Part 239: Chapter the Seventh: All the ducks in a row.

Chapter the Seventh: All the ducks in a row.
October 17, 2029-May 26, 2030

So the last time this updated, almost 10 months ago, the United States National Team had a harder time than it should have qualifying for the World Cup, and Rodrigo Moctezuma tore up his cruciate ligaments, which seems like a special “screw you” moment from the game.



I'm not sure that we should be in such high spirits considering that we only finished qualifying for the World Cup in our final match, we squandered a two goal lead in a grudge match against Mexico, and our best player will miss the rest of the club season and will at most be just barely given a clean bill of health when the World Cup comes around.



We only have one friendly before the World Cup training camp begins, and that will be against Brazil, who are typically excellent. A draw against them would be an improvement over how the USMNT has managed in the past.



Darren Latham will be out for that match, which is fine consider he's 34 and I'm hoping that some young player can come out of nowhere to steal his role on the squad over the coming season.



Well aren't you special.



Stupid sexy Stringel.



Our stumbles against the chaff of CONCACAF means we're going to be in pot two when the World Cup draw occurs. I was really hoping to sneak into pot one to avoid matching up against a Germany or Spain in the group stage.



The next half year is mostly going to be reading about potential members of Team USA getting injured. That is not going to be fun.



Not fun at all.



Oh come on, it's only October 31st and already there's been three injuries. The less time the players are healthy the less chance they have of improving their game.



Well, at least that's not a bad injury.



OK, that's it, I'm going on vacation.



I'll be back for the World Cup draw.



I wonder if anyone will knock off the King?



It's not like anyone can complain about the results he's currently getting.




You can thank me for developing the greatest player in Mexican history by rolling over and dying if you play us this summer.



It takes until mid-November for a manager to finally get canned in the premier league. I'm surprised no team has tried to lure me back into the club game since I retired.



More injuries, that makes five different players going down in the seven weeks between our last match and the draw.



The blossoming of Paredes gives us two quality attacking options, should Moctezuma be able to come back quickly from his injury.



Uruguay and Jamaica round out the World Cup field, and we're just weeks away from the draw.



Meanwhile, half the Ballon d'Or frontrunners is made up of Wrexham players. I'd love to see Shirra win, he's been a great player forever but has almost always been considered a step less than Meteor and now apparently String.



Of course, that doesn't stop me from voting for Stringel and Mujkic over him.



The stadium now seats nearly 50,000, meaning that a full 3/4ths of Wrexham's population can attend the match.




And it turns out about that many people are willing to pay full freight to watch their Dragons dispatch Braga. Which is good, because stadium expansions are not cheap, and they'll need the money to pay off the loans.



Finishing 2nd in the group isn't that great, but the club advances without much difficulty.



I'm all for our best players playing for consistent Champions League clubs, just so long as they don't see him as a backup and keep them from getting regular playing time.



I'm also all for our best players holding out for the best possible contract, or making sure that they can get transferred up from a decent Serie A squad to a top flight one.



C'mon, no whammies.



We're going to get matched up with one of Germany, Spain, Argentina, Mexico, Italy, England, Colombia, or France. France or Colombia will be the easiest to beat, but I've got a feeling we're going to end up in a group of death.



Well shit. Not only do we have the defending champion Germans, but we have a pretty solid Portugal side AND one of the best African national teams to contend with. So much for an easy draw where I could focus on getting the team playing well.





Groups A, B, and F are groups of life, while I think it's fair to say that ourselves and Portugal have most reason to complain about our draw. Interestingly enough, this is very similar to the draw the United States faced in the 2014 World Cup, just swap out Egypt for Ghana and it would be identical.



Eff that, our players are going to need fitness more than anything else.




Puerto Rico is the epitome of a match only being played to improve fitness. Israel is slightly harder, and we'll need to beat them if we want to beat a team like Egypt.



Of course, we can't make it too easy on the lads, they will have to play Germany after all.



: Woah, you got us Real Madrid's training facilities for the World Cup?

: Uh.

: Oh, ok, Atletico is great too.

