Part 219: Chapter the Fifth: Of Mice and Men and Zombies.

Chapter the Fifth: Of Mice and Men and Zombies.
November 10, 2027-December 14, 2027

After withdrawing all of our players from their national teams, I give them a week to just relax and recuperate. I'm sure nothing exciting will happen in that time.



The Red Keep Player's Lounge
November 12, 2027

(STRINGEL, LOSEILLE, and LAUX are sitting around a table with THE SETTLERS OF CATAN arrayed in front of them. The game is set up, but they have not begun playing.)

: Sacre bleu, why is he always late?

: Ja, I told him yesterday that we would get started at 1pm.

: Can we just play with with the three of us? I don't want to miss the improv class that Koji is running.

: Nein, mein bruder.

: Everyone knows you can't play Catan properly without four players. We're stuck.

(THE COACH enters the room, with a PUZZLED LOOK on his face)

: Hey, have you guys seen Zouaghi? He was supposed to be running the Mario Kart tournament this morning, but he never showed up.

(PAUL WILLIAMS enters the room from the door opposite THE COACH)

: Boss, I think we have a problem.



The Red Keep, Warroom
Later that day

(THE COACH, MATEO MUJKIC, JUSTIN BAILEY, MICHAEL COULSON, and SCOTT SHIRRA are looking at a map of PARIS, FRANCE, as PAUL WILLIAMS points to a location to the east of the city)

: … In sum, we don't know how they were taken from Wrexham, but we have credible reports that Kamel Zouaghi and Mohamed Yilmaz were seen being taken inside the Sleeping Beauty Castle yesterday evening after the close of business.

: Damnit. How did this happen?

: You don't think it could be...

: No. It couldn't have survived...

: I warned you guys!


: First things first, we need to get down to Paris immediately. Coulson, Shirra, Mujkic, I need you three to tell me everything you can remember about the layout of the dungeon.

: Just don't make me go back there, boss. I still get flashbacks every time I see a picture of that accursed mouse.



The Tower Suite at the Sleeping Beauty Castle
(The next evening)

(MOHAMED YILMAZ and KAMEL ZOUAGHI are tied to chairs, back to back.)

: This is all your fault, Mohamed.

: Well excuzez-moi, Kamel! How was I supposed to know that it wasn't actually a message from the Coach telling us we could go visit our parents in Paris?

: Was it spelled entirely in Emoji?

: Well, no...

: That's how you should have known.

(The door opens, and a hideous creature enters with a large set of shears)

: What do you want with us you rongeurs monstre?

: You have been chosen to pay for your master's destruction of my master. An eye for an eye, as is right.

: Master? What are you talking about?

: Has your beloved Coach never told you about the assault perperated by your very captain and the one you call The Golden Boy?

: Huh?

: Oh ho, do I have a story for you children.

(THE MOUSE begins to monologue)

The Gates of Eurodisney
(The same time)

(THE COACH and JUSTIN BAILEY stand by a hedge, seemingly searching for something)

: Where is it? Where's the secret entrance?!

: Maybe they removed it after we broke out last time?

: We don't have any other way in! Who knows what that fiend is doing to them?!

The Castle's Tower Suite
(Five hours later)

(THE MOUSE has been talking non-stop, with ZOUAGHI and YILMAZ torn between INTENSE TERROR and EVEN MORE INTENSE BOREDOM)

: ...And so you see, this is why I must kill you. So that I might use your bodies to restore my master!

(A flash of lightning reveals a CAPED CRUSADER lurking outside of the window just as he crashes through the door)

: Hello, Mickey.

: The Bat Man?! What are you doing here?!



(THE MOUSE knocked out, the CAPED CRUSADER strides to the door and unlocks it. Outside waits the FAMILIAR FACES of CARLOS MATIAS CARDOZO and TONCI CIRJAK)

: Were you seen?

: Of course not. We play for Paris Saint-German. The owner has his own network of secret passages all over the city and surroundings.

(CIRJAK and CARDOZO rush to free YILMAZ and ZOUAGHI, while THE MOUSE stirs weakly)

: But why? Why would you help them? Wrexham sold you! Sent you away!

: Because once you're a dragon, you're always a dragon.



The Red Keep
Two days later



(THE COACH and MATEO MUJKIC are speaking to RODRIGO MOCTEZUMA)

: What's this meeting about?

