Part 8: FUCKING DRUMS AAAGGH

This one will be shorter than previous updates by a bit. It took me much longer to get much less due to the frustrating bullshit that this particular area is known for. Not the last of this game's frustrating bullshit, no, but even so.

I ramble. Onward!

Update #7: FUCKING DRUMS AAAGGH

We left Clobberella in deep meditation. Let's see how it's done for her, shall we?

...well then.

I feel so much more...in tune.
With all of the very little respect due: I'm calling bullshit.
CALL ALL YOU WANT, HE AIN'T LISTENIN'
I can't...quite place my finger on it, but you're so much harder to like right now.


Anyways, we get paaaaaid. Not much, no, but we love every bit of it because we're horrible, greedy bastards. Napalm makes sure everyone knows this.

You're terrible sometimes, man.
What? We're here for a bloody reason and if these unwashed fishmongers can't be arsed to remember it than I have to remind them!
I don't think many of them monger fish. He he. That's fun to say, "monger."



Where is Urggzob's axe needed next?
On the other side of an ice-covered mountain, of course.
I don't suppose anyone went out and bought extra clothes while I was in my zen zone? No?
Hush, woman. Use your spiritual this-and-that to suppress the horrible pain of frozen thighs.
Hells take you, flamer.


Our lurvly monk wastes no time being unnecessarily blunt to the scout we were sent to rendezvous with. Awesome!

Man, I bet she was nice. I bet she new things that would help particularly with our struggle in this area.
Yeah, well. Avoidable ignorance has never slowed us down before, right Urggzob?
Gah, Urggzob thinks it is crush o'clock and he should be crushing!
Aces, chief.

We take two steps and hear...

...goblins talking about being hungry.

Man, it sure would be nice if we could see more than a few feet. What's with that, anyway?
On the bright side, at least those goblins are suffering the same problem as we are. I presume, at least.
How do you know they're goblins?
Well, you know, they've got that...certain...goblin-osity about their, uh...well...you know.
I'm still confused here. Are you guys confused here?
Urggzob is too busy trying to be violent to bother with being confused, here or elsewhere!



Quite so, and as always savagely eloquent in your own way, Urggzob.
Is puny not-orc-half-orc making fun of Urggzob?
No.
...okay then!
He can't be that easy to dissuade, can he...?



Drums? I didn't know orcs played drums. You don't play drums, do you?
No, I don't--
Good, don't start. We get enough of that foolishness with Marty.
I happen to like--
This...I think we should go around.
Urggzob wants to--
Look, over there! Big, mean wolfie!
Gahh, Urggzob CRUSH!



That wolf was absurdly durable.
Yeah, really!



Gods! Again someone talking about drums! Is this a goblin fortress or a hippie commune?
Hey now, that's an unfair stereoty--
Time is for crushing drummers!



Aaagh! Where did wolf ride-y goblins come from?
The...drum?
I wouldn't blame them. That rhythm was strangely hypnotic.
Until Urggzob killed the drummer, you mean.
Yes. Right up to that point.

...yes, that's right. The drums summon enemies. SUMMON DRUMS. AGH.


Was breaking the drum really necessary, man? I mean, I've been looking for a new--
Urggzob got carried away.

Our party also finds that resting is comically improbable here, as four out of five attempts result in TROLL ATTACK


Wow. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a good thing we have Napalm around to deal with these ice trolls.
You may continue with the flattery and overt admiration.
I still want to castrate you with a plank of splintery wood.
Owie!


Rest over, we take two steps and are mobbed by worg riders. Not too bad on their own.

Pip, man...why are there five of you?
Well, the spell's called "mirror image," and I was thinking I could use it to fix my hair in the mornings.
See, if I didn't know Mr. Napalm I'd accuse you of flagrant abuse of combat magics.
But it's soooo handy!


Soon joined by an ogre, too.

The trouble, though...

...is when reinforcements teleport in and assault my back lines.

Eek! Worg-thingies!
Urggzob will save the little elf-boy!



I didn't mind the goblins as much when they weren't riding horrible wolf-beasts and we didn't have to regroup after every scuffle with them.
I get the sinking feeling that things will only go downhill from here.


We encounter a named orc shaman, clearly some important something or another. Urggzob, equipped with entangle-proof boots, charges that son-of-a-bitch while the rest of the party is trapped in vines imported straight from ADTRW.

You know...this really could be worse.
You just stop that line of thought RIGHT THERE.
Aww, but I--
Urggzob, look out! That spell he's casting!
What?



AGLBLAG


After more annoyance, Urggzob wreaks revenge for that lightning stunt.

Terrible, terrible revenge.

Stupid shamans will NOT get clouds angry at Urggzob! Urggzob is the destroyer of cloud friends!
I like clouds. Am I about do die?
Just maybe.


We head south to clear out the final part of camp, only to face heavy resistance. And more teleporting worgs.

The novelty of this wears thin quickly.
Yeah. And, uh, the rest of you should totally stop getting hit, because it's hard to heal all of you.
Brilliant idea! I'd have never thought!


Some rest later, and we--

ANOTHER DRUM! URGGZOB SMASH NOW!


...um...we move on.


And on.

I hate to be the bearer of obvious news, but the fortress is north. And we're heading south.
Silence! I have a brilliant idea!



See? SEE? I knew it had to have a secret side entrance. Fortresses of any respectability always do.
Huh. Who'd have thought?


And so, our party gets ready to enter the caverns beneath the fortress...