Part 11: Chapter the Ninth: All day err' day.

Chapter the Ninth: All day err' day.
December 31, 2013-January 18, 2014

I am a big fan of I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), I think that makes great sense as the fan's song. It's also better than using my favorite song to sing at karaoke, Wannabe by the Spice Girls. We're going to need that type of stamina, too, as we're about to embark on fixture congestion hell. From January 4th through January 18th we have 7 games. I'm going to need to call up players from the youth squad and to temporarily suspend training in order to keep the team fit through the ordeal. I'm also going to be looking for another fullback and a replacement striker for the injured Alex Hester.



To start, I order the scouts to bring back fresh reports on guys they've already found in the past. That's primarily so that I'm not relying upon one scout report when bringing in a new player, and also to make sure that older scout reports are updated and the player is compared against my current squad rather than the empty roster we had for most of the first month. My scouts can process 19 reports a day, so this will take until the next week.



The board gives us more money, which we don't need. At least it makes them happy that I have the wage budget so much smaller than they've permitted.

I was asked about our set-pieces, and was all prepared to make an awful MSPaint version of them since the game doesn't take screen shots when you're in the set-piece design wizard. Then I realized that I could just take screen shots the old fashioned way via prtscrn, and was somewhat disappointed I didn't get to show off my lack of artistic talent.



These are the tactics for corner kicks. Duchamps and Holgrove are our usual takers. I've ordered them to try and deliver the ball to the “Near Post” as none of my players are particularly good at corners and I don't want them trying long corners to the far post when they don't have the skill to do so accurately. When Holgrove takes the corner it means we only have two back to protect against a long ball, and when Duchamps is the taker then we're down one more on attack. Ideally you want to leave at least 3 players with orders to either “stay back” or “stay back if necessary.” This will prevent the other team from being able to launch easy counter attacks against you. I generally use my fullbacks for this job, they tend to have good defensive attributes while being fast enough to keep up with opposing attackers. In this case, though, one of our main fullbacks is a very good header, so he's up to attack.

My central defenders tend to be great big stropping lads who can also jump and head the ball, so I much prefer them to be on the attack- which is how a centerback like McLaren is tied for 3rd in goals scored for the team. I have one attacking each post, which hopefully makes them harder to mark. The right fullback's instruction is to sit by the near post and try to head the ball over to the centerback crashing in on the far post or the striker attacking the ball from deep. The second striker directly challenges the keeper for the ball, you need someone with very good heading and jumping stats for this job. One midfielder goes forward to attack, while the other lurks outside the area for rebounds to either shoot or set up another attack on goal. It's worked far better than it has any right to, which I can only guess is because the defenses at this level can't handle so many moving pieces and someone is likely to get open. I generally do well on corners, but not 7 goals in 20 games well.



Our defense against corners is bog standard. I made pretty minimal changes to the default. Our fullbacks stand on the posts to protect any opponent from sneaking close, our centerbacks mark the tallest opponents, our midfielders try to assist by clogging the box, while one of our strikers waits on the edge of the area to clear anything that bounces to them or, better yet, get the ball up to our other striker who stays forward to start a counter attack.



We haven't done as well off free kicks, in part because I'm not as good at designing a decent free kick set piece and in part because players at this level don't have the technical skills to be a threat from them. They're set for long, which means our takers will try for the goal in most cases when the ball is in the opponent's half, and again the central defenders are brought up to attack. I don't have anyone set to disrupt the opposition wall, which I probably should change now that I look at it again.



A small wall and a whole lot of man marking. We've only given up one goal with this tactic, and that was on an indirect free kick, so it's been working so far. We may have to change this up as the opposition improves.



My orders for Left and Right throw-ins are mirror images of each other. One central midfielder and a fullback give the thrower short options in case everyone is well marked. A striker stands by the near post while the other striker and winger go forward and attack. The other winger aims to pick up any short clearances by the defense to restart the attack, while the defensive minded central midfielder and the centerbacks stay back in case the throw gets picked off.

Lastly, the game doesn't always rigidly adhere to these designs. If you have a throw-in parallel to your opponent's penalty box, your centerbacks may come up to join the attack. Similarly, if the free-kick is from the middle of the field you won't see the taker trying to score from 50 meters out even if you have it set for long. And late in games if your tactics are set aggressively enough you can find your keeper joining the attack on corner kicks. Don't worry about having to micromanage this aspect of the game, save that for haggling your new signing down to the bottom dollar he's willing to join you for.



Whenever someone comes down with the flu I send them home. I'm not risking my entire team barfing on the sidelines just to shave a couple days off of the recovery time.