: Recent events have lead me to the conclusion that it's it's time to start bringing the younger generation in on some of the dangers that comes with wearing our jersey. The other youth players look up to you, Rodrigo, and I trust your judgment. Meteor here will be mentoring you on everything you need to know.

: Alright mate, first things first. There's this guy named Ed Phillips...

In Caverns Deep Below The Red Keep
(Moments later)

(MUJKIC and MOCTEZUMA can be heard with perfect clarity discussing the secrets of WREXHAM FOOTBALL CLUB as KRISTIAN BALE sits at a large monitor while a man in a butler's suit approaches, bearing a cup of tea.)

: And you're not the least bit jealous of Mr. Moctezuma, sir?

: No, it's better that there's someone else who can prepare for the threats that face the club in the next generation. Plus, what would the spoiled scion of the Bale family want with responsibility?

: What indeed, sir.



A great opportunity to cap some dual national players and get them to commit to the USMNT.



Hurrah Wales! Tough result for Belgium, who were the pride of Europe back in 2016.



Brony Hunter 2028 is all systems go, I'll be sure to inform you if he loses on January 6th.



The team still doesn't fully understand how the Pyramid is supposed to work, probably because it's pretty different from just about every other style that we've played.



None of our players are front-runners? That seems unlikely.

vs Liverpool, November 20, 2027
Premier League


Liverpool have become Aston Villa. That is to say that they're a club with a ton of support and money, but nothing to show for it. At least they're back in the Premier League.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Kocsis, Tounkara, Quiboulaz, Lewis, Shirra, Bailey (c), Bale, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Mujkic (c).
Subs: Landgraf, Laux, Zouaghi, Bouzid, van Leeuwen, Rouissi, Pickee.

Ellis Rickard puts us ahead in his first match back since his injury. Quibs makes a mistake to allow the equalizer, but two minutes later the goddamned Batman shows up out of nowhere in the penalty box and thumps a Golden Boy pass into the net. We're not in the clear, as Liverpool respond with two more goals to retake the lead, both of which our defense should have been able to handle. Damgaard gets credit for a fluke goal when a cross meant for Rickard sails into the net as Liverpool's defenders crash into each other on the goal line in the second half to pull us even again. When the game ends we've been let down by our two best strikers, who go goalless and consign us to a draw.




Wrexham 3-3 Liverpool



I don't know if I'd call a home draw to the 10th placed team “impressive.” On the bright side, though, Manchester United lost to Arsenal in the early game.



Callum Allan is the Taylor Swift of the footballing world. It's not that he's bad, far from it, but he's got an inordinate number of screaming fans out there, apparently enough to make him a contender for the Ballon d'Or despite not being able to regularly crack our starting XI.






As anticipated the Club World Cup is playing havoc with our fixture list.

At AS Roma, November 23, 2027
Champions League, Group G


Depending on what happens in Portugal between Braga and Fener a loss could end Roma's dreams of advancement.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kocsis, Reed, Hammatt, Laux, Loseille, Zouaghi, Allan, Moctezuma, Bouzid, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Landgraf, Leandro, Quiboulaz, Brown, Damgaard, van Leeuwen, Rouissi.

All Ali Bouzid Does Is Score. This time he's off the mark in 32 seconds, finding space for himself in the box as Thiago threads him a pass between two defenders. Thiago follows up with a goal six minutes after our first as he mugs a centerback and races towards the net. When the keeper comes off his line to close down his angles Thiago artfully chips him. Scarcely two minutes later Roma concedes again, this time with Ali Bouzid sending the ball in to Callum Allan, who turns and fires a strike inside the near post for a dominating three goal lead just as the clock ticks past eight minutes played.

Roma are able to staunch the bleeding, though it's requiring acrobatic saves from their besieged keeper, but they're already mortally wounded. Then the ref gives one of their defenders two yellows in the span of two minutes, and their fans avert their eyes to the carnage. At halftime I substitute off Mujkic and Reed to give Kais Rouissi and Leandro some playing time, and fifteen minutes later pull Thiago for Ferdi van Leeuwen. Rouissi and Leandro don't impress, but van Leeuwen scores his first goal of the season in stoppage time as we coast to an easy victory. The Roma players despair in their locker rooms upon hearing of Braga's victory over Fenerbaçhe, because Braga had taken four points from their two matches against Roma the Portuguese club has clinched second place. They'll now need at least a draw against the Turks to finish third and avoid being knocked from continental competition entirely.

