Part 118: Prologue: You're dead to me, Sunil Gulati.
Volume IX: Continental DriftJuly 1, 2021-June 9, 2022
Prologue: You're dead to me, Sunil Gulati.
July 1, 2021-August 6, 2021
Champions League qualifying is underway, with the pico scale champions from places like San Marino, Luxembourg, and Malta playing each other for the right to go up against the nano and micro scale champions from places like Belorussia, Albania, and Northern Ireland. After four qualifying rounds five teams out of a total forty will make it to the Group Stage.
Joining them will be five more teams from larger leagues that are among the fifteen in the best placed playoff pool. That second group includes us, along with second, third, and fourth place finishers from the upper leagues like Olympique Marseilles, Bayern Munich, Ajax, Granada, Galatasary, and Celtic.
The other 22 teams in the Group stage are those that finished 1st in the top twelve leagues, the 2nd place teams in the top six leagues, and the 3rd place team in the top three leagues.
That's quite a jump for us.
But the club valuations don't lie. We're not at true megabastard status yet, though we certainly are now a member of the big bastard club.
The last of my planned acquisitions arrives, despite being the first person I made an offer to.
Julio
Midfielder
The Spaniard demanding to be called by his first name isn't good enough to actually pull that off. He's a backup for us, and if he hadn't been a free transfer I wouldn't have given him a second glance. He's still got potential to grow, if he develops he could become more than just a backup. For the time being he's cover in case we have to deal with a run of injuries and I need bodies to throw at the problem.
I disagree, Ass Man. The Bastard is not a good leader and Mujkic is only vice-captain for lack of better options. Tonci Cirjak has finally learned English, to an extent, and that makes him the best choice for the job. Cirjak isn't super happy about the pressure I'm putting on him as a 23 year old who isn't fully fluent in English, but he'll get over it.
We don't go to Reading anymore... there's businessmen there.
Isn't it nice being rich and not having to worry about the field condition anymore?
Many of our best youth players are reaching the end of their first contracts, so I've signed them to fresh ones. None are expensive, all keep the players with us for at least four more years.
Last years desperation signing is this years clearance sale. We lost something like £2m in signing him and paying him for half a year, and I'm still kicking myself for it.
Meteor was pleased enough with making the Champion's League that he was willing to accept a new contract. He's now signed through age 29, and is once again the highest earner on the club.
Those youth players I don't deem worth keeping get sold or loaned out for their final year under contract.
Is this The Return of Giggsy: The Giggsining? (Ed. Note: Ryan Giggs is a legendary Manchester United player who just retired a few weeks ago. He also got caught screwing Miss Wales and went to court for a “superinjunction” to keep newspapers from reporting the story... which worked so far as the newspapers went but as the internet was a thing for a decade and a half by that point the story got out and trying to gag the media just made him look like an even bigger asshole.)
At Paris Saint-Germaine, July 9, 2021
Friendly
The team isn't fully back together, Mujkic and Bastable are both away with their national team contesting the East Asian cup, while Todd has a minor injury he picked up just hours into his first day back in training. We'll be playing a lot of new faces, the real goal here is for them to start getting comfortable with each other.
Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), Feruga, Laux, Suslov, Matko, Mair, Petts, Taborda, Shirra, Cardozo.
Subs: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Mejasic, O'Hanlon, Jansen, Newman, Morvan, Julio, Djurovci, Nieddu, Harley, Aarts.
Our defense holds firm and there's nothing doing for PSG despite some shots. Rodrigo Taborda hits them on the counter and nabs us the lead just after a half hour mark, and we stubbornly hold onto that lead despite some PSG threats and a shot that clips the crossbar ten minutes later. The upset isn't to be, though, PSG is able to do damage against our backups and knot the game at one-all after 73 minutes, and then take the victory after a beautiful goal from miles away with less than ten minutes remaining. Taborda still picks up the man of the match award, and I can't complain with the performance even if it would have been nice to take a result from one of the best teams in the world.
Man of the Match: Rodrigo Taborda.
PSG 2-1 Wrexham
It's a good thing for us that he's no longer our starting left back.
At Atletico Madrid, July 14, 2021
Friendly
Meteor and the Bastard are still off in Asia, while we face an Atleti squad that disappointed the previous season and finished outside of the Champion's League.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Pejkovic, Todd (c), Laux, Suslov, Morvan, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: El Sayed, Cirjak, Feruga, Jansen, O'Hanlon, Newman, Mair, Julio, Djurovic, Harley, Matko, Cardozo.
