Part 153: Chapter the Fifth: The Disgrace of Kazan.
Chapter the Fifth: The Disgrace of KazanNovember 1, 2023-December 11, 2023
We're heading into the end of the Group Stage and I'm looking forward to the return of the Welsh Derby. I'm also looking forward to seeing who we get in the FIFA World Cup, which should get scheduled at the start of December.
I'm surprised he's made it into five matches given how frequently he's been hurt this year.
Much better. Especially seeing as Arsenal and Man U are facing off in one of the other quarterfinals while Chelsea has to go across town to Tottenham in another.
vs Leeds United, November 4, 2023
Premier League
We're at home? Against the team in 16th place? Let's break out the 3-4-3. It may (read: will) have to be tweaked before it's a fully operational strategy, I've already set both of the outside centerbacks to covering due to Laux and Hammatt only having 14 Pace. The next thing I'm concerned about is the gap between the midfield and the attack, which could lead to breakdowns in play and a need to drop a forward back into an attacking midfielder role. At the very least it'll surprise the crap out of Leeds.
Starting Formation: 3-4-3 Attack.
Starting 11: Fitzgerald, Laux, Quiboulaz, Hammatt, Reed, Loseille, Bailey (c), Mair, Stringel, Aarts, Thiago.
Subs: Kovacevic, O'Hanlon, Morvan, Argenti, Mujkic, Collett.
Our first shot isn't until the 18th minute. It happens to be our first goal, as Quiboulaz roofs the ball after a corner kick. We look much better once we get it under our belt. By the 53rd minute we've launched 17 shots, and only three of them have come from range. We do end up conceding on a breakaway, but the final score tells the tale, and I've been able to get Stringel, Aarts and Thiago all on the field at once.
Man of the Match: Hammerin' Ed Hammatt
Wrexham 4-1 Leeds
That puts the kaibosh on my plans for using three centerbacks for the moment. He'll need to get some rest and I do not trust O'Hanlon with his job.
They just hired this guy in May after their old coach retired. I'm not saying he wasn't bad- he got them bounced from the Europa League against a Romanian team and they had dropped from midtable to bottom third in the past month or so, but that's a really short leash.
I have a prediction for Football Manager 2015: opposing coaches won't keep picking on your backup goalkeeper.
At Paris Saint-Germain, November 8, 2023
Champions League, Group D
A win will be hard to secure, but it will nearly seal PSG's second straight exit from the Champions League at the group stage. I'm little concerned that I don't have Hammatt and Laux fresh for this match, but what can you do.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Petts, Bailey, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Hammatt, Morvan, Stringel, Parr, Argenti.
PSG is all over us from the moment we kicked off, but we're able to keep them from creating an overwhelming number of good shots. They still score, but it's on a laser from over 30 yards out. We're lucky to get out of the first half only down one. Thiago appears to equalize two minutes after play resumes, but it's called back. So he puts it in the back of the net again two minutes after that. That does it for the scoring, and we walk out of Paris a bit fortunate but with a point. Meanwhile Rubin beat hapless Shakhtar; I'm tempted to send out a weakened squad against them at the end of the month to try and remove one of our biggest rivals for the Champions League.
PSG 1-1 Wrexham
One more reason to throw our Rubin Kazan match.
Through 16 appearances he's still sitting on a respectable four goals and five assists, but I'm pretty happy at the moment that City didn't take me up on that £105m offer.
Time to start acting like a real superstar manager. I want my players encased in bubble wrap and treated as the multi-million pound investments they are, not running about potentially crocking themselves while playing on a horrific Transnistrian pitch in a friendly. Laux is straight out withdrawn from the German team, as is Shirra from the Scottish squad. They both need their beauty rest.
vs Sheffield United, November 11, 2023
Premier League
Sheffield United finished 17th and avoided relegation by a single point last year. They have 22 points this year in 10 matches. And it's not like they've had a soft schedule thus far, they have wins against Arsenal, Everton, and at Manchester City. With a two week break upcoming there's no reason to take them lightly.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control.
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Morvan, Bailey, Argenti, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Mair, Petts, Collett, Stringel.
Mujkic and Thiago can't corral early opportunities, so it takes until the 15th minute for Meteor to use his skull to put us ahead. Late in the first half w Steve Reed picks up two yellows and is sent off. Now we need to maintain our one goal lead down a man. A shorthanded goal to run our lead to two would be lovely, but our best chances hit the woodwork early in the second half. No need for concern, though. Even with an extra man Sheffield United cannot match us, they have just four shots on the day and we maintained 57% possession throughout the entire match. Our unreal record when having a man sent off continues to get even more bonkers.
