Part 127: Mission #59: Action Kazuki and the Beatdown on the Beach!

Mission #59: Action Kazuki and the Beatdown on the Beach!

More Emails!


No one makes shit like Linny's family! Also, let's hear from Marcus' estranged wife...or maybe they're divorced. I can't remember.




To Kumamoto, which is the only major city in the world ruled by robotic spiders.



I think we need a bit of levity today...
: So the Fukuoka squad didn't get them.
Beautiful
: The 8th Division returned to Kumamoto. Other forces are joining them there.
: Call Kuroi.
: Yes, sir!
: Kawada, which squad is ready for an attack?
: The squad in Saga is standing by.
: Did you call me, sir?
: Kuroi, the Saga Squad is yours. Take them to Kumamoto Base and destroy the 8th Division before they merge with the others.
You know what, I don't care about this fucking storyline. I know the coup forces are just being played for chumps, the party knows it, hell, I'm pretty sure even Sasaki and the other coup leaders know they're about to be betrayed.
: Yes, sir!
: Sounds like you're having trouble.
: Sir Lukav! When did you get here?
: It doesn't matter. What happened to the mercenaries? I told you to destroy them.
Even Lukav is getting annoyed by this bullshit.
: Don't worry. I know where they are.
: And the opposition forces are still fighting. I can use the DHZ forces to wipe them out.
: That's not necessary. I already sent my men out there.
Yeah, I mean, that might be exciting. No, I demand several more pointless filler missions!
: ...We'll see how they do.
: You need not worry.



: The forces from Kagoshima and Miyazaki are heading toward this base. They are gathering more forces along the way.
: Commander Taniyama, one of Sasaki's squad is moving! It's heading south on highway 209!
: They're heading straight to Kumamoto.
: They want to take the base.
: What about the other enemy forces?
: They're not moving.
: The force is too small. Do they underestimate us?
: We should attack them before they reach Kumamoto.
: Wait.
: What is it, Alisa?
: Take a look at the map. This is the enemy's route, right?
: Yes; and Kumamoto is along Route 208.
: What's wrong, Alisa?
: Taniyama, what's located here?
: This is Omuta, there's a small harbor here but...
: ! Mr. Taniyama, please send recon out there!
: Uh... Ok, that's not a problem.
: Right, Alisa?
: Yes!
: I'll send recon out, but what's in Omuta?
: What are they after? I don't think there's anything in Omuta.
: Alisa may be right.
Yeah, and she may be crazy...but it just might be a lunatic I'm looking for...
: What's going on? I don't understand.
: Don't you think it's strange that the enemy is attacking head on?
: Not really...
: But they don't need to. There are many other ways to wipe us out.
: So they're planning something else... Oh, the harbor!
: If we use the harbor at Omuta, we can approach from the sea.
: The enemy can hit us from behind while we're deployed on the highway.
: Alisa you're a genius!
I'm sorry game, but there is no way in hell that I'll buy Alisa being a genius.
: We're all working hard.
: That's merely conjecture. Let's wait for recon to report back.
: We'll get ready in the meantime.
: Recon will take a while. Get ready in the meantime.
: I'll try to figure out the enemy's landing point from the sea. I also found a secret web site on Kirishima and the military. The password is SHUNYO. Please take a look at it.
Let's go to the bar, I'm sure that the locals will have something interesting to say, I mean, we're due for one of them to say something interesting.



: What's wrong? The coup got you down?
I believe Ryogo just won the Andrew Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Anti-Verisimilitude.
Bartender: I' just exasperated by that customer over there.

: What do you mean?
: Why don't you ask him?
: I haven't stepped out since the coup.
: How did you get here?
: I've been here since the coup started.
: Do you understand now?
: How can you go outside?
Well, it helps that this game has slowly eroded my will to live.
: You want me to escort you back home?
: No! I'm staying here 'til it's safe!
: I can't believe Colonel Takemura started a coup. It's hard to believe that the colonel would do such a thing.
I'm not exactly sure how framing someone for a coup works, but fine.
: I almost died in a battle near my house yesterday! Walking the thin line between life and death. Oh, it's so exciting! I want to feel that thrill again.



: Recon says that there are many large civilian ships entering the harbor.
All right, for the sake of clarity, let me explain what's happening. The coup forces are launching a feint along the highway in order to disguise their real attack, which is an amphibious landing at Kumamoto. Emma and Alisa, though, used their super Imaginary Number powers to instantly suss out this plan and now the party is moving to intercept.
: Civilian ships?
: That must be their camouflage. There should be LSTs inside.
: You're absolutely right.
: Mr. Taniyama, please take half of my force to highway 208.
: To make it look like we've fallen for their trick.
: Yes. Then we'll surprise them!



And the enemy starts landing...



Ah, Kuroi, I think I've kicked his ass more than any other NPC in this game.
: Stop right there!
: We know exactly what you're trying to do!
: We've got all the other units. It's over. Surrender!
: You must be pretty sharp to figure us out. Let all units know that we are aborting the landing.
: Lieutenant Kuroi!?
: They know our plan. Cancel the assault.
: Are you planning on running?
: Not very courageous, are you?
: Nah, they're just afraid of me!
: Don't worry, I'll deal with you myself.



Emma, Yun, Jose and Marcus are on tap for this most filler-istic of all filler missions. The gimmick of this map is that your brain will be so bored by the needless repetition that it will try and give itself a seizure so that you'll stop playing. The key is to keep some handy that you can put in your mouth to keep yourself from biting through your tongue.



Marcus begins the beating.



Emma shows the tragic pointlessness of missile launchers. By the late game, you'll have enough movement upgrades to make range a non-issue most of the time, meaning that a missile essentially just becomes a marginally better rifle.



Jose still sucks. It's a testament to the utter crappiness of Linny and Dennis that he's only the third-worst character in the branch.



I feel like the game is just openly taunting me at this point.



: To be defeated by the likes of you... How shameful.
Yeah, how many times have I beaten this guy now? Like a half-dozen times in this branch alone?



Marcus has now passed automobile accidents as the #2 leading causing of death in the Front Mission Universe.



We may have our disagreements, but Jose and I agree on one critical issue: That Jose really needs to be put out of his misery.



Marcus is assessed a fifteen-yard penalty for unnecessary roughness.



Yun was here too, but didn't do much this mission, just because she couldn't get any of here skills to fire.



And I get another Shunyo, which, looking at your latest builds, I will have no use for.



The Platinum streak ends. Marcus wins MVP.



: Their leader must be pretty smart to figure out he was at a loss.
Yep, we figured out their feint instantly, and then they figured out that we figured it out, so this whole mission was essentially a stalemate.
: I'm pretty good when I get serious!
: You've never been serious about anything.
: There's no time to waste. They'll be back!
: Yes, let's go back to the base!

Next Time: Now things happen! No, wait, sorry, that was a typo, I meant, 'no things happen.'