Part 181: Interlude: The Red Dragon's Interdimensional Preseason Tour!
Interlude: The Red Dragon's Interdimensional Preseason Tour!Somewhere Beyond Time and Space
The Racecourse Ground
July 30, 2025
(A miffed WREXHAM SQUAD has been loaded onto a YELLOW SCHOOL BUS rather than their standard chartered bus for what THE COACH has called a SPECIAL FIELD TRIP)
: OK, everyone keep their arms and legs inside the schoolbus at all times.
: This has been tested and confirmed safe, yeh?
: I wonder if I'll meet my doppleganger!: Don't say things like that, mate. Meetin' your doppleganger always leads to either a fight to the death or sex. Everyone knows that.(The MAGIC SCHOOLBUS blips out of existence at the RACECOURSE GROUND parking lot and appears hovering over LONDON in AD 2039)
: Et voila.
: ¡Dios mío!
: Urgh, I'm feeling a bit nauseous.vs Hednesford
Interdimensional Friendly
”Revenant Threshold” posted:
Hey, it's a writeup!
History
Twenty five years at Hednesford, 12 Premiership titles, 8 Champions League titles, nine FA Cups (Stoke are my bogey team, ugh), and then various other stuff that doesn't matter (we've not won the Club World Championship once when eligible, it's very hard not to do). And a World Cup with France, though that really doesn't reflect on me because they won it three times in a row before I got there.
Tactics
Two important things; that counter mentality is almost always on. I just like counter-attacking football. And secondly, the asymmetry. It actually came about due to need – I had world-class AMR and MR (Bah, there, though he’s 38 and on his way out) both of whom deserved games, so I ended up switching them every match. On the other side of the park I had an acceptable ML/AML guy, Niemba there plus another player who’s now retired, neither of whom were as good but meant I could keep a more attacking player on the left when I had the less attacking guy on the right, and vice versa.
Using a false nine and a shadow striker came about because I just wanted to try out the new roles, really. As you might imagine it means my strikers end up scoring fewer than they otherwise might (Gillet there never cracks the top five league goalscorers, but internationally he’s 122 goals in 129 matches) but the wingers and midfielders score tons. Defensively, the counter mentality really helps because otherwise I’m fairly exposed. The fullbacks run all day, and have to.
Key Player Watch!
Boudiaf gets a lot of goals, due to my usual tactics. He actually broke the Premier League goals record, but in order to do that I had him set up to take penalties, free kicks, start every PL game that he could, and so on to try and get there. He’s on his way downhill now – he was much faster even a couple of seasons ago - but his only glaring weakness is his lack of Bravery and Aggression. As long as he has space, which he can easily find for himself even without these tactics, he’ll do whatever he wants in the attacking half.
Özen was a bit of a surprise package. I bought him as a youth, and promptly loaned him out to Basel for three years where he got 18 games in total, one of which was with their under-21 side. One season I ended up getting ridiculously high offers for my aging centre-back pairing, and having missed out on £30-odd million for another player because I waited one season to sell the guy I took them up on the offer. It was only then that I noticed I didn’t really have great cover yet. Özen got called up by need, and thrived. When a season later my right-back and captain retired, I retrained him at 20+ for that position, too, and that’s where he regularly starts now. A truly great player, excels at everything he needs. Unlike Goodridge. Goodridge!
You'll see why he's not so happy with Goodridge in a bit.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Bailey, Allan, Damgaard, Parr.
The first scoring chance comes when Mujkic gets tripped up at the very top of the penalty area, both Revenant Threshold and I are very surprised that it's a free kick and not a penalty. I cavil about the refs being against me even in other worlds. Then, disaster for Hednesford. Özen, their defensive rock and brilliant right back, goes down injured when he tackles Ünsal in the 12th minute. I ask if I can bring him back to Wrexham even after the injury, but am turned down.
Even down their best defender the opposition are making good when they have the ball. One of their strikers, Etoundi, scores a very nice goal at the near post to make it one-nil. Just a minute later Stringel looks to have equalized, but is called offside. I'm not sure if he was, but if so it was by bare inches. Perhaps we should have held this friendly in not just a neutral site but a neutral time.