Wrexham 1-0 Sheffield Utd
A weeks salary should disabuse you from getting carded twice in ten minutes.
Oh boy,. Here come the waterworks.
Next time it'll be two weeks salary.
Two glorious weeks where I don't have to do anything! Huzzah!
So what do I do during my break? I pour through the match listings to see exactly how good we've been when we're given a red card. The answer? Better than we've been when playing at even strength. I don't have the records from the first two seasons at Wrexham, but...
Going back to 2016/2017
Total Red Cards: 21
Wins: 13
Draws: 4
Losses: 3
Shorthanded Goals: 12
Goals Conceded: 10 (five from one match vs. Nottingham Forest in 2018)
Opponents earned a red card: 2
Red card after 85m+ of play: 5
Since reaching the Premier League in 2019/2020
Total Red Cards: 13
Wins: 9
Draws: 3
Losses: 1
Shorthanded Goals: 10
Goals Conceded: 4
Opponent red cards: 2
Red card after 85m+ of play: 4
That's a 90 point per season pace playing 10 v 11 since we reached the Premier League. I don't want to jinx whatever this is, but...
Oh snap! It's election time! I'm a Marcel “Mo' Money” Muddyman man m'self.
That's one way to put it... The game has a habit of calling rivalry matches between countries a war. They might want to put a few lines of code in the next rendition that make sure certain countries don't have that term used to describe their fixtures.
Several of our youngsters earn their first caps. I wish them the best.
One of them is Fitzgerald, who would never have gotten that clause in his contract if I'd realized he was a kiwi and thus a shoe-in to earn a cap in the near future. I thought it would take him years to get that raise!
I hope negotiations takes least two months. Chelsea don't need new ownership flush with cash during a transfer window...
Let me rephrase that. We don't need Chelsea with new ownership flush with cash during a transfer window.
It's not like the schedulers didn't know we had to play in the Club World Cup... Oh well, nothing to be done about it.
At Swansea City, November 25, 2023
Premier League, Welsh Derby
It's so good to have you back in the top division, you southern saps! I'm ecstatic that I can again remind you who the best team in Wales is!
Starting Formation: 3-4-3 Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Laux, Quiboulaz, Hammatt, Cirjak, Loseille, Bailey (c), Morvan, Stringel, Aarts, Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Taffarel, O'Hanlon, Mair, Petts, Argenti, Collett.
Thiago scores in the 4th minute, and we'd have scored even earlier but for the sterling efforts of Swansea's crossbar. Hammatt makes it 2-0 from a corner just before halftime. Having three centerbacks on the field is giving opponents fits when it comes to their marking during set pieces. It's a decent win, but not the Greatest Show on Earth event that I want to create. We gave up too many chances, and too many of our shots were off target and from distance.
Man of the Match: Ed Hammatt.
Swansea 0-2 Wrexham
I'm glad you think this is your idea. Now we just need to convince Gabbianelli to go out on loan too.
One of the brightest American prospects is on his way to Qatar. I have no clue what MLS is thinking letting him go there rather than stick with Columbus, the kid is good enough for at least a rotation spot in MLS right now, but this is all to the good if it means getting out of the US Soccer Federation's epically borked development system.
Heh. Erm.
At Rubin Kazan, November 29, 2023
Champions League, Group D
Here's the £865k question. Do we throw this match in order to screw PSG over? Yes, yes we do. It's unsportsmanlike and in real life would probably get me hauled over hot coals in the media and perhaps sanctioned by UEFA, but PSG and their £200m wage bill can eat a bag of dicks. Even if we lose PSG can still advance by winning their last two matches, so this isn't exactly a Disgrace of Gijón situation where we can remove all hope from another team through our skullduggery.
You might notice that most of the names here aren't ones you recognize from my periodic youth intake binges. That's because these are the poor bastards we sign from our academy- the ones we bring in from other organizations can't play Champions League matches without being registered until they've been with the club two years. As such, we have a bunch of no names like Dahi Cooze along with backups like O'Hanlon and Mair in the starting 11. If they pull off a result I'm going to be a little pissed off.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Nash, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Cooze, Mair, Argenti, Rouissi, Churchill, Dawkins.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Hammatt, Taborda, Peate, Allan, Aarts.
