Part 2

In America the game was released with the subtitle 'The Quest For Identity' (I included it in the thread title because of the abundance of American goons). This, however, is a pretty stupid subtitle, because an identity is pretty much the only thing you start with. Your name's Conrad. I'm pretty sure they tell you that on the box. 'The Quest For A Backstory' might have worked out better.

Conrad is having a little nap, dreaming of important things.

Important, important things. Maybe we should just let him AGH CONRAD THERE'S A HUGE BUG ON YOUR BACK

WAAAGH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

Was there a little cube there a second ago?

Welcome to Titan, moon of Jupiter, allegedly. The game story given in Wikipedia says it's Titan but I don't remember the game ever telling you that. And there is our hero, Conrad B. Hart (the B is for Badass). He's an athletic young man with a big gap in his memory and a t-shirt that is pink in-game and white during cutscenes for reasons unknown. He also has NO FACE.

Conrad has a lot of moves at his disposal and sometimes controlling him can feel like piloting an airliner, but you quickly get used to it. For starters, he can WALK!

He can STANDING JUMP!

He can RUN in the manner of a GIRL!

He can POSE!

He can ROLL AROUND like an IDIOT!

He can RUNNING JUMP!

Oh yeah, and if he falls two storeys or more, he can DIE! So we'll just reload that and pretend Conrad spent the next six years clawing his way out of the abyss.

That out of the way, we're ready to investigate the curious breep breeping noise that we've been hearing ever since we woke up.

We're going this way.

It was the cube Conrad knocked over in the intro, sitting in a tripswitch making the noise. Time to introduce PICKING THINGS UP to the Conrad repertoire.

You get short animations every time you pick up a vaguely important item, in which we get more fascinating glimpses of Conrad's shoes. Shoes are another thing Delphine Software seem to be into - both this game and Another / Out Of This World feature scenes in the intro that focus on the feet.

I hope it contains prizes.

That's the noise I imagine holograms making in the future.

Could it be...?

!

Oh.

Actually I was wondering why you have a face and I don't but sure we'll play it your way

Righto. So, where's New Washington?

Er... you haven't told me how to get to... ah, he hung up. Jerk.

Demoralised, Conrad reckons he won't be getting any answers from standing around in this exceedingly detailed forest background. Time to start exploring!

Next update: shooting off robot wangs