The next twenty minutes sees Loseille show what makes him such an exciting young prospect, pouncing on a rebound and pounding it home to equalize. We almost go down again when their star, Boudiaf, has a great breakaway opportunity but fires off a shot that would miss the broad side of a barn. As the first half comes to a close I'm complaining to my counterpart about poor performances from Mujkic (4.8 rating) and Taborda (non-factor), and as I'm talking Mujkic finds Taborda at the far post to give us the lead just before the end of a very even half.
It's an enjoyable match for the neutrals with both sides going at it and very little time spent in the midfield despite even possession numbers. The handful of people who turned out to Wembley to see the match must be ecstatic.
We give up our lead not long into the second half. Boudiaf scores another nice goal at the near post, making it twice that we've been burned by the same type of play. There's joy for Wrexham, though, when Goodridge, Özen's replacement at right back, takes an awful first touch deep in Hednesford territory, which allows a sprinting Mujkic to whisk the ball away and fire home an accurate shot. 3-2 Wrexham. We add another goal not long after when Stringel has the ball roll to his feet after a good tackle on Thiago.
Hednesford's last best chance to get back into the game comes to naught when Goodridge blows a one on one that is a carbon copy of Boudiaf's miss in the first half. Wrexham takes the win, deservingly, but this could have been a much different outcome had Özen not been injured. We were very good in front of the net while Hednesford struggled, and that made all the difference.
Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel
Wrexham 4-2 Hednesford
: Good work, lads! Next up is a trip to 2021 to face Sheffield Wednesday!: I'm still not feeling that great, Coach.(The SCHOOLBUS phase-shifts again)
: Hey, I feel fully refreshed and rested.: Yeah, the lab coats said that the process of dimension-hopping should restore everyone to full health- even healing injuries!: Urrgh.: They also said something about "time/space motion sickness."vs Sheffield Wednesday
Interdimensional Friendly
”Insertnamehere31” posted:
Now in my 7th year as manager of Sheffield Wednesday, this team has accomplished much, and with no sign of slowing down. We've now won the Premier League 3 times in a row, as well as the FA Cup twice and one each of the Europa League and Champions League. On top of that we have finished second in the FA Cup and Champions League once, the former while we were still a Championship team.
I like to play a very physical and fast moving game, relying on my team's superior passing skills and decision making to run and pass circles around my opponents and pile on pressure all match, regardless of score. My preferred formations are the 4-3-1-2 (Which I used against habeasdorkus) and the 4-3-2-1. I also get most of my players by buying youth players from around the world cheap, and as such my team is very multicultural, with very few Englishmen on the roster.
And now, for the players that appeared in the match. (For clarity, I used regens.)
Starters:
Nicholas Vera, Goalkeeper, Argentina
A solid GK who does his job effectively if not spectacularly. While never on the list for GKs of the year, he is reliable and good enough to hold down the starter job for both us and the Argentinian national team, ranked #1 in this universe.
Carlos, Left Fullback, Spain
An effective fullback who specializes in offense and getting carded. Always makes at least one stupid mistake a game, but they usually only draw a card rather than lead to a goal. Better than the other alternatives I can find.
Jakob Troest, Center Defender, Denmark
My defensive rock, Troest is the much slower, much taller half of my defensive pair. Since the rest of my team is so offensive minded the CDs typically don't get much action, but with his height and skill at heading Troest is good for about 5 goals a year off corners.
Shahram Gholami, Center Defender, Iraq
My current assistant captain, Shahram's speed is invaluable when it comes to make recovery runs. A defensive force, he already has the most international caps on my team with 50 at the tender age of 22.
Hans Schaap, Right Fullback, Holland
Schaap is a young phenom I splurged for a few years ago and has been spectacular since. Good fullbacks are hard to find in my universe, and Hans is great on both the defensive and offensive sides of the ball. Although his attributes don't show it, Hans has a knack for using tricky footwork to dribble past an opponent and bomb it into the box, letting our offensive talent do their magic.
Mathias Kosbergløkk, Center Midfielder, Norway
One of my first major acquisitions, I got him for cheap when Cardiff went down and I went up. My free kick specialist, he seems to always be second fiddle, first to Castillo and now to Duran, but he is an extremely important part of my team and his high flair and creativity leads to some crazy assists.
