Part 62: Chapter the Fourth: Form following function.

Chapter the Fourth: Form following function.
October 8, 2017-November 10, 2017

We've got two more tough games coming up, against Blackpool and Portsmouth, both of which are promotion contenders. Paired with those fixtures are matches against Burton and fellow promotees (and drama queens) Port Vale. We've also got a League Trophy match against Morecambe, but while it would be nice to win the Trophy after coming so close last season it's not nearly as important a competition to me as the league.



Gorman stopped being mad at me (his attitude was “Alienated” for a while) and is back into a good mood. Which is nice, since he does have a lot of talent and I'd prefer to see if he can play a part in the club on our way up the ladder.



Sunderland's coach is under extreme pressure. I'm surprised he's still around, he took over Sunderland last November and wasn't able to get them promoted, so every loss puts him on the edge of unemployment.



He's got a point, he's fifth on the depth chart at winger, behind Mujkic, Gorman, Price, and Coulson.



I may try to work out a short term loan for him, but I dislike loaning out players while we're in the lower leagues. Regular match play is very good for stat growth, but lower league sides (and Rainey would be somewhere in League Two, at best) have crap training facilities, crap doctors, and crap coaches, which hurt the players stat growth.



Any sympathy I had for you vanished when you went to the media, kid. The media is The Enemy. You never betray your family to The Enemy.



Huh, surprised that worked. I was all prepared to send him to the reserves.



Kids.



In my day we practiced while being lashed with a cat-o-nine-tails and waited silently to get our first team soccer. Little Bobby Shropshire died of exhaustion while doing laps one year and was so good at being silent he was picked as a sub in the next three matches before anyone realized what had happened.



I'm always happy to point out a player achievement to fans. It boosts merchandise sales.

vs. Morecambe, October 10, 2017
Johnstone's Paint Trophy, Second Round


Our youth are out in force today, cup games are an excellent place to give them a chance to prove themselves. Morecambe shouldn't give us too much difficulty, and while losing due to fielding a weaker squad would be disappointing it would also save us a lot of fixture congestion down the line. So I'm not taking this game seriously.



Morecambe isn't either, starting three kids of their own.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attacking.
Starting 11: Higgs, Peters, Todd, Curran, Smissen, Harper, Simpson (c), Bailey, Rainey, Price, Read.
Subs: Tench, Poole, Shirra, Coulson, Baker.

Rainey is the stroppy lad who makes his case for more first team time, getting us off to a flying start with a goal after just two minutes had passed. Morecambe equalize late in the half when Higgs makes a foolish mistake, and actually look like the better squad for most of the game heading into the final half hour. We change that after I make my substitutions, but still can't find the goal to win it. It'll take a penalty kick shootout to determine who advances. We each put in the first two attempts, but we're unable to capitalize when Higgs saves the third PK. The next four players all put the ball in the back of the net, and we're on to extra rounds. Morecambe's man misses his, leaving Dean Harper to win the match for us. He does. It's a narrower shave than I had hoped for, but we're into the next round.

Man of the Match: Gareth Rainey




Wrexham 1(p)-1 Morecambe



How hard can it be to get used to playing midfielder as compared to attacking mid? C'mon, Shirra. I want to see more of you.



JPT matches don't draw the fans in, the low amount of prize money and low gate is why I think focusing on the Trophy isn't important.



The golden generation continues to shine for Wales.



Meh, not bad.



I was paging through my players information screen when I realized Sam Smissen is Anglo-Indian and speaks Hindi. If I were the Indian national team I'd be doing everything I could to cap him, he's not good enough to expect to ever play for England but he'd be by a wide margin the best player on India's team.



The reason I was looking at the information screens was to point out that the game doesn't always do a very good job of naming the fictional players. It generally works alright, but when players are related to each other and real names are turned off I've seen guys named Bob Smith have brothers named Mahmoud Al-Qatani, which makes me giggle about their family reunions. It also means that I want so very much for some players to be real due to their fantastic names, Indian wide midfielder Soccor D'Cruz being the most notable example I've seen.



If Harrison keeps getting hurt he's going to have a hard time holding off Adrian Read for his job in not very long.

vs. Blackpool, October 21, 2017
League One


Blackpool made a very brief appearance in the Premier League during the 2010-2011 season, but have since sunk back down to League One. They play at England's largest beach destination, so I'm assuming that it's the one part of the British Isles that doesn't rain more than 50% of the time. Blackpool are once again seeking reentry into the Championship, if we can handle them it'll help prove that our promotion hopes are realistic.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Poole, Lewis, Smissen, Simpson (c), Holland, Bailey, Coulson, Mujkic, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Thomas, Todd, Harper, Price, Gorman, Baker.