Karim Amrani comes in on a free transfer to increase our depth at offensive midfielder. He's got a decent shot at being with us for a few years if he can reach his full talent. Amrani is also the first player we've signed who hails from outside of the UK or Ireland, the Moroccan previously played for Nottingham Forest's reserve side.

vs. Harrogate, January 4, 2014
Skrill North



Harrogate is lying in 16th place, so this seems like it should be a good start to our new year. Naturally that means it isn't, as an own goal by Anth Hotte keeps us level at the break and we allow what turns out to be the winning goal in the 66th minute. It's our first loss of the year, and the team was uninspiring for almost the entire game. That does not bode well for the coming gauntlet.

Tackleford City 1-2 Harrogate




Callum Williams doubles the number of Callums we have on payroll, and will play as a target man alongside Oriogun, Robinson, and Rosetti. He comes in for free from Bournemouth, and passed up offers from League Two side Rochdale and Skrill Premier team Gateshead to join us. This still leaves us needing to improve the fullback position, we lost our last game largely because of mistakes that Edwards, Hotte, and Stamp made.




At the press conference/exclusive interview with the Non-League player introducing Williams I'm asked to comment about Bournemouth using a Director of Football. The only reason I hire Directors of Football is so that they can sell off youth and backup players I can't be bothered to make deals for on my own. Otherwise they end up signing players I don't need and selling players I was grooming for the future. This will make it harder to buy any players from Bournemouth, but it's more fun to talk shit about a team that's better than you by an order of magnitude.

At North Ferriby, January 8, 2014
Skrill North



We lose again to another bottom of the table team. This is getting worrisome, bad results can have a cumulative effect, and we don't have time right now to get out of our current funk merely by waiting it out. Like the Harrogate game, we took an early lead only to see our opponents score just before the half and then beat us late in the game. Some of the players, Rosetti in particular, looked desultory and disinterested on the field. We're still in second place, but have fallen a crazy 14 points behind Altrincham and Stalybridge is hot on our heels for second place. Oh, and we play Stalybridge on their home turf in 4 days.

North Ferriby 2-1 Tackleford City




Well this is meta. John Allison is the man who created Tackleford in the first place. I'm going to take this to mean that he believes I should absolutely be using his fictional town as the home for my fictional football team. What else could it be, a very common first name and moderately common surname being combined by a random generator in a video game? I think the former is much more likely. I couldn't resist signing him, especially as he gives us depth at fullback and could be good enough to play several levels higher. He's out with a foot injury at the moment so it'll be a bit before he can take the pitch for us, but given that Anth Hotte is rapidly playing himself out of a job this is a welcome signing.



Hypocritical? I run my team with an iron fist, you slacker!

vs. Gloucester, January 10, 2014
Skrill North



That's more like it! We take a 2-0 lead into the half after Callum William's scores his first goal for the team. Oriogun adds a brace, and our youth side striker Gary Hemingray adds another. Gloucester snatches at their chances, and can only muster a stoppage time goal to make it 4-1. The result leaves us 4 points up on Stalybridge, so regardless of the result in two day's time we will remain in second place.

Tackleford City 4-1 Gloucester




Michael Jones is the last of the reinforcements I'll be bringing in for a while. He's another fullback, as by now I don't have faith in the incumbents Stamp and Hotte. I'll be prowling for youth players like a man with a van and a trenchcoat by a playground come March, which is when the game creates newly generated 15-16 year olds for each team in England and Scotland. We'll be able to sweep in and sign some of them away from their parent team through pre-contracts. This costs money, we have to pay the original team compensation, but it can also result in getting very good, young players. As you can tell, I've decided to take the owner's edict to sign high reputation players as more of an advisement.

At Stalybridge, January 12, 2014
Skrill North



Stalybridge controls the entire match, but our defense is stout and allows only one goal on three half-chances. Rosetti and Robinson combine to score on a counter attack to give us the result. I'm happy with the result, and it's nice to see the team play well defensively. The only dark spot is at fullback, where Michael Jones didn't get off on the right foot in his first game in earning a poor 5.7 rating.

Stalybridge 1-1 Tackleford City

vs. Solihull Moors, January 14, 2014
Skrill North



We come out of this game with a point by the skin of our teeth. After falling behind by two within the first 20 minutes it took until 20 minutes remained in regulation to claw one back. Oriogun finally pulled us level just four minutes from stoppage time. We've now gained all of five points from our first five matches of the year. The team's hit a bad stretch of form right when we had a packed schedule, exactly what I had been worried about.

Tackleford City 2-2 Solihull Moors

At Worcester, January 16, 2014
Skrill North



Worcester will be kicking themselves after letting us take a 2-1 victory home, they had several opportunities to score and failed to convert a one of them. Their lone goal was a result of McLaughlin putting the ball into his own net. We've only got one more game to play before we don't have to play a match every other day!

Worcester 1-2 Tackleford City



Oh come on.



We're firmly entrenched in the promotion playoffs, a full 15 points up on 6th place Barrow. We've fallen off the pace of Altrincham, who have won a bonkers 16 of their last 18 matches, and who haven't lost in that stretch. We don't stand a chance of catching them unless they stumble, as we're already 9 points back of them and they have a game in hand.