Part 190: Chapter the Ninth: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Chapter the Ninth: A rolling stone gathers no moss.March 1, 2026-April 1, 2026
It's time for our traditional talent hunt, so across Europe teenagers seek to put their best foot forward in the hopes that the Impressario of Wrexham visits toting along dreams of glory and the opportunity to come play for the greatest club in the world. Less exciting are our matches in all three of our club competitions and a friendly pitting the US of A against England.
You know what this means, don't you? The 4-4-2 diamond is once again fully operational.
Yes, yes. Just add them to the ever mounting pile of other honors and awards we've won.
Who runs an international tournament at the start of March? I hope our backup keeper, Lajos Kocsis, is ready to face Chelsea.
Hot dang, Stoke. You might be getting relegated, but you're going back to Europe! Tough loss for Southampton, though, not being able to score the deciding goal despite having a man advantage for the final forty minutes.
I think the whole world is ready to see me embarrass Bruno again.
You're right. I'm sure they'll see who's better at the end of the match.
But perhaps Bruno Santos should spend less time preening and more time doing his job, because right now his players keep refusing to negotiate new contracts with him.
vs Chelsea, March 3, 2026
Premier League
This match has been delayed over two months now, we've played nearly half of the Premier League twice in the time it's taken us to face Chelsea once. I guess Bruno Santos couldn't duck me forever, and his panicked bleating to the press intensifies as match day draws near. I imagine he got in a few snide remarks about Kojiro Minami being absent for this match, but I'm not the sort of person to pay attention to his rambling.
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace
Starting 11: Kocsis, Cirjak, Tounkara, Hammatt, Reed, Laux, Mercado, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Stringel, Thiago.
Subs: Murphy, Loseille, Quiboulaz, Enrique, Ünsal, Bailey, Allan.
Chelsea knocked us out of the Champions League last year when we couldn't break down their defense to score a goal. That's not going to happen this time, I'm sending the squad out in our 4-4-2 diamond to play an open, wild game and force Chelsea out of their shell. We do score quickly, but not from open play. Instead Mujkic picks out Mercado on a corner kick after four minutes, and Chelsea have already fallen behind.
The early goal is the best thing that could have happened, as the Stamford Bridge boys have to venture forward in hopes of grabbing an equalizer. That leaves Stringel enough room to dribble deep into their territory before sliding a perfectly weighted ball to Thiago for our second goal. Meteor closes out the first half by abusing all world winger Santolo Caccia at the edge of the penalty box and swishing a swerving ball into the net. The second half is a dull affair, and credit is due to our defense for our backup keeper needing to make only one save all game.
Man of the Match: Mateo “Meteor” Mujkic
Wrexham 3-0 Chelsea
What happened to showing everyone how superior you are on the pitch, Bruno?
I could have told you Tosh was garbage, Leeds. I've been saying that for years.
At Nottingham Forest, March 8, 2026
FA Cup, Sixth Round
Nottingham are getting promoted back to the Premier League, but they're still just a lower level squad right now. How much trouble could they give a club that just pasted Chelsea three-nil?
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace
Starting 11: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Quiboulaz, Enrique, Maloney, Parr, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Stringel, Thiago.
Subs: Minami, Reed, Laux, Zouaghi, Bailey, Mercado, Hayes.
Not much, apparently. We're off to the races when a killer ball from Mujkic springs Shirra on the counter in the third minute. Then Shirra does the honors for Stringel on another blisteringly fast counter attack in the 23rd minute. Nottingham reduces our lead five minutes later on a counter attack of their own when Hammatt's mediocre speed is exposed, but Parr and Stringel goals after an hour of play give us an insurmountable lead. That's not to say that Nottingham didn't give their all until the very end, though, with their goals in the 88th and 89th minutes making me uncomfortable on the touchline and later the team uncomfortable as I screeched at them on the way back to Wrexham.
Man of the Match: Scott “The Golden Boy” Shirra
Nottm Forest 3-4 Wrexham
Another Championship division side? This has been the easiest path to the FA Cup final I've ever seen.
Arsenal is the first English club swatted out of the Champions League, after blowing a 3 goal advantage in Dortmund. Chelsea advances, along with Manchester United.
Don't think I forgot about signing foreign kids. UKIP has cited me as being one of the biggest threats to English culture because of the number of immigrants coming to Wrexham.
At Watford, March 15, 2026
Premier League
We're back to using the 4-2-3-1 for this match, I dislike how many chances we allowed Nottingham Forest even before they nearly came back from a three goal deficit. Watford, on the other hand, seem to think it's Christmas:
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Bailey, Ünsal, Parr, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Tounkara, Enrique, Maloney, Mercado, Allan.
A boring victory is what I wanted, and a boring victory is what I got in a match where Watford only had about three minutes of possession in our third of the field. Our scoring comes in the first thirty minutes of the match, first after Parr is tripped in the penalty area after outrunning his marker, and then when Meteor skull-thumps a Thiago free kick off the crossbar. It's good that we responded to our defensive miscues in the prior match by promptly keeping a clean sheet in this one.
