Part 168: Chapter the Fourth: Wherein Basel looks our gift horse in the mouth.
Chapter the Fourth: Wherein Basel looks our gift horse in the mouth.October 31, 2024-December 4, 2024
We only have six matches in November! That's nothing! I need to crash us out of the League Cup more often.
Put it with all the others.
It's good to see Maloney succeeding in the EPL, he's a defensive minded midfielder who could eventually crack our lineup.
Thiago is if anything even better than Bastable. We lucked out bigtime when we found him at Cesena.
How the hell have we spent £36m in the last two months?
Well, that's... bad. I'm going to have to think about selling some players. At our current burn rate we're looking at being £60m in the red by the end of April. Most of that will be recouped by Champions League money and finishing high on the EPL table, but we're at about the point where we can't spend more based solely on non-transfer income. The only area where our revenue continues to grow is merchandising, we're getting £2m a month from jersey sales now.
vs Newcastle United, November 2, 2024
Premier League
Once again at risk of going down, the Geordies have been unable to maintain a run of success over the past decade, yo-yoing between the Championship and Premier League. That being said, they were the only team to beat us in the league last year, and they did it twice.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Ünsal, Shirra, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Hammatt, Mair, Petts, Collett, Aarts.
Taborda gets hurt in a collision within minutes of kickoff, and can't run it off. Collett comes on in his stead. I'm running out of ways to describe our mastery of the opposition, and ways to express my frustration that it's not leading to more goals as we go into the lockers tied at nil-nil. The second half is more of the same, and Newcastle are already timewasting with 30 minutes remaining. It pays off for them. We simply cannot find the net, and Newcastle remains perversely unbeatable.
Man of the Match: Steve Reed
Wrexham 0-0 Newcastle
I've used the same starting 11 more frequently this year than in years past, and the strain on our regulars is just starting to show. Hammatt is quicker now than he was six months ago, his pace is up to 15 though his acceleration lags at 13, so I'll look to giving Laux a day or two off in the coming month.
This will bring Collett's transfer price up to £16.5m, well worth it considering his 31 goals and 20 assists in 83 appearances.
I brought him on as fresh legs in the final 20 minutes of the last match, and he showed nothing. I'm going to be very tempted to deal him in January if he doesn't improve pronto.
He's not going to get better if he doesn't regain his confidence.
So it's time for a pep talk.
Hey, Tosh is already on the sack list shortlist. So is Patrick Nijang, despite Arsenal being at the top of the table.
Oh man, AJ_Impy. That's some disloyalty right there from your manager.
A more polite way of saying “don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
I guess he realized he wasn't in such a strong negotiating position.
Our loanees aren't setting the world on fire, but at least most of them are getting regular playing time.
Stop looking and just cap him already.
At Dynamo Kyiv, November 5, 2024
Champions League, Group B
It's 42 Fahrenheit/4 degrees Celsius and raining. What lovely weather, it makes me actively pine for the UK. Basel travel to PSG; if they somehow manage a result of any sort PSG are almost certainly boned.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Hammatt, Loseille, Mair, Bailey, Collett, Allan, Mujkic (c), Aarts.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Taffarel, Quiboulaz, Enrique, Petts, Ayari, Thiago.
The ref is not accepting any roughhousing, giving Mair and Hammatt yellow cards after some bonecrunching tackles and making us press less than I'd prefer. We still get an early goal, Bram Aarts finally breaks his dry spell in the 11th minute by robbing the keeper who had just placed the ball for a kick. It's a confident move, cocky even, and makes me think he might be back. Collett makes it 2-0 minutes later and Allan adds a third goal before thirty minutes have passed.
We're on autopilot for the rest of the match. I'm able to give teenagers Ayman Ayari and Enrique their senior team debuts in the second half, but an injury to Collett does have me worrying about having all three of our right wingers on the shelf at once. Luckily it turns out to be nothing. Aarts scores once more to cap a dominating 4-0 victory, but unfortunately a stoppage time goal gave victory to PSG over Basel.
