Part 159: Chapter the Ninth: Fire and brimstone.

Chapter the Ninth: Fire and brimstone.
March 1, 2024-April 1, 2024

Hopefully our first full week off after playing twice a week since early December will fix our sudden and terrifying complacency issue. Otherwise we're not going to add to our burgeoning trophy collection. I don't think we'll advance in the Champions League, just one away goal for Napoli would mean we'd need a 5-1 victory to advance and even if we keep a clean sheet we need to be up 3-0 after 90 minutes for even a chance at penalty kicks. Since we've already been turfed out of the FA Cup we could be down to fighting for only the EPL title by the end of the month.



The United States plays Olympic qualifiers this month. The Olympics are a weird Under-23 tournament mainly because FIFA doesn't want it becoming too popular and horning into their World Cup cash cow. The USA should qualify fairly easily, CONCACAF gets two spots and has a third country enter a playoff. I'm taking direct control of the squad, though, which means I'll be managing 14 matches this month between the national team matches and my Wrexham duties.

vs Manchester United, March 3, 2024
Capital One Cup, Final


Get out there and win me that trophy. I'm tired of screaming myself hoarse during and after every game and I'm sure you're tired of having your wages garnished.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Mair, Ünsal, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Petts, Taborda, Stringel, Aarts.

Our smart, effective play at the start leads to lots of pressure. It allows Thiago to poach a goal in the 6th minute, his 20th of the season. We have 6 men in the United penalty area when our next goal comes from the foot of a hard working Collett, who collected his own rebound to score in the 21st minute. United are too good to go down without a fight, though. They pick one up when Hammatt doesn't mark his man, then another just before halftime when Hammatt and Loseille allows the scorer to slip by the both of them. Our offense has been great, our defense awful.

We retake the lead via a questionable penalty after Ünsal is nudged in the box and drops to the ground as if dead. He succeeds in drawing the refs attention and Shirra takes a perfect penalty to make it 3-2 with 35 minutes remaining. United control possession for the rest of the match, and my tweaks are all efforts to keep them from getting a third goal. I sub Hammatt out, even though he's been better after halftime he's still been our weak link on defense all game. The tweaks work as intended and we stay focused and composed. United can't force an equalizer and we've won the Capital One Cup thanks to our second half defensive effort and the referee giving us a gift PK.

Man of the Match: Matty Collett




Wrexham 3-2 Man United



All the online wags are calling it “The Quadruple.” We now have one of every trophy top level English league team can win but for a conquest of the Europa League. If we win the Premier League we'll have won five competitions in a season, something only seven clubs have ever accomplished. Celtic and Galatasaray are the only clubs with five trophies who compete in significant leagues, three of the others hail from Malta, Egypt, and Northern Ireland, and the last two are women's pro teams.



Four more points clinches a Champions League berth, and that's assuming Tottenham win all nine of their remaining matches. This should make the sixth place team happy, that spot on the table will now carry European qualification.



McLeod is rare among the top coaches in that he's not a dipstick. He's friends with just about everyone else who coaches in the Premier League. Apparently he doesn't like me much right now, though, he thinks I was playing mind games with him in the run-up to the League Cup final. I was being honest with my praise for him, it's not my fault that the media is awful.

At West Ham United, March 6, 2024
Premier League


West Ham are at risk for relegation, but you could say that about half the league when only four points separate 18th place from 12th place. 18 year old David Maloney is in the starting 11 due to Bailey's injury and Morvan's departure.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Fitzgerald, Cirjak (c), O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Maloney, Petts, Parr, Stringel, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: Kovacevic, Reed, Hammatt, Ünsal, Allan, Collett, De Blasio.

Tonci Cirjak injures his arm early after taking a tumble, but fights through the pain to play well all game. We're have trouble controlling the match into the 39th minute. That's when Maloney makes a great interception at midfield which allows us to break towards the goal at pace, resulting in Parr finding Stringel in front of the net and giving us the lead. Bram Aarts struggles to make an impact all match, but keeps working hard and is rewarded with the swish of the ball against netting midway through the second half. Shortly thereafter Taborda is knocked out of the game, he stayed out of the trainers room for a whole two months this time. As per usual our defense gets a little sloppy towards the end of the match, but Fitzgerald makes an impressive save to preserve the clean sheet.

Man of the Match: Shahed Parr




West Ham 0-2 Wrexham



Time to break out the ol' holographic projector. Our match against Napoli will determine whether this season's Champions League campaign can be salvaged or will be a complete catastrophe is coming up in six days. The American U23s are playing Jamaica on the same day, but several hours later. I'll obviously be in Wrexham, and then broadcasting myself to the US for the later match.

At Sheffield United, March 9, 2024
Premier League


Regression to the mean hurts. After starting the season with 28 points from their first 13 matches Sheffield United has picked up 13 from their most recent 16 matches. That's three wins, four draws, and nine losses. 41 points is still good enough for sixth place, but to say that they're in a slump is an understatement. If their form holds we should win this.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Loseille, Maloney, Petts, Parr, Allan, Gabbianelli, Aarts (c).
Subs: Fitzgerald, Taffarel, Laux, Mair, Shirra, Collett, Stringel.

