Part 37: Dragon's Eye Think We're almost finished...(part 4)

SWEET CRISPY CHRIST AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH

So, before I go any further:



I'm sure at least one of you has moved at some point in your lives. I had my internet set to be hooked up the DAY OF MY MOVE, the 9th. It got set up just fine. The thing is, though, that the prior tenants had set up with Bresnan for their service to be terminated on the 14th. Bresnan does not double check such things. Long story short, I only today managed to get someone out here to hook the damn thing BACK up, so my apologies for silence. I shall endeavor to keep you updated by proxy in the future.

TO THE GLORY!

Update #36: Dragon's Eye Think We're almost finished...(part 4)



So let me get this straight: We're getting a plant from a dead guy so we can save some other guy who is interested in becoming a horrible monster for the sake of sheer whimsy?
Whimsy perhaps. Science as well.
Pshh. Science is just whimsy that gets government grants.
You sound...bitter about that.
Of COURSE I'm bitter! I got turned down for funding when I was trying to find a way to magically implant delayed-release fireballs in confectionary goods.
That sounds like horrible science. Tasty, sure, but horrible.
Urggzob is enough of a man that his cakes do not do his crushing FOR him.
How about we stop talking about exploding cakes and start getting the hell out of this place? I'm fucking TIRED of it already.



...in cakes, though? That's just ASKING for a whole generation of baker-assassin hybrids.
Not just cakes. Breads. Muffins. Scones. I was tired of life in the city being so...sedentary.
You could take up polo. That's exciting.
Horsies are fun!
Thank you, Pip. You sure do know how to derail an inane conversation.
The root won't be there, by the way. There's an error with this version.
What...What does that even MEAN?
I might have said too much. You'll see, though. _{You'll ALL see.}



Hee, Urggzob remembers this cave. Urggzob killed a wyvvern in this cave.
We watched! It was fun.
It DID conjure horrible memories of doing nothing for several days while you went through the battle square, though.
Urggzob thinks there should be battle-other-shapes, so he can do that again. Battle Circle. Battle Triangle.
Ooh ooh, battle diamond!
That's just a square on one end, fairy.
_{I like diamonds.}
NO MATTER! Urggzob will battle ANY shape!
Downward, lads. A generic item awaits our glorious presence.



...or not. Kruskrak, treated mandrake roots aren't disguised as rocks, are they?
No. Surprisingly, they look like mandrake roots.
I told you all already. It isn't here. It's a glitch.
Listen, McSuperfly, if there's anyone in Napalm Company who appreciates smug gloating, it's this guy. But at least don't use made-up words to do it, alright?
What's a glitch? Is it a food? IT'S A FOOD, ISN'T IT?
No, you...listen. When Urggzob came down here and killed the elder Wyvvern...good job on that, by the way...
Thank you. Was good funs.
...anyway, it prevented the mandrake root from being able to appear here once we'd triggered the event with the ghost. It's a glitch, a bug, an error. Maybe...maybe I'd best just show you.
Show us what? More nonsensical words and half-baked theories as to why something improbable ended up not happening?
No...a console command. Watch.




GODS HEAR ME! I HAVE BESTED YOU! CTRL + TAB!



Nnnnggghhh! NO! YOU WILL NOT STOP ME! YOU ARE NOT REAL!
_{Is he high again?
I think so. Just watch.}



NOW! DO IT! ctrlaltdelete:createitem("61genmm") !



AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!



...okay, that was fucking weird.
Urggzob...confused? Must crush to reassert confidence in the structure of the universe.
M...Marty?
Hey guys! Wait...why's everyone so confused looking? And where are we? I've been on a bender again, haven't I? Please tell me I didn't get naked and try to have sex with a fish this time.
What?
I, uh, that never happened. What's this on my foot?




Huh. Do we need this? Moreover, can we smoke it if we don't need it?
...it's good to have you back, Marty.
I didn't know I went anywhere.
Whatever. We need to do...something with that. Come on.
Urggzob could crush root.
You'll have plenty to crush later, Urggzob. For now, just get lost in a fantasy world of imagination and crushing.
Urggzob lives in that world! Is fun place to be.
Here, I'll go ask that guy what we do with it.