Man of the Match: Bram Aarts.
Kyiv 0-4 Wrexham
Now we can turn our attention to Operation “Les Screwjob.”
We all know you're running again. Don't be coy.
At West Ham United, November 9, 2024
Premier League
West Ham started fast, but have hit the skids. Our use of several squad players in Kyiv means that we should be rested and ready for them.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Hammatt, Mair, Petts, Collett, Aarts.
Things are surprisingly even through the first half, and I have to balefully express my disappointment to try and fire the team up at halftime. Then Quiboulaz gets sent off after 57 minutes for his second yellow card, and we're suddenly looking at a potential loss instead of merely a turgid nothingburger of a tie. We hang on for that draw, our second in a row, but our sudden lack of goals in our last two league games is worrying.
Man of the Match: Mattias Laux
West Ham 0-0 Wrexham
You need to play smarter. We can't be dropping points if we want a threepeat.
The gamey thing to do would be to just ignore him as the trigger for his discontent would never fire and he wouldn't get mad that I'm not playing him. I find that far too unrealistic for the sort of manager I imagine myself as. Pull up a seat, Fitzy.
Dadgummit. Well, I guess he'll be up for sale next summer. He's not going to supplant Kovacevic.
I forgot, it's time for the biennial “Waste of Time Cup.” I can't be arsed to steal Mujkic back, we're deep enough to handle his five week absence. Go crater East Timor, Meteor.
I can ask for our second feeder club, hopefully it's in China or a major South American league.
$$$! Or €€€, as the case may be. Bastable is also off
Melbourne, Australia
(Australian National Team Manager ANDREA ALOISI is addressing the players after the game)
: Que bella! That was very pleasing to the eyes! It was like watching the strapping players of Livorno in the promised land of Serie B where I once played!
: Oi, Aioli. Rock and I got a request to make.: For you, my Captain, anything. But please, call me Coach.(BASTABLE and MUJKIC exchange a significant look)
: There's only one Coach, and you ain't him.(A pregnant pause)
: Anyways, lets switch our matches over to Hunter Stadium in Newcastle, yeh? It's a short drive from me hometown.: What? But-: Thanks, mate. Knew you'd come through.
Enjoy smashing the hoi polloi, Dreamsicle.
vs Watford, November 23, 2024
Premier League
Watford have the 3rd best offense in the Premier League this season, scoring 20 goals. They've also allowed 20 goals. We've scored 19 ourselves, but our defense is the league's best. We haven't allowed more than one goal to any opponent in league play, and have conceded 6 total through 11 games. I'm feeling good about a shootout.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Hammatt, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal. Collett, Stringel, Taborda, Aarts (c).
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Mair, Allan, Parr, Thiago.
I take a different tack in the pregame chat, telling the squad to relax and just play their natural game, that the result will come and I have faith in them. At the very least it works in breaking our two game goal drought, with Scott Shirra scoring from the spot in the 17th minute after Steve Reed is hacked down in the box. We then make Watford pay for a rare foray into our territory, with Stringel finding Aarts on the break and the Belgian beating two defenders and the keeper to give us a two goal lead just before the half. The second go-round is more of the same. Taborda makes it three for Wales from a free kick, and Aarts adds a second goal in his campaign to convince me not to sell him. Watford's defense is their undoing while their vaunted offense can't manage a shot on target.
Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel
Wrexham 4-0 Watford
Gosford, Australia
(BASTABLE and MUJKIC are lounging on a patio at BASTABLE'S LUXURY CONDO in his hometown of GOSFORD)
: Gimmie another tinnie out of that esky.: You were so right that we should wag practice. This is way better. Especially if they're going to make us play a full match every two days.(A WOMAN'S VOICE comes from the condo, and MUJKICs head swivels about to look inside)
: Rocky Bastable! How many times have I told you to close the screen door when you're on the patio!: No fuckin' way. You really do still live with your mum! And she's a right chickie babe!
