Part 44

sup dogs. after searching for around 35 minutes i find this cave on the back of a rock, so i guess thats where i go next


there's green and purple lights in here. that's way too colorful and colors are gay


there's plenty of these gays here too. their bodies dissappear shortly after killing them so it's a pain in the ass to get pictures like this


look at this picture and tell me where you think i have to go next


if you said down the small, easy to miss hole on the right you are correct!


so i'm in this really cramped really gay (extra gay actually) cave thing with some fruity crystals


seriously, dog. what's with all these gay ass crystals?


the best part of this is that the game actually makes you wade around in shit, because if this weird brown liquid isn't shit then I don't know what the fuck it is.


whats with all these caves, dog? i thought i was playin half-life2 not cave stroy


jesus this room is the worst. barnacles? headcrabs? and... oh no


BULLSQUUUID!!!


i dont even know why im taking pictures anymore, all these rooms look the same. anyways i step into that crevice or whatever.


holy shit! i can fly, dog!


no wait, im just being lifted up by one of these spikes.


so i gotta jump down on these floating platforms, so basically it's like the same shit i had to do when i first arrived in Xen


only now i have a bunch of babies shooting fireballs at me while im tryin to do it


come on you bitches, bring it! BRING IT! YOU THINK I HAVE ANY QUALMS ABOUT MURDERING BABIES???


the actual jumping isn't too hard now that your used to the gravity and better with the long jump


and i guess the game realized that because they made everything move a hell of a lot faster


stop movin around so much god damnit!


fuck! this isnt the first or the last time this happens


so i kinda want to get to that glowy thing over there which I GUESS is a teleporter even though it looks completely different from every other teleporter ive seen up until now. but then again this IS Xen. but its too far away and there arent any platforms anywhere near it


except those stupid manta rays (manta gays more like) but the game wouldnt be stupid enough to make me jump on them, right?


right?


this is SO stupid.


so yeah, i mean i GUESS this is a teleporter. its not green and it's not a sphere like all the other teleporters but whatever, you know, its all good i guess.


which takes me here. some other cave. oh boy


these guys are starting to piss me off


ah fuck.


god damnit. i hate these guys! fuck!


well at least i dont have to deal with them at the moment. right now i have to take care of a bunch of retard aliens who are too busy jacking off to notice me


eat shit and die


i hate these guys so much. good thing theyre all easy as shit, right?


oh god. oh fuck. jesus christ. not another one of these guys. I'm screwed. IM SCREWED, MAN! GAME OVER!


wait why am i scared of this fag? BE GONE YOU OVERGROWN TESTICLE!


THATS RIGHT RUN BITCH RUN


yeah, blow up like a BITCH


yea bitch you like taht


fuck you bitches. im not scared of you!


okay, well, maybe a little. good thing i know your weakness


SSSSSSNNNNAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


they actually make pretty good distractions


nothing wrong with the tried and true grenade method though


fuck you faggot aliens, i just dealt with a big blue guy and a ton of shit worms. you dont scare me


heres another teleporter which takes me too..


whoa. this place is pretty creepy. reminds me of darkseed kind of.


what the hell is this, an alien factory? like a factory where they make aliens?


soylent green is vortigaunts!


i kill some faggot who was dicking around in some weird tube thing


whoa its like a healing tube. it works basically the same as those healing puddles or whatever from earlier. haha thats right slap me all you want you vortigaunt bitch it doesnt make a bit of difference


im not really sure where to go so i guess ill just ride this conveyer belt


shits!


well it dumped me off in some other part of the factory


jesus i get it theres a bunch of you fagboys in here. im tired of fighting you just let me through


i seriously hate these things


i cant even think of anything to say anymore. im burnt out on alien insults


as if this stupid factory (more like FUCKtory haha I should stop doing this) wasn't horrid enough they make me do some jumping puzzle bullshit


and then, um, a hallway?


jesus valve you can make walking down a hallway annoying


so basically i have to jump onto this potato here


this is horrible. it takes me like a hundred attempts until i realize i need to longjump while looking at the ground to get up higher. fucking ridiculous


so heres this room. im sorry this is turning into another one of those "so i walk in here and kill him and walk here" LPs but holy shit your not giving me much of a choice, valve.


i have to go in these weird looking red vents


its really dark and really red in here. im not sure why little cotton balls are floating around


so i have to fall down this chute but i have to do it by weaving in and out of these rods. why are there rods like this in an air vent? is this an air vent? who the fuck knows


well that was a hoot and a holler


more factory


this is so gay. i have to ride these spinny platforms up to the next level


the way they spin... so gay! why would you ever build a spinning elevator? that's terrible


trust me, game, you dont need to spin me around to make me sick


how do you die RIGHT NEXT to three health packs? that's so stupid, dog.


more spinny platforms.


whee.


i guess that spinny portal thing up there is where i need to go next


is that even a portal? it's hard to tell


considering this is Xen i wouldnt be surprised if jumping in there killed me. but whatever, i do it anyways


the screen flashes green so i guess that means it is a teleporter.


which takes me here. some weird room in the middle in nowhere it looks like.


all that pointless jumping is causing me to have black mesa flashbacks.


so here we are. through that portal is the last area in the game


are you ready for the space jam?


i jump in and the screen flashes red. although its more like a magenta color. so i should really say the screen flashed magenta.


stay tuned for the FINAL UPDATE coming up next time


here's a fun fact you might not know: if you save in that room with the big red portal it counts as a save in the "Xen" chapter for some reason