Part 34: Why the hell else would we be so damned near each other?

It's festival day! Let's talk to the sad and dateless.



...But if he meets this Hemble guy, I think Ryudo's strength may come into play.

Yeah, I'm going to have to rely on my strength when we meet up with Hemble.

Hee hee. The ever-dependable Ryudo! So, anyway, you wanted to ask me something? Hey, why are you crying?

Today's theme: making grown men cry.



Bu-but, we are NOT on a date... It is just that we are in a rather complicated situation. Neither of us have much choice.

Woman: Oh, it's OK. Don't worry about me. Festivals are for couples. Go have my share of the fun, too.

Woman: It's hard going to a festival alone. I'm envious of you two lovebirds.

Wait! We're not involved that way! We're just... kind of...

Hey, Elena. Why don't we just avoid all this awkwardness by pretending to be a couple?

Oh... but that is too embarrassing.



What? No we are NOT! He and I are NOT here on a date... Ryudo, he is my... my...

Umm, her date, actually. Yeah, and we're gonna smooch ALL over town.

I prefer Ryudo's approach to this plan.

...Heh. What's the matter, Elena? You're blushing.



Me? Same old, same old. What are YOU guys up to is the burning question. Why are you just hanging around here?

Don't worry about us. We're setting up some tricks that will make your jaw hit the floor. Just give us some prep time.

Right now, Carpaccio and Risotto are hauling some cargo over from the harbor. After that, we'll put on our special show.

Yep, these guys are back. You could easily go the entire game without meeting them again after Agear, but they do travel!



Oh... Risotto? Wow, and I thought we lost you back in Agear... You've come to Cyrum as well, I see.

Ha ha ha! Yeah. Long time no see to you all. Uh... who is you guys again?

In the interest of brevity, allow me to summarize what happened to their cargo: Risotto dropped the fireworks he was carrying and Carpaccio's pipe lit them on fire. Slapstick doesn't really work in writing, I feel. Let's head to the festival grounds proper.



Ooh, now THAT sounds like a marketable skill...

Girl: Hee hee, OK, here we go! A-hem! Here is the secret, the key method, for catching goldfish!

Girl: Ready? The secret for catching goldfish is... to smile!!

Girl: That's right, smile! These Cyrum goldfish, they just love to have fun, and if they see you smiling, they'll let you catch 'em!

Huh? You can't be serious...



My, what beautiful fabrics! Bandanas... scarves... vests... Oh, look! I wonder what this bag holds...

Huh? A flute? Looks rather trashed... I don't think it's for sale.

Oh, that's my flute bag! I was wondering where it was. Sorry, it got mixed in with the merchandise!

Lady, how about buying some ribbon? If you dance with this ribbon fluttering behind you, you'll look so beautiful!

Heh. It is pretty... Get it, Elena. It'll definitely look good on you.

Oh... Well, if you say so, Ryudo... Huh? This sure is a long ribbon!

Yep! It's best to have a ribbon that's about twice the length of your tail.



Wow, you have all kinds of fruit there... that one there... is that really edible?

Fruit Dealer: Sure it is! You can eat 'em! They won't hurt you! Whaddaya say? Give one a try!

Fruit we can buy includes:

Fruit Dealer: Oh! These are called love berries! A mouthful of these'll make you amorous♥ What do you say, you two?

Uh... Well... I really do not think so...

No thanks! We don't need 'em. What kind of stuff are you selling, anyway? Is it really fruit...?

In addition:

Fruit Dealer: Welcome back!! This one's called "mindful melon!" It works great on scatterbrained people!

Hey, that's a good one! Elena, you should load up on that. He said it's good for space cases like you!

Cut it out, Ryudo! How could you say such a thing!? I am not scatterbrained... Am I?



Well. Um. I would, but I don't seem to be able to get him to say anything else. Below is his dialogue as transcribed from some Youtube LP, because damned if I'm playing up to here on the Dreamcast version just for this:

Fortune Teller: OK. Here we go... And... That's it! I can see it. Yes, I can see it. Your fortune is...

Fortune Teller: Oh! There will be a rival in your love life. I see a suspicious character who wants to split you two apart!