: Well...

: Rayo Vallecano? You struck us with a Liga Adelante club?

: Look, I'm sure you'll be very happy with the choice.



: Who in Emperor Trump's name is Internacional de Madrid?!



The real life US high was #4 in 2006. Then we promptly shat the bed/got screwed by Italy and the refs at the 2006 World Cup.



Welp, time to go see if they've restocked my hunting preserve on the Isla de Me. I hunt only the most dangerous game, high frequency trading algorithms.



I'll of course have my assistant record the final for me, then watch it and submit a five minute UberTube clip of it for me to watch in my GooBer self-flying jet.



That's fine, just don't retire before the World Cup.



Ah, awards season. Even missing the final two months of the year can't keep Moctezuma from winning another of these. And he's only 21!



This would be more impressive if they were competing against the Landon Donovans and Clint Dempseys of real life than the schmoes the AI ran out there for a dozen years before I could take over.




No shock there, but this makes the third time in four years that a Wrexham player has won the Ballon d'Or. Considering that someone won a sole award at my time in Wales, perhaps the reasoning behind those snubs was “with such a great coach how can anyone tell if the players are actually any good?”



: Another one?

: Yeh, I guess I'm going to need a new trophy case just for them. I'll deal with it in the arvo.



My late purchases are still paying dividends in Wales!



Woah.



I'm less excited about this, Parsons won't be more than a backup at Barca. He needs playing time!



Good job, Paul. Don't waste the foundation I provided you.



Boo, I want extravagant promises! Though since you just handed out a £290,000/week contract to String I guess that probably would be extravagant to anyone else.



The locals apparently agree.



What, another cast off from overseas who can't even crack a B team?



He's still as good or better than a guy like Rubio de la Fuente, and has an easier name to remember as well.



So now that it doesn't matter we're improving in the FIFA rankings... I see how it is.




Ah crud. Clavijo isn't that great but he's one of the few natural left wingers in a pool of players that has a surfeit of right wingers. More worrying than the injury is that he's not getting playing time in the Austrian league.



You know what a good end to your career would be? Yeah, the same thing that would be a good end to mine.



What? Knocked out in the fifth round! At the Red Keep?!



So much for replicating the septuple.




The march to a sextuple is still on, at least.



: Nice work. But that's all it is. Don't screw up my legacy.




Ugh. I may be forced to play an inverted right winger out there. Our other options are Championship player Dave Rusling of Everton and the ageless Sinan Ulusal, who's still bopping around at 34 years old.



I think String might win the World Cup for Mexico all on his lonesome...



Great. If only we'd been ranked 8th three months ago when we were seeded for the draw.



Medina is having a solid season at the ripe old age of 21 in the Bundesliga. He's pushing to be named one of my first choice attacking midfielders barring a serious injury. Sadly this comes just before our throwdown with Brazil in Philadelphia, so I won't get to see how he meshes with the squad before training camp begins in May.



Welcome to America, Mr. Spinetto.



And welcome to the starting eleven! Wow, talk about serendipity. He's definitely better than anyone else we could put between the sticks.



Prior to the team meeting up for our match against Brazil, I pulled together a counter-attacking strategy that aims at frustrating superior teams with discipline and relies on our speedy wings to make plays and grab goals. I bumped tempo up to high after this screenshot, I don't want to give opponents too much of the ball and end up merely bunkered in our own end for long stretches at a time.



“You're missing two key players of your starting eleven, guys who play for Real Madrid and Barcelona, but you're getting back a guy who plays in the Scottish Prem! Totally evens things out, right?”



I am really unsure how that back line is going to hold up to the Brazilian attack. Lozano and Wood wouldn't make any other good team in the world.



Hey, he scores goals by the bunches in Belgium. It's not like we have a ton of depth with Moctezuma out.



And at best Moctezuma won't be back until the start of May.




How dare you! I am the only reason the United States is more than a punchline on the world stage, and you deny me a guy who you're just going to get hurt playing on a ragged ass MLS pitch against Real Salt Lake?



I'm not sure Darren could go longer than 45 minutes if I wanted him to.



We're entering the final matches of my career. Don't let me down, boys.



The United States men sport an all time record of 1 win and 19 losses against Brazil when counting our two alternate universe losses. Pulling off a draw will feel like a win.



We had a bare possession advantage and held the Brazilians to mostly long range efforts. That's a very good result against a Brazil team that finished second in South American qualifying and only lost three out of eighteen matches.



Happy to have you, Hector. Just don't let the God Emperor know that you're not from Italy.



Ok now, don't get hurt in the next month and a half.




Huh, that seems like Wrexham is handling the league...



Or not. After starting with 11 wins in 13 games, they've won just 9 of 19. I am not pleased, Paul.



And why do you keep giving out short contracts to guys I had on long term cheap ones? Especially when they're nowhere close to ready for senior team action? That's it, we need to have a talk. I'll be at the game on Saturday.




Now don't make me repeat myself, y'hear?



A win by away goals is still a win.



But you better thrash those damned Gunners unless you want me to start pointing out all the ways you're letting down the club to the media.



Also, seriously, what the hell are you doing with Reed? He never ever behaved that way when I was coach.



Good, things seem back on track.



Now if you'll excuse me, I have to head down to a goddamned semi-pro club's dugout in a public park to put together the United States World Cup team.



At least this injury was predictable, but we're back down to ½ of a decent centerback.



Moctezuma is still at least a month from being healthy. He'll have no ability to play a full match even when he gets cleared to play, and I'm worried that he's going to miss our pre-Cup friendlies



I can't turn my back for one minute, now can I, Paul?




I hope a reporter calls me up to ask my opinion on this calamity. I won't be mouthing nice, supportive words this time around.



Instead, they're only interested on when Moctezuma will be back. Right now it's May 29th, he won't be able to dress for the Puerto Rico friendly.



Maybe things would be going better if you'd held onto Zouaghi instead of cashing him in for four mediocre defensive midfielders.



Keep this up and you're going to lose the league, too.



Can't you see I'm busy thinking furiously mean thoughts at my hand-picked replacement?




Arrrgh.



I can't think of any point in my career as a manager where my club slouched to such an abject finish. This is all on your head, Paul. I wash my hands of you. And I'm not the only one.




: But, Coach, you did make sure that he was the one who followed you...

: Shut it.



You couldn't take home a major prize even with the best player in the world on your side.



You couldn't even hang onto my ludicrous crop of young talent so that some damned Scot doesn't take home the Young Player award.



Oh come on! He only got to play one match for us!



It happens right before I was about to make the calls for the preliminary squad, too.



Who did you ignore during a post-game press conference to make them all hate you, Danny?



You're baffled? Have you looked at my centerback options? A dude with 14/13 marking/tackling is good enough to make camp, because our defenders mostly stink.




Time to buck up the players who are on the edge of the squad.




Cause of injury for Bennett? Rusted shower curtain in the “locker room.” I'm pretty sure that someone in the heirarchy of USA Soccer is trying to screw me. Why else would we be stuck using the facilities of a 6th division semi-pro team?



This time it was a gopher hole on the pitch. I don't think gophers are even native to Europe.



Back strain from having to carry water into the clubhouse because the pipes stopped working, again. This is actually a blessing in disguise, Quinn was never going to get on the pitch and Ramirez has recovered enough that he could be ready by the Group Stage.



We've got nine players who need playing time before they'll be ready to play real matches. I've got no problem playing one of our three friendlies against a pushover.



I'm trying to cap the greatest story in the history of sports, from the funeral games of goddamned Patroclus to Leicester City winning the Premier League, damnit. Stop making it harder than it already is!



Final cuts are here, and only Clavijo and Spinetto are so badly hurt that they're going to miss the tournament entirely.



So much is going to depend on how quickly Moctezuma can get back into playing shape, and if our ragged back line can prevent us from being scored on at will. We should advance from the group stage, but being grouped with Germany and two fairly solid international sides in Portugal and Egypt means that we won't be able to take it for granted.