Part 27: Transmuters and the Spider monstrosities that love them
I've FIGURED OUT what's keeping my scanner from working, but have not rectified the problem. Cat chewed through a cable. When I can run out and buy a replacement, you'll get juicy, juicy bonus pictures again.
Update #26: Transmuters and the Spider monstrosities that love them
So when we were last with our team, they'd found a horrible blob creature and were dead set on destroying it. Sort of dead set. Bitterly resigned, at least.
Napalm, what the hell was that hero comment all about?
What? Don't you belive me? I know you. Of course I don't believe you. Fine fine, consider this: Who makes more money and gets more women than a hero?
A world-famous bard?
A transmuter who can just make money and women?
Urggzob, after he crushes more than one hero and takes them?
Most crime bosses? Hell with you all. I'd rub it in some more, but it looks like we've got some driders to mutilate.
I'll be happy when we get out of here and stop having to fight giant evil spider elves. You're criminally short on attention span, Pip. It doesn't take a whole lot to make you happy. BIG spiders need BIGGER crushy boots! HA ha! I think Urggzob has an easier time of it than I do.
I wouldn't mind the monstrosities so much if they'd at least drop some blasted treasure. Man, any treasure is blasted once you've had your way with it. Silence.Moving ever onward, we come across this area. Full of golems and caged driders, but nothing hostile. Yet.
Looks like some kind of lab. How can you tell? I studied alchemy for a while, and came across a few labs that look like this one. So you don't just look like a hobo, you worked in a hovel too? Sigh.
Wait a damn minute. Punchy lady is upset. Napalm, you just made it through a conversation without pissing someone off. How does that even work? Law of averages. HODAMN, mushrooms!
Urggzob will fell mushrooms like they were mushroom-shaped trees that were actually men-shaped mushrooms! You lost me. CRUSH. Aha. Gotcha.And so he does. On the corpses, though, we find some rather interesting booty...
My word. I do believe this is what I agreed to fetch for that horrible squid-headed hallucination a while back. One sec, I have to try something. Marty, wear this around your neck for a moment. I'm cautious but still exceedingly trusting. Why not.
A bit heavy, but-- What isn't, noodles? Hey now, that was--whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. What's going on? It's happening again.
NO MORE SECRETS! DAMN YOU, UNIVERSE! I see, I see. This is like that soul-wrenching potion you made him drink earlier, isn't it? Essentially. My god, what if all colors are really just a whimsical mis-interpretation of messages the gods are sending us? We may not even exist! It's reversible this time, at least. Color bees! That's it, we have to find them! Fascinating.Marty's freakouts notwithstanding, we go back just a bit to ransack that wizard's lab.
Urggzob does not contaminate reagents. Right right right, you crush them. We get it. Silly lady. That is what a mortar and pestle are for. You just got told what by Urggzob, Clobberella. How does that feel, exactly? Sod off. Maybe she won't mind if I read her notes...
I don't think she likes that, Kruskrak. Nonsense, I-- Look up, man.
Oh my. Sorry, folks. Has anyone else noticed that "Kruskrak trying to learn things" gets us in almost as much trouble as "Me telling people how truly pitiful and useless they really are" does? An ANGRY walrus! They wouldn't expect it! You did say that was reversible, right? Yeah.
Astonishing, you didn't put ME in the bubble for once. Needs must. I like bubble. It's pretty. One more good hit! Urggzob CRUSH spider!
Good gods! It's full of smaller spiders! Boo spiders, yay bubble! No matter.
Burning everywhere! Again! Damn you to the pits, Napalm. NICE and toasty! Marty, did I fix you? My world is suffering and pain. I've been stabbed, shot, burned, shocked, poisoned, bludgeoned, kicked, bitten, clobbered, and psychologically altered more on this trip than any man ever should be. But yes, I'm here. Stiff upper lip, chap. Does a man proud to see his cohorts enduring like that. If I ever get home I'm never going outside again.
At least the spiders, most of the golems, and that transmuter wench are dead. Let's look around a bit, now that she won't be trying to stop us from trespassing.
You're gonna stick with your hobo rags, aren't you? No, I think I'll be using this one. What what WHAAAAT?
It still has a bunch of holes, Pip. This is a bold new direction, Kruskrak. Next thing we know you'll be talking to women and bathing of your own initiative. Good to know I've always got your vote of confidence. Anyways, I'm going to mix up a potion to do away with this drider problem.
Here, toss this in it. Repulsive, but here we go.
Urggzob wished it crushed more than that. That was easy, wasn't it? Almost too easy. Before we go, I want to check out that other golem...
Hah, still got it. Gentlemen and Clobberella, behold our new servant. Ours? Well, mine, technically.
Is meaty. A flesh golem? Kruskrak, this answers so many questions I've had about you. It needs a name! Not so much, it doesn-- Let's call it Sigmund! It's never easy with you people. See what I deal with? Get your meat puppet and let's go.
Meat man will leave crushing to Urggzob! Shoo, shoo! Could you maybe train it not to YELL all the time?
Not so much, no. There's that squid-headed fellow again. Was he not a hallucination, then?
Why wouldn't you give it to him? I'm afraid what'll happen to Marty if we take that thing off. Stay away from my brain meats! Yeah.
Damn, squiddo got away. Well, let's go get our just rewards for doing someone else's scut work again, at least.
I do have one question-- What's going on?
Hah! Girly black elves disappear at the sight of Urggzob! Yes, that's exactly it.