For the first 30 minutes we outplay Rubin in their home stadium while starting four teenagers with no right to be there. We should really be ahead, and but for a scuffed effort from Argenti we would have been. So it's with great pleasure that I see the Ruskies finally put together an attacking move that deposits the ball past 17 year old Elliot Nash. Even better, I notice that PSG is losing to Shakhtar Donetsk. If PSG draws while Rubin Kazan wins they're out of the Champions League, but if they pull off a win this entire farce could be for nothing.
We allow another goal just before the half, but Donetsk drops back into a draw. When Oil Sheik FC pull out a last minute winner in Ukraine, I'm smiling through gritted teeth. It'll all come down to a home match for PSG against Rubin Kazan where the Parisians need a win to advance. We've already sealed our knockout round appearance in the meantime, barring a collapse of unimaginable proportions against Donetsk at the Racecourse Grounds in a few days.
Rubin 2-0 Wrexham
Hard to argue with those results.
But our youth movement continues to impress the old men judging the beauty pagent.
Finally, I can vote for one of my own players! Collett was our first player with a “Worldwide” reputation, which is a big part of who gets nominated for these awards. Rocky Bastable also made the shortlist, and he gets my second place vote out of loyalty.
As the champions of Europe we get a bye into the semifinals. Africa and Oceania already had their We'll play two games in Seoul against clubs from Asia, North America, and/or South America and we'd better win both of them.
For Pete's sake. Taborda hasn't been in a match since late September because he keeps picking up different minor health problems. What's next, he passes out and concusses himself while straining to poop?
Tim Jeffries is doing well in the Scottish Premier League. I'm likely to try and keep him around long term due to his home grown status and because he's the best prospect ever to come out of our youth academy. Cosimo De Blasio has been perfectly decent for Leeds, but isn't giving me any reason to think he's ready to fight for a position here.
Here's hoping he wins.
That's a tough, tough group. England will probably get through, but the second spot is a toss up. It wouldn't be a monumental shock if England didn't make it past the group stage, the other three teams all have serious talent.
Cap him already. He gets lonely when the club facilities are deserted during international breaks.
vs Shakhtar Donetsk, December 6, 2023
Champions League, Group D
No futzing about here. I don't want to take any risk that some tiebreaker I'm unaware of will bounce us into third place if/when PSG tops Rubin in the other match and we tie with Rubin on 10 points.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Morvan, Bailey, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Mair, Petts, Argenti, Aarts.
Shirra scores before 10 minutes is up, and so does PSG. Shirra scores again at the 20th minute, and PSG is matching him. Shakhtar hit us on the counter, a depressingly frequent event for us these past couple years, but Thiago adds a third before the half. Our second half is essentially a glorified scrimmage, while in Paris Rubin draws back within a shout only to have Carlos Mattias Cardozo lay down the Napoleonic Code. Our effort to sandbag the French giants fails.
This also happened to be Mateo Mujkic's 275th appearance with the club, putting him a mere 216 behind the all time leader, Arfon “The Prince of Wales” Griffiths. Mujkic has reached 275 appearances at the age of 26, it's not our of the question that he'd be able to top Griffith's record if he stayed at the club long enough.
Man of the Match: Scott Shirra
Wrexham 3-1 Shakhtar
vs Aston Villa, December 8, 2023
Premier League
We have only a day before our next match, a visit from Aston Villa. We're due in Seoul the day after that, our already hectic schedule is speeding up as we're playing in almost every tournament conceivable. I suppose it would be theoretically possible for us to get relegated to League One while continuing to win the Champions League every year, thus allowing us to remain in Europe while also gunning for the Johnston's Paint Trophy, but that seems like way too much work and denies us the opportunity to rack up Premiership titles.
We're playing a weaker lineup than I prefer, but given that we're playing five matches in about eleven days between the end of the CL group stage, this match, the Club World Cup, and the League Cup semifinal with West Brom when we return this is the only game where I want to risk running out the second team.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Mair, Petts, Argenti, Rouissi, Gabbianelli, Stringel.
Subs: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Bailey, Allan, Ikeda, Aarts.
A hesistant first half from our Dragons results in a goalless first half. Several of our players are nervous, apparently lacking confidence that they can play as well as the first team. We finally go ahead on an own goal with less than 10 minutes left, and it looks like we'll still manage to take all three points. That thought is near instantaneously dashed when we give up the equalizer and leads to my visible fulmination in the technical area, but Gabbianelli finally scores on his fifth shot of the day to restore the lead. My gamble paid off, but only just.
Man of the Match: Fabio Gabbianelli.
Wrexham 2-1 Villa
File the surprisingly low expectations of the Wrexham faithful under “bugs to be fixed in Football Manager 2015.”
We were the third to last club to be drawn for the FA Cup. I prefer to let the draw occur team by team, rather than just clicking the “instadraw” button to see who we get. As it went on I was certain we were going to make another trip to Manchester. Not that Crewe Alexandria aren't a perfectly respectable club, but compared to that prospect they're minnows.
Meanwhile we pull Mexican squad Atlas, former Copa America finalists, in the Club World Cup semifinal. Here's hoping that Seoul can top Flamengo while we shrug off Atlas and we can have what amounts to a vacation in Korea.
Our one loss came in a game we intentionally threw, and there was real concern for much of the match that we might accidentally draw of how well our depleted team played. Knocking out PSG would have made my season, if we play them in the later stages of the competition they'll have a real chip on their shoulder.
In the league we sit nine points back of United, but if we win both games we have in hand we could catch them with a victory against them on Boxing Day. That would be quite the Christmas present that would be for our supporters. We're also heavily favored to add the Club World Cup to the growing ranks of competitions we've conquered, and similarly thought likely to make the League Cup semifinal. We're in good health, good spirits, and good form. Let's do the mini-Triple and give Manchester United a bloody nose.
Election!AJ_Impy is stepping down as chairman of the board, after a fruitful tenure that saw us establish ourselves as one of the top teams in the world and capture our first major honors, topped off with an emphatic double last season in the Premiership and Champions League. The position is open to anyone who hasn't been Chairman before (i.e. anyone other than AJ_Impy and Sky Shadowing). Anyone who is interested in the position should submit their campaign slogan and a script for a 30 second/1 minute political ad in favor of their candidacy. They should also pick 0-1 options from the Style of Play category and 0-2 of the Transfer Policy category that they will implement should they win the election:
Style of Play
I) Play possession football
This philosophy is essentially tiki-taka, made famous by the late aughts Barcelona and Spanish national teams that were each among the very best ever assembled on the club and national level. It's about keeping suffocating possession of the ball, dazzling our opponents with an array of creative one touch passing, and scoring a ton of goals thanks to how often we have the ball. We already do much of this with our 4-2-3-1 Control, though our version is significantly less interested in possession and more focused on taking our shots when we get them.
II) Play attacking football
Winning is great and all, but it's much more fun when you're playing positive soccer. Fun, attacking play is focused less around slowly working the ball into the box to create good opportunities and instead around an uptempo slashing style. By it's nature it's not very defensive, the goal is to put shots on net rather than eat up the clock by holding possession.
III) Play defensive football
What point is running up and down the field all day if you're shipping loads of goals? Why is an “exciting” 3-3 draw better than a 1-0 victory? Defense wins championships, and you will never lose if you never let the other side score. The defensive style is all about good positioning, teamwork, and discipline, and getting the ball upfield on counter-attacks to score the only goal you need to win.
IV) Rely on set-pieces
We used this in our early seasons, and I think it was bugged. We were among the league leaders for goals from corners, and were getting 20%+ of our goals from set pieces, and I got a big fat zero in this category. Pick this if you want to
Transfer Policy
A) Sign players from the President's nation
If I followed this to the letter it would represent a gigantic change in how I hunt for new talent. I would have to focus on finding players from the President's nation (e.g. for an American chairman I'd be judged based on how many Americans I was bringing to the club). If you choose this option you must state what nationality you would like to use or if you'd prefer the default of Welsh. I will chaff at this mandate regardless, but how cross I get will depend on where the new President is from. Germany, for example, would elicit mild grumbling while the Seychelles might cause an aneurysm.
B) Make high profile signings
I will be judged based upon the reputation of the players we're signing. That will mean transfers for finished products, who are generally in their late 20s or early 30s. The new chairman will demand that we sign the most renowned footballers in the world, to match our status as the best club in the world. This gets expensive, especially since we generally won't be able to sell them for a high price when they hit a serious age related decline.
C) Sign young players for the first team
We currently have this enabled. The board will want me to sign players under the age of 24 for the first team, something I've been all too happy to do so far. I've gotten good to perfect marks on this, I think our average first team age has been somewhere between 20-24 for the entire time I've been at Wrexham, and I've only signed a handful of players over thirty.
D) Develop through youth
We currently have this enabled. The board will look for me to sign teenagers and develop a sexy youth program, eventually graduating them to the senior team. They want to see me poaching young talent from other clubs as well. I've been very successful at this, I can't recall my rating ever dropping below 100% on this measure.
You have until 12pm EST Sunday, August 17, to throw your hat into the ring.
For reference, the current board:
