Part 34: Dragon's Eye Caramba, part 1
Huzzah!
Update #33: Dragon's Eye Caramba, part 1
Our band of merry men (and Pip) make to leave Kuldahar, venturing to Dragon's Eye and their eventual destiny.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Man, it's good to be on the road again. It feels like we've been standing around here for two weeks!
You're not supposed to notice that.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
All I know is that Urggzob should be happy. If our info is right, we've got a whole load of killin' ahead of us.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Urggzob will take as many loads of killin' as the bad guys are willing to deliver.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Actually, I think we're
delivering the killin', not taking it.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
I hope so. I'm not over fond of being killed.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Words words
words! Urggzob cares not for words, unless they start with S, which makes them swords which are for killing!
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
There's a perverse logic to that.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Kinda like my favorite mile to walk is the one between two Ss!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
I think I just got a cavity. And super-diabetes.
Err...yeah. We're off. For reals.
![](9-3.jpg)
Naturally, a fight greets us.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Ice lizards! With sticks! A good start!
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Hmh. Frost salamanders? Isn't that like "jumbo shrimp"?
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Well, while the name is in some respects an oxymoron, you have to remember that it's just a colloquial title given to them because of their resemblance to "normal" salamanders. In reality, they're an entirely different--
You may be reading too much into this, man.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
I do that. More often than not.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Pah, they died
too easy. Where is the next group?
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Across the bridge? The only bridge around here, and the only path we can take?
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Huh? Oh, look out. Fire arrows.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Is it me or are the traps becoming more frequent and less threatening?
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
No, they're pretty much harmless any more. Good thing, too, considering how often we just waltz through them.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
THERE is one Urggzob wants to kill! How dare she say Urggzob's grave will be shallow!
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Lord knows when we bury you it's going to be thirty feet deep and full of cement. The last thing I need to worry about in my twilight years is zombie Urggzob coming to haunt me.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Hee. Haunt crushings.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Think of it! If he's a zombie, he'll have more interest in brains than ever before!
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Oh, come on. If he ever loses all his limbs in a tragic accident maybe I can get the chance to school him.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
If Urggzob loses all his limbs he still has a FACE to crush with, and teeth to bite with! And a beard to beard with!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
What.
Rare action shot ahoy!
![](13-7.jpg)
Napalm falling on his ass!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Bah ha ha hah!
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Woman! It's icy, there's lizards, fire arrows in my soft parts, spells all over the place, and your nagging to worry about! Balance is among the least of my concerns!
![](2-Pip.jpg)
So, are you falling for anyone in particular?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Just myself,
thank you.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Aww.
Villains in this organization never cease to entertain me. They'll take any chance they can get to taunt us, even at the neglect of their other duties.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Really. Heck, who knows how long she was standing there?
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Two weeks?
Stop that.
![](15-9.jpg)
Inside, surprise, fighting. Also, we entered a hole on the south side of the structure, and when we're inside we're on the west. Hm.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
This--hm. Curious.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Waaagh, less curiosity more crushiosity!
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Oh? Right then.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Mmm, messy business. Clobberella?
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Kinda busy.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Right, but you're a fine multi-tasker. When these guys are done for, you'll be doing some scouting for us.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
What?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
All a part of that "tactical Napalm" image I'm working on. Don't worry, we'll have Pip cast invisibility on you.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Hi there!
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Hush, Pip. Adults are talking.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Fine, now shut up. Fighting with fists.
And so, Napalm Company bides their time while invisi-Clobberella goes for a look-see around the first level of the Dragon's Eye complex.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Note the first: bad dudes. Lots of bad dudes. Urggzob will like this, at least. Lots of hidden thieves, too...I reckon they'll be able to dodge lots of Napalm's spells. He he he.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
A prison, maybe? Not surprising, given the kind of people...err, things, that is, running this place.
...wait, how the hell did he see me?
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Oh my. Lots more bad guys, and some kind of statue. What if--
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Note to self: Clobber Pip. This is the worst invisibility spell EVER.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Even though I'm sure someone saw me do that, there. I think that qualifies as the first trap I've disarmed since coming on this stupid adventure. Go me.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
...yeeaaahhh. Funny as it would be to see Napalm try and dodge those pendulums, I think it might be messy if Kruskrak gave it a go.