You're way off. We're not romantically involved anyway. Right, Elena?

Oh... uh... Ye... Yes, right.

Bug Count: 23



...Ryudo, am I exhausted and imagining things? I think I just saw him eat that note paper.

No, I think maybe it's the old guy that's gone completely nuts. Hey, geezer... are you doing alright?

Elder of Yam: Heh heh heh. By the way you're talking, I guess you young folks've never seen this Yam product before. It's edible paper!

Elder of Yam: We of the Yam, philosophy is our business, so we like to keep paper on hand at all times. So we came up with this edible paper.

Elder of Yam: Of course, it's best to have when we're on the move. Paper starts to weigh a lot, and gets kind of bulky.

That's great and all, until you end up eating ordinary paper...

Okay, I'm gonna draw back the veil of the covert editing I do to talk about just how much I changed this dialogue - firstly, their tribe is randomly referred to as Yam or Yamu. I went with Yam because that's what's in the text box, but it still sounded a little off without further edits. To add to that, the line about paper being bulky is actually said by Skye in-game, despite it making a lot more sense if it's still the Elder talking.

I might have an overthinking problem.



Goldfish Woman: It's very simple: you use this special fishing line to catch goldfish in the tank. We've got great prizes for good catches!



Millenia. Millenia stop breaking the user interface. Millenia what is your deal. Bug Count: 24

Goldfish Lady: Want to try, mister? Just take this fishing line. OK, good luck♥

Ryudo, do you remember what that girl said a while ago? The trick is to smile at the fish...

Oh, right... Uh, like this?

Damn! The goldfish got away...

Goldfish Lady: Hee hee. That's too bad. Seems like you knew the trick, but your smile scared them away!

Goldfish Lady: How about you, young lady? Give it a try? Just hold the line like this. OK. Good luck!

Elena, smile!

Ok, Skye. Leave it to me! ... Smile like this, eh? Hey! I caught one!

Goldfish Lady: Very good!! This young lady knows how to catch goldfish! Here you go, a prize for you!








i give you three fucking guesses



I don't talk to no one without a proper introduction.

Ryudo and Elena turn around.

Look, we should do what the guy at the inn said and act like a corny, schmaltzy couple. You know, hold hands and giggle and stuff.

I-I-I-I can't do that! I am a servant of Lord Granas! I cannot do such things!

Because Granas wouldn't like it, or because you're a lousy actor? C'mon, the POPE is asking you here - we need to find the sword.

Y-y-y-yes, you're right. It- it IS for everyone's sake... oh well, OK...



Oh, so you two really are a couple?

Sure. We're smiling. We're holding hands. Why the hell else would we be so damned near each other?

Ha ha. I like it. So what do you want to hear about? Come into the tent.



M- me?

So what do you see in this guy!? Obviously, you don't know how to pick a MAN. You have SUCH bad taste!

Ryudo, he...

Careful, Elena...

He may be somewhat good looking, but why would you pick a BOY who would lose to someone as... marvelous as me?

I refuse to comment on Hemble's character on the grounds that COME ON

Weak men are worthless. I, on the other hand...



Tsk, tsk. And what a temper! I can't believe you'd hang around with a boy like THIS! He's no good for you. No good at all.

Ryudo would not lose to you, you... PIG!

Is that so, my dear? Well then, we will have to find out, now won't we?

The game is arm wrestling. Your strength against mine. And to make it interesting, if I win, I keep your parrot.

Ryudo, you can't lose to this jerk!

Not planning on it.


(strangely enough, what plays here is the battle music from the first game. I'm sorry, did I say plays? I meant completely fails to play. Bug Count: 25)



To win at arm wrestling, you basically tap R enough to keep your Power just above Hemble's and occasionally mash A to recover your Endurance. As you might guess, the bars aren't supposed to be mostly covering up the words 'Power' and 'Endurance', but, well, Bug Count: 26.

We'll come back to arm wrestling later, when it's optional, difficult and full of prizes. Right now, though:

Try harder, little man. Your parrot will soon be mine!

Mister Hemble, your... uh... nose hairs are sticking out.

Ach! This cannot be! My mirror! Where is my mirror?