Both sides rattle the crossbars in the first three minutes, but the score remains even until Richard Petts makes a key tackle to get us the ball in the opposition third with their defense completely out of position. He passes ahead to Aarts, and the goal looks like the broadside of the barn to the young Belgian. We make it 2-0 on a Parr shot across the keeper to the inside corner of the far post that leaves our traveling supporters speaking in tongues. We're fortunate that Sheffield hasn't been able to finish, though as our defense has been porous. That's proven when we give up a soft goal in first half stoppage time. It doesn't get any better in the second half, and Sheffield get the equalizer in the 70th minute. The scoring isn't over, though, and substitute Isaac Stringel is able to restore the lead with a late goal. Shahed Parr proceeds to put it out of reach two minutes later, and then gets his hat trick with a penalty kick two minutes after that. The match went from being a tight, nervy contest that we could well lose to a blowout in under five minutes. With the win we move atop the table for the first time since the seventh week of the season, and as Manchester United doesn't play for another four days we can enjoy it for a bit.

Man of the Match: Shahed Parr




Sheffield Utd 2-5 Wrexham



If anything our youth intake is even worse than it was last year. I'm glad you're retiring, Maurice. You were clearly already halfway out the door when scouting for players.

vs Napoli, March 13, 2024
Champions League, Knockout Round Home Tie


We need to score four times while keeping a clean sheet. I'm not optimistic. My instructions are to attack full force from the opening whistle, we're not going to get anything out of a desultory 2-0 win.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Taffarel, Mair, Shirra, Collett, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Loseille, Quiboulaz, Allan, Taborda, Parr, Aarts.

Napoli scores in the 9th minute and I'm an apoplectic blaze in the technical area, you can see me blowing my top from space. After I stop screaming ancient and blasphemous obscenities I realize that the goal was called back, and we're not doomed quite yet. We aren't playing with enough urgency, though, and don't push through a goal until Thiago scores in first minute stoppage time. Still down two goals with only forty-five minutes to play the only thing I can do is give a speech worthy of a Shakespearean monologue, hopefully it's enough:



Thiago is doing everything he can to drag us back into the match, scoring a 20 meter golazo in the 62nd minute to give us a prayer. We put crushing pressure on Napoli for the next twenty minutes, but it's coming down to the wire and there's a growing air of desperation about the hometown crowd. Then Stringel streaks forward on the break and puts it away. We've clawed back from 3-0 down to make it 3-3. We need only to score another goal and prevent Napoli from scoring to complete the comeback. Stringel doesn't make me wait, bagging his brace just a minute later. We've roared back to make it 4-3 in the 84th minute! Not to be outdone, Thiago gets his hat trick in the 86th minute, then makes it four in the 88th minute when he sprints by the shell shocked Napoli defense and gets a one on one with the keeper. We've scored four times in under 10 minutes, and Napoli look utterly poleaxed. Minutes later it's over, and we've played perhaps the finest match of my career at Wrexham.

Man of the Match: Thiago




Wrexham (6) 6-0 (3) Napoli




I summoned fire. I rained brimstone. I offered salvation.



It's comparatively relaxing to watch our U23 team stroll to a victory over Jamaica a couple hours later.



Which led me to believe I could leave the match management for the rest of the group stage in the hands of Paul Williams. That was a mistake.

vs Swansea, March 16, 2024
Premier League, Welsh Derby


The decidedly second best team in Wales is a frightful five points clear of relegation. There's no reason to make staying up easy for them.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Fitzgerald (c), Reed, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Loseille, Mair, Ünsal, Parr, Allan, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: Kovacevic, Laux, Hammatt, Maloney, Petts, Gabbianelli, De Blasio.

Aarts doesn't record the quickest goal in Wrexham history, but he's not far off, being the man on the spot 12 seconds into the match to receive Taborda's cross after the Argentine winger streaks down the pitch in the opening moments. In the 20th minute the Swans centerback is charged with an own goal when he can't fully redirect an Aarts shot and we're up 2-0. That doesn't prove a safe lead.

Former youth prospect Adrian Read makes a habit of scoring against us, much like Michael Upson. 2-1 in the 33rd minute. Read scores again to tie it up just before the half, and I'm muttering about how I'll buy Leonardo Salerno from Roma as my next wildly expensive purchase. We can't seem to handle Swansea's attack, they're knocking at the door looking for the go ahead goal.

That makes it a pleasant surprise when Parr is the next to score, restoring our lead in the 65th minute. We have a chance to run the lead out to two in the 77th minute when Taborda is fouled, but Petts misses the penalty kick. Thus it's up to Aarts to provide the dagger in the 85th minute. It's a good thing, too, as Adrian Read finishes his hat trick before time is up. The final score flatters us, Petts added a last second goal in stoppage time to make it 5-3, but Swansea romped through our defense at will all game long. The first thing I tell the players when they get into the locker room that such a performance would get us killed against a better team.