It's looking like a good day after we're awarded a penalty when a Blackpool fullback knocks down Harrison at the edge of the area, and the Meteor streaks a shot past their goalie to earn us the lead. We keep threatening to score again, and Bailey picks up his fifth assist of the young season when he connects with Poole in the 21st minute. Blackpool still have plenty of fight left in them, bringing the match back into contention when our defense's poor positioning allows a goal from a corner kick, but we reclaim the two goal lead shortly thereafter when Meteor's brilliance allows him a clear passing land to an unmarked Holland at the far post to cap an entertaining thirty minutes of play. That's the end of scoring for the match, but we keep threatening for the rest of the match.

Man of the Match: Matthew Poole.




Wrexham 3-1 Blackpool



Bournemouth has an incredible 31 points through their first dozen games, it's going to be hard to catch them for the league title unless they really hit a rough patch. Automatic promotion is still an entirely realistic goal, though, as we're four points off Sunderland's pace. Sinking Sunderland would make me very happy after the highway robbery we experienced at their hands a few weeks ago.



Swindon also have nearly identical jerseys to us and Fleetwood. It must be hard to tell us apart when we play.

At Burton Albion, October 24, 2017
League One


The Brewers are performing above expectations, but so are we. I'm going to just let the boys go out there and run around a bit and see where that gets us. Harrison is a little tuckered and Baker hasn't done anything all season, so Adrian Read gets the callup to the first team. If he performs well there's a real chance that Baker is moved at New Years.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack.
Starting 11: Higgs, Thomas, Todd, Lewis, Smissen, Simpson (c), Holland, Bailey, Gorman, Mujkic, Read.
Subs: Taylor, Peters, Poole, Harper, Price, Rainey, Baker.

Burton has the better of us for the first quarter hour, we're unable to link more than a few passes in a row and only get one shot on goal. After a particularly pretty piece of football by Burton that sends a shot bounding off the post and the home fans into appreciative applause, I switch up our strategy, wanting to lure Burton deeper into our zone to free up room for Gorman, Read, and Mujkic to run on the counter. Burton's pressure finally gets to us, and we concede a goal off a corner before halftime. I play it calm when talking to the boys, indicating my displeasure but also my confidence that they can turn the game around. The speechifying works, we make several very nice moves in the second half and equalize on an exemplar of counter-attacking play. When we leave the stadium after the game we've earned a point.




Burton 1-1 Wrexham



If Gorman doesn't pan out we'll still be fine, but it would be nice if he'd settle in and start giving us results on the pitch. It doesn't help that he's playing slightly out of position on the wings.



He took a shine to me quickly. His central midfielder comfort is up to “awkward”- so he's still several months from getting first team time despite having a first team salary.



I love club options. I need to start plonking them on everyone's new deals.

At Portsmouth, October 24, 2017
League One


Portsmouth is underperforming in the league. They're also supporter owned, and together we're the highest division fan owned clubs in England. Portsmouth was in the Premier League in as recently as 2010, and played in the Europa league that same season after winning the FA Cup. But the manager, 'Arry Redknapp, got out of Dodge just before everything exploded. The club fell several flights, in real life they got relegated three times in four years and are now playing in League Two. They've recovered a little bit here, but not enough to get back to past glory.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Counter
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Poole, Lewis, Smissen, Harper, Simpson (c), Bailey, Price, Mujkic, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Peters, Curran, Holland, Holt, Gorman, Read.

We're on the back foot from the opening whistle, and I have to order the players to drop deeper and be more disciplined in defense. Portsmouth scores anyway, but we start getting some decent attacking moves of our own. We're able to tie the game before the half, and my pep talk is all about how we can still take all three points today. The team seems to have been ensorcelled by my words, they aren't focused after the restart and quickly give up a second goal. We get a whole passel of chances as the clock ticks down, but can't make Portsmouth pay for their mistakes. Instead of taking three points, we take none.




Portsmouth 2-1 Wrexham



That's what will happen when you're playing soccer year round as a 20-year-old. Our other wingers are currently healthy, so I'm going to give him a rest. A ticket to Eurodisney, please!



Shirra and Coulson could also use a break, so I send the trio to Eurodisney. I hope they stay out of trouble.



Huh, maybe India is trying to get Smissen to play for them.



The FA Cup draw is not unkind to us, but given how many non-league teams we could have drawn it could have been better.

vs. Rotherham, October 28, 2017
League One


I am all out of witty comments, and I know nothing about Rotherham except that it reminds me of Rotterdam, which is one of the biggest ports in the world. So let's sink their ships! Or, rather, score some goals.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Lewis, Curran, Smissen, Harper, Holland, Bailey, Rainey, Gorman, Harrison (c).
Subs: Taylor, Thomas, Todd, Holt, Price, Read, Upson.

