Part 449: Gaius B

O gods, hear my plea and partake--

Hey there, Padre. Having little chat with the management, are we?

I was praying, if that's what you mean. Perhaps you would care to join me? A good soul cleansing can do wonders for one's mood.

I've never been much for talking to the blokes upstairs, you know? Still, what can it hurt just this once? So, uh, how's this work? I can ask for anything I want, or what?

Well, it is true that many people pray to receive things for themselves. But originally, prayers were not used to beseech the gods for favors. Rather, they were used to give thanks for blessings already received.

Blessings, eh? So I could say thanks for candied figs and honey cakes?

Oh, and fruit pies, too?

Er, yes. I suppose so. If they are something you feel profoundly grateful for.

Profoundly doesn't begin to cover it. ...So, er, do I kneel or what? Is there a bench involved somehow?

It is customary to bend the knee in supplication, yes. Now then...

.......

.......

O ye gods, thanks a billion for all thine abundantly sweet and tasty goodness...

Dear gods, thank you for watching over us, and protecting our friends and comrades.

What? Thou art jealous, O mighty gods? Jealous and angry, you say? Then send thou's terrible fruit pies to me, that I might use them to smite thine foes!

...?

I also love jellied pears, O vengeful ones! And those biscuits with goo in the middle!

Gaius, your demands for sweets hover ever close to blasphemy...

O furious and insane gods! Send me ten--nay, TWENTY of your finest cakes!

He's not listening to a word I say. Gaius? GAIUS!

...Huh? Hey there, Padre. What's with the shouting?

I was shouting because you were completely ignoring me! That wasn't a prayer--it was a market list! The gods are not scullery maids who deliver treacle tarts on demand!

Oh. Right, yeah... sure. Soryy. Got carried away. I'll start over, then. *Ahem* O most horrifying and flattened gods, thou art most tricksy in thine ways...

D-dear gods, please send not lightning to strike down this heretic... He knows not what he does!

I will deliver unto thee my first-born son, if only you make donuts rain down upon--

GAAAIUS!

...Whoops. Sorry.