Part 174: Chapter the Eighth: Wild oats.

Chapter the Eighth: Wild oats.
March 1, 2025-April 1, 2025

It's about this time of year that things always seem to fall apart. I'd like to be able to keep us in the running for the treble until at least the penultimate chapter of the season for once, but that's going to take some doing. We could easily be out of the FA Cup and the Champions League in a fortnight, and be on the brink of elimination in the Premier League.



Hmm, I think I've set too burdensome a training regimen by never giving any rest days. For the rest of the season the day after a match will be an off day.



What does Thiago have to do to get some respect? He scored 7 league goals in February.



Stop winning!

vs West Bromwich Albion, March 1, 2025
Premier League


We've got a week before two of the biggest matches of the year. That means this is a classic “trap” game, where we overlook our opponent and end up humiliated. The players say they understand that, but you can never be sure.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Hammatt, Laux, Taffarel, Bailey (c), Allan, Collett, Stringel, Taborda, Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Loseille, O'Hanlon, Shirra, Petts, Parr, De Blasio.

The first half is a frustrating affair due to the bus that West Brom parked in front of their net. With five minutes to go String is able to beat literally five men in the box to a Taborda pass and crack open what had previously been a brick wall. We remain composed throughout the second half, and finally get a second goal when the 5'9” String puts some serious English on a header to spin it into the corner of the net in the 84th minute. That's not enough for Thiago, who piles on with another three minutes later. West Brom denies us a clean sheet in stoppage time, but we still win by three goals on the final play of the game via Ed Hammatt's first of the season.

Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel




Wrexham 4-1 West Brom



There's a whole host of very promising new players who came into the American academies last December. It would take a huge stroke of luck for us to win the 2026 World Cup, but 2030 is looking better and better.



I negotiated him down under £100k/wk. I could have refused him a new contract but I don't want to create a distraction right as we enter the home stretch.



Heh, AU-Pep Guardiola knocked Arsenal out.



Of course they won. They always win. United beat Swansea on a goal in stoppage time of extra time, the 121st minute. They avoided the lottery of penalty kicks, and I'm increasingly convinced that God has sent these Red Devils to torment me.



I don't think we can expect to treat them like we treat most other teams when we visit their stadium.

At Manchester United, March 8, 2025
FA Cup, Sixth Round


If you offered me a draw that gets us a replay at the Racecourse Grounds before the kickoff, I'd take it without hesitation. If we'd been matched up against United on neutral ground, I'd like our chances. But here? We're doomed.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Taffarel, Ünsal, Shirra, Parr, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Petts, Allan, Taborda, Aarts.

A Thiago goal at the starting gun is revoked by the waving flag of the side judge. He misses his next chance, and United take the lead in the 16th minute when Gregorio gets loose in front of our net. In the 20th minute Parr makes a vital sliding tackle near the top of our box after an indirect free kick for United, and Thiago picks it up 80 meters from the United goal with no one except the keeper between him and the net. He's off to the races, and can't be caught, his shot hurtling past the United keeper and into the top right corner of the net.

United come out of the lockers like a swarm of hornets were chasing them. It doesn't take them long to recover the lead. They score twice more before the match ends, and we're out of the FA Cup before the semifinal. It's our worst performance in at least a year, if not several years, and I'm not surprised in the least by it.




Man United 4-1 Wrexham



I'm going to cheer myself up after our annihilation at Old Trafford by buying a whole bunch of youth prospects.



Speaking of prospects, the United States is producing a surfeit of attacking midfielders. I really wish some of them would learn to play other positions, actually, as we have too many for me to accommodate on the squad.



Err, yes. I'm aware of that.

vs Atletico Madrid, March 12, 2025
Champions League, Knockout Round Home Leg


We didn't score in Madrid, so we need to win by two goals. If we're up 1-0 after 90 minutes we'll go to extra time, and if extra time doesn't decide things we'll go to penalty kicks. Don't let me down, men.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Petts, Allan, Parr, Aarts.

We're having trouble keeping possession on our home turf, and Atletico get a goal in the 21st minute to push our Champions League campaign to the brink. Scott Shirra hangs his head, it was his mistake that lead to the goal. Thiago gets us back to level five minutes later, but we still need two more if we're going to advance. That drops to one more late in the first half as an enraged Thiago screams in exhortation at the rest of the team after putting away his second goal, which a brilliant Stringel pass set up.



My halftime talk is the stuff of legends. I approach each player, one by one, speaking softly to them. I'm by turn cajoling, confidence-building, and comforting. If this doesn't inspire us to victory, nothing will. The players sprint back onto the pitch, and the hunt is on. We come close time and again, with Thiago hitting the woodwork with a drive from miles away and Taborda forcing a sprawling save on a viciously swerving volley. Then, as we enter the final third of the match, El Compadrito comes through. He beats his man to the outside on a Thiago free kick, and redirects it while it's in the air just inside the near post. We're 25 minutes from victory. Five minutes later Taborda's effort from the near post on a counter attack deflects back to Mujkic, and Meteor gives us a vital two goal lead. Our dominance in the second half is the doom of Madrid, and we leave the field with the crowd still roaring it's approval.

Man of the Match: Thiago




Wrexham (4) 4-1 (2) Atletico




I told you it was a hell of a speech. Any time you get more than a couple “motivated and inspired” responses at halftime, you've hit the right notes. Virtually everyone who looked fired up also looked motivated. Atletico didn't stand a chance.



The Racecourse Ground
(ALOISI is waiting by the players exit when MUJKIC leaves the stadium)

: Brilliant! Magical! Superb! You are truly “il giocatore.”

: Thanks heaps! Coach gave us a bonzer speech, really turned things around. But what brings you all the way to Wrexham? You're not going to kidnap me, yeh?

: What? No! I just thought there was someone you'd want to see.

: BANJO!

: ...

(BANJO feasts upon the hopes and dreams of Atletico supporters placidly)



There are no easy draws in the Champions League quarterfinals. Chelsea, United, Sevilla, Barcelona, Bayern, and Dortmund would all be just as much a challenge.



Our youth system actually turned out three star (Gary Lewis), four star (Joe Patel) and four and a half star (the wonderfully named Kristian Bale) prospects this year, as well as a bunch of two star recruits. Not shabby at all, and by a mile the best year we've ever had.



Bale's name made me wonder if we'd recruited the son of all time Welsh great Gareth Bale. Obviously he isn't, I had forgotten that in this universe Gareth Bale is named Shaun Davies. But in looking I discovered something else...

The Racecourse Ground
(The COACH's office, COACH, PAUL WILLIAMS, SCOTT SHIRRA, THIAGO, and ISAAC STRINGEL are playing cards)

: Hijo de puta. Fold.

: What, you don't want to lose any more of that big new contract you just signed?

: The cards, they don't like me tonight.

(There's a knock on the door, and one of the IGNORED YOUTH PLAYERS enter)

: What are you doing here...

(COACH is obviously grasping for the teen's name)

: Will, Coach. Will Brown.

: Was on the tip of my tongue. What are you doing here, Will.

: Well, sir...

(WILL looks clearly uncomfortable)

: Spit it out, son.

: Dad?! You know who I am?!

: Wait, what?



(EVERYONE breaks out talking over one another)

: Shite!

: ¡Dios mío!

: Nossa!

: What the hell is going on?!

: You've been ignoring me all year?!

(PAUL WILLIAMS bangs the table to get their attention)

: This is my fault, Coach.

: Please explain, and quickly. I'm feeling a bit faint.

: Your son here graduated from our youth academy a year ago. I kept on trying to tell you, but with being assistant manager for the US and Wrexham squads I never found the time and when I had a moment I forgot about it. You know what it's like with most of the crap our academy produces, we only remember them when we need to try and screw over PSG or have an injury crisis.

: Hey!

: So, he's really my son?

: Had the DNA test done myself.

: Ok, everyone out. Except you... son. We have some catching up to do. And, Williams, we need to have a long talk. About this, and about the secret DNA testing thing.



The fruit of my loins is not very good at playing soccer, which I guess proves that he's my son. It's going to require a large helping of nepotism to keep you on the club, buddy bear.



If I'd known I'd had a 17 year old son, I'd have put him on the goddamned U20 team! Instead it's just Coleman who's heading off to rep the stars and stripes.

vs West Ham United, March 15, 2025
Premier League


Hey, it's not a game where our whole season hangs on the brink of the outcome! Perfect for the days when you find out you have a seventeen year old kid. Except it is important, because we cannot afford to drop more points if we want to win the league. United are atop the table by a point at the moment, and they still have a game in hand.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Allan, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Petts, Ünsal, Parr, Aarts.

