Part 4: A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action

As threatened promised!

Update #3: A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action







...plus fetch quests.


We return to the work of doing odd jobs for the militia. First, though, let's rummage through barrels full of crap!


Oh my. Oh my, yes. This will do.
What's that, 'Ronius?
Nothing for your inquisitive face to interfere with. And don't call me that!

Then we proceed to get into a contest with some of the soldiers.


So why are we having a barrel-shooting contest with the locals?
We can't have it said that these poor savages are better than us at something, can we?
Urggzob cannot reach this barrel! Fury!



I...I hate to say this, but I can see why Urggzob enjoys attacking inanimate objects so much.
Ha! Tiny elf man is learning!
How the high hell does a barrel look smug?

Hijink-related urges sated for the moment, we actually attend the matter at hand.


Why do I get the feeling we'll be doing lots of running around today?
I loathe fetch quests.



"Go talk to this one guy to fix my problems!" "NO WAIT I CAN'T HELP YOU UNTIL YOU PUT A THING IN A PLACE" "Thanks for that but now you need to go find some bizarre mystical McGubbins!" Aaaagh!
Do you need a hug?
I'll help!



...put the Gods-be-damned wheelie bit on the Gods-be-damned crane...



THERE IT'S BLOODY FIXED AND WE'RE LEAVING.
Urggzob is enjoying this.
Schadenfreude?
Gesundheit!
...never mind.



Another barrel? Urggzob will have his revenge for that smug barrel earlier!
Wait, what?



Satisfaction.



Nice wall, man.
Don't encourage these people, Marty! He didn't even pay us!



Bloody hell!
I like arrows! Maybe this'll be fun!



It amazes me how many arrows he needs, considering there's only about four people with bows in this compound. And we took one of them.
We didn't take it, we won it!
My point stands.

Heronius, thankfully, has an outlet for his petty agression. The shopkeep.

Naturally, his assholery provides an insightful experience for the whole party.

Upon turning the arrows into the archer commander, we at least get a reward this time.


Molotov cocktails? Are you fucking daft, man?
And here I lived in constant fear of the fire he already had. Now he can throw it...?
I can feel the second- and third-degree burns already.
Come now, I'm sure you folks are overreacting.



That's right. Now, about our actually doin--



...there will be burning before this day is through.
Urggzob is beginning to require an outlet for his boundless violence.



IT NEVER BLOODY ENDS, DOES IT?
And those mercenary guys...they were kind of abrupt with us earlier.
Yeah, we'll have to be careful how we approach this one.



Okay, so maybe if we blackmail them? I mean, I'd rather just be able to ask and then have them agree, but I don't think that'll work.
What are we going to blackmail them with, though?
They were working for that hobo, remember? The traitor hobo _{that Marty killed}?
Hey, I wasn't trying to--
What the hell is Urggzob doing?

LITTLE GIRLS WILL FIGHT OR URGGZOB WILL CRUSH THEM!



Goddammit.
Marvelous! An opportunity to test these new oil grenades!



Success!
Wait, you actually didn't hit Urggzob? How...odd.



Aaaarghhh! Is burcrushning time again!
WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME AND URGGZOB?
Oil all over the place. Simply couldn't resist.
Don't encourage him, Guthewolfe!


The party dispatches the first two with little difficulty besides Heronius' carlessness. The third guy, however...


...well, he takes a bit of doing. Ouch.

Urggzob's wounds need...special attention.
Here, man, I--
NO, little man! Alcohol attention!


And so, Urggzob drops forty gold on cheap drinks. Not surprisingly, it does not do a thing for his grievous wounds.



WHY is BARTANDA MAN not let URGGZOB has drinking?
...we should go lay down.
Good idea!


We enter a looted house to lay down for a few hours and recuperate. Urggzob, however, goes bonkers and starts running away from furniture.

This might make sleeping difficult.
I'm struggling to think of a situation that Urggzob doesn't make more difficult.

On the way back to the palisade, we stop by the shop to check on items. We see...this.