Gareth Rainey scores off the kickoff, it's a great way to start the game. Letting Coulson and Mujkic go on vacation gives me the chance to see what Rainey can do, and so far it's paying off. After ten minutes it could easily be three-nil. By the time the whistle stops play for the half that's the score, with Harrison sitting on a hat trick. Right after the re-start Harrison almost gets it, but is denied by the crossbar. He won't be stopped, in the 84th minute he times his run perfectly and his gorgeous Northern Irish head hammers an Upson cross past the keeper to send the fans into further rapture. Rotherham's collapse finishes after Upson scores a goal for himself. We're playing Rotherham again in the JPT in just two weeks, this humiliation will be fresh in their mind.

Man of the Match: Billy “the Kid” Harrison




Wrexham 5-0 Rotherham



It's time to lock Curran up to another contract, Leeds can't sign him until the end of next May but if they're thinking about signing him a team in Scotland might also get interested and swoop in for him in January.



If anyone has a link to a goal scored literally off the kickoff, I'd love to see it. This is still pretty good, though.



How have we spent that much money?!



What the hell is going on here? I have a spreadsheet with all of our players salary on it. We're spending under £24,000 a week on our first team players, another £900 a week on our U21 team, and just over £2000 on our youth squad. The game says we're using £31,000 a week, £4,000 more than my spreadsheet says but I assume that includes pro-rated bonuses and payroll taxes. This is less than our salaries in most of our previous seasons. So how have we already racked up a £600,000 wages bill in four months? We should have spent £100,000 less.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Our scouting costs already exceed last seasons despite not changing anything about our scouting assignments. Tax expenditures are on pace to be twice as high. Other costs are on pace to be £675,000 higher than last season. Youth costs are projected to be £450,000 higher. The only change in that program is increasing youth coaching. For that amount we could have hired something like 20 youth coaches. I think this game is chiseling me. The fan trust should launch an investigation into this.



Curran gets a new contract at £450 a week for the next two years with a club option for a third. Leeds can suck it.

vs. Port Vale, November 4, 2017
League One


Port Vale has actually done quite well since being promoted. They have a -1 goal differential, but they're 11th on the table and five points above the relegation zone, so they might just stick. This means a tougher match than I'd have anticipated when I first saw the fixture schedule.

Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Peters, Poole, Lewis, Smissen, Simpson (c), Holland, Price, Rainey, Gorman, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Tench, Thomas, Todd, Harper, Holt, Read.

Port Vale comes out swinging, we come out flat. We don't have a single shot through 25 minutes, and we're lucky we don't give up a goal. Even after going all defense Port Vale are getting plenty of good chances, and our players don't manage to even look crossly at the opposing net. It's a pathetic first half that reeks of complacency. I bawl out every single player, telling them to get it together. It works, we're dangerous when the game starts again, creating a trio of chances and scoring in the 68th minute. The goal holds up, but Simpson has to come off in the 76th minute. I'm pleased with the turnaround, but it's clear I need to start telling the team to not get cocky.

Man of the Match: Billy “the Kid” Harrison.




Wrexham 1-0 Port Vale



That's better than it could have been, our next match isn't for a full week and we don't have another league game for two.



“Are we in the Premier League yet?” “No.” “Are we in the Premier League yet?” “No.” “Are we in the Premier League yet?” The chat goes the same way as previously, but I'm sure even if we get promoted to the Championship this season he'll still be gabbering about moving on to a bigger club.



This is becoming a regular fixture in my inbox, which is nice.



I can't complain about the results at all. The laziness we showed during the first half of the Port Vale match was troubling, but so long as I'm aware of the problem I can keep complacency in check by demanding more from the players. Our next two games are in Cup competitions, and both home games. I really hope our finances settle down, if the pace of spending doesn't slow I'm going to have to think about cutbacks- especially if we don't get another FA Cup windfall.





Meanwhile, at Eurodisney:

: Oi, mate, check it out! Beer gardens!

: No, damnit. It's just another bratwurst stand mocked up to look like a beer garden. This is the worst trip ever.

: Guys, do we really have to stay here? I mean, it's our vacation, right?

: Yeah, but Coach has those creepy mascots making sure we can't leave the grounds. And that was after he made us double pinky swear that we wouldn't let you drink, Sheers. What did we do to make him punish us like this? He didn't even seem mad when he told us we were going on break.

: Don't worry, I've got an idea. Just wait til' this arvo.

: What?

: You gotta start speaking English, Mujkic. I know your parents raised you bilingual, but we don't speak Croatian.

: I am speaking English, you bogan! Anyways, just trust me on this, here's what we're going to do to ditch these whackas...

(The three round a corner)

: ...