Part 27: He Didn't Have Half a Chance

brute_force posted:

Please tell me you're going to continue doing more games from the HOMM series, Thuryl. That would be so awesome.

Call it a definite maybe. I don't know any of the others nearly as well as I know King's Bounty, and I don't have copies of most of them on hand. I'm going to be doing the Might & Magic RPG series first (or at least the first 5 games of it), and if anyone else wants to do a HoMM game in the meantime, I won't have the slightest objection.

By order of Ignatia's loyal retainers, our next target is Urthrax Killspite!

He Didn't Have Half a Chance



"Hey, Urthie. How's it feel to be a dragon's puppet?"

"Do not presume to know my plans, mortal. Once Maximus is dead and I am king of the Four Continents, what can Arech hope to do about it?"

"Well, gee, let me have a think about that. Hey, I know: how about the same thing the two of you are trying to do to Maximus? You live by the sword, you'll die by the sword. Or, well, the fireball."



Urthrax has a well-balanced army, so we can't safely ignore any unit. Those Knights look especially threatening; it's a good thing they're so slow.



Finally, this spell comes in handy.



"Let's see you ride those Cavalry across the map now, Urthrax!"



Aw, nuts. I was hoping to kill them all in one attack.



Well, I wasn't planning on using those Demons this turn anyway.



"Just because I didn't buy any Fireball spells for this fight, doesn't mean there won't be fiery death!"

"How did that even work? Those are fire demons!"

"And I'm fighting fire with fire. Why so confused?"




Archmages are pretty terrible in melee even when there are 500 of them.







We can keep those Cavalry locked down with Freeze, and fly away from the Knights, but killing those Dragons will have to be done the old-fashioned way.




Damn it, Demons, why can't you halve a unit when I actually need you to?



This could take a while.



Ah, now that's what I like to see.

"Foolish mortals. Your Archmages have squandered both their fireballs, and my army remains strong. What shall you do now?"




"Teleport your knights away so we have more time to kill the rest of your troops, that's what."




I shouldn't risk our Dragons like this, since they're the only units Ignatia can't just clone up more of, but I was getting bored.




Those Cavalry just got neutered. As long as we keep Urthrax's Knights out of the way, our Vampires will nibble the Cavalry to death with no lasting losses.



"What were you saying about keeping my Knights out of the way?"



"What's the deal with villains and unwarranted overconfidence, anyway? You already know I can teleport your knights away whenever they get too close. It's not like it's some kind of secret weapon."



Several rounds of nibbling later, the Cavalry are gone and our Vampires are none the worse for wear. They'll suffer heavy losses if we try the same with those Knights, though.



Ignatia may as well resurrect some fallen troops while we're here, if only to free up another spell slot.




FUCKING HALVE SOMETHING ALREADY, YOU BUCKTOOTHED, CLOVEN-HOOFED TUBS OF HELLISH LARD INEXPLICABLY ENDOWED WITH NAVELS



Huh. Maybe the Vampires can do this on their own after all.




I'd rather not risk it, though. Demons, attack!



That's more like it.



Okay, I think the Vampires can safely take things from here.



Victory! Let's see what ridiculous sum of money we earned this time.



"You may have defeated me, but the Sceptre of Order remains buried in the cold earth, and soon, your precious King Maximus will share its fate!"

"Dude, we have almost the entire map to the Sceptre. We know exactly where it is. The only reason we haven't dug it up yet is because it's more fun to hunt down villains."

Anyway, it's garrison time!

"What? But all of our units are too valuable to waste on a garrison."

That's what you think.



"Okay, I'll bite. What's your grand plan this time?"

Wait and see, Ignatia. Wait and see.

But you'll have to wait until next update, because that's the end of this one. Stat check time!



Our current army. No, we're not going to take on Arech with just these guys.



Ignatia is almost a millionaire.

"550 fireballs... oh, the havoc I could wreak..."



All that's left to do is defeat Arech and find the Sceptre. You'd think that means there's nothing to vote on this time, but you'd be wrong. Do you want to see me tear Arech's army of dragons to shreds with:

A) our trusty old army of Elves, Giants, Barbarians and Druids, bolstered with the addition of Archmages,

or B) our fancy new flying army of Dragons, Demons, Vampires and Archmages, plus whatever other unit I decide to pick up to fill the fifth slot?

I can crush him just as decisively with either of them.

"We shall see about that, won't we?"