Wrexham 5-3 Swansea



Even with the loss we still finished with more points than Mexico did in their group, they won once and drew twice. Now we just need to get through the next match and we're going to the Olympics.

At Leeds United, March 20, 2024
Premier League


Keep them doggies rolling, rawhiiiiiide. United only managed a draw against West Brom, giving us sole possession of first place for the moment. It's time to make amends for the disgrace that was the FA Cup match in January.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Mair, Ünsal, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Maloney, Petts, Taborda, Aarts.

Nothing is more frustrating to me than the frequency with which we send shots over and wide of the target. When Thiago finally does put it on net it's our first goal. We're playing well, but the lead isn't comfortable when the break comes. Cristian Taffarel earns a penalty after being tripped from behind and there's no doubt that we're taking a two goal lead. Scott Shirra is automatic from the spot, he hasn't missed a penalty kick in four years and doesn't start now. We make it three-nil when right back Reed draws a free kick at the corner of the area after marauding upfield and Thiago pulls out his driver and shows exactly why the cries of terror at Bastable's departure have turned into cries of joy at his presence. There is a sour note before the match ends, though, as our defense gets lazy and forces Kovacevic to makes two late saves.

Man of the Match: Thiago.




Leeds 0-3 Wrexham



Holy moley, United had an even crazier second leg than we did. They were down 3-1 before the match, and if you told me that Ajax would score three away goals I'd have been laughing about how United were toast. Instead, they storm back with an 8-6 aggregate victory.



Pack your bags for the Olympics, kids! We have a match against the Mexican U23s in the qualifying “final” just for giggles.



We can beat Dortmund, who aren't even the best team in Germany. Of course, I said that about Napoli and we needed four goals in the final ten minutes to advance from the first knockout round.



Parr isn't the ubermensch I'd hoped for when we first brought him in, but it's hard to argue with his results.



It's nice that Bastable is still following the club. I'd like to think that he DVRs our matches to watch after he plays for Madrid and skypes with his old buddies.

At Derby County, March 24, 2024
Premier League


This is our last match before the March international break. It's no time to get sloppy, I want to maintain our lead over United. Also, a win here means we match our points total for all last season at 82. The relegation pack is getting sorted out, and only five teams face real risk now. Derby's one of them.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Taffarel, Mair, Ünsal, Collett, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Malone, Petts, Parr, Aarts.

Thiago has been scorching hot the last two matches, but whiffs twice in the early minutes. It eventually takes him four tries, but he scores in the 32nd minute, nutmegging the defender when he cuts inside to create his shot. We only score that one time, but thanks to firm defense we don't need anything more. I'm glad to be able to say that after the last few weeks.

Man of the Match: Steve Reed




Derby 0-1 Wrexham



Fifteen league goals with about 20% of the season remaining, to go with three goals in cup competitions and nine (!) goals in seven Champions League matches. The entire North of Wales needs to build a cathedral to whatever deity that made Thiago available after l'affaire du Bastable.



“Dos a uno” doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but a win is a win.



Seriously? Unless they've made major changes to the real life qualification rules we only needed to be top two for a spot, and if we'd finished third we'd have entered a playoff against a South American team for a spot. Of course, even with that easy path to qualification the US didn't make it to the 2020 Olympics, so maybe that's what they're comparing against.



I've made the executive decision to stop doing full writeups of friendlies, both internationally and for Wrexham. There's really not much to say about either the United States smacking around Syria or Wrexham demolishing some poor nation's best teams while on tour, so I'll just be noting the results rather than putting together full game reports with highlights. We played Syria because Mali pulled out of an arranged friendly at the last minute, and Syria was the highest ranked club that we could schedule on late notice, at 48th in the world.



If nothing else I'm doing a good job keeping their morale up.



For shame, Americans. I've brought you a Gold Cup already and have only lost twice in my tenure as national team coach, and you're not showing up to our matches to support the Red, White, and Blue? I am unimpressed.



Aarts has been sensational for us, with 16 goals in 16 starts and 10 substitute appearances. It's about time that he gets his first cap for the Netherlands, at the age of 23 he looks like he'll be a fixture for them over much of the next decade.



Hate. Stringel is going to have to step up while Shirra is out, Rodrigo Taborda will also be playing there if Isaac gets too exhausted.

USMNT



We're going to the Olympics! USA! USA! USA! I want to come home with a medal, though I'll admit that's going to be difficult considering the level of competition we'll face.

Wrexham


The Premier League is a little top heavy this season, and that can be seen in the goal differentials. Wrexham and United are a combined +118 goals. This isn't spectacularly unusual, but it does show the talent gap between us and everyone else.

Wrexham has already set a new record club record for Premier League wins, with 26, and we've equaled our points total from last year with six games to play. If we win every single remaining match we'll hit 100 points. Given that we have games against Arsenal and Manchester United left that's not all that likely, but it's something to dream on. We can also dream of repeating as Champions of Europe, thanks to that amazing comeback against Napoli. The sextuple is still within reach!