Man of the Match: Callum Allan




Roma 0-4 Wrexham



You better not get hurt in the next two weeks, Kocsis, because we've only got one other keeper on the roster... League Two quality teenager Joe Glazier.





The Group stage still has some wide open contests, the most surprising of which is Group C where Manchester United could be knocked out of European competition entirely if they lose to AFG at New Old Trafford. Group B is also a fight between three teams for advancement, with Juve at risk of slipping down to the Europa League if they can't handle Rangers. I would love to see both of those things come to pass, but even one would fill me with gleeful schadenfreude.



I'm not sure what it is about Japan, but they're awful at taking care of their players. I looked at their other major stars after Minami went down, and all had suffered serious injuries while on international duty. I don't know if that's just because they tend to play a lot more international matches than most other countries, or what.



You've gotten into eight games so far, with six starts. You haven't scored a single goal and have provided a lonely assist... and you're certainly not adding value on the defensive end of things.



I'm giving you five weeks to perform, or I'm selling your ass to the highest bidder.



Speaking of unsuccessful players... I'm going to stall on this and see if anyone else is willing to offer full value for Ikeda.



He's still rated as having 4.5 star potential, but right now he's just a Championship quality player, albeit one that could certainly find work as a rotation option for lower half EPL clubs. Given our glut of attackers, he's definitely someone who's going to be on their way out.



It's a shame, considering the potential he had when he first came to the club. At this point, though, I highly doubt he'll ever come close to realizing it.

At Nottingham Forest, November 27, 2027
Premier League


Next up is Manchester United, hence the heavy squad rotation. I want our best available in three days to face our title rivals. It's still a lineup that can be counted on to defeat Forest, who are currently 17th in the league, and we're not using the pyramid to assure our victory.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kocsis, Reed, Leandro, Hammatt, Loseille, Lewis, Damgaard, Bale, Allan, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Glazier, Quiboulaz, Tounkara, Zouaghi, Bailey, Pickee, Stringel.

The Batman breaks the rules and has his goal called back for it in the fifth minute. We could have used the goal, as Nottingham Forest straight up outplay us in the first half, holding the squad to three shots and take a justly deserved lead into halftime. I am not a happy camper then, and I don't brighten up when our slack performance continues into the second half. When it's clear that our play has not improved I move us into the Pyramid. Bale is fouled ten minutes later, and Stringel converts the penalty to tie things up. Mitchell Pickee picks a good time to score his first goal of the season and we move into the the lead with fifteen minutes left. But the comeback doesn't hold. A huge error by Lajos Kocsis allows Nottingham Forest to tie it up again, and then a heartbreaker of a strike in the 89th minute sends us down to a shocking defeat in a game where we were thoroughly outplayed by a club that will struggle to avoid relegation.




Nottm Forest 3-2 Wrexham



Again?



Just for once I'd like to see one of the candidates go crazy making promises.

vs Manchester United, November 30, 2027
Premier League


This is essentially a must win match. United are eight points ahead of us, but they're on our turf right now and we absolutely must take advantage of that. Weaker men than me would revert to the tried and true 4-2-3-1, but this is the year I impose my will upon the game, and that means building a monument to match those in Giza.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Kocsis, Tounkara, Quiboulaz, Zouaghi, Shirra, Laux, Moctezuma, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Mujkic (c).
Subs: Glazier, Loseille, Hammatt, Allan, Damgaard, Bale, Rouissi.

It's a ding-dong battle from end to end, but United's superior finishing leaves them up 1-0 until the very final moments of the first half, when Isaac Stringel atones for an earlier miss with the equalizer. Five minutes after the match begins anew Ellis Rickard uses his 6'2” frame to win a contested Meteor cross and redirect it to Scott Shirra, who's playing despite having the flu, and we take the lead. We hold it through the end of the match, and secure a massive result that keeps us right in the thick of the title chase.

Man of the Match: Scott “Michael Jordan” Shirra




Wrexham 2-1 Manchester United



West Ham are apparently not going to take my advice about hiring a fresh face, instead choosing to go with the manager that Leeds fired not two weeks ago.