And?
We run back and forth for a while. We get Urggzob to threaten some guy. Then we run around for a while more.
DAMMIT! Well, come on then. Won't be over until we DO the bloody thing. Urggzob, go scare that guy.
Yes!



Good job, man! He, uh, looks like he's totally gonna do whatever it is that we're here to do. Hey Kruskrak?
Yeah?
What are we doing, by the way? And how many hours has it been since the underground mushroom forest, 'cause that's the last thing I really remember.
Oh. Well, we're trying to stop the Legion of the Chimera via some winding and often improbable means, and it's been about three months since the underground mushrooms.
...huh. I think that's a new record, then.

So, the guy makes the potion for us. Less lever-pulling and busy work for us this way.





Alright. You crackers stay here; I'm faster than all of you and we wanna get this done as soon as possible. I'll see what he wants with this thing.
Good girl. Anyone have some tea?
I have a stick!
I might have some hash somewhere. You can try boiling that.
Plain hot water it is then! Anyone else want a cup?
Yes please.



What did he say?
Well, uh...he's gonna drink the potion. Then he's gonna change. Then he's gonna change back. Then he's gonna tell us about it.
And then?
Tell Urggzob he changes into some horrible boss type monster to be CRUSHED!
I bet we get presents! Yeah!
Uh, no. I'm fairly sure he'll just tell us about it and that'll be that.
I need to burn some kittens and children. Right now.
But I love those things!

Debatably nonplussed, we go to see the old man after his...transformation.


Damn he ugly. How does this help fight the Legion, again?
It's, uh, a metaphysical victory. It's hard to explain.
I think we've been had, honestly.
Little bit of that, yeah.



Yeah, I've been there. Weird stuff.
Ugh, that was a waste of time. Let's find a way out of this place.
Wait a sec, lemme go back to the lab real quick. I THINK the exit works on wyvvern poison, though I'm not sure how. I should distill some, just in case.





There we go.
Hopefully this also wasn't a waste of time.
No more than the mandrake root was, anyways.
Urggzob would like to have a try at just crushing his way out of here. With an axe. And his crushing.
That would be too easy, hush.


So, we set out to explore the remainder of the bottom level of Dragon's Eye.

It's boring, except for...


...this thing, which panics the whole party. While uncontrollable, naturally, we're attacked by an Iron Golem and his pals. Urggzob kills them all faster than I can get a picture in, though.



Mmm. Purpose. Urggzob is glad to have it again.
Man, much as I hate hurting folks, that never stops being neat to watch.
_{I'm in the bubble again! Whee!}
Yes...yes you are. Well done.


A short walk North and we find this library.


Hey, can-
NO.
Can what? I missed something.
Fine fine fine. When we're done with all this, though, I'm going into a library and never coming out. Hmph.
I've got an idea, and it involves Marty putting something in his mouth.
...
Yay!
Clobby: Go ask that guy if he's got any of his weird and useless potion left.



...fine. Been doing enough friggin' running around today anyhow. Grmbl.




THERE. This had BETTER DAMN WORK, because I'm both sick of running around and sick of talking to that weird guy.
Of course this plan will work. It's a Napalm Original. Marty?
Whowhat now?
Drink this.



Because, you know...experimenting with Marty has yet to go poorly for us.
Hush. Worse comes to worst he dies in an amusingly painful manner.
You're not exactly, y'know...filling me with confidence here, guys.
I believe in you, Marty! No one takes drugs like you take drugs!
Well...bottom's up.


------------

Tune in next time for:

+drugs!
+Genuinely epic battle scenes!
+THE END OF DRAGON'S EYE THANK THE GODS
+Delicious pie and sarcasm*


I have the screens all captured for the next update, so it should be comparitively rapid in the coming. Thanks for waiting, folks, and I'm back.




_{*pie not available in all areas}