I...I simply must have it.
You don't even know how to swing a sword, Napalm.
Irrelevant!
We really could use that gold for better things, like healing potions.
And alcohol.
Irrelevant!

And so, Heronius promptly buys and begins to wear a sword that he has no idea how to use. Because it has his name on it.

Your ego could level cities.
Glad someone finally noticed.



What's that ominous noise?
If it's another fetch-quest coming in I'll make good use of my new sword. I swear I will.


No such luck. Instead: It's a cut scene!


And...with that, we're left pretty much alone to repel the whole invasion.

Goblins? Time for the old "Napalm Deluxe"!
NOOOOOO!



Wait, we're all okay? How does that even happen?
Again!



Still no one on fire! Is...is he learning?
Again!



OH GOD WHY DID I SAY THAT
OW! Dammit!
Ag--
NO.
...fine.


Just then a mini-boss shows up and is promptly dispatched.

See that, Mr. Napalm? We can get things done without fire.
Yeah! Yay teamwork!
Blasphemous thoughts!



Just then, we see a horrible little magic goblin blow up a wall and summon reinforcements.

Wait a minute. Normally we can't see anything more than fifteen feet away, for some reatared reason or another.
Yeah?
So how come we can clearly see this guy several hundred feet off, and through several walls, no less?
Maaaagic!


We move to attack the reinforcements, and then...


...
Fabulous color attack GOOOOO! He he he!
Pip, how long have you been able to do that?
Some time now.
And you never thought to make use of it before...?
Nope!
Goblin creatures get lazy and sleep! Urggzob CRUSH sleepy creatures!

As we mop them up...

More explosions. More goblins. At least this time the horrible little mage doesn't teleport away.



Have at you!
WHAT DID WE JUST FUCKING TELL YOU?
Oh, fie.



_{...didn't say anything about grenades, though...}



Is good throw, man with useless noodly arms!


Henchmen dispatched, all that remains is the troublesome mage. And troublesome he is.

After he casts hold person on Urggzob and gets a succession of lucky hits in on the rest of the party, we just kite him until Urggzob is free to lay down the pain.


Urggzob does not like being held like that!
Aww. You weren't hugged much growing up, were you?


At any rate, what magical crap did boss-guy have?


Lovely, a stick.
A magic stick. You want this one, Mr. Napalm?
Lord, no! Only savages and filthy children hit people with sticks.
...I'll use it, then.

We also find a scroll of Larloch's Minor Drain.

Kruskrak cannot bring himself to copy it to his spellbook, though.

Necromancy makes me a bit queasy.


And so, we leave our party once again. But first! Status updates!


Glad we cleared up that "favorite spell" nonsense. A gentleman has an image to uphold, and all that rabble.
Gentleman? YOU? Excuse me while I choke on my own bile.



Urggzob now has much more room to boast! No longer is a cat his greatest vanquish-ment!
That's not a word, Urggzob.
Yes it is, actually! I have a dictionary if you want to look!
Ha ha! Urggzob is ten dictionaries!



I just can't get that stunning fist down. I don't think it's worked once that I've tried it...
Now you with the 666 experience. There has to be a devil somewhere watching over this party...



I'm really hard to hit. That's good, man; I don't like people trying to hit me. Messes with my balance.
Your greatest accomplishment is still killing that poor hobo.
That also messes with my balance.



Krusky, I've been meaning to ask...
Please don't call me that, it's embarassing. What did you want?
What does an Abjurer actually do?
Abjurers specialize in protective spells and the like. I make things really hard to hit.
Basically it's his job to make sure nothing interesting happens ever.
Wonderful. Just what my burgeoning self-esteem needs.



Hey, what's a Vghotan? I thought you weren't allowed to start proper names with three consonants in a row!
That's the worg rider you shot, Nancy.
Oh yeah! Sometimes I forget...things.
IS NOT FAIR! Why does girly-man have higher dexterity?
That's just some magic armor we picked up...somewhere.


And there we go. If you guys would like to see other status screens at the end of updates, let me know and I'll mix 'em up!