Meanwhile...
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Aha, Urggzob sees how clever the plan is! Punch lady gets monsters to attack us! Right to the doorstep!
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Oh my. She's dead, isn't she, Kruskrak?
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
I don't think so. Chances are they're just noticing something amiss, and then running straight for the entrance because that's where they know WE are.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
How do they know it's us?
Hwoooarrrgh! Yes, come and be CHUNKIFIED!
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Nevermind.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
A wyvvern's nest? This place has serious identity issues. I guess that's par for the course with the caves we've explored so far, though.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Ugh, that woman can come back any time now. Here I thought scouting would be fun and dynamic, but all we've done so far is sit here.
You may be missing the point.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Pah! The only thing I'm missing right now is good food, good drink, a good bed, a good bath, good company, good fortune, and a bevvy of women at my beck and call.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
It's a good thing you're in the barren, abandoned north, then. I hear those things are abundant up here.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
More wyvverns, and -- oh, hell. The spell wore off for real this time, didn't it?
One severe, narrowly-escaped beating later...
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Ow. Thank the gods I had a spare potion of invisibility handy; those things had a nasty bite. I really need to have words with Pip. In fact, screw this scouting business, I'm going back.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Hey guys, I--
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Aaaagh! Don't
do that!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Sorry. Down to business, though: Pip, your ass is grass once we're out of here. Everyone else, here's what I found...
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Should we wait for Urggzob to finish?
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Wah ha ha! Sing while you can, beasts!
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Nevermind. Clobberella, if you would?
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Good times. What did Urggzob miss?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Nothing but the best tactical plan you've ever heard: Go in, kill everything, then go in further.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Hee. Urggzob likes this kind of tactical.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
I seem to recall you saying these thieves could dodge my fireballs. I seem to notice you're wrong about that.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Damn. Well, we're gonna kill 'em all one way or another, right?
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
RIGHT!
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
There's a part of me that thinks we should be more clever about this, but then I realize we've had precious few opportunities to be clever since we arrived.
![](31-26.jpg)
We open up the prison, using a concealed switch. Alarms ring, guards enter. Guards die.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Oooh, another prison. There's something exciting about prisons.
It's mildly alarming that you say that, Pip.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Ooh, tricky duck! I see what you did there. Alarms, prison...
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
I somehow suspect that's not what he intended at all, Pip. Let's just go in.
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Damn, son. He laughs like you do. Is he related?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Unless it's my long-lost-rarely-spoken-of half-brother Wilhelm Napalm, then no. If it is, then I've got less inheritance to share.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
And what did that guy want?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
To talk. He's a researcher, like you, and all you people do is talk. Talk and read.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Yes. I live on talking and reading, truly. You have seen to the core of me.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
I also suspect he'll have a part in us doing a fetch quest soon.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Boo.
We leave the prison. Near that wyvvern nest Cloberella discovered, we see this...
NO ONE TOUCHES! This one belongs to Urggzob!
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
That's fair. Have fun.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
FUN WAS HAD! RRARGH!
![](2-Pip.jpg)
That's the angriest happy I've ever seen.
Urggzob's blood-lust temporarily sated, we head off to the main chamber.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Get ready for more angry happy!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
Any one of them that understands what he's saying must be confused right about now.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
I've been cavorting about the tundra for months with him, and I'm still confused right about now.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
I don't envy the lives of these guys. Besides being horribly killed by us, that is. I mean, they just sit around a chamber hiding all day.
As though their only purpose in life is to stand around the chamber until some group of heroes comes out of nowhere and kills them.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Indeed, just like that. Glad we're on the same page.
Not so much.
![](2-Pip.jpg)
Ooh, look what that one guy dropped! What is it, Krusky?
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Let me take a look...
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Not bad. Urggzob?
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
Hah, yes! Urggzob will be like the gods, hurling lightning at his foes!
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
If Urggzob ever ascends to god-hood I'm giving up all religion forever.
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Indeed.
![](6-Kruskrak.jpg)
Downward?
![](7-Napalm.jpg)
Downward.
![](5-Urggzob.jpg)
DOWNWARD!
![](2-Pip.jpg)
On...ward?
![](4-Clobberella.jpg)
You're doing it wrong.