Oscar Pesaola, Center Midfielder, Argentina
Despite being an integral part of my team, there really isn't much to say about Oscar. A great box-to-box- midfielder, he is usually towards the back of the attack, setting up passes that then set up goals and is the midfielder most likely to help out on the defensive side.
Diego Castillo, Center Midfielder, Mexico
For two years Castillo was the best player I had by a large margin, with 25+ goals and 40+ assists across all competitions each year. However, since being named captain last year and getting a big boost in salary his production has dropped off significantly. Muscled out of his preferred Attacking Midfielder role my Schrieber, he still has a regular role as an advanced playmaker in the middle of the field. Nowadays most of his goals come from penalty kicks and most of his assists come from corners. Also, AU Miguel Herrera hates him and almost never caps him unless injury demands it.
Michael Schrieber, Attacking Midfielder, Germany
My version of the Golden Boy, Schrieber was brought in from Germany at 15, and scored his first Premier League goal at 16 years old. Last year was his first as a full time starter, and at age 18 he was second on our team in goals scored and lead it in assists. I can only imagine how good he can still become.
Asghar Ramezani, Striker, Iran
A very recent addition to my team, this inter-dimensional friendly was the first time he ever played under me. A giant of a man compared to the rest of my team except for Troest, Ramezani was brought in because he was tall, and my other strikers are short. That's really the whole reason I bought him. Hopefully this will solve the problem of my offense being blunted by tall defenders out-muscling my technically superior forwards.
Ivan Duran, Striker, Uruguay
My best player and possibly the best striker in the world in my universe, Duran scored 40 goals last season, and won the Premier League golden boot. Despite his low composure and bravery, Duran rarely chokes, and his high passing and creativity lets him spread the love around. The only thing that could make him better would be for him to gain about 5 inches. He has 19 heading, but his small stature and poor jumping range means he almost never gets to use it.
Subs:
Kieran Lynch, Fullback, Republic of Ireland
My 3rd fullback, Kieran is not as good as I'd like him to be, but better than playing a youngster or overpaying for another competent fullback. There's not much to say about him except that he is very very fast, and that usually makes up for the mistakes he makes.
Jasper Nijhuis, Central/Attacking Midfielder, Holland
Jasper always seems primed to break into the starting line-up, but never quite makes it. He also has a bit of an attitude problem and is unhappy pretty much all the time, but his uncanny knack to score from unlikely places on a regular basis is enough for me to keep him around. Well, that and the fact that every time I try to sell him he refuses that team's contract. Oh well.
Patrick Opdahl, Center Defender, Norway
My former captain and current oldest player on the roster, Patrick has simply been outclassed by the growth of his teammates. Formerly a mainstay of my team who would play 40-50 games per season, Patrick is now barely the 3rd choice CD, and his ability to play Defensive Mid is really the only reason he is still on the team. Still, he is competent enough to do a decent job when he is subbed in for Troest or Gholami.
And that's at least some of my team. I have several world class prospects in my youth systems, and Hillsborough is about to be reopened after increasing the seating capacity from ~39,000 to about ~55,000, and only a fluke goal by PSG stopped us from repeating as Champions of Europe last year. The future is bright for Sheffield Wednesday.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Bailey, Allan, Damgaard, Parr.
The Dragons are in a hole real quick, with Sheffield Wednesday scoring a goal in the fourth minute when Taborda mistimes his header on a corner kick. That deficit doubles in the 22nd minute when the Iranian giant Ramenzani scores, set up by his teammate Duran. Duran gave Laux the slip, and created the room Ramenzani needed to score.
Adding insult to injury, Laux gets carded a few minutes later for a tackle despite the fact that he got the ball first, and despite the ref letting Mujkic get pulled down from behind by a Wednesday defender just minutes earlier.
Things continue to not go well, the only reason we're not down by four goals in the first half is because Minami has made two brilliant saves. Meanwhile Sheffield are doing a great, great job closing down our wingers and winning every cross we're able to send in. We end the half with a good goal scoring opportunity, but still go into the locker down two-nil.
At halftime I sub Parr on for Taborda, who has been punchless, and try to deal with Sheffield's ability to close down our wide players by changing our tactics to play a faster paced, narrower game. Our offense won't matter much, though, when the best striker in Sheffield's world, Duran, scores after Quiboulaz misses a vital interception. 3-0 Sheffield Wednesday. I yank Quiboulaz for Hammatt, but we might be doomed.