Kovacevic keeps Atletico off the board early, and that save turns the tide of the game, with Bram Aarts scoring shortly thereafter. Taborda adds another just before the half, and looks like he might be a brilliant signing. Atletico's captain misses two clear cut chances in the early second half, and Shirra responds with a goal of his own to make it three-nil. Dejan Djurovic completes the rout as stoppage time beings with a fourth goal, and we walk away with a solid victory against a team that had been champions of Europe twice in the last six years.
Man of the Match: Scott Shirra
Atletico 0-4 Wrexham
Our wages are still low enough that medium sized bonus pools make the players happy, but Wall Street and City bankers look at them and laugh.
At Real Madrid, July 18, 2021
Friendly
We might as well have stayed in Madrid for four days rather than travelling back to Wales after the Atletico game.
Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), Todd, Laux, Suslov, Djurovic, Morvan, Petts, Taborda, Shirra, Cardozo.
Subs: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Feruga, Jansen, O'Hanlon, Newman, Mair, Julio, Nieddu, Matko, Harley, Aarts.
The Galacticos are pressing us early but not getting any strong chances. When our first shot finally comes after nearly half an hour, it's a goal for Shirra on the break, and we take the lead. Real Madrid equalize just before the half, and from there we hang on stubbornly as they pile up goal scoring opportunities. Kovacevic saves the day early in the second half, and they miss a big chance late in the game, and we walk off with a win and a draw from our trips to the Spanish capital.
Real Madrid 1-1 Wrexham
Novotny needs playing time to get better, and he's not going to get it as third string backup here.
At Chelsea, July 22, 2021
Friendly
We're at the point where many of our starters are fully match fit, so it's time to start making sure the backups get their playing time in. We've also got a number of very tired players, including Mujkic and Bastable, so I've sent them on vacation just before this game.
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Diamond Attack
Starting 11: El Sayed, Pejkovic, O'Hanlon, Jansen, Feruga (c), Morvan, Djurovic, Taborda, Shirra, Cardozo, Aarts.
Subs: Kovacevic, Suslov, Cirjak, Todd, Johansen, Newman, Mair, Julio, Nieddu, Harley, Matko, De Blasio.
Chelsea want to make us pay for forcing them out of the Champions League. They press us hard for most of the first half, their striker scoring four goals in the first half at 10, 24, 34, and 39 minutes. We don't respond at all, missing our only real opportunity for a goal before the whistle. Chelseas's striker adds a fifth goal at 51 minutes, and it's the first time I can ever recall seeing a 10.0 rating. He gets hurt immediately afterwards, the gods dislike when mortals approach their level. It doesn't stop Chelsea from scoring again before the end of the match, and the game mercifully ends a slaughter worse than any we've suffered in over five years stretching back to our 0-6 defeat at the hands of Tackleford City in League Two.
Chelsea 6-0 Wrexham
One reason we got our asses kicked so badly is that a lot of our players are worn out from year round soccer with both club and national teams. It still doesn't excuse the performance, though.
At least we were spanked by a world class opponent. The US not making the Gold Cup final is downright pathetic. Losing to Jamaica at home is even worse. I have no clue if AU-Sunil Gulati is still in charge of USA soccer, but whoever it is has been completely asleep at the wheel. They should have fired the head coach a half-decade ago.
It's time to take matters into my own hands. This will come to nothing, though, if it means I'd have to give up the Wrexham job.
You better be flattered. I'm the greatest coach in American history.
It took all of a day for them to fire AU-Jurgen Klinsmann after the loss to Jamaica. I do like the touch about the number of people who send in resumes with their Football Manager experience to real life clubs.
What?! Are you kidding me?! No wonder we're a third rate footballing nation! You have the greatest American coach of all time asking for the job, he's in his prime, and he raised a team from League Two to the Champions League in five seasons without any financial help. Instead you hire some ancient Spaniard whose only claim to fame is winning the UEFA U19 championship four years ago with the most stacked youth team in the the world? No way, USA. You're dead to me. I'm going to manage Mexico to a World Cup victory, and I'm going to do it while kicking your ass every single goddamned time we play.
Turns out Mexico did even worse than the United States, the final ended up coming down to Costa Rica and Jamaica. That's weak, weak tea, CONCACAF. You should have your third World Cup spot taken away.
vs. Chester, July 27, 2021
The Cross Border Derby
This will wipe the taste of that Chelsea match out of my mouth, even as we're playing largely backups and kids. Chester must fear the growing power across the border, and the results that will come from future derbies.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: El Sayed, Cirjak (c), Todd, Jansen, Pejkovic, Newman, Julio, Matko, Nieddu, Cardozo, Aarts.
Subs: Kovacevic, Suslov, Feruga, Alvaro, O'Hanlon, Morvan, Mair, Shirra, Djurovic, Simoes, Taborda, De Blasio.
Youngun Stacy Newman scores at three minutes in, and it sets the tone for the rest of the game. Nieddu adds one in the 22nd minute. New signing Mattias “El Juez” Cardozo scores from a free kick in late in the first half, and then dispenses more justice just after play resumes in the second. From there it's the Bram Aarts show, as he racks up a hat trick in less than 20 minutes. Had battles between the Welsh and English gone this way historically, England would be speaking Welsh.
Man of the Match: Bram Aarts
Wrexham 7-0 Chester
I agree, he is pretty worthless. And we spent real money for that point in team history back when we first signed him. I hate players who don't live up to their potential, and Johansen's crap attitude hasn't helped any.
vs. Swansea, July 30, 2021
The Mini-Cwp
Since Cardiff went and got themselves relegated this is all the Cwp action to be had all year. The derbies against Swansea will be fun, but it's just not the same as a three way brawl for the title of best team in Wales.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1
Starting 11: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Feruga, Laux, Suslov, Mair, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Taborda, Bastable.
Subs: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Todd, O'Hanlon, Jansen, Morvan, Dixon, Julio, Djurovic, Mujkic, Cardozo, Aarts.
Mothers turn their children's heads away from the action when Taborda crumples in agony after misplanting his foot while trying to get past the Swansea defensive midfielder at the quarter hour mark. He has to come off immediately, and instant replays show his ankle moving in an unnatural and grotesque fashion. We're threatening all match, with Nieddu scoring twice on each side of the half-time whistle to give us a two goal advantage. The Swans aren't going to let us run away with the match, and pull one back at 50 minutes, but Nieddu is carrying the team all by himself so far and continues to do so by restoring the two goal lead two minutes after Swansea showed some life.
The Swans stay feisty, and take advantage of a Mujkic error to cut the lead back to one with plenty of time remaining, but Meteor makes amends by jumping a short pass from the Swansea keeper and redirecting it into the back of the net with panache at 76 minutes. Swansea just won't stay dead, cutting our lead back to a goal with mere minutes remaining, and the game is only finally nailed down when Nieddu draws a penalty in 5th minute of stoppage time. Shirra converts, and that's the ballgame.
Man of the Match: Dimitri Nieddu
Wrexham 5-3 Swansea
Welp. So much for having depth at left wing. And so much for having a brilliant wonderkid to challenge Mujkic for his starting role. Three months means he could be back to full health by Christmas, so that's going on my letter to Santa.
Colwyn Bay got past The New Saints on penalties in a match that only 40 people paid to see. By comparison our match with Swansea drew a near capacity crowd.
vs. Colwyn Bay, July 31, 2021
The Mini-Cwp
This is a chance to play rookies, even with a new bajillionaire owner Colwyn Bay is way, way down in the seventh tier of the English football pyramid. That's lower than we started at, the only way to play Football Manager at that level is through modding. Which some people do, those mods give you a chance to play as low as the 9th level on the pyramid.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), O'Hanlon, Todd, Feruga, Morvan, Julio, Djurovic, Argenti, Cardozo, Aarts.
Subs: El Sayed, Jansen, Pejkovic, Ludwig, Alvaro, Dixon, Newman, Petts, Mujkic, Rouissi, De Blasio, Bastable.
Our final preseason match is a relaxing thrashing of the upstart Canuck's new toy. Todd gets scoring underway at 18 minutes with a header, and Aarts continues to finish with aplomb against poor opposition, with two goals in the first half. The final hour is played largely by our youth squad, with Cosimo Di Blasio and Kais Rouissi both scoring late to increase our lead even further. Dejan Djurovic caps off a match where he had two assists with a goal of his own, and we recapture the Mini-Cwp.
Man of the Match: Dejan Djurovic
Wrexham 6-0 Colwyn Bay
Path to glory. I like the ring of that. I plan to hear it several more times this year.
¡Viva México! Previous versions of Football Manager gave you the ability to phone a reporter and talk about other coaches and players, I'd be on the horn with ESPN immediately giving interviews about how decrepit USA Soccer is and how we're actively going backwards as a nation thanks to those idiots. Sadly, that seems to have been removed.
Bayern Munich was also in this draw, avoiding them means I'm happy with our opponent. We should be able to beat Celtic without too much difficulty, Bram Aarts is our worst senior team player and would be Celtic's best striker and a solid player for the team as a whole.
The only disappointing result from the preseason is the grundlecrunching Chelsea gave us. We played Champions League semi-finalists and megabastards PSG down to the wire and only lost when our reserves had been subbed into the game, drew with megabastards Real Madrid, and thumped Atletico Madrid handily. If we carry that sort of form into the season, we're going to be in title contention all year and should be playing past the group stage in Europe.
