which I Am Quite Cross | YouTube |
| Episode 17 - In Which There Are Monsters | YouTube |
| Episode 18 - In Which A Computer Means Us Harm | YouTube |
| Episode 19 - In Which We Meet A New Friend | YouTube |
| Episode 20 - In Which We Attempt Concussive Maintenance | YouTube |
| Episode 21 - In Which We Matriculate | YouTube |
| Episode 22 - In Which The Past Haunts Us | YouTube |
| Episode 23 - In Which We Play Sahz's Game | YouTube |
| Episode 24 - In Which We Ride That Chocobo | YouTube |
| Episode 25 - In Which We Find More Cores | YouTube |
| Episode 26 - In Which There Are More Zombies | YouTube |
| Episode 27 - In Which I Have To Squint | YouTube |
| Episode 28 - In Which Act 1 Concludes | YouTube |
| Episode 29 - Yay Sahz! | YouTube |
| Episode 30 - I'm Sorry Ms. Farron | YouTube |
| Episode 31 - Ultimate Grudge | YouTube |
| Episode 32 - Atlas Hugs | YouTube |
| Episode 33 - Stupid Things In Yaschas Massif | YouTube |
| Episode 34 - The Eyes Of The Goddess | YouTube |
| Episode 35 - Brown Adventures in Arc-Lite Steppe | YouTube |
| Episode 36 - Extreme Downhill Quizzing Part 1 | YouTube |
| Episode 37 - Extreme Downhill Quizzing Part 2 | YouTube |
| Episode 38 - Vile Peaks Part 1 | YouTube |
| Episode 39 - Vile Peaks Part 2 | YouTube |
| Episode 40 - More Pandora's Tower | YouTube |
| Episode 41 - Paradox Pizza Special | YouTube |
| Episode 42 - Boner Honkfarts | YouTube |
| Episode 43 - A Day At The Races | YouTube |
| Episode 44 - Paradoxes Beget Paradoxes | YouTube |
| Episode 45 - I Need More Monsters | YouTube |
| Episode 46 - Never Enough Monsters | YouTube |
| Episode 47 - Fencing Match | YouTube |
| Episode 48 - In Search Of Power | YouTube |
| Episode 49 - Powerhard | YouTube |
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| Episode 51 - Dark and Durable | YouTube |
| Episode 52 - Hi Lightning | YouTube |
| Episode 53 - Oodles Of Time | YouTube |
| Episode 54 - Dirge Of Chocobo | YouTube |
| Episode 55 - It's A Giant Ass-Fuck Maze | YouTube |
| Episode 56 - Heroes Never Rest | YouTube |
| Episode 57 - Caius Takes A Beating | YouTube |
| Episode 58 - The Matrix XP | YouTube |
| Episode 59 - Flying Motorcycle | YouTube |
| Episode 60 - Noel Dies For Real | YouTube |
| Episode 61 - Infinite Battle | YouTube |
| Episode 62 - Bestiariality I | YouTube |
| Episode 63 - Bestiariality II | YouTube |
| Episode 64 - Bestiariality III | YouTube |
| Episode 65 - Bestiariality IIII | YouTube |
| Episode 66 - Lightning's Oeuvre | YouTube |
| Episode 67 - Valkyrie vs. Bitch | YouTube |
| Episode 68 - Fifty Minutes of Pointless Battle | YouTube |
| Episode 69 - Very Naice | YouTube |
Extras
Kaz reads the Datalog:
Kaz reads the fragment list:
Wizards do crimes:
