Part 175: Chapter the Ninth: Neck and neck.
Chapter the Ninth: Neck and neck.April 1, 2025-April 20, 2025
If Arsenal and Chelsea can't hold back United over the next five days our shot at the league title is as good as gone and we'll have to settle for focusing on the Champions League. If one of them can win, though, it'll take just one other slip up in the league by United to give us a shot.
“Unstoppable” is two goals in four games? What do you call four goals in three, then? Because that's what Thiago had.
Finally an award that United can't steal from us. Can you guess which goal won him the award?
I feel like I'm chasing the ghost car in Ridge Racer.
Thiago looks like a lock for Golden Boot while Meteor or String could finish with the best average rating. I expect United to still get all the glory. We've been criminally underrated by the media, with the sole exception being the plaudits they've wreathed upon me. I'm great and all, but my players deserve more of the credit, damnit.
Restocking our youth squad with purchases from elsewhere continues. This guy won't be able to come over for another year due to Brazilian laws involving minors, but he's going to be real good regardless of whether he changes that silly haircut. My staff tells me that he'll get the work permit on appeal... but after the Moctezuma setback I don't trust them.
The U20 team does not get off on the right foot. We were up 2-0 and our defense decided to lay out the red carpet for the Jamaicans while our attack vanished after 45 minutes.
See how good he is, UK Border Agency?
Moctezuma's already better than this guy, but you've waved the Brazilian player on through. I should sue you for bias in your decisionmaking.
God bless you, Jose Mourinho. United are up two points on us, and no longer have any games in hand. Next they face Arsenal.
He'll be on the bench for the next match, I don't want to rush him back and Hammatt deserves some playing time.
F&#%. I don't like the risk of him being out until the end of April, so he'll be shelved. I hope O'Hanlon is ready for a chance at the limelight.
I don't even remember what happened the last time we interacted. He's AU-Paul Lambert of Aston Villa, but hasn't held a job for longer than a year since leaving Villa in 2017.
Apparently he doesn't remember, either.
We finished second in the group, behind Jamaica. That is unacceptable. Two of our players are injured for the rest of the tournament, so we're going to be shorthanded through the knockout rounds.
vs Reading, April 5, 2025
Premier League
Arsenal and Man U played in the early game, and Arsenal hung on for a scoreless draw. United are now three points ahead of us and we've played one fewer match than they have. If we win all seven of our remaining games and overcome the current 15 goal lead that United have on us we'll win the league. So what I'm saying is, there's a chance.
Also, check out that prediction in the preview. Y'all need Jesus, Southampton.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, O'Hanlon, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Petts, Allan, Parr, Aarts.
The Golden Boy has been in a minor slump recently, without a goal or assist since February, so it's good to see him break out and put us on top. Our continuing pressure tells on the Southampton defense, and when they're caught watching El Compadrito fly through the air to reach a Meteor cross the odds turn even more in our favor. The Turk adds a third in the second half, and we're tied on points with the Red Devils.
Man of the Match: Sinan Ünsal
Wrexham 3-0 Reading
This is what we get for not doing a better job in the group stage.
vs Juventus, April 9, 2025
Champions League, Quarterfinal Round Home Leg
If we could just blow the roof off the stadium and go to Italy up six goals, that would be real nice.
Pretty sure that's considered a defensive tactic.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Laux, Quiboulaz, Taffarel, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Petts, Allan, Parr, Aarts.
My dream of a bajillion goals is bolstered when Loseille scores in the 3rd minute, it's Meteor's 21st assist of the season and he's two away from a new career high. We don't increase our edge until the 44th minute when the Turkish referee awards us a penalty kick, and the Golden Boy doesn't miss penalties. It was probably a good call, though of course you could go on any internet forum to hear people decry and defend it with great passion. Late in the game Thiago does his thing and we win 3-0. Meteor's assist on Thiago's goal ties his career high of a year ago. Juventus have to beat us 4-0 in Turin to get past us now.
Man of the Match: Meteor Mujkic.
Wrexham 3-0 Juventus
Whew. He went down in the 86th minute, so I didn't think it was that serious. But you never know until you get the butchers bill.
It took the Bastard 45 appearances to set his record, Thiago's done it in 37.
It wasn't a pretty win, but we're very likely to take home the championship for a second consecutive time.
My shopping is done, with the transfer and agent fee bills coming to just over £11m for seven prospects. They're all four stars or better but for the Welsh guy, and our U18s are going to be downright fearsome next season.
Not allowing two goals on four shots will generally improve your outcomes, I've found.
vs Sheffield United, April 12, 2025
Premier League
We need to make up twelve goals on United. I know it's a pipe dream. If we win the league it'll be because of an unexpected stumble on their part while we manage to survive the gauntlet. Still, if there's any chance that we can overcome their tiebreaker advantage we need to get stuck in regardless of the likelihood of success. The Red Devils aren't active today. If we win we can enjoy the top of the table, however briefly.
Starting Formation: 3-4-3 Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, O'Hanlon, Quiboulaz, Laux, Cirjak, Taffarel, Bailey, Mujkic (c), Aarts, Stringel, Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Loseille, Reed, Petts, Taborda, Parr, De Blasio.
Things go more or less as planned. Taffarel scores on a header, which is uncommon considering his slight stature. Then Thiago has a goal called back for no good reason, and I'm asking the side judge tell the ref to open his eyes. It's two-nil when Aarts finds the goal for the first time since January, he's been relegated to the bench behind Thiago, who has been as hot as the core of a star since the late winter. We get our third, from who else but Thiago, when we switch back to the 4-2-3-1 in the final half hour. A three-nil win is good, but it's not going to close the gap on Manchester.
Man of the Match: Bram Aarts.
Wrexham 3-0 Sheffield Utd
This is the earliest I've ever mathematically clinched a CL place, but merely qualifying for next year hasn't been our goal for a while now. We need trophies to be sated.
I think the shots for and shots against tell the whole story here. The U20s got Wrexhammed.
Heckity-thump, the U20s have to play at Toulon too? So many friggin' tournaments at once this summer. The team I send to France for the Toulon tournament is going to be bare bones, any U20 player with significant present ability and future potential is going to be either at the Confederations Cup or the Gold Cup gaining experience for the future. I think I'll let Paul Williams handle the kiddie matches as payback after failing to mention that I had a son for an entire year.
: Guys, guys. This is like asking me which of my children I love most.
: You do have other children! I knew it! I hate you!: Aww geez, William. It's a figure of speech.At Juventus, April 15, 2025
Champions League, Quarterfinal Round Away Leg
One reason to play the 3-4-3 in our last match was to rotate in some different players and keep our usual suspects rested for Juventus. It doesn't change the fact that we're feeling the fatigue, several of our players are starting at under 95% condition. Regardless, we'll be going to the semis again barring a complete collapse a la our first CL quarterfinal against Real Madrid.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Ünsal, Bailey, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Shirra, Allan, Parr, Aarts.
The Bianconeri are one fourth of the way to climbing out of the grave we dug them after 18 minutes, and I'm concerned about holding them to two goals as we're having no success on the counter. We're holding on late in the first half when we get a corner, and Justin Bailey shows some serious cheat code magic by scoring on the corner kick itself. Bailey sent it in towards the near post and onetime object of my affection Liad Eliav attempted to head it away. He got in the way of his own keeper, who was trying to reach over him for the ball, and their collision means that the ball floats above them and across the line. Juventus needs to score four goals in the next fifty minutes or be cast out of the Champions League.
Juve do rally for two more going into the final twenty minutes. It's making me thank my lucky stars that Shirra was a touch too tired to start over Bailey, we'd be tied were it not for his corner kick miracle. We get another bit of luck when String takes advantage of a misplayed ball to give us a second goal with fifteen minutes left. It seals our victory. Juventus manage to get the four goals they needed before time runs out, but by conceding twice we advance on an aggregate score of 5-4.
Juventus (4) 4-2 (5) Wrexham
At the same time that we were hanging on by the hair of our chinny chin chin, Dortmund overcame a first game deficit against Manchester United. It's United's first loss since we beat them back in January, and they're out of the running far sooner than I could have hoped. There is no one in the game who scare me as much as United do.
Credit where credit is due, that creep Bruno Santos can roll.
Chelsea and Wrexham will play roughly once a week for the next three weeks. We're going to get real familiar with each other. If by the end of it both I and the Chelsea coach haven't killed one another it's a victory for world peace.
