Part 49

In any Gazillionaire game, there are a total of seven planets in Kukubia. But not always the same ones!

When you start a new game, you're given a selection of fourteen different planets, which you you can pick, mix and rearrange however you want. In this bonus update, we'll be taking a look at the seven planets that didn't get used in our playthrough.





HISTORY OF FRAC
Frac was the first planet in the Kukubian system to be colonised. Sir Lily Slimwagon, a fearless and somewhat eccentric explorer, arrived on Frac in 551 B.B., during the reign of Supreme Commander Bass Nicolson (Dred's grandfather). He found a lush, tropical planet inhabited by Veggie Piddles, intelligent vegetable creatures who thrived on vine juice and lemon pudding.

Instead of brutally forcing these little green beans into submission, which was the modus operandi of the time, Lily decided to wage a war of words. Starting the next day, Lily and his army began jabbering away in a language the leafy creatures could not possibly understand. The Veggies soon became so sick of listening to Lily and his soldiers babble that they decided to join the New Realm, if only to shut them up.

As a gesture of gratitude toward their new Veggie brothers, Lily decreed that everyone (including himself and his soldiers) should pay tribute to the Veggie Piddles by eating nothing but lemon pudding, drinking wine of the vine, and wearing bright yellow clothing at all times. At first, this made for good foreign relations. However, when Lily saw that the Veggie Piddles appreciated his gesture, he decided to take it one step further.

Lily declared that yellow must be present in the consciousness of all citizens of Frac at all times. He ordered all the streets, buildings, cars and spacecraft painted yellow. If anyone was caught wearing a colour other than yellow, they would be banished from the planet for all eternity. Of course, the Veggie Piddles were aghast at this new law, but they didn't know what to say since the law was made in an effort to please them.

As the Veggie Piddles watched in horror, Lily and his soldiers began painting everything bright yellow, including the grass, trees, flowers, insects and every animal they could catch. Soon, the entire planet was covered in a sickly coat of yellow paint. Lily was so overtaken with his grand gesture that he was blind to what was happpening to the planet.

To celebrate the occasion, Lily decided to throw a massive party in honour of the Veggies. As Lily prepared for this glorious event to celebrate Frac's union with the New Realm, a strange thing was taking place. The toxins from the imported yellow paint began to penetrate all the plants and animals. Within a matter of days, the lush green (yellow) landscape started to disappear.

The Veggie Piddles scrambled to scrape the yellow paint off everything, but it was too late. The planet was dying. Lily and his soldiers couldn't understand why the Veggie Piddles were refusing to join in the celebration. It was only after a week of wild merrymaking that it dawned on Lily something was wrong. By that time, most of the planet was dying. Seeing the destruction he had caused, Lily became overwhelmed with grief.

He had single-handedly destroyed an entire civilisation when all he wanted to do was help them. In the midst of a nervous breakdown, Lily was dragged off the dying planet and committed to an Imperial Mental Institution. As time passed, the atrocities were forgotten and Frac was transformed into a thriving commercial zone.

Under the powerful rule of Supreme Commander Bass Nicolson (Dred's grandfather), the New Realm expanded into Kukubia, and Frac became a crucial trading centre. Now it is home to numerous commercial institutions such as Gizzy Shipping, Roke Transport and Voyager's Insurance Company. However, even to this day, Lily's legacy exists. Frac has never regained its tropical forests.

Frac is still a stark desert planet, and without their supply of vine juice and lemon pudding, all the Veggie Piddles have long since perished. The only testament to their ancient civilisation is the bright yellow sand which covers 90% of the planet.





OOPS.

Yeah, this one can backfire. In my experience, it backfires more often than not.

I think that the lower your premiums are, the smaller the chances of them being lowered any further. If you're getting screwed by random events and your premiums are high, it might be worth paying Frac a visit. Otherwise, maybe you shouldn't push your luck.

Sometimes, rather than changing your rates they'll realise that they've overcharged you and give you some money back. This can happen even if you haven't bought any insurance. It's basically just "The RNG feels sorry for you so have some cash."







HISTORY OF HORK
The planet Hork is named after Emperor Hork Nicolson (Emperor Dred Nicolson's father). Hork Nicolson originally saw this planet as the hub of his propaganda machine. At the time, he was losing control of the Kukubian Colonies and was in need of help. The only problem was that Hork Nicolson was not nearly as intelligent as his father, the Great Bass Nicolson, and his efforts at regulating all media and cramming political slogans down everyone's throat only made the rebellious colonies even more upset.

