Half Life 2

Part 43

welcome back to another episode of half equals life colon two. today we'll be fighting the gonarch! lets see if i can go this entire update without making any reference to testicles or the scrotum in any way. anyways as you can see here i am attempting to kill the gonarch with the shotgun

however such a feat is clearly impossible. you stand no chance using normal weapons like the shotgun or machine gun. you have to immediately switch to something with heavier firepower like the rocket launcher or gauss gun

there's no real "strategy" to this boss besides "run around and hit the obvious weakpoint" but I can give you a few tips.

TIP #1: Do not under any circumstances use any weapons besides the rocket launcher, gauss gun, or some other kind of explosives. Maybe the crossbow, but seriously just stick with the powerful weapons.

TIP #2: Stay the FUCK away from the gonarch at all times. Stay as far away as possible. i mean shit, dog, you're using GUNS. you don't need to be close. IT needs to be close to hit you and use its semen attack. it will probably try and charge at you but evading it is ridiculously easy with the longjump + low gravity

TIP #3: these little baby headcrabs are ANNOYING AS FUCK

anyways after you've done enough damage to it the gonarch will retreat towards this cave. it will destroy a couple of those weird wall things. these ones were invincible so you need to trigger this scripted event to move on

it runs really fast but its not too hard to keep up with using the longjump.

how did this asshole make it so far already? jesus he doesnt even have a gun. he must have been badass

well eventually i reach the second area, and boy is it retarded

heres a quick overlook of the area. the tunnel i just came from up at the top

over to the left we see a cave blocked off by one of these weird webbing things. i have to damage the gonarch to advance like the last area

and over here in the center of the room is another one of those webbing things. this looks IDENTICAL to the ones blocking you off, and the gonarch can walk on it. so obviously it would make sense to be able to walk on it, right?

WRONG. apparently halflife thinks it would make more sense for you to be able to fall down through the webbing and almost definitely die. however once you actually know you can fall through it you can land on one of these rocks or watever.

there's a bunch of megagay respawning headcrabs down here

seriously, how are these assholes getting so far?

anyways to get out of this hole you get to use one of those weird launcher things from a while ago

so now what do you do?

the exact same thing AGAIN. just keep shooting it's weakpoint until it decides to break down the web thing and move on

scripted events can suck my balls

it jumps down this hole here. whats gay here is if you jump down you take a bunch of fall damage, you have to jump on little ledges and slowly work your way down. what a gay.

here's the third and thankfully last area of the gonarch fight. he stands on some webbing and you drop down a bit below him and continue to shoot his weakpoint. it's exactly the same again.

so these weird things coming out of the ground here look innocent enough. i mean yeah they look like just another piece of the scenery here on Xen. you probably wouldnt give this a second glance, right?

well these things KILL THE SHIT OUT OF YOU if you get anywhere near them, kind of like those giant shit worms from earlier

other than avoiding those things this fight is basically just the same as before.

in fact it's RETARDEDLY easy since he can't do ANYTHING to you except run around in a circle like a retard and spew that jizz from his head. the only part that makes this annoying is that there are always like ten of those stupid baby headcrabs biting your ass, but once you realize they do practically zero damage it's better to just ignore them

the most interesting thing that might happen during this fight is you run out of rocket ammo and have to switch to the gauss gun.

so eventually the webbing breaks and the gonarch drops down into the pit with you. at this point your probably like "oh shit son, its time to get serious. theres no where to run now. lets do this, bitch"

however the gonarch almost immediately walks over to this corner and just falls over and dies.

and explodes.

which leaves this huge hole in the ground. now i rarely say this and actually mean it but i fucking hated this. this whole chapter was boring and stupid. i cant believe someone at valve actually approved this as a quality fun boss fight. what a joke.

anyways down here is a convienently placed portal leading to the next area

this is the last chapter not including the final boss fight. we're almost done, folks.

when i first arrived at Xen i was so happy to be away from the boring grey walls of Black Mesa where everything looked the same, but somehow this just looks so bland and boring. congratulations valve you have managed to make a strange alien world seem monotonous.