At Southampton, April 19, 2025
Premier League
United had a surprisingly tough time with Leeds, but they still won 1-0. We've got to keep up the pressure. We have Chelsea at Stamford Bridge on Tuesday, meaning just two days to rest up between now and then. That plays a role in deciding the starting 11.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Laux, Taffarel, Shirra, Petts, Parr, Allan, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Quiboulaz, Bailey, Taborda, Collett, Aarts.
Southampton don't seem to realize that they're supposed to be in awe of us and we're lucky to not go behind at the very start. After the first few frantic minutes things settle back into their usual routine. The lead comes when Cirjak gets lucky from very long range in the 18th minute. Meteor beats the keeper near halftime to double that, and more importantly reduce United's goal differential advantage to nine. Allan gives us a third goal, but we finally concede one of our own, and come away with a 3-1 victory.
Man of the Match: Meteor Mujkic
Southampton 1-3 Wrexham
I knew he'd miss time the moment he took a minor injury in the first half. While apparently Shirra can be knocked out cold and get back on the pitch in a couple days, Parr can't help but have his injuries linger.
USMNT
The United States has produced some real prospects, but they're almost all attacking players. The U20, and later the senior team, will struggle if we can't develop a decent defensive midfielder and more than one competent member of the back four. Our undoing in the final against Canada was that our box to box midfielder had a Marking of 5.
Wrexham
We could walk away with two trophies or none. The season comes down to these four weeks, and whether the Red Devils or the Red Dragons have the fortitude to withstand the crushing pressure that comes with a late season title chase. All I know is that if we can win the season on the final day by defeating Manchester City, I will sacrifice everything to win our threepeat.
Board Vote(Tersely) I'll keep this short. We are walking the knife's edge in both the league and Europe. This could be the year of our second double, or it could be the first time in two years that we go home with don't take one of the three major prizes.
As you are all aware, we took out a £34m loan to cover operating costs in January. We will be repaying £7m a year until January of 2030 on that loan. I'd like to congratulate whichever one of you managed to get us such a low interest rate. At the moment we are £2.5m in the red. With prize and television money arriving in May and season ticket renewals in June, we should have a positive balance of £35m-£50m.
We have not seen major year over year increases in any area of income except merchandising. We are on pace to nearly double the amount of merchandise sold, from £12.8m to £21m, a sign of our growing popularity worldwide as the feeble-minded are attracted like moths to our glorious flame. Ex-player sales and bank loans, our turnover last season was £205m. This year we project it to be roughly £215m
Our player costs continue to increase. We project that we will spend £26m more this year on player's weekly base wages than we did in 2023-2024. However, we have also seen year upon year declines in some other expenses. Ex-player purchases, we spent £278.5m last year and are on pace to spend only £230m this season.
We are in zero risk of running afoul Financial Fair Play regulations. Please see below for the two questions we must decide at this meeting.
QUESTION ONE: Comprehensive wage and transfer budget.
(Coin-clinkingly) At the moment we have a combined wage and transfer cap of £118.5m. Our wages of £105m are fifth in the league, behind Chelsea and Arsenal at £120m, City at £131m, and United at £162m. Our wages place us 11th in the world. We are currently near the maximum we can spend without selling players.
Please respond with an amount between £120m and £200m, and whether you would like me to balance the budget by selling players or continue to use transfer income towards future purchases and finance the club with debt.
QUESTION TWO: Facilities or Youth Recruitment and Junior Coaching?
(Naggingly) We have the choice between improving our current senior team and youth facilities to the Top (20 Attribute) level from their current Excellent (18 Attribute) status for £10m, or expanding our Youth Recruitment Network from Established (15 Attribute) to Well Established (17 Attribute) and improving our Junior Coaching from Excellent (17 Attribute) to Exceptional (19 Attribute) for an increase in monthly expenses.
A) (Convincingly) Top facilities mean top players, and we can't compete unless the unfinished young players we bring in are able to reach their full potential. (Improve facilities, spend £10m, help players at the club improve more quickly and stay good longer)
B) (Convincingly) Producing our own top quality recruits is vital to the long run stability of the club, and would help us fulfill the Home Grown player requirement in the Champions League. (Increase monthly expenses by some amount, improve the quality of our yearly academy class)
C) (Miserly) Didn't you just say we had no money? (No improvements made)
Vote will close on Wednesday, October 1, at 4pm EST.