Part 26: Polite conversation and the places it can get you

Alas, the LP curse hits yet A-FRIGGIN-GAIN. Update's here, no worries about that, but my scanner's on the fritz. If I can get it up again there'll be two character art thingies next week, but for today just the juicy delicious update. Sorry, chaps.

Update #25: Polite conversation and the places it can get you


Our heroes as we left them: In the middle of a campfull of Drow.

Hey, Pip?
What's up, Krusky?
Don't call me that. Anyway, I was wondering what that fellow told you to write in your journal.
Weird that he had to have you write it all down in secret instead of just TELLING us.
Yeah sure, here you go.



That's all rather absurd.
What if Urggzob is a clone?
As smoothly as that might explain your various defects, I shudder at the thought of TWO of you.
Urggzob could not let a clone run free. There can be only one.
And thank the gods for that. Let's just go.


The camp opens up into our favorite: Lots of caves. Still, we venture forth, immediately running across some merchants.


These guys have some pretty good gear, including but not limited to this puppy:



He he he. Urggzob will take it.
What? Urggzob, you get hit more than the rest of us combined. The last thing we need is you exploding every few minutes.
How would it be any worse than a routine encounter? I mean, Napalm does his best to cook all of us several times a day.
Oh, come on. If I was trying my BEST I'd certainly have fewer of you as lackeys.
Man...no matter where this conversation is going, all I can hear is "YOU GONNA GET BUUUURNED" going through my head.
We could all just stay away from Urggzob.
Sure -- but how well can Urggzob stay away from YOU?
Marty, Pip...get your healing spells ready.
Right.



Fits nice. Feels toasty.
Smashing good look. Never mind all these fire-haters.

Right before our transactions are finished, Napalm springs into his usual tactful action.



DAMMIT, man! We were just here to buy some things!
He was being decidedly too sassy. I simply do not need to put up with that.
Yeah you do; Cloberella and Kruskrak both sass you pretty often.
Hush.
Umm...they ARE attacking us. Presently.
Right then. Urggzob?
CRUSH PARTY!



_{Dash it all. Again with the bubble?}
They WERE stabbing you. Repeatedly.
With gusto, even!
They certainly looked like they were having a blast.
_{Fine fine fine. Let me know when this little altercation is all done with.}


Not before Kruskrak manages to electrocute the whole party.

Aiee! My precious, precious nerve endings!
Hah! It tickles Urggzob!
Heavens, didn't mean that.
At least it doesn't KEEP hurting, like fire does.




_{Well done. Make with the looting, and then we'll be on our way.}
You're in a fine spot to be giving orders.
_{I am indeed. More looty, less talky.}



Ooh, they look pretty decent. You gonna wear those, Krusky?
No, I'm actually rather fond of my rags.
I'm honestly not sure how I'd feel if Kruskrak DIDN'T look like some sort of repulsive hobo.
This ring, though...



Yes indeed, I'll be taking that.


Deja vu. Once again, we make ready to start our noble quest of once again commiting genocide aganist a certain type of monster.

But first, we wind up wandering into a mushroom forest.


Preeetty!
Oh my word. I don't feel well all of a sudden.
That's normal at first, man. Take it easy.
Urggzob has funny feelings.
Yeah, that too.
You seem oddly comfortable.
This is the closest to home I've been in months.



Good lord! Man-squid-head!
Minotaurs! Minotaurs and colors!
I'm REALLY liking the texture of this cave right now. How alarming.



I...I think I agreed to do something for a man with an octopus for a head.
If I had a gold piece for every time that happened, man, I'd be rich. Let's keep going.
The mushrooms! The mushrooms are turning on us!
Okay, don't panic. Take deep breaths, try to find something to focus on, and you'll be right as rain in no time.
He means literally.



Oh. THAT'S a new one.
Urggzob CRUSH strangely malicous hallucinations! Waaaargh!

Some hours later, the party wakes up in front of some strangely elaborate doors.


My head hurts.
Where are we? Was it all a dream?
Could be worse, dudes. Heck, we all have our pants on, so chances are nothing TOO awful happened.
I don't have pants.
Hm. You may want to see a doctor, then.
You're the closest thing to a doctor we've got, Marty.
In that case, uh oh.
What?
Nevermind. Hey, let's go!


Some ways off, we run into some Driders for the first time.

Eeeek!
Come on now, let's not be rude.

Here Napalm demonstrates that he has two outstanding talents besides burning things: A silver tongue...

And the ability to completely disregard it.



I know what you're all thinking right about now, but you have to agree: They're bloody hideous looking.
That's besides the point.
Let's just keep going. And Napalm? No more talking.
Fie on you all, then.


We're set upon by shadow drakes for some incomprehensible reason...

Hoo-ha!


...but Urggzob kills the hell out of both of them.

Take THAT, out-of-place fauna!
Urggzob, how do you even KNOW that word?
Urggzob is ten zoologis--
Forget I asked.

Winding our way back to the camp to rest and restock, we come across these lovelies.


Eek, ambush!
Pah, nothing Napalm company can't handle!
...what did you just call us?



_{Bollocks. This bubble thing is becoming distressingly routine.}
Perhaps if you didn't insist on leading from the front, this wouldn't happen so often.
_{Perish the thought!}

We find this among the ill-fated assassins.


Hm. If no one else minds, I'll take this too.
Oh man, you're gonna look FAR OUT.



I think I'm going to be ill if I keep looking at you, Krusky.
As though there was anything of note to really look at.
Thanks there, chief. The ol' ego really appreciates it.


Venturing east, we find more driders. They attack without giving us chance to be insulting, however.

Uncultured bastards!

Soon, we make our way to this room.


And IN said room:


Tyr's tears. I guess insufferable long-windedness runs in the family.
See how much easier life can be when we DON'T let you talk, though?
Urggzob likes when Fire Man gets party into fights.
We still outvote you, dudes.
Urggzob is ten votes.
You know...I'm not about to argue with that one.


And so, she vanishes to her fate. For now, we've got a cave to explore.

Do...do you guys hear that horrible noise?
Indeed. Let's go see what it's all about.



Now THIS is just repulsive.
I REALLY want to be sick right about now.
And I really want to set some things on fire right about now. Guess who gets their wish?
Boo.



Blood! Chaos! Frustration!
Wait, what?
Urggzob CANNOT MOVE!
I THOUGHT this fight was taking an absurdly long time.



All's well that ends well, at least. Let's be off.
_{Don't leeeeeeeave meeee!}
What? Oh, bother. Kruskrak, go fetch Marty, would you?
Truly I live at your beck and call.
You and your sarcasm. Fine, BE a sassy hobo. See if I care.
Oh oh oh EEEEEEEWWWW!




Ew indeed.
Can we leave now?
We're heroes, Pip. That's just not an option.