Take a week, Laux. Go someplace sunny.
Newcastle, Australia
(A TALL GERMAN MAN walks into the Australian locker room after the match)
: By crickey!: Oi, Laux, what the hell are you doing here!?
: Coach told me I had to take a week off. Coach told me I should go someplace sunny. It is very sunny in Australia, yes?: How long you on holiday?: One week only.: Then we better get out of here and get some Darwin stubbies right quick!: But you have tape review! My old coach, he always told me as a young man at Latina in the great 1st Divisione Girone C that two things made for great teams. Tape study and the 5-5-0 formation!: Oh piss off, ya drongo. At Basel, November 27, 2024
Champions League, Group B
Everyone remember to practice your German on the flight over, if only we were playing in Geneva we could just get Loseille to translate everything for us. Laux could do the job, but he's downunder and drunk. I'm trying like hell to throw this match, I've called up every healthy kid we have in the U18s. A win for Basel here and against Kyiv in a week combined with a Wrexham win over PSG in Wales will see the Swiss through to the knockout round.
Oh, and I'm breaking out the WM:
Time to rock it like it's 1929. If we're winning in the second half I'm subbing our keepers Fitzgerald and Kocsis on for whoever is playing best.
Starting Formation: WM
Starting 11: Murphy, O'Hanlon, Williams-Cooke, Enrique, Bailey (c), Mair, Coleman, Brown, Parr, Dawkins, Petts.
Subs: Kocsis, Fitzgerald, Taffarel, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Taborda, Allan.
Well that didn't take long. Basel scores twice in the first three minutes, and I don't think they can believe their eyes. I'm not sure any of their players even know what the WM is. Richard Petts doesn't seem to realize we're supposed to be taking a dive here, though, and scores a brilliant 25 yard shot to bring us back to one down. Luckily the WM's defensive deficiencies are on full display, and Basel quickly restore their lead.
In the second half our 18 year old American superprospect, Keith Coleman, makes the mistake of scoring to make it 3-2, and I'm seriously considering bringing on our backup keepers to make sure we don't score again. I'm scoreboard watching, and grunt unhappily when PSG takes the lead against Kyiv after 66 minutes. That tears it, Fitzgerald and Kocsis get to try their hands at being forwards. Basel secures their victory with another late goal, and then add two more just for fun. It's clear that the world isn't ready for the return of the WM. Philistines.
Basel 6-2 Wrexham
Gosford, Australia
(LAUX, MUJKIC, and BASTABLE sit in recliners on the patio of BASTABLE'S MUM's LUXURY CONDO, surrounded by empty beer cans)
: Hey, didn't Coach have the US play Singapore?: Yes, just a month ago.: And didn't they only win two-nil?: Yes, that was the score.(BASTABLE and MUJKIC exchange a sly look)
: AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE!: OI! OI! OI!: Oh Scheiße, not again. You just got done chanting that for half an hour five minutes ago!vs Southampton, November 30, 2024
Premier League
Hello, Sky Shadowing... you just triggered my trap card! Premier League rules don't allow loaned players to play against the team that owns them, so your attack loses both Daamgard and De Blasio. Muahahaha.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Hammatt, Taffarel, Shirra, Ünsal, Collett, Stringel, Taborda, Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Reed, O'Hanlon, Mair, Allan, Petts, Aarts.
We should be up 5-0 at halftime. Instead we have to wait until the 44th minute to go ahead. Then we're given a penalty not long after the second half begins. Shirra puts it away, as he always does. Thiago makes it 3-0 with 20 minutes remaining, and the score now matches the display on the pitch. I can't complain about the performance, but I do wish Arsenal would cough up a seventh goal so that we can claim the fewest allowed in the league.
Man of the Match: Matty Collett
Wrexham 3-0 Southampton
450 minutes! Our defense is much better this season, and even beyond the overall improvement we haven't been allowing late goals- only one of the six we've conceded has come after an hour has elapsed.