I'm not worried after our first barrage leaves West Ham unscathed. Patience proves a virtue, and Stringel cracks West Ham's shell in the 30th minute, and dives in for more two minutes later. Kovacevic makes a rare mistake that results in a fluke goal just before halftime. It's no problem, right after the half Stringel nutmegs two Hammer defenders with the same pass and Thiago is left free and clear to score our third goal. String winds up the match with his hat trick, the kid has been on fire since the moment his agent and I agreed to the terms of his new contract.

Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel




Wrexham 4-1 West Ham



I pulled Quiboulaz at the half because of his injury, and it's not a mere scratch. An international break is coming up, if he heals quickly he'll only miss one or two matches.



That explains why he's so eager to find the net recently.



Should I be worried that I'm becoming more of a jerk to other managers as time goes on? I was mainly talking up West Ham to keep my players on their toes, only claiming it was mind games after the fact.



: Wait, you grew up in Wrexham? I didn't know anyone from Wales back when I must have met your mother.

: Mum was English. She said you met in Beijing during the summer of 2007.

: Oh... Uhm. Can you tell me more identifying details and narrow it down a bit more?

: You don't remember her?

: That whole summer was kind of a blur, to be honest. First piece of fatherly advice, stay away from baijiu.



I'm his national team coach, and I can promise you he's going to be a star. Give him a work permit.



Scott Dolinsky is a dual national English/American at Nottingham Forest. He refused my callups for three goddamned years before finally accepting that he was never going to play for the Three Lions. Don't worry, dude, you'll get to show them what's what at the Confederations Cup.

At Watford, March 22, 2025
Premier League


United just demolished Watford 4-1 four days ago. I think we can do them one better than that. Four of our players have already departed for their international squads, including Mujkic and Stringel, so we'll be short a little bit of our usual firepower. Dylan Murphy also makes a reappearance from the hinterlands of the youth squad. Kocsis is away playing an U20 international match, as are the other two youth keepers.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed (c), Hammatt, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Parr, Allan, Taborda, Thiago.
Subs: Murphy, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Bailey, Petts, Collett, Aarts.

A Thiago header from 10 yards out rattles around the six yard box long enough for Thiago himself to put it in the net for a goal. He makes it two when Kovacevic is forced to come out of the box to boom the ball downfield and away from the oncoming Watford striker, it travels so far down the pitch that when Thiago reaches it there's no one left between him and the keeper. Mark it an assist for Vid. Parr adds a third in the second half, and I'm left wondering if a 4-1 victory is more or less dominant than a 3-0 victory.

Man of the Match: Thiago




Watford 0-3 Wrexham



How dare you, you inbred imperialists! I am not pleased. Not pleased at all. Not pleased to the point where I'll probably bring Moctezuma to the Confederations Cup in an attempt to improve his chances of having his work permit approved. That'll show you!



At least I got one of my youth targets. Zouaghi is a 4.5 star prospect, and a defensive midfielder. He's already got a gold star rating at the age of 15, and could be the holding midfielder of my dreams in five years.



Make sure you get them to show you all of the financial accounts.



We were awful. Simply awful. The only bright point was The Other Sinan looking like he could be a useful addition.



You were terrible in the first half. I wouldn't be talking right now if you want a shot at going to the Confederations Cup.



Though he does have a point that the players remain “buoyant” because we were underdogs against Chile.

USMNT



Other than my concern that our lackluster showing against Chile means we're going to fall flat on our faces at the Confederations Cup and Gold Cup this summer, things are looking good. We should be favored to win the U20 CONCACAF title again, as well.

Wrexham


We're on pace to break the record for most goals in a premier league season. The record is 103, by Chelsea in 2009-2010. That's an impressive offense. It's nothing compared to United, who already have 103 goals with eight games left to play. That's a 130 goal pace. Their +80 goal differential is a new Premier League record, and they've only lost three games going all the way back to the start of preseason friendlies. We've dealt them two of those losses, and they returned the favor by kicking our ass in the FA Cup.

They have back to back matches on April 2nd and April 5th at Chelsea and Arsenal. If they don't drop points in at least one our chances of winning a third title will go up in smoke. There's nothing we can do about it. We've improved as a team from last year. We're scoring more goals and have the second best defense in the league. But United have gone from megabastard to gigabastard, and there might be no stopping them.

On the bright side... turns out I have a son! I am virile! I have succeeded at my genetic imperative! Now if only he didn't take after me when it came to talent.