Ryudo promptly slams him. You can actually put down the controller as soon as the bell rings and still win.





Horrible! Horrible! And I was going to teach the parrot to tell me how wonderfully magnificent I am!

Just tell us about the Divine Sword.

Huh? I don't know anything about it...

i am going to dismantle that innkeeper

Now he tells us. This was a complete waste of time.

What could we have been thinking...?



Shaddup, princess. At least I wasn't enjoying it. Bet your church would just LOVE to hear about you, though.

Ahem. I must have been mistaken.

Ah, but he was just so funny! Ryudo, I think I am having too much fun.

I'm tired... hee hee.

I saw a drink stand back there. I'll go get us something to drink.



Juice, please.

Juice Lady: Heh heh. Your girlfriend looks worn out. We've got four types to choose from.

"Love Potion Mix?"

Hmmm, which one... What is that?

Juice Lady: Oh, heh heh. The effect is doubled if you both drink it! Go for it! ... Here you are♥

What the hell do you mean by that?! I don't want it after all.

Juice Lady: You don't!? ...Oh. OK, then. Couples like you guys don't need it, eh? Now I see why Hemble recognized you.

...Whatever. Listen, I just want a plain, honest drink, got it?



Juice Lady: If you drink this, your strength increases 100-fold! It's a hot and super-spicy drink. Be a real strongman for your girl, eh? ♥

...Is it that thick red drink in the back? The bubbly one with the awful smell that's making my nose tingle?

Juice Lady: Yep, that's it! Drink that, and you won't feel tired at all! Wanna try it?

No, I'd like juice. Just plain juice!

"Flower Water!?"

... This one? No, how about... Maybe... No, don't tell me...

Juice Lady: Are you surprised? This juice is squeezed from flowers that are grown using our country's pure, fresh water.

Juice Lady: We mix the flower juice with honey. Flower water is very easy to drink! Still an experiment, but the flavor isn't!

... Experiment or not, I'll pass on the "flower water."



What we actually want is the fourth, unlabeled option.

Juice Lady: Mmmmm!! This one's great! Yeah! I'll take one of these! A good, honest name, too: Cyrum's Famous Palm Juice!

Juice Lady: The refreshing juice of the Cyrum Palm. Perfect for your girl, tired from her date♥ This is regular juice, so don't worry!

It sure seems stupid to keep your regular juice hidden away... Whatever. Thanks.

Good news: Ryudo and Elena's vaguely adorable but mostly tedious date is over. Bad news:



MUSIC: Silence

Mi- Millenia?



Aw, gee. It's just that you and Elena are getting along so well.

I just can't stand being left out! All eyes on me! Yooooohooo!





Ah, is that juice? I want some! Goooh, gimme, gimme!

I told you to stop embarrassing me in public. Let go of me!



Eh? What's up with you today? You feeling okay?

Let me come along, won't you...? Just for a teensy-weensy, little bit...

Fine... I guess it'd be okay...

We can now take Millenia around to see the festival attractions. Short version: She scares the fish, is humorously enraged by the suggestion that she should eat a fruit that mellows people out, gets a prediction of danger from the fortune teller and shares a surprisingly touching moment with Ryudo when he lets one of the Yam tribe write about the two of them.



Hey! Where you going, Millenia?

She runs off to listen to the Mau tribe's music and watch them dance. I think this indicates that LIVE!LIVE!!LIVE!!! is supposed to be diegetic music, but after dealing with Hemble I don't trust my judgment on anything anymore.

I think I like living like a human. I've never heard a song like this, Ryudo. It's so... so... what's the opposite of chaotic?



MUSIC: Silence

I really enjoyed your song. And your dance too.

Everybody knows this song. When I sing, people cheer up. That's how I make people happy, Miss - with music!

It was very nice.



Oh, no. I completely forgot to get information... See, there was, like, a big crowd...

That is not the problem! Right now there is trouble in the castle! Quickly, we must go there!

How do we get in?

Don't worry. We can take the waterway around and get into the castle from the rear gate.

Doesn't sound too difficult.

I do not want to be seen. Please, hurry. The boat is over here!



Next time: Everyone's favorite part of video games.

Official Art: St. Heim & Cyrum NPCs