Man of the Match: Mateo Mujkic
Watford 0-2 Wrexham
It's March 15 and we've already clinched a top 3 spot. That's the earliest I've ever accomplished that. But it's not the only good news:
16th place Burnley put on the performance of an age to hold mighty Man U scoreless, and we've now got a two point cushion at the top of the table. It's enough to make me stop holding my breath, but not enough that I can breathe easy.
PSG still seems to think I'd be willing to sell them more than our squad players. There's some things money just can't buy, Nasser Al-Khelaïfi.
Southampton's made it to the FA Cup semifinal, if they somehow got past Manchester United there could be a possible reunion game for Sky Shadowing come mid-May.
There's no bright stars in our youth academy class this year. Cooke is the best of the bunch with a three star potential and the only one who might be more than organizational filler.
I guess I'll just have to keep signing away great prospects from other clubs to keep us stocked to the gills with future legends.
vs Barcelona, March 18, 2026
Champions League, Knockout Round Home Tie
We've got three away goals, and would have to lose 4-0 to not make it to penalties. Stranger things have happened, but I'm already looking down the road at who we could get in the quarters.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Maloney, Ünsal, Mercado, Shirra, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Enrique, Allan, Parr, Stringel.
Barcelona get on the board this time, making it three-one on aggregate after half the Wrexham team is caught ball watching on a 22nd minute corner kick. Any dream they have of an epic comeback dies stillborn five minutes later when Thiago slips the two men marking him and gracefully tips a Meteor cross past the goal line. Our captain adds a goal to his assist just after halftime, with a brilliant dribble and shot. Barca muster nothing in response, and it's on to the quarterfinals for the fifth year in a row. Also of note, this is now the third out of the last four games that Meteor has earned Man of the Match. He's unstoppable right now.
Man of the Match: Mateo Mujkic
Wrexham (5) 2-1 (1) Barcelona
Wrexham seems to be drawn against the Madrid clubs in the Champions League more often than anyone else. We've been in the Champions League for five years now, and this is our third tilt with Atletico to go along with four against Real Madrid.
That's my sign to get myself across the pond for my second job.
I'm giving him a couple more chances before I turf him from the team for good. But there's no doubt that Padilla is one of the most underachieving players I've ever seen.
So long as we play respectably against England I'll be a happy camper. If some of our younger players do well I'll be even happier.
What?! Come on! I left you off the team because I wanted you to be able to rest! This is a meaningless friendly!
I'm going to be back when I pick the US World Cup squad. Think very carefully how you'll respond then and how I'll react to your choice.
We were behind all game, and England constantly threatened to score again. If that's how we play when it counts we're not getting very far.
I wonder how bad we'd have had to lose in order to hurt our morale.
The Batman has looked up to me ever since I took him in after his parents were killed. This is the
Well, with me and Rocky throwing our weight behind the Racecourse Ground, how could you pick elsewhere?
vs Swansea City, March 28, 2026
Premier League, Welsh Derby
We owe our southern cousins for drawing with Man United last month, so the night before this match I sent the finest of Welsh Whisky to all their players. Hopefully some of them decide to sample it before the game.
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Maloney, Mercado, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Stringel, Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Enrique, Allan, Parr, Ünsal.
None of the Swans seem to have hangovers, which is unfortunate. They still can't get their shots on target, though, so it worked out just fine. Stringel provides all the offense we need, with goals in each half, and once more brook no dispute over what club reigns in Wales.
Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel
Wrexham 2-0 Swansea
Three years ago there'd be no way I'd just let a youth prospect worth £1.5m walk away on a free. Now I figure that it'd be too much effort to go through the process of giving him a contract and then finding a buyer for him.
At Atletico Madrid, March 31, 2026
Champions League, Quarterfinal Away Tie
Atletico knocked us out of the Champions League in the semifinals two years ago and we repaid the favor in last year's quarterfinal round, making these the rubber match of the series. That means we need a credible result tonight, preferably scoring a couple of away goals to ease the tension for the home leg in a weeks time.
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Quiboulaz, Laux, Loseille, Maloney, Parr, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Stringel, Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Hammatt, Enrique, Ünsal, Allan, Mercado.
We outplay Atletico all night long in front of their fans. It doesn't come to anything. Attack after attack is dashed by a last minute interception or a pass that's just out of the reach of our forwards. It doesn't help that we had a penalty shout turned down, denying us a penalty and an away goal.
Worryingly, Thiago seems to have cooled off from “hotter than the core of the sun” to merely “warm” and misses three good chances. He's only scored once in the last five matches, and while it's unfair to be disappointed with a man who's scored 48 goals this season for the club I'm still frustrated with the knowledge that a 1-1 draw with Atletico could knock us out of the competition.
Atletico 0-0 Wrexham
I am outraged! Outraged at this outrageous outrage that out-!
Oh... never mind.
Manchester United fell two-nil to Arsenal just after they played Burnley, leaving us up two points with a game in hand, and as we enter the home stretch we're now favorites to win the title. If the most I have to grumble about is an away draw against one of the 10 best clubs in the world things must be going well on all fronts. I may have to kidnap Brent Woods, though, which probably won't be great for his morale or his willingness to captain America in the World Cup.
