Part 155: Chapter the Sixth: World Champions, sort of.
Chapter the Sixth: World Champions, kind of.December 11, 2023-January 1, 2024
Wrexham has a chance to sweep the minor competitions we're in, with a trip to the Club World Cup in Seoul to start the Holiday period. The players will have to stay focused, we've got an epic match against Manchester United coming up on Boxing Day that could have everything to do with who wins the league this year.
We didn't play a game and went up 4 spots. FIFA rankings are weird.
Stay healthy for a few weeks this time, would you?
vs Atlas, December 13, 2023
Club World Cup, Semifinal
Atlas are a very good team. They'd struggle to avoid relegation in the Premier League, but they certainly wouldn't be the worst club. If we get past them we play Seoul, who got past Brazilian giants Flamengo on penalties under the rapturous gaze of their supporters.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Fitzgerald, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Bailey, Petts, Collett, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Morvan, Shirra, Argenti, Aarts.
Atlas comes out unafraid, pressing for the ball and trying to play us straight up despite the talent differential. It's working great and giving us fits until they get caught too far up the pitch. Meteor streaks down the touchline before launching a perfect cross to Stringel. They redouble their efforts, but once again we catch them on the break, this time with Stringel tapping the ball forward for a Collett effort that hits paydirt. When Mujkic reenacts the first goal, but this time with Thiago playing the role of Stringel, the Mexican club looks dejected. Atlas gamely try to get back into the match after the half, but after a brief spurt of energy are forced to defend the final half hour. Thiago scores his second, and we're into the final.
Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel
Wrexham 4-1 Atlas
I hadn't realized the purse was that large, this trip might actually pay for itself.
It certainly won't hurt our reputation. The Club World Cup is very new (first contested in 2000, then only for the second time in 2005), and is wildly overrated ingame compared to it's real life importance. A good but not great club like Tottenham, Wolfsburg, or Fiorentina would be proud of claiming the Europa League. Those same teams would play a bunch of reserves and teenagers in the Club World Cup.
Manchester City is the only English megabastard which hasn't changed hands in the past decade. Even minibastard Tottenham was taken over by a bunch of Greeks.
Why do you think I signed him, Agent Coulson? Coulson's back in England these days, ripping up League 2 at the stately age of 32.
He's had a solid lower level career, and with his current level of play could easily last another 3 years if he has the desire to play.
This is an asinine way to put it. The competition hasn't even been held 20 times and you have to win the Champions League to get there. Real Madrid has never won it, nor has Bayern Munich.
At Seoul, December 16, 2023
Club World Cup, Final
If we don't win this it's because we fell asleep on the pitch, regardless of Seoul's home field advantage.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Mair, Petts, Parr, Shirra, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Hammatt, Morvan, Bailey, Collett, Argenti.
Seoul is playing decent defense through the first half hour, but the floodgates open after that. The Golden Boy converts a penalty, then Taborda scores five minute further on in the aftermath of a corner. Parr makes it three-nil when he has the ball roll right to him after Shirra is tripped up at the edge of the box and the referee plays the advantage. Two minutes later Parr gets an injury that requires him to come out of the game, again.
Bram Aarts keeps up the march to victory just after halftime, and this is officially an embarrassment to the home team. He completes his brace and we're up 5-0 with 35 minutes left to play. Collett misses a chance to make it 6-0, but who cares? We've got our third shiny new trophy of the year, and we can now call ourselves the champions of the world.
Man of the Match: Bram Aarts
Seoul 0-5 Wrexham
This competition is a joke.
The march to the septuple continues unchecked! Though I bet that the denizens of AU-Something Awful's The Ray Parlour (Now named The Ian Park after the longtime Hibernian defender) are making very sarcastic cracks about this “treble.” The only title AJ_Impy won't see us attain during his time as president will be the League Cup, we've now won literally every other possible trophy.
Definitely worth the trip, though.
I'm not sure I want AU-Malky Mackay buttering me up, I'm pretty sure it's only because I'm a white man.
The one thing the US does do well is develop goalkeepers. From Kasey Keller to Brad Friedel to Tim Howard to Brad Guzan, the one position where America is able to match or better most major footballing powers is between the sticks. At least, that used to be the case. Toninho is not nearly as good as his forebearers, but he's still much better than anyone I might replace him with.
vs West Bromwich Albion, December 20, 2023
Capital One Cup, Fifth Round
You're in the way of our septuple, West Brom. I'm going to have to politely ask you to roll over and die.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Hammatt, Loseille, Morvan, Petts, Collett, Rouissi, Taborda, Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Quiboulaz, Bailey, Allan, Stringel, Ikeda.
A healthy Compadrito is a wonderful thing, and he gives us the lead after our first two shots are inches away from being goals. Thiago hammers the crossbar twice, the second time on a long range free kick. As the game wends on I feel confident in bringing the teenager, Ikeda, on. He rewards my decision by making a brilliant run and rounds the keeper, but is denied a spot on the scoreline when the keeper's desperation dive touches the ball last before it crosses the goal line. Two-nil, and the outcome was never in doubt.