Nothing is going our way, and decisive proof of this is when Stringel finds himself three feet from the goal with the ball at his feet and freezes up. The momentary hesitation allows a panicked last minute tackle to prevent our pulling one back.
Worse, we're still giving up good chances, largely because our defense seems to have determined that they should only play awful, leaden first touches whenever the Wednesday players are in the vicinity. Their sloppiness leads to the Iranian Giant sending an easy shot off target, and also allows Sheffield's fullback, Schaap, to run wild. He nutmegs Loseille and is denied a goal for a second time by another brilliant Minami save.
After 80 minutes it should be 6-1, and it appears that Thiago's space/time sickness has debilitated his play to such an extent that he's barely been mentioned all game. He does manage to nab an assist in the 82nd minute with a nice pass to Parr, who beats his man and then the keeper to give us a consolation goal.
Then Thiago himself scores a wondrous strike two minutes later to make it 3-2, and after 80 minutes of getting tossed about like a ragdoll we're suddenly back within a shout. The final six minutes plus stoppage time have both sides on tenterhooks, and every eye in the packed stadium is focused on Thiago. He gets another chance in the 88th minute, and Wednesday's keeper has to make a fine save to keep us from pulling level. Then he beats the keeper in the first minute of stoppage time, but his shot goes whistling past the goal, inches wide but harmless nevertheless. We can't dig out of a 3-0 hole, but we sure did make it interesting.
Wrexham 2-3 Sheff Wednesday
: Every time I start to feel better we have to get back in the bus...: I don't care how you feel. Just play the way you played for the final ten minutes of that match.: We have more of these matches?!: One more, then we get to go back home.: We can't leave this dimension soon enough. Did you know there's almost no Taco Bells in England here?! I've had to survive on Macca's instead!vs AFC Wimbledon
Interdimensional Friendly
I'll insert Obliterati's comments about his club when he gets a chance to talk about them. But they're a good team, former Champions League winners and full of top stars like Gareth Davies, a classic poacher with blazing speed and excellent finishing skills.
Obliterati posted:
Sorry this is late, Habeas!
AFC Wimbledon Team and Match Report
I am twelve seasons in with AFC Wimbledon. A 'phoenix club' formed and owned by fans after the original Wimbledon team was bought by speculators and moved to from London to Milton Keynes, on the other side of the country (tip: there is no reason to ever go there), in real life the new club has had a meteoric rise from the very bottom of English football to finally emerge into League 2 two years before game start. I just continued the pattern. It turns out SI actually sponsored real-life AFC Wimbledon until recently and I think there's a little extra love in there for them: my new stadium is called 'New Plough Lane', which is a reference to the original club's stadium, since demolished. It is a long standing goal of the new club to buy land there and build a replacement.
Habeas says we won the Champions League. Sadly it was just the Europa League, which we won four years ago. We finally won the Premiership for the first time by a point last season, mostly thanks to a Man City collapse. We also specialise in losing domestic cup finals and having an average age of 21. My other accomplishments include impressive tournament performances with Scotland u19s and u21s and being fired by France.
I come out against Wrexham playing my standard formation:
This is a possession-heavy approach designed for players who are to be honest not all that good. The theory is 'hold the ball, eventually something will happen and at least they can't score if we've got it'. It relies heavily on the D L/R to make an attacking impact and a lot hinges on the AM C:
Callum White, D/M/AM L
9 tackling on a DLHe also can't pass in any other way than a drilled cross. On the other hand he contributed 15 assists last season so the £550k I spent bringing him from Hibernian seems to have returned. Plus, he's the only player in history to win the European Golden Boy award twice. If he is defending we are doing something wrong (he defends in this match).
Saverio Biocco, D R
My older DR experienced a sudden age drop-off so this kid covers the right. Five star potential, which has me hoping for big things. Mukjic proceeds to make a fool of him all game.
Dennis Meier, M/AM C
Captain and creative force. English Footballer of the Year twice in a row. Not bad for £1.5m. My top scorer last season with 21 goals and 15 assists (for some reason he is a devil at freekicks), but when he doesn't perform the team really suffers. The oldest player at the club other than Biocco's predecessor (33 and in the reserves). Spends the entire game failing through passes.