Newcastle, Australia
(BASTABLE and MUJKIC walk slowly and gingerly out of HUNTER STADIUM. Both men look exhausted.
: I don't think I've ever been this sore after a game. Five games in ten days? What gallah designed this tournament?!: Thank Christ our next match isn't until next week. What do you want to do until then?(They PONDER)
: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?(in unison)
: WALKABOUT!
Isaac is once again a frontrunner for the Golden Boy award, and he's turned up his performances recently.
Oh c'mon, we all know you're going to win reelection.
The Brewers are in League One, but I'm not going to take a win for granted after l'affaire du Chesterfield.
We still don't have a frontrunner for the most prestigious award in world football. But Collett and Ünsal are both on the ballot, and so they and Bastable get my tvotes. I'm such a homer.
Hey, kick this asshole out of my press conferences in the future.
City have unfortunately placated their stars, and are currently sitting in fourth place, well ahead of Liverpool and Chelsea. The continental ban seems not to have caused mass devastation as I hoped.
I'm about to call QPR to complain that Reis hasn't been playing, but then I see a message dated September 14th that he tore a calf muscle and would be out for 3-4 months. I sheepishly put down the phone.
vs Paris Saint-Germain, December 3, 2024
Champions League, Group B
If we win or hold PSG to a draw and Basel can win in Ukraine, PSG is headed to the Europa League. That would likely blow an eight figure hole in their operating budget. I love the smell of screwed over megabastard in the morning.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Shirra, Ünsal, Parr, Stringel, Taborda, Thiago.
Subs: Fitzgerald, Cirjak, Hammatt, Mair, Petts, Collett, Aarts.
Stringel misses a chance in the opening minutes and we don't get the jump on PSG. After half an hour we've missed by millimeters to every side. PSG's defensive midfielder gets sent off just then, though, and while we still haven't scored by halftime things are looking up. With a man advantage I'm not willing to risk our offense failing to break them down. 3-4-3 it is.
PSG gives us a goal two minutes after the restart on a woefully played set piece, and Thiago makes it 2-0 late. But despite beating PSG (and running Kovacevic's goalless streak out to 540 minutes) we can't knock them down to the Europa league as Basel spurns our attempts to give them a knockout round spot by failing to score a single goal against Dynamo Kyiv.
Man of the Match: Steve Reed
Wrexham 2-0 PSG
Ugh. Virtually no upsets. Steau Bucharest knocked out Porto, and Anderlecht topped Valencia, but otherwise there's no surprises. And yet again PSG survives my efforts to backstab them. I am not a happy skulldugger.
We didn't give up a single goal in games where I didn't play two keepers as forwards and played a 100 year old formation. That's awesome, and these past 10 weeks has featured our best defensive work since I took the helm. We were frustratingly held to draws in two of our matches, though, which means I likely have to tinker with our primary tactic as teams are now sitting 9 or 10 players behind the ball and just letting us bash our heads against a wall of flesh for 90 minutes while hoping they get lucky on a counter or set piece.
It's looking like a four way race as we approach the midpoint of the season, with Man City refusing to die and Arsenal looking better than they have in years. City is looking into bringing in old Wrexham favorite Dmitri Nieddu, and they've given out big new contracts to some of their best players, so it appears their money woes are a thing of the past. I have complete faith in winning the season, though, this is the best Wrexham team ever and only bad luck has kept us from being undefeated this season. We have wildly outplayed every single one of our opponents with the sole exception of our opening game against Manchester United.
Prediction ContestThis year's prediction contest will be to guess the top 10 in the May 2025 FIFA rankings. The only major international tournament taking place before then is the Africa Cup of Nations, but every country except the United States is playing a bundle World Cup qualification matches against their confederation mates. Those qualification matches count for more than your average friendly in the rankings. The current top 50 are below.
The tiebreaker, if needed, will be the amount (in millions) that Premier League clubs spend in the January transfer window. For reference, last year saw £145m in purchases while two years ago the sum was £100m.
Also, as a reminder, Niric has yet to claim his prize from last season.