Man of the Match: Rodrigo Taborda
Wrexham 2-0 West Brom
Chelsea has to play Manchester United in the other semifinal, while we get Sky Shadowing's Championship level club. This might be the year where we finally win the League Cup.
The biggest surprise is Barca finishing third in their group, while credit has to be given to Porto and Benfica for giving the Portuguese league as many knockout round qualifiers as Germany. I'd say that we're clearly superior to at least eight of the remaining teams, but going up against any of the three English clubs, PSG, or Real Madrid, would be a tossup while Bayern Munich and Juve certainly have the ability to beat us. If we get Benfica I hope I reenact my greatest Football Manager 2013 triumph, an 11-0 genocide in the second leg that lead to the entire Benfica staff being fired.
I'll take it.
At Stoke City, December 23, 2023
Premier League
Stoke are sitting at the bottom of the league. I'm saving our powder for Man United in three days, so don't right the ship yet, Potters!
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Mair, Bailey (c), Argenti, Allan, Gabbianelli, Roussi.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Hammatt, Morvan, Shirra, Mujkic, Thiago.
Argenti hasn't been that good this season, but he draws a penalty in the early going that Laux converts. That's a good thing, as we're otherwise outplayed comprehensively in the first half and still ahead. Callum Allan makes it 2-0 an hour in, assisted by Argenti, who's having his best game in months. Meteor comes off the bench to make it 3-0, and we win going away.
Man of the Match: Cristian Taffarel
Stoke 0-3 Wrexham
Bailey has 317 appearances in all competitions, quite a tenure.
Our American affiliate didn't even manager to make the Western finals. For shame, Chivas.
A Wrexham Carol
December 24, 2023
(Wind howls outside the WREXHAM OFFICES on MOSS ROAD as COACH sits alone in his office near the close of business on CHRISTMAS EVE)
: Wages far under budget. Transfer kitty untouched. Excellent...(A rap on the door, and STEVE REED enters)
: What do you want?
: Well, sir, I was just thinking that I've been one of the best right backs in all of the game, and you yourself told me that I was going to be taking over for Tonci in the starting 11. I'm only getting about 20% of what he's earning, and I know there's money in the wage budget...: Bah, humbug. You're signed got a contract through the three years. Why should I give you a raise just because you're a bad negotiator?: But coach-: Humbug I say! Get out of my office before I fine you a weeks salary for impertinence!(REED scurries out of the office, chagrined and startled. Presently, there is another knock on the door, and JUSTIN BAILEY enters)
: We signed you after you couldn't find a team for six months. £12,000 a week isn't good enough for you now? Humbug.
: Well, ok... (BAILEY licks his lips tentatively)
: Uh, I know we have the Manchester United game on Boxing day, but the players wanted me to ask you if we could have tomorrow off to spend with our families, it being Christmas and all.: Christmas. Humbug. That's a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December... I'll make it half a day, nothing more.: But coach-
: Unless the team would prefer to be UNEMPLOYED?!: Err, no... I'll be going now...(The COACH arrives home late at night to his empty home, it is spartan in furnishing as he spends 18 hours a day working. He wearily sits in a darkened room, scrolling through potential free transfers until a riotous clanking makes him look up to see THE GHOST OF ROCKY BASTABLE)
: Rock, what the hell are you doing here? And why are you a ghost?
: Oooooooo. You must mend your skinflint ways!: Bah, humbug. My savvy has kept us solvent despite being a tiny club from rural Wales.: Ooooooo. Yes, but do you remember what happened when you negotiated a new contract with me? You thought you were saving money by inserting a release clause that would never be triggered, and instead you allowed Real Madrid to sign me awaaaaay.: Humbug.: Come with me, and see where your path will lead you!(TGORB and COACH have been transported into the past to see MATEO MUJKIC sign a contract extension, his third, with the club)
: I... I remember this. This was the first time that Mateo signed a contract without a release clause. It meant he'd be with the club forever.: Do you remember how excited you were?: So excited... But things are different now! We can't give out hundred thousand pound a week contracts on a whim like Barcelona!: But what of the results of your actions?(The scene shifts to the PRESENT, with ROCKY BASTABLE wearing a REAL MADRID kit)
: Oh spirit, I never meant for that to happen! I was only trying to reduce your wages by giving you a release clause that couldn't be triggered! It was an honest mistake!(The scene shifts again to a MANCHESTER CITY press conference)
: Spirit, why have you brought me to this dark place.(TGORB merely points at PATRICK PATTISON, who stands at a podium flanked by MATEO MUJKIC and SCOTT SHIRRA)
: While we here at Manchester City agree that it's very sad that Coach Brown suffered a mortal wound during the largest sheep stampede in Welsh history, I am delighted to announce that we have come to terms with these fine players and give them the compensation they richly deserve.(The COACH looks on aghast)
: Spirit, please tell me, is this the future that will be or only might be? Please! I must know!(Fade to black. Open on COACH groggily awakening in his bed and looking at his smartphone)
: It's still only Christmas day! The Ghost of Rocky Bastable did it in one night!!! Things can be changed! Rejoice! New contracts for everyone!