Gareth Davies, AM R, ST C
I picked him up for a song whilst in the Championship from non-league Salisbury. Once he turned 18 I intended to give him a couple of starts in my fight for mid-table and then he went and scored 19 goals and basically won the league for us. He does one thing: poach. Do not ask him to pass, or tackle, or do anything other than lurk. But that's all I need him to doHe keeps making my far more expensive and technically better strikers look terrible. His lack of England caps is the greatest crime of our era.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Shirra, Ünsal, Taborda, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Bailey, Allan, Damgaard, Parr.
Unlike the last match our wingers and fullbakcs are getting down the wings with ease, and our midfield is giving us control the match throughout the first half. Our crosses have been dangerous, but our first goal comes from precise, short passing by Reed and Taborda to get the ball to Stringel alone in front of the goal in the 21st minute. Thiago scores a minute later from a corner, and we've run out to a commanding lead in just a few moments time.
A few minutes thereafter we finally get the rub of the green from the ref. Wimbledon look to be onside and clear to the goal with a great chance to pull one back, but the referee quickly whistles play dead. It's a very confusing and unfortunate sequence of events for the 'Dons, and exacerbated by the fact that outside of that one poor offside call Quiboulaz, Laux, Reed, and Loseille are doing a great job making inch perfect tackles to shut down Wimbledon's efforts to counter.
Wimbledon and Obliterati continue to face refereeing adversity just before the end of the first half. Quiboulaz catches a yellow card, which could easily have been a red, for a very cynical effort where he was the last man against Meier in the 44th minute.
Obliterati posted:
My centre-midfield possession game fails miserably in the first half against a Wrexham team that really packs the midfield with quality players, and without possession I don't make any headway. I get punished down the flanks to boot, with what are basically a winger and a child forced into defence. We are lucky to only be two down at the end of the half. I decide to switch things up big time, partly because in multiplayer there is no teamtalk so I can't remind them how terrible they all are (they know).
(I didn't take a screenshot so this is a reconstruction)
This is one of my 'oh shit we're losing' formations. I often make significant changes at half time, even if they require subs: I don't know if it's the match engine or confirmation bias but it seems to turn things around quite often. This is the point where I bring on the legendary Gareth Davies, and on 55 minutes shift him into a poacher's role and bench Leguiza because to be honest he is wasted as an IF.
The second half is a wholly different game. Wimbledon come out happy to cede us possession and looking much more dangerous on the counter attack, and it pays off when Davies burns our defense and brings Obliterati back to within one. I make counter-adjustments, but our offense doesn't create as much threat getting forward as we did in the first half, Obliterati did an excellent job with his halftime adjustments.
It all appears to pay off for him in the 84th minute when they put the ball in the back of the net for a second time, but it's whistled off and replays clearly show that Wimbledon's man was clearly offside. Wrexham is able to see out the rest of the match without incident, and we finish our interdimensional tour with a record of two wins and one loss.
Obliterati posted:
Davies manages to grab a goal of the classic poacher's variety and then we spend the rest of the game desperately trying to batter down the door for a second. We miss a lot of chances but we finally make some, and with a bit more luck we could have pushed things to extra time at least.
Broadly I was disappointed with this result. The first half was dire (and I should have known not to try and play like I did), and the second had a lot of missed chances. I also contend the referee was bribed with a trip back to his own time. This being said it was a fun game when I wasn't cursing my players at length in the Steam chat. It was a good match all in all: the only Wrexham player who didn't impress me was Taborda, who spent most of the match blasting shots way wide from tight angles. If we were to play again I'd open with a less centrally-focused formation and look to the counter. I look forward to next pre-season where I may get a chance to avenge myself
Man of the Match: Mateo Mujkic
Wrexham 2-1 Wimbledon
The Racecourse Ground
(The SCHOOLBUS rematerializes in the same spot it left, minutes after it originally disappeared.)
: That was fun!: Good work, men. I knew you would prove that I was the greatest manager in all of the worlds.: Well, we did lose a game...: Ok, one of the greatest managers in all the worlds.: Going to have to do better next time.: Si, we will prove our dominance is the only constant in the infinite multiverse!: That's what I like to hear. Next match is against Chester in three days. Everyone take a break until then.: I think... I think I'm going to need a few days off...