Part 8: Chapter the Seventh: Trouble in paradise.

Chapter the Seventh: Trouble in paradise.
October 6, 2013-November 21, 2013

At Bedford, October 12, 2013
FA Cup 3rd Qualifying Round



Our next FA Cup match is in mid October against minnows Bedford. We are wretched out of the gate, falling behind after only five minutes. The final line is 2-1 in our favor, but the team seems surprised and upset when I tell them that they'll need to be much better if they hope to win against better teams.

Bedford 1-2 Tackleford City



One of the players, Chris Burns, has the gall to go to the press and complain about my post-game admonitions. Upon reading his quotes in the local fish-wrapper, I summon him to my office.



Fuck off, grasshopper. You seem to believe I am merely your manager. You are wrong. I am your God, sent here to mold you in My image, and you will obey My commands. I send him down to the U18 team, which he is ineligible to play for, as it's the only way I can approximate refusing to let him practice or play. He can cool off there for a few weeks as punishment. No one flouts my authority, especially not some upjumped little shit who's lucky to be on a Skrill North team.

At Leamington, October 19, 2013
Skrill North


We enter halftime down one to nil, being stymied offensively for most of the first half. We get back to even with a goal on a corner just after halftime, and at the conclusion of an exciting second half, we take a 4-2 victory home with us.

Leamington 2-4 Tackleford City

At Hednesford, October 22, 2013
Skrill North



A nice and relaxing victory. We were up 3-0 before they could score.

Hednesford 1-3 Tackleford City

At Nuneaton, October 26, 2013
FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round



We play a higher division team for the first time in Nuneaton, who make their home in the league we hope to be promoted into, and we're also on their home turf. Sam Edwards shows us how useful a 19 in Long Throws is when he wins us our first two goals through tosses deep in the opposition third that our centerback Ally McLaren ably heads into the back of the net. Nuneaton is able to claw one back early in the second, and I move us to a counter-attacking posture as we've been unable to control the ball or create opportunities outside of our throw-ins. Then disaster strikes. Duchamps gets a second yellow card in the 54th minute, leaving us down a man with over half an hour left to play. They equalize fifteen minutes later, and it's all we can do to hang on for a draw. We'll have to play Nuneaton again, but next time it'll be on our turf.

Nuneaton 2-2 Tackleford City



When players get themselves ejected from the match, you can discipline them. In this case, as it was Duchamps first ejection and was for two yellow cards as opposed to a straight red, I give him a warning. If it happens again I'm fining him a weeks salary. Players will generally learn from discipline, but if you are too harsh they'll feel mistreated and if you're too lenient they'll continue to rack up yellow and red cards. They may also react badly if they have a low “professionalism” hidden stat, in which case unless they're great you might be better off ridding the team of them as there's no cure for being a jackass.



Fans are displeased at how Dave Stamp has been performing. It's not really fair, he's a central midfielder who's been playing right back due to the team's needs, but he's been downright bad the last two games and has the second lowest average rating on the team. It's time to try and do something about that.



I bring him into my office to tell him that I've noticed his poor play and that he should try to pick himself up and play better. Private chats with players are useful to buck them up when they're in a poor run of form, or to let them know that I'm pleased when they're playing well. It's not an essential part of the game, but done right it makes the players like you more and that improves your chances of getting them to perform well as they'll have more faith in you and your ability to manage the locker room.

vs. Nuneaton. October 30, 2013
FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round Replay


Oh the difference four days and home field advantage makes. We were in control of the game for the entire match, and were unlucky to come away with only a 2-1 victory. Our next cup match is in the first round proper of the FA Cup against Ebbsfleet, a Skrill South side. We should be able to beat them, at which point the luck of the draw is what will determine how far we'll go. If we get lucky and are matched up against fellow minnows, we can advance deeper and deeper into the late stages. If we get unlucky, or advance far enough, and get matched against a Premier League squad we're completely boned.

Tackleford City 2-1 Nuneaton

vs. Harrogate Railway, November 2, 2013
FA Trophy 3rd Qualifying Round



The FA Trophy is the non-League version of the League Cup. It's open to those teams outside of the top 4 divisions of English soccer, and it's the only hardware outside of winning our league that we can dream of taking home. Except that I play a team with a lot of our U21 players to give our first team a rest, and we fall to our first loss since August in a thuggish game that saw a combined 30 fouls and 9 yellow cards. The FA Trophy isn't much of a prize, but it's still silverware, and the whole point of this LP is to amass a collection of cups and trophies large enough to smelt into a throne.

Tackleford City 1-2 Harrogate Railway

vs. Ebbsfleet, November 9, 2013
FA Cup 1st Round



Another loss, and now we're out of both cup competitions. This one was especially frustrating as we had more chances than Ebbsfleet and simply couldn't convert them, and we were playing our best lineup besides. Still, the thing that really matters this year is winning promotion. We remain on pace to do that, and if we have to lose games it's best that they're in the cup competitions when we need every last point we can get in the league.

Tackleford City 1-2 Ebbsfleet

vs. Altrincham, November 12, 2013
Skrill North



We draw against the team currently in first place. Coming out with a tie against the best team in the league wouldn't seem like a bad outcome, but they scored the tying goal at the very death of the game, three minutes into stoppage time, to cost us a victory. The last few games has seen us return to our old habit of giving up late goals, and we're lucky that it's only cost us in cup matches.

Tackleford City 2-2 Altrincham

At Bradford PA, November 16, 2013
Skrill North



A solid 1-0 victory where, other than a short period in the second half, our opponents are unable to string together any attacking moves. I'm unconcerned about our only score coming from an own-goal by a Bradford player, as we should have scored several times had we any luck.
Bradford PA 0-1 Tackleford City



This is what happens when you get Americans into soccer, all they want to do is increase the amount of scoring. Also, despite all my kvetching about giving away leads, we've conceded the fewest goals in the league. That results in us having the second best goal differential amongst all teams, behind Altrincham.

vs. Vauxhall, November 20, 2013
Skrill North



Another 1-0 win, with the decisive strike coming on a brilliant 25 meter free kick by Duchamps. Even Chris Burns, the insubordinate and churlish twerp I banished to the U18 squad for two weeks at the start of this update, has his morale raised from “Abysmal” to “Fairly Poor” by the end of this game.

Tackleford City 1-0 Vauxhall



We've moved into second place, tied in points but ahead on goal differential with Stalybridge. Altrincham is five points ahead of us, but we have a game in hand, so a win would see us to merely two points from the league lead and an automatic promotion spot. It's November 21, 2013, and we're the only undefeated team left in the Skrill North. I'm taking bets on when we'll finally lose a league game, and I want to set the over/under after New Years.