Merry Christmas one and all!
vs Manchester United, December 26, 2023
Premier League
It's time to take down the giants! United have scored 52 goals and allowed 8 in 17 games this season, but if we win this match we can catch them if we also win the games we have in hand.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Morvan, Bailey, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Petts, Stringel, Taborda, Argenti.
Even though it's just a day after Christmas, everyone is aware of just how important this match could be when the season ends. Thiago shows that he knows how important this is by pouncing on a loose ball in the box, and we score just the 9th goal against United all season in less than five minutes. Man U's centerback Nate Bennett compounds their early woes with a penalty against Collett in the box, which Shirra converts. Our dream first half comes to a close with Steve Reed making a late run into the box to get a perfect Bailey pass. No one is marking him and he has all the time in the world to aim just inside the far post. It's three-nil at the half, against a team that had been scoring over three goals a game while allowing less than one every two.
United are too good to be held goalless, and grab one right back when play resumes from Steve Collecott's boot. They can't get any closer, and in the 77th minute Collett scores from a corner to make it 4-1. We've now scored a full 1/3rd of the goals United have given up all season. That takes the fight out of United, they narrowly avoid conceding for a fifth time before limping home after their first loss of the season.
Man of the Match: Matty Collett
Wrexham 4-1 Man United
A performance like that just five days before voting certainly won't hurt him.
Free transfers are the best. I'll see if any of these boys are potential stars in the making and sign them on the cheap.
vs Everton, December 30, 2023
Premier League
With the United victory we're back in control of our own destiny. We just need a draw in Manchester on the second to last week of the season and win every single remaining game while making up a -20 goal differential deficit. Piece of cake.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Mair, Petts, Parr, Stringel, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, Hammatt, Bailey, Allan, Argenti, Gabbianelli.
At halftime Everton are proving a much sterner test than Manchester United, with our supporters shaking their heads at our squanders. I yoink Stringel off the field just before the hour, he's been uncharacteristically poor and is a big reason why we're not winning. Rodrigo Taborda gives us the lead not long after when he flummoxes the opposing keeper by putting serious english on a cheeky free kick from out wide that curls it inside the near post. That should be enough, but a tenacious Everton equalizes late on a fast break. They then have a man sent off for picking up two yellows, but with only 3 minutes of regulation remaining the Toffees hang onto the draw. We really should have won that match given how often we threatened, but luckily United also drew 3-3. They've now given up seven goals in two matches after conceding only eight in their first 17.
Man of the Match: Rodrigo Taborda.
Wrexham 1-1 Everton
El Compadrito has become Tissue Paper Taborda.
Jiminez has been very good in the US, but the scouting reports say he doesn't have a high ceiling. It's why you haven't seen him much on our national teams. I should probably give him a shot, though. Meanwhile 19 year old Isaac Parsons has improved leaps and bounds, he's going to be a mainstay at right back for my entire tenure with the USMNT.
I'm absolutely going to take personal charge of this. I want a gold medal.
Our visibility on TV has gone up drastically even compared to last year, with 9 of our 16 matches televised. Compare that with 12 televised matches all year, when we won the damned league, and we're going to make about £10m more than last year.
At Reading, January 1, 2024
Premier League
Let's start the new year off right, especially since injuries are forcing Reading to play an 18 year old on their left wing.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Fitzgerald, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Morvan, Bailey, Argenti, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Mair, Allan, Collett, Aarts.
In the seventh minute a Mujkic to Bailey connection at the near post comes as we overload the Reading defense. Later in the first half Morvan mugs the Reading holding midfielder and Shirra beats the centerback to the ball. He's off to the races, and his shot slips past the keeper from a very narrow angle. An own goal in early second half from a bobbled corner is the final indignity for the home team, though they do deny us a clean sheet with a stoppage time goal.
Man of the Match: Scott Shirra
Reading 1-3 Wrexham
They're both now at the penultimate rating, Excellent. Another ten million big ones and we're finally as good as any megabastard out there.
Shucks, Collett couldn't pull it off.
He can't even crack the World XI starting squad, but is our first player to ever be named to it.
We also have our first actual Golden Boy, Isaac Stringel.
What do you get the team that has almost everything?
We added our third trophy of the season. We picked up 10 of a possible 12 points in the League and topped Manchester United in a must win match. We're into the League Cup semifinal for the first time in my tenure. We've got an easy match against Championship club Crewe in the FA Cup. We're almost completely healthy. Over the past calendar year we've lost all of seven matches.* We're at the top of the Football World, and have every chance of taking home every trophy we could compete for. 2023 was the year that we announced our presence. 2024 must be the year we cement it.
* Well, 9 if you count losing away ties in the Champions League.