After Emperor Hork was assassinated by his own cabinet, the entire New Realm began to disintegrate. With this collapse came new liberties. For the first time in the Nicolson Dynasty, the media had complete freedom of speech. Consequently, planet Hork began to flourish as a cultural and artistic centre. In those few years, the print, TV and film industries blossomed. It wasn't until the reinstatement of Dred Nicolson to the throne that things began to tighten up again.

Today, the media is still much freer than in the time of Emperor Hork, but there are certain lines journalists dare not cross. These regulations, however, have not prevented the planet Hork from retaining its place as the media capital of the Colonies. It is presently where 90% of Kukubia's films, TV shows, magazines and newspapers are produced. If a business needs some publicity, Hork is the place to be.



Hork's planet special is a little misleading. Ostensibly it's about boosting your company's prestige, but there don't seem to be any mechanics behind it. Here's what happened when we did the special this turn:



This might seem like a bad result, but if there are actual in-game consequences for it, I don't know what they are. Likewise, sometimes you'll have the media singing your praises, but it never seems to do anything in your favour.

Really, the only reason to bother with this special is that occasionally you'll earn some kubars from it.

Which is a pretty good reason, actually.

Do the special!

(Also, you might recognise "Our Agent". He played the part of the photographer back when we learned about advertisements.)







HISTORY OF OOOM
Ooom is known throughout the Kukubian System as the Fortune Teller's Planet. This is because the Soothsayers, a mysterious breed of creatures who live only on Ooom, have the uncanny ability to predict the future by scanning one's aura for positive or negative energy. As far back as 400 B.B., the Great Bass Nicolson (Dred's Grandfather) would consult the Soothsayers of Ooom before entering into any battle. This may account in part for Bass' victory over the Hapa Jillo Empire.

Today, Ooom is a destination spot for business owners from all over Gogg. They come to Ooom to find out what their energy level is, so that they know whether or not to purchase insurance, conduct a risky transaction, or make a major business decision. The Soothsayers have a reputation for being eccentric. They will often experiment on their clients, either to try and achieve the best results or just for their own amusement.

The Soothsayer's power is believed to stem from some connection between their unique body chemistry and the planet's electro-chemical composition. In fact, if a Soothsayer is removed from Ooom, not only will they be unable to make a prediction, but they usually perish within a few months. Their bodies simply cease to function. No one has been able to figure out why this happens.

However, a team of scientists, who would like to enable the Soothsayers to travel to other planets, are researching this phenomenon. One thing that should be pointed out is that the Soothsayer's advice is not set in stone. In fact, the aura readings are only an indication of what may come. It is as if they are interpreting statistical data on the probability that good or bad luck will occur.

If a Soothsayer says your aura is positive and you will have good fortune, this actually means your chances of having good fortune far outweigh your chances of experiencing bad luck. However, there is still a small chance that you may run into an unfavourable situation despite a rather positive reading.



Well. I'd explain this one, but I think the planet history said everything that needs to be said.

I'm not sure how useful this is, because you can generally tell how your luck is going based on whether or not bad stuff is happening to you. If you're crashing into asteroids and space whales every time you step outside, it's a pretty safe bet that your aura's in the crapper and it's time to get some insurance. Or visit Mira for a blessing. Or both.



Sometimes that will happen, though.

Recognise the Soothsayer? It's Hoff Miester's harassed employee!







HISTORY OF QUEG
Queg is the infamous renegade planet. It is here that the galaxy's most notorious gangsters come to unload their wares. Everyone from Scooter Jay to the Baid-Rowel Bandits routinely visit Queg. A powerful warlord, who goes by the name of Lady Cornucopia, rules the planet and brokers all transactions. Because Emperor Dred Nicolson needs Lady Cornucopia in his on-going skirmish with the Hapa Jillos, he tolerates her illicit activities.

If Emperor Dred Nicolson had his way, Queg would be firmly under the control of the Imperial Magistrate, all smuggling activities would cease, and every transaction would be heavily taxed. However, Lady Cornucopia commands a large standing army, and she has been using this army as a deterrent against possible Hapa Jillo invasion. If she were to become upset with Dred Nicolson and ally herself with the Hapa Jillos, it would literally mean the end of Kukubia as we know it.

History shows that the Hapa Jillow Empire once included all of Kukubia along with a huge portion of western Gogg. It is only after the Great Bass Nicolson (Emperor Dred's grandfather) gloriously defeated the Hapa Jillo Armada and took full control of Kukubia that the Hapa Jillos retreated back to the neighboring galaxy of Pata Pata Pita. Although the Hapa Jillos have never regained their former power, they still command a sizable army.