I turned down the Qatari offer for Ikeda, I want to get back at least the 575k that we spent on him five years ago. But the failed prospect is a good reminder that not all young players with potential become stars, and we can consider ourselves incredibly lucky that so many of ours have grown to their full potential.



Arsenal vault into first place, with 32 points through fourteen matches. We're sitting on 26, in fourth place behind Chelsea and United. Manchester City has had a rough opening third of the season, all the way back in tenth, but as they're only six points behind us they have every possibility of recovering to fight for a top four position.



Let's go Meteor! I'm saving my vote until the last minute, to see which of my players perform best in the final month. With seven Wrexham players on the 35 man shortlist I've got my choices. Thiago, Loseille, Stringel, Reed, and Shirra all deserve consideration alongside Mateo, and then there's also Allan.




Wales has a good chance of making it out of that group, the four best third placed teams advance above and beyond the top two of each group, while I'll eat my hat if England doesn't make the second round.

At Aston Villa, December 4, 2027
Premier League


The success of the Pyramid against Manchester and the failure of orthodoxy against Nottingham Forest means that we're going to be using the Pyramid again, this time against Aston Villa. Oddly enough, this means I consider the Pyramid the safer formation to play.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Kocsis, Tounkara, Hammatt, Zouaghi, Allan, Laux, Zouaghi, Moctezuma, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Mujkic (c)
Subs: Glazier, Reed, Quiboulaz, Damgaard, Lewis, Bale, van Leeuwen.

If we were able to put away even a quarter of our chances we'd be winning at halftime. Instead it's a dead heat despite our dominance of possession and opportunity. Hammatt, tired of seeing our five forwards fail to find joy, finally puts us ahead by out-leaping three defenders for a Thiago free kick that was delivered from all the way back near the midfield line. We double that advantage ten minutes later when Rickard threads the ball out wide to Mujkic, leaving the keeper watching as Meteor passes the ball into the open net. Rickard adds a second assist, this time by using his keen vision and anticipation to give Stringel all the room he needs to put away our third goal. After a scoreless and frustrating first half we finally break through in a big way, earning a convincing win.

Man of the Match: Hammerin' Ed Hammatt




Aston Villa 0-3 Wrexham



Look who it is. Our new nemesis. The only team to have beaten us twice in a row in God only knows how long.



What did he say about me?



Eh. Not worth spitting fire over.



I hope our press department put out a release talking about the squad we're going to be putting on the field, or some fans might come away disappointed.

vs Braga, December 8, 2027
Champions League, Group G


There's nothing at stake in this match, so it's an opportunity to let our teenagers play. If we win, yay. If we lose, meh. The oldest starter will be Ellis Rickard, he'll also be the only player in the starting lineup who's over twenty. Even so, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we win.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Landgraf, Leandro, Sadula, Spyropoulos, Lewis, Bale (c), Brown, Moctezuma, Bouzid, Rouissi, Rickard.
Subs: Kocsis, Davies, Hunter, Zouaghi, Damgaard, van Leeuwen, Pickee.

Our kids sure know how to play in the Wrexham style, with tons of possession and shots from dangerous positions but nothing to show for it, while holding the opponents to only a couple shots yet still conceding goals. In the end our unbeaten streak is at an end, but we held our own and can come away without being too disappointed.




Wrexham 0-2 Braga





The good news is that there's some unfamiliar faces who will be playing next spring. The other good news is that no clubs from the top leagues finished third, meaning that the Europa League should be wide open for some smaller club to win for the second straight year instead of a behemoth like Real Madrid. Manchester City and Milan are the biggest clubs in the Europa League, and so long as they're taken out someone interesting will win.



Atlas are a comparatively good club given their location in the Western Hemisphere, having won four of the last eight Liga MX titles while also winning the CONCACAF Champions League and getting to the quarterfinal of the Copa Libertadores in 2025. Once again the South American champion gets to play the club from Africa... and we've yet to play an African club in our history.



I'm not sure what to say. Our defense appears to have collapsed, allowing multiple goals in four of our last seven matches after only having done so three times in the 18 prior matches. We've earned a measly 7 points from our last five EPL fixtures. At the same time our offense is still chugging along, the last time we were held goalless when using our first team was back in August against Crystal Palace. And we beat Manchester United, keeping our title defense in good shape. We'll have to see what happens over the coming month as our trip to South Africa for the Club World Cup will mean we have up to four games in hand at the dawn of the new year.