Part 169: Interlude: Our constellation of stars.
Interlude: Our constellation of stars.December 5, 2024
So our President reminded me that it's been a while since I've done a tour of our players and talked about how they've come along and what they do for the club. That's definitely something worth doing, seeing as we now have at least four players who are among the best at their position in the world. I've also tacked on the details of a couple long serving members of the team, who've been with us since we've reached the Premier League.
Vid Kovacevic
December 2024:
January 2020:
Looking back on our transfer of Kovacevic, it's amazing that we got him for a mere million quid. He quickly developed once getting here and now the only keeper that's clearly better than him is Monaco's Kojiro Minami. A few others might be better as well, such as Cristian Cupyers of Wolfsburg, Bernhard Kurz of Barcelona, or Christian Villafane of Real Madrid, but Kovacevic is a top five goalkeeper. Trust me on that, I looked hard for an upgrade this past summer and couldn't find one even close. What makes him so good is that he virtually never makes a mental error with a 20 in Decisions, and he's very good at starting attacks through smart distribution, with high Kicking and Throwing scores along with Teamwork and Communication. If he were only better in the air he might be able to challenge Minami as the best keeper in the world, but his 14 Jumping Reach and 13 Aerial ability are both poor for a top flight keeper.
Matthias Laux
December 2024:
June 2021:
I hadn't realized he's been with us since 2021. Laux is handy for a defender when it comes to having the ball at his feet, and when it comes to distributing out of the back. It's why he's been practicing as a midfielder, he'd made a decent deep-lying playmaker. He's still not on the level of the very best central defenders in the world, a group that comprises of Leonardo Salerno of Roma, Miguel Batista of Arsenal, Ivan Cerutti of Barca, and ol' Cyril Boumsong of Manchester United. Laux is one of two players in the world with 19 Heading, which along with a 17 Jumping Reach means he's going to win just about every header that goes his way. He's also a conscientious defender, and at 23 years old already has world class Concentration and Positioning attributes. Thanks to his improvement in Acceleration and Pace Laux is well suited to our style of play, and is seldom caught unawares or too far out of position to recover.
Mateo “Meteor” Mujkic
December 2024:
July 2016:
Ah, Meteor. There's only one player that matches his talents as a left winger, and that's Mauricio Bohorquez of Atletico. Depending on which of them is in better form, our captain is either the best or second best left winger in the entire world. Neither of them were starting in the World XI, though, because Santolo Caccia of Chelsea had a season that was almost as good as theirs and somehow has a higher reputation. Mujkic's magic comes from the fact that not only is he fast as hell, but virtually all of his attributes are of good quality or better. The wide array of talents, his well developed sense of the game, and the stamina to make use of both assets all game long, make him a terror on the pitch. It should be noted that he's especially deadly crossing the ball, only Caccia has a higher rating than him.
Steve Reed
December 2024:
June 2022:
If he can find a higher gear speed-wise he'll be by a large margin the best right back in the world. Very few fullbacks can match his offensive prowess, but he doesn't skimp on the defensive part of the game. As is, he's merely the first among equals when compared with the likes of Gaston Guillermo of Manchester City, Vinicius Kuznetsov of Marseilles, Gus Penn of Manchester United, or the ageless Sisino of Juventus. Reed's world class Creativity and his solid Crossing makes him a serious offensive threat when he heads upfield, which is often, and thanks to high Concentration and Positioning scores he's able to do that while still being able to take care of his defensive responsibilities.
Scott “The Golden Boy” Shirra
December 2024:
June 2017:
Shirra is one of the five best central midfielders in the entire game. The shortlist is him, Real Madrid's Cristian Reartes, Bayern's Rodrigo Jimenez, Mate Rados of Inter, and Johannes Witt and Luigi Teodorani of Dortmund. I wouldn't trade Shirra for any of them. Just compare with his stats from when he signed for us as a kid with what he's blossomed into, and remember that he's still only 24 years old and can get a bit better. What's especially impressive is how well developed he is mentally, most players who reach that level of development have long since started to see their speed and agility decline. Shirra has a Pirlo-esque field vision and sense of the game, while being able to beat today's Pirlo in a 40 yard dash even spotting the Italian a 30 yard head start. Tack on exemplary dribbling, passing, and general technique and he's as good as it gets.
Isaac “Still needs a nickname” Stringel
December 2024:
January 2023:
Give String a couple more years and I think he'll be one of the most devastating attacking midfielders in the game. He's already the best dribbler in the world, not a single other player has a rating of 20. He's also an athletic freak, only a handful of players in the world match his combination of Acceleration, Agility, Balance, and Pace. As he gets a bit older the mental side of his game will develop and he's going to bring kingdoms to their knees. For now, though, the crown belongs to one of Rados of Inter, Bayern Munich's Santiago Pedrozo, Lee Nash of Arsenal or former Dragon Dmitri Nieddu of AC Milan. Or Scott Shirra, who's also an amazing attacking midfielder and only plays central midfield because I want him and Stringel on the pitch at the same time.
Christian Taffarel
December 2024:
June 2023:
There's a paucity of great left backs in the game. The best currently playing might be Cristian Negro Luqui of Marseille, he was picked to start there in the World XI this year, but it's more likely that Ezequiel Bressan of PSG or Yoni Coutadeur of Man City. Taffarel is a step behind them, but he's definitely in the next tier thanks to his offensive capabilities. He'll keep his spot as our primary left back for another year or two, but pretty soon 19 year old James Loseille will be bucking for the starting role and it'll be him getting a capsule description instead of Taffy.
Thiago
December 2024:
July 2023:
Striker is the glory position, and the position both attracts and creates superstars. Thiago is among the elite, able to overcome his poor composure by simple dint of the number of chances he creates for himself (18 Work Rate means the guy never stops running) combined with his excellent physical and technical tools. But he isn't clearly better than Marco Valerio Cirelli of Arsenal, Niklas Duhnke of Bayern, the brilliant Mark Bloem of PSG, our beloved Rocky Bastable, or John Baxter of Manchester United. While all the players I just named are having a hell of a year special mention should be given to Baxter, who is scoring a goal every 60 minutes.
Sinan Ünsal
December 2024:
January 2024:
I remain convinced that Ünsal is great and we simply haven't found the way to best use him. He's one of the most creative players in the world, and has the technique and passing skills to be a fearsome playmaker. That's become apparent as his performances have improved since I gave him more attacking responsibility in a box to box role instead of mispositioning him as a holding midfielder, but I fear that push might come to shove as we can't get Ünsal, Shirra, and Stringel on the pitch at the same time without relegating one of Shirra and Ünsal to a defensive role for which they're less suited.
Stuart Mair
December 2024:
June 2019:
March 2014:
He's come a long way from being the kid who had trouble staying on his feet in a stiff breeze. He's been a faithful servant since I brought him in before our first Premier League campaign, and I should probably be playing more, he's suited to the holding midfielder role more than Shirra or Ünsal are.
Richard “Dickie” Petts
December 2024:
July 2019
He's fallen into a backup role, but the former Chelsea castoff has been a leal member of the squad since we first arrived on the big stage. He's also featured several times for the English National Team, having picked up 24 caps. His contract ends in a year and a half, so this is likely his last season with the club as I seek to extract whatever value I can for him this summer.
Justin “Cheat Code” Bailey
January 2025:
Post-Serum, 2022:
Pre-Serum, 2014:
Bailey's losing a step, the Banner treatment is wearing off. He's still a good player, though, and he'll always have a place at the club. He's over 30 now, and once I have the option I'm going to start suggesting that he take up coaching once he retires. Then I can sign him as a player/coach, and when he retires bring him on board as part of the coaching staff. There's one thing that concerns me, though:
Is he a double-agent?!
Tonci Cirjak
December 2024
January 2020
Tonci has been with us for almost five years now, after we sniped him away from megabastards Barcelona by meeting his release fee during our first Premier League season. He's been worth every penny of his £5.5m transfer fee, even with my mistake of appointing him captain in our second EPL season. He's fast, mentally and technically sound, and is in essence the quintessential fullback, able to run like the wind down the pitch and keep up with opposing wingers. His offensive talents don't match those of Stevie Reed, though, and it's why he's been relegated to a backup role this season. Reed is simply the better player with the ball at his feet despite being a few steps slower.
Bram Aarts
December 2024
July 2020
The Dutchman sits on the cusp of greatness. He features world class dribbling skills to go along with a big strapping body, iron noggin and surprising acceleration and technique for his size. Sadly, he's a coward, and that will always be a major problem for him. If his bravery were 15 instead of 5 he would be a world class target man, unafraid to use his size and strength to challenge for crosses and corners into the box with head, body, and feet. His technical proficiency would make him a multidimensional threat, deadly with his right foot and braincase. But a lifetime of always being big and strong has resulted in his being a gentle giant, afraid to roughhouse with the opposition for fear of breaking them in half. It leaves him as merely a very good striker with one glaring wart.
James Loseille
December 2024
July 2022
He had me as a 17 year old with Crossing 15. On a fullback. That's up to 17 now, and his 20th birthday was six days ago. He's still raw mentally and doesn't shine anywhere but in his ability to read the game and his ability to work with his teammates, but there's no glaring weaknesses other than a propensity to shy away from going after fifty/fifty headers. Given that he's only 5'9', it's not like he was going to win many of those anyways. He's a couple years away from superstardom, and he isn't even close to reaching his full potential.