In recent years, the Hapa Jillos have become increasingly bold. They often make raids on outlying planets and merchant ships which stray into their territory. We can only hope that the agreement between Lady Cornucopia and Dred Nicolson holds. Otherwise, Kukubia may become the focal point of a long, destructive war.



Perhaps I'm missing something, but I don't see the point of Queg. Nine times out of ten, it just offers me a commodity I can already buy in the marketplace! For exactly the same price I'd get in the marketplace! I suppose that might be useful if there isn't enough to fill up the ship, but that shouldn't happen if you're advertising properly.

The remaining times, she does sell cheaper than the going rate, but it's always something stupid like Jelly Beans or Cantaloupe that I don't want to buy in the first place.

That said, it's not like you have to take the offer, and maybe you can squeeze a good deal out of it once in a blue moon. I also don't think it can backfire, so it's harmless if nothing else. Maybe that counts for something. Maybe that is important to you.

By the way, Lady Cornucopia played the dissatisfied Voyager's Insurance customer, god this sounds so arrogant.

The dissatisfied Voyager's Insurance customer was played Lady Cornucopia.

i don't know if that's any better

the dissatisfied

i used some of the game's portraits for the minor characters in the narrative and this was one of those portraits that i used for that one person







HISTORY OF STYE
In 103 B.B., after the death of the great Bass Nicolson (Emperor Dred's grandfather), the Kukubian system was still forbidden to all but government spacecraft. This was to prevent the re-emergence of pirates and other dangerous forces. Although trade was limited, a few planets in Kukubia began to develop significant economies. One of those was Stye, which rapidly grew into the financial capital of Kukubia.

Stye was primarily populated by Soan Yatics, industrious and highly intellectual creatures who love money. The Soan Yatics set up an ingenious system for transferring money across the galaxy using light wave emulation and communications technology. Then the Soan Yatics transformed Stye into a tax haven, and banks began to relocate to the planet.

The Soan Yatics took the excess capital and began investing it in local cities and institutions. One of these institutions was the Trader's Union, which was instrumental in lobbying the Imperial Cabinet to open up Kukubia to independent merchants. The Trader's Union set up strict banking and trading regulations detailing how commerce would function in Kukubia once trade by independent merchants was established.

These rules and large amounts of investment capital reassured the skittish government that opening up Kukubia to private trading companies was in everyone's best interest. Thus, when the government finally relaxed its stringent trade laws, the Trader's Union took on the responsibility of financing most of the start-up companies and regulating all transactions. This self-regulation helped to minimise government interference in the Kukubian market.

Today, Stye remains the financial centre of the Kukubian system. Almost all money flowing between Kukubia and the rest of the Galaxy of Gogg passes through Stye. This has made the Soan Yatics wealthy and powerful. They often wield more power over Kukubia than the Supreme Commander Dred Nicolson himself.

The only difference is that the Soan Yatics operate discreetly without alerting anyone to their activities, while the brash Dred Nicolson makes a big deal out of every law or regulation he comes up with. This means that often what the general population believes to be Imperial Mandates are actually the work of the Soan Yatics and their powerful lobbyists operating behind the scenes.



Stye's special is helpful in the beginning of the game, particularly in the higher difficulties where you'll be borrowing money constantly. Obviously, it's less useful once you no longer have to rely on loans, but it's still worth visiting on the off chance that they'll raise the interest on your savings account. Just be aware that this one can backfire, and they may end up raising your loan interest.

In addition, sometimes the Trader's Union will forgive one third of your debt. Therefore, it's a good idea to borrow as much money as you can before doing this special. If they don't do it, you can pay them back immediately and lose nothing. If they do, free money!

don't tell them i told you this though because



damn it







HISTORY OF TILO
Tilo is the only planet in the Kukubian System with legalized gambling. Supreme Commander Dred Nicolson detests gambling and has outlawed casinos in most major cities. Emperor Dred is opposed to gambling for two reasons. First, casinos take money away from the general public, and Dred would much rather the public spend its hard earned money on Taxes, which go directly to him, than gambling, which lines the pockets of the casino owners.

The second reason for Dred's opposition to organised gambling is that 99% of all the casinos in Gogg are controlled by the Hapa Jillo Syndicate, a long time enemy of the Nicolson Dynasty. The Hapa Jillos are a race of highly intelligent and ruthless creatures from the neighbouring galaxy of Pata Pata Pita.

Although the Great Bass Nicolson (Dred's grandfather) defeated the Hapa Jillo Empire in350 B.B. and drove most of the Hapa Jillo population out of Gogg, several million Hapa Jillos remained behind, scattered throughout the galaxy. Because they were not accepted by society, many turned to lives of crime, including racketeering, money laundering, and running illegal gambling operations. Some of the small operations grew so prosperous that they literally took over planets like Tilo. Before the Nicolson Family realised what was happening, it was too late. The casinos had become a fixture in certain areas and could not be removed.

Typically, whenever Dred tried to shut down a casino, local political leaders and business owners would become so furious that they often threatened a revolt. Dred decided his next best option was containment. That is why gambling has been restricted to one or two planets on each system. In Kukubia, that planet is Tilo. If someone wants to gamble, they must travel to Tilo. In fact, gambling has become such a vital part of Tilo's economy that it accounts for 80% of the planet's revenue.

However, even on Tilo, gambling is regulated. No one is allowed to gamble more than 5% of their total cash in one week. This was Dred's latest effort to curb gambling and gradually erode the power of the Hapa Jillo Syndicate.



It's a casino. It's pure luck. You've got a 50/50 chance.



What the description doesn't tell you is that you can play consecutively, going double or nothing on your winnings. I have no idea if there's a limit to how many times you can do this because I always lose.

I usually don't bother with Tilo. There are more useful planets, though I'm sure it'd be funny to let another player hit 999,000 kubars and then pull a win out of your ass by gambling.



Funny and very improbable.

(casino dealer is q'zad-tezslat)







HISTORY OF ZILE
Zile was colonised in 430 B.B. by a notorious pirate clan from Outer Glosser. The leader of the clan, Bro Nap Goodshark, was an unscrupulous smuggler who dealt primarily in weapons and Agmal Juice. The Imperial Government was hot on his trail, and he knew if he didn't leave Outer Glosser soon, the government would catch and hang him. Zile seemed to be the perfect place to hide out and set up a new operation.

Officially, the Kukubian system was still outside the New Realm. Only two small colonies had been established inside Kukubia. When Bro Nap Goodshark landed on Zile, he quickly cut a deal with the local inhabitants, the Fez Fa Fa, a group of scab-ridden, green and yellow orifices with an appetite for animal flesh. Bro Nap agreed to feed the Fez Fa Fa live humans and other choice creatures if they left him and his clan alone.

Ever hungry for fresh flesh, the Fez Fa Fa agreed. Bro Nap and his motley pirates hunted down defenceless cargo ships, stole their goods, and took the crews back to Zile as Fez Fa Fa food. For the next 80 tyears, Bro Nap and his pirate clan operated with impunity, attacking thousands of merchant ships.

At the time, the New Realm was engaged in an all-out war with the Hapa Jillos from the Galaxy of Pata Pata Pita and could not spare the resources to go after Bro Nap. However, as soon as the Great Bass Nicolson (Emperor Dred's grandfather) defeated the Hapa Jillos, he focused all his attention on the internal problems of Gogg. Bass Nicolson moved to expand the New Realm to include outlying territories like Kukubia.

His goal was to guarantee safety and prosperity to all inhabitants of the galaxy. In 349 B.B. Bass Nicolson's forces came head to head with Bro Nap's pirates in a bloody 8-year war. The turning point was when the Fez Fa Fa broke off their alliance with Bro Nap and joined with the forces of Bass Nicolson to drive the pirates from Zile.

After Bro Nap was killed defending his hoard of treasure, his clan split apart, and its members fled in all directions. With Bass Nicolson's help, the Fez Fa Fa were moved to sanctuaries and fed a constant diet of livestock. Today they are considered relatively harmless, except for the occasional tourist who disappears around special Fez Fa Fa holidays.

Under the new laws, only government ships were allowed to operate inside Kukubia. Old merchant families like Mr. Zinn's were permitted to set up businesses on each planet, but they were forbidden from owning or operating spacecraft of any kind. This was necessary to keep control over the system and prevent the re-emergence of pirate activity. It is only recently that Dred Nicolson opened up Kukubia to limited trade.

Your company and a few other small trading firms are the first ones to be permitted to operate freely within the Colonies. In order to prevent any one company from monopolising the market, the Trader's Union has limited the amount Mr. Zinn and the other wealthy merchant families are allowed to invest. Because of these restrictions, you and your competitors stand a good chance to make big bucks and expand within the growing Kukubian economies.



Much like Stye, Zile's special is most useful at the beginning of the game. Also, like Stye, he'll either reduce your interest rate, forgive part of your debt, or increase your credit limit.

That's if he decides to help you.

If he doesn't, brace yourself. He may raise your interest rate or force you to pay back a portion of your loan immediately, which could potentially kill your game before it even starts.

I tend not to use Zile, but that's mostly because the theme tune is the same music you hear